a/n – massive Hidan torture fest, Hidan fangirls beware.
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Deidara angrily walked towards the room the two immortals shared, ready to completely slaughter anything called Hidan then go have a snack.
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"Hidan, why do you always have to be an asshole?" Kakuzu asked his partner while counting his moneys.
"Dunno, just comes natural!" Hidan replied, flipping through a magazine.
"Right, well I'm gonna go get something to eat, since someone made me miss breakfast." Kakuzu said, getting up to leave.
Kakuzu got up and walked out of the room, only to see something that couldn't be described by words. It was an heated Deidara, homicidally marching his way towards him.
'Oh fuck...' He said, quickly running back into his room.
"I thought you was going to breakfast?" Hidan said as the older man rushed in.
"Oh, uh, I am, just needed a few things first..." He said, taking rolls of his money and tossing them randomly into his briefcase.
"Right, now your safe little ones..." He said to his money as he closed the briefcase and rushed out the door.
Sadly for old Kakuzu, he didn't rush fast enough. Deidara was already at the door, and didn't seem to hesitate knocking him over on his way to Hidan. Now he wanted the jolly fuck out, for risk of both him and his money getting blown to tiny pieces. Everyone in the Akatsuki knew, if Deidara was pissed, run for your life and wait two or three days for him to calm down. This rule didn't apply to Hidan, what with immortality and all.
"Kakuzu?" Deidara asked as he stared at the still calm Hidan.
"Yessir?" Kakuzu squeaked out.
"Don't fix Hidan until I tell you to." He said cracking his knuckles as Kakuzu grabbed his briefcase and ran.
Hidan lowered his magazine to see the crazed Iwa nin staring at him.
"What seems to be the problem Frau Dei?" He asked while smirking.
His answer was a well thrown bomb to his bed, completely decimating it and throwing Hidan against the wall.
"Well hot damn! What the fuck did I do?" Hidan asked.
Once again Deidara figured actions spoke louder than words, walking up to the albino whatever nin and planting his foot on his chest, pinning him to the floor. Hidan looked over, noticing his scythe lying on the floor not to far away from him. He tried to reach for it, only to have Deidara plant his other foot on his hand, grinding it into the floor.
"Now what to do with you?" Deidara asked himself, staring at the whimpering immortal under him.
Suddenly, a particularly evil smirk appeared on Deidara's face as he reached into his bag, pulling out a lump of damp clay. He slowly molded it into what looked like a tiny spike, then shoved it into Hidan's forehead.
"OW!! SON OF A BITCH!!" Hidan yelled as the spike poked at his brain.
"What's the matter? I thought you were Jashin's little masochist?" Deidara asked, as he started to make a new one.
"I only like self-inflicted pain you dumb bitch! Now get the fuck off me NOW!" He screamed, as Deidara held the new spike.
"Hmm, I could, but the my fun would end now wouldn't it?" Deidara asked, thrusting the spike into his leg, pinning it to the ground.
"Seriously Deidara! Get the FUCK OFF!" Hidan yelled, as Deidara thrust another spike into Hidan's other leg.
"Deidara, come on, seriously!" He said, now begging as another clay spike was driven into his hand now.
"Stop whining, your punishment's almost over." Deidara said as he placed his new spike on the ground, and picked up Hidan's scythe.
"HEY! NO ONE TOUCHES MY SCYTHE!!" Hidan yelled, trying to break free of the clay spikes.
"No one huh? Well I'm sorry, you can have it back!" He said, piercing Hidan's hand through the floor as he picked up the last spike.
"Deidara, let's calm, down a second, where are you gonna put that?" Hidan nervously asked, answered by a clay spike to the groin.
"SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!!" He screamed, as Deidara took joy in watching the immortals member bleed.
"And now," Deidara said, backing up towards the door while Hidan squirmed to break free, "For the piece dé résistance!"
"Deidara, don't, you can't please don't!!" Hidan screamed as Deidara made the proper hand signs.
"Kastu!" He yelled, as the immortal went up in a fiery explosion.
#
Deidara strutted into his and Sasori's room, Sasori sitting and waiting for him.
"Hey there danna!" He said, as Sasori stood there with his arms crossed.
"Dei?" Sasori asked him
"What? What I do?" He replied.
"You completely destroyed Hidan and Kakuzu's room, and nearly burned down the whole lair." He replied, as Deidara sighed and looked down.
"I'm sorry danna." Deidara said, looking back up.
"I know, but do you know what you might of done to the baby?" Sasori said, as Deidara looked up at him with tears in his eyes.
"Oh danna! I'm so sorry!" He said, falling into Sasori's arms again, as he took them to the bed.
"It's ok Dei, but no more explosions until we have the baby, ok?" Sasori asked, receiving a slight nod from Deidara.
"Good."