This was written for my 'Emotion Challenge' and also for Screaming Faeries' 'Once I Was 7 Years Old...' challenge. The line I had to use was "only those I really love will ever really know me".

Emotion/Feeling: Lonely

Pairing: Blackcest

Rating: K

Word Count: 1,141

Lonely

From the day that he was born till that day that he died, Regulus Black had only ever truly loved one person.

Growing up was a hardship in the Black family. There were so many rules about what you could and couldn't do, and what was acceptable and what wasn't. Regulus tried to abide by these rules, but even he found it difficult sometimes. He got by with the knowledge that his parents would only make him do these things because they loved him, and he loved them. But love was a foreign concept. He didn't truly know what it was.

His older brother, Sirius was something else. From the earliest moment that Regulus could remember, he had always looked up to Sirius as his hero, his role-model. Sirius was only two years older, but he protected Regulus as if his life depended on it. When Regulus would slip up on one of their family's rules, Sirius would always take the blame. Regulus was thankful for this when he was young, but when he grew a bit older, he wondered why Sirius would do something like that for him.

"Why did you tell them that you did it?" an eight-year old Regulus asked, frowning at his older brother. Sirius winced as he clutched his arm.

"I didn't want you to get into trouble," Sirius replied.

"But they hurt you, Sirius!"

"I couldn't have them hurting you now, could I?" Sirius said, patting his little brother on the back and smiling sadly at him.

"But what will happen when you go to Hogwarts?" Regulus asked, eyes wide in fear. "What if I mess up?"

"You won't," Sirius promised.

"Sirius, I love you," Regulus said, throwing his small arms around Sirius and hugging him tightly. Sirius smiled and hugged him back.

And that was the first time that Regulus had ever said 'I love you'. The years went by, and Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor while Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. But their houses did not push them apart. They still shared the same bond that they always had.

Regulus made friends while at Hogwarts, but he didn't love them. Not in the way that Sirius seemed to love his friends. While at Hogwarts, Regulus started to feel lonely. Sure, he had his friends and his parents, but he needed something more. He needed to love and to be loved.

He searched for love in every corner of his life, but none was to be found. He watched as the only person who had ever loved him, fell in love. It hurt to watch, so Regulus tried not to pay attention as Sirius and Marlene McKinnon skipped around the school in bliss.

But soon enough, the couple had broken up, and Sirius came to Regulus for what seemed to be advice.

"I broke up with Marlene," Sirius said with sadness in his voice. Regulus was pleased that they had broken up, but tried not to show it.

"Why are you so sad?" Regulus asked in confusion. "If you broke up with her, then why are you sad?"

Sirius sighed. "Because there's something really wrong with me."

Regulus's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I broke up with her because I don't love her," Sirius said. "But I've fallen in love with someone else – someone I really shouldn't be in love with."

Regulus wondered who it could be. He wondered, and then asked. "Who?"

The pained look in Sirius's eyes gave the impression that he was afraid to tell Regulus who it was. It made Regulus want to run over to him and hug him like they'd done when they were kids. Regulus wanted Sirius to know that he loved him, no matter what.

"I don't think I can tell you," Sirius whispered.

"Sirius, I will always love you," Regulus promised, giving him a small smile of encouragement. "You can tell me anything and I won't judge you or think any less of you."

Sirius nodded at this. "Okay. I think I've fallen in love with you, Reg."

There was a long moment of silence that followed Sirius's words, as Regulus registered what he had said. No wonder he had been afraid. It was wrong in every sense.

But for some reason, Regulus could not hate him. For some reason, Regulus was happy that Sirius was in love with him. For some reason, Sirius's revelation made Regulus close the gap between them with a kiss.

From there on, the two were almost inseparable. The love that they held for one another was only magnified by their newfound feelings. They had always loved each other platonically, but now they loved each other romantically, and the mixture of the two was the most intense feeling they could possibly imagine.

Their brief moment of happiness was just that – brief. Life began getting in the way, and Regulus, always the one to want to please, made some bad decisions. After craving love from his parents for so long, they became his weakness and ultimately his undoing. Regulus would do anything that they told him to. This was one of the things that pushed Sirius away from him.

Because Regulus was too old to protect. He could make his own decisions, and he chose wrong. So Sirius, after many warnings, walked out of Regulus's life when he joined the Death Eaters at the request of his parents.

Sirius, who had loved him from the start.

Sirius, who had been his brother.

Sirius, who had been his lover.

Sirius, who didn't want a thing to do with him.

And Regulus was completely alone in the world, for the first time in his life.

Regulus was going to die, and he knew it. He had plans to help bring Voldemort down, but he knew that he would die in the process. He was okay with that. As he stood at the mouth of the cave that held the thing that he needed to destroy, all he could think of was Sirius. A sentence that Sirius had once said to him kept replaying in his head, as though on a loop.

"Only those I really love will ever really know me."

Regulus could relate to this completely. There was not a person in the world that Regulus loved anymore. Not a person in the world who loved him in return. There was nobody in the world who really knew Regulus.

And when Regulus was being pulled beneath the water, he couldn't help but feel that he had wasted his life. What was supposed to be a noble sacrifice had become an unhappy realisation.

Regulus was going to die, and nobody would care. Not a soul would even notice. Nobody would miss him. Nobody would grieve him.

He was nobody, and so his sad, lonely life came to an end.

xXx