A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and alerted. It is so nice to know that I am not alone, there are others out there as looney as I am, lol.

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Chapter 4 The Boa'd Lady

Alex pulled the velvet hat off of her head and placed it inside of the umbrella to return to her aunt. Her head was sweating under the grey wig, she tossed it onto one of the serving dishes in the banquet room on her way to the bar to check on her partner. She was nonplussed to find Bobby gone again but saw that Kevin, the bartender was back at his post. Several of the cruise patron were under his care as they drank, complained and commiserated with each other about what a lousy murder mystery this had turned out to be. Her eyes raked over the crowd. Goren was no where in sight. Alex hesitated. She wanted to find her partner but she needed to question the surly bar keep as well.

She ordered another Vodka Martini and this time good old Kevin actually noticed her. Either losing the wig was an improvement or she looked odd with her damp hair pressed willy nilly all over her scalp. "So, Kevin I hear that you and Missy are an item.?"

"Who told you that?" He seemed uneasy at the question. He set her drink in front of her.

"Judy told me. It sounds like all of you made quite a foursome. Her and Malcolm, you and Missy. Such a coincidence you all ending up working on this boat?"

"Yeah, well," he snorted but gave no real answer.

"How long have you two been together?" Alex sipped her drink, not looking directly at the man.

"I'm not with her, we broke up."

"Why? Maybe she liked the account type over a lowly bar keep?"

Kevin looked at her and laughed. "You're fucking nuts, lady. What happened to your hair anyway?"

Alex was just about to pull her badge on little Kevin when an announcement came over the loud speakers.

"Attention ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking or…. Err….rather not your Captain. This is Captain Ross of NYPD Major Case. Your cruise schedule has been canceled due to unforeseen circumstances." There was a lot of murmuring going in the bar in response to this. "We will be returning to dock as soon as possible. We would appreciate having everyone meet in the banquet room to discuss further instructions." That sounded good, thought Alex and then she heard Ross begin to speak again. "I would also like to take this opportunity to ask if there is anyone on board with large vessel sailing experience. Please report to the Captain's office if you believe you may be of assistance."

Alex made her way to the Captain's office, not because she had any sailing experience, but to find out what the hell was going on. Several of her fellow passengers had the same idea and she was hard pressed to gain entry to the office without a mutiny.

Ross said nothing to her as she came up to him, he merely stepped to the side so that she could see the body of the ship's Captain slumped over his navigational charts, a machete sticking jauntily out of his back. "It appears he's been dead several hours." Said Rogers. "Longer than Malcolm, at any rate."

"And the ship?" Alex asked, looking at Ross.

"Its on some kind of automatic pilot and has been since we got out of the bay. I can't figure out how to cancel it. I was hoping to find someone aboard who could help before I radio the coast guard and harbor patrol." Ross said morosely. He hated being made a fool of and the press was going to have a hey day with this when the story got out. Being stuck on a pilotless boat was just like rubbing Margarita salt in the wound.

Marjorie Weems was keening at the top of her lungs in the corner of the chart room. David Abernathy was patting her ineffectually on the shoulder. "Come on Marjorie, now's not the time to fall apart." Alex hauled the older woman roughly to her feet. "You have a banquet room full of passengers who want their money back to deal with." She started to wail louder and Alex motioned with one finger for David Abernathy to follow her.

She got Marjorie to the banquet room and left her at the middle of a mob demanding answers and reimbursement.

Alex stood on a chair and looked over the crowd, still no Bobby and the bartender was nowhere to be found either. She determined to check for her partner on the upper deck and decided to go up by way of the bow staircase which would lead her through the cabin corridors. The corridor was deserted as nearly everyone was in the banquet hall but as Alex passed one cabin door she heard giggling and then a female voice.

"Oh, Detective you are so tall, I'll bet your tall down here too."

Alex stood transfixed to the plush repetitive patterned carpet of the corridor. She then uttered words that she never thought she would utter in a million years. "Open up, in the name of law!"

It was Bobby who answered the door, one long arm still wrapped around Missy Hastings. He had a pink feather stuck in his hair from the damn boa and a huge smile on his face. "Eames, I remembered where I left my mustache!"

Missy Hastings didn't seem as happy to see her. Her face was set in a simpering pout. She had just managed to remove her male companion's belt.

Alex weighed the possible ways in which she would like to inflict bodily harm to the slut. "Miss Hastings, everyone has gathered in the banquet hall for further instructions." She leaned closer to her so that her meaning was clear. "Move your ass now or I'll shove that mangy boa so far down your throat, you'll be farting feathers for a month."

It must have been something in her eyes, because Missy Hastings swallowed hard, dropped the belt and took off down the hall, leaving her boa behind.

"Eames, she still has my mustache." Bobby made a move to go after the woman.

"You can get another one." She said dryly. "How are you feeling?"

"Me? I feel fine. I told you those pills would keep me from getting seasick." Her partner told her affably. "What happened to your hair?"

Alex looked up at him. He looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Well, maybe she'd had too much to drink. He couldn't be bushy-tailed, no tail, but those eyes. He reached over and ran his fingers through her hair. It was now dry and stuck at odd angles all over her head. "I think I found something, Eames."

She stood up on tip toe leaning toward his mouth, yes his mouth, that was even more mesmerizing than his eyes. "What, what did you find?" She asked him, her voice husky. Did you find that you can't keep your hands off me? That you can no longer live without me? What?

"Look," he took a step back from her and pulled something out of Missy's waste paper basket. "I think old Kevin the bartender and Missy were an item but apparently she's no longer interested in him." When Alex could focus her eyes again she saw that he was holding a torn picture of the two cruise employees wrapped in each other's arms and ogling for the camera. Bobby was stooped over holding the basket so she could see the shards of glass and broken picture frame inside. He grinned up at her like a dog who had brought his master a bone.

Alex swore under her breath and tugged her partner out of the cabin. She did not see him extract a loose white pill from his other pants pocket and swallow it.

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The scene in the banquet hall had gone from bad to worse. Marjorie Weems was physically fighting with a portly rendition of Inspector Clouseau. David Abernathy was gamely trying to defend her. Kevin, the bartender had just stepped out from behind the bar as a decidedly non-pious Father Dowling and a Jessica Fletcher with a New Jersey accent took over pouring the drinks. Alex didn't feel the least bit sorry for him, he was a terrible bartender.

She and Goren caught sight of the Captain and Rogers making their way toward the stage. Ross leaned over to Alex as they approached. "This is an unmitigated disaster. We've managed to get the boat turned around and will be pulling back into the harbor in a couple of hours. Please tell me you've figured out whodunit so we can arrive back there with a suspect in cuffs."

"Sorry, Captain. For all I know it was Ms. Scarlet in the conservatory with a candlestick."

"Are all of the passengers and crew here in this room?" Bobby asked.

"Except for the dead ones, I'd say so." Rogers told him.

"If it's all right with you, Captain, I'd like to address the crowd." Alex made a move toward him, but Bobby gave her their subtle signal to back off and trust him.

"Are you telling me, that you've been half out of your mind all night, Detective Goren, but that you know who the killer is?" Ross' voice fairly dripped with sarcasm.

Bobby nodded, first at him and then at Eames, a shy smile played over his lips. "Yeah, I think I do. I still have a few questions, but I think I've got it."

Ross looked as though he was about to commit a murder of his own. Rogers laid a hand on his sleeve and both Alex and Bobby witnessed the miracle of watching Daniel Ross' blood pressure go down about ten points. He gestured for the other man to take the stage. "Alright, detective. This night couldn't possibly get any worse."

"Thanks, Captain, uh, that is, um I think." Bobby climbed the steps in front of the stage with Alex right behind him.

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A/N: This chapter is named after Christie's book The Veiled Lady

The line involving Ms. Scarlet in the conservatory with a candlestick is in reference to an American board game called Clue where you have to find the murder suspect, the type of weapon used and the location in the creepy old mansion where the murder occurred. Yes I had a wonderful childhood.