Thanks to JaninaM8. You saved this chapter.
She sat awake two weeks later, trying to convince herself that she wasn't disappointed that he hadn't come for her, wasn't upset that she hadn't heard…
So much the better. No one would condone this at all. The Earthlings mistrusted the Aesir, the Aesir were dubious of the mortals.
Perhaps Loki had realized the folly in this, and decided to abandon it.
But she was upset. And it stung…it bit at her spine and it breathed in her ear annoyingly.
It churned her mind. This thing. And she couldn't decide if she was simply taken because a GOD was showing her attention, or if it was something real.
No…bit more than attention. It was like…an insatiable hunger.
And it frightened her a bit.
But to deny that she felt something would be a lie…and she was lying so much lately…she couldn't do further damage by denying this as well, no matter how much she wished to.
She couldn't deny it…and that was why, when he didn't come when he said he would, it hurt. It hurt, and she felt angry for letting herself be used thus.
She wanted to forget about it all…to forget how to think, how to feel…how to yearn for this man whom she hardly knew; and that was why she wanted to know him better. To justify this state she found herself in.
Justify it. Make it make sense, because nothing about it made any sense at all.
And she was nothing if not sensible.
So she called Richard, even though it was past eleven at night, and he came over.
She fucked him. Hard. And it felt so good…
But only because she felt as though she was exacting revenge on Loki.
And then she felt like shit.
"Richard…" she began. She should've done this ages ago.
"Yeah?"
"I think…umm…I think that maybe this isn't working out," they were in the kitchen after their sex fest, and Jane felt completely burdened by her actions, by her emotions, by the fact that she was honestly just going through the motions. She wasn't that type of girl. She was using Richard. And though she wasn't in love with Loki, nor had she slept with him, she was, whether she admitted it or not, cheating on her boyfriend.
And now she felt as though she was cheating on Loki.
Using sex.
Who was she becoming?
She had poured herself some water and turned to him.
He stood there, mouth agape. "What did you just say?"
"I…"
"You're breaking up with me? After the most incredible sex we've ever had?!" He slammed his hand on the counter. "Jane. Tell me what the fuck is actually going on!"
"I don't know!" she yelled. "I don't fucking know!"
"Yes you do…ever since you returned from Asgard…there's been something. Come on. Don't play me. We've been together for over a year."
Tears began to fall. "I'm sorry, Richard, I'm sorry," she shook her head.
He went over to her. "Don't be sorry. Don't do that. Just tell me. Tell me."
"I…I'm just…I don't think that I love you anymore…"
Richard backed away from her. "What? Just like that? Suddenly you don't love me?"
"No…it's been a while now…" and Jane turned. Why hadn't she done this before? Why did she wait so long?
"So, you're a liar, then. How many times did you say it, but you didn't mean it, huh? How many times, Jane?!"
She was a liar.
But mostly to herself.
"Step away from her," came the voice she had longed to hear…
Jane turned. "Loki," she breathed.
"Who the fuck are you? How did you get in here?" Richard whipped around to Jane. "Is he the reason? Did you give him a key?"
"No…I…"
"Lower your voice, mortal, and leave," Loki stepped near him, his glare menacing.
"Fuck you!" he screamed. "Fuck you. And Jane, fuck you, too."
"I advise you to leave immediately," Loki was right in front of him now, blocking him from Jane.
"Who are you? How did you…?" and realization dawned on him, as he put things together…too obscured by his hurt heretofore. "You're an Aesir."
Loki arched a brow. "Very astute. Now, off you go," his tone decidedly less ominous.
Richard swallowed, and looked around to Jane. "Does Erik know about this?"
Jane closed her eyes. "No…" she whispered.
He shook his head. "What are you doing, Jane? Honestly…"
"You are leaving, if you know what is good for you, Richard," said Loki with a growl.
"Oh…you know about me, then? Did you know that Jane and I just fucked each other's brains out?" Richard saw him start at this, but he pressed on. "Yeah…and I hope…no matter what happens…that they all find out, and kill you both."
"Richard!" Jane exclaimed.
He swallowed. "Sorry, Jane. But that's what'll happen. Do you think that Erik will welcome this alien with open arms? Do you think that he'll just be ok with this? You've heard him talk about them…but don't worry. I'll keep my mouth shut…I'm not an asshole…"
"Listen well, mortal," and Loki approached the exiting Richard. "You know nothing of Asgard, nothing about the Realms…if you think for one moment that anyone will murder us for something you know nothing of, you had better think again," his breath was heavy. "What's more, I am not only Aesir, but the most powerful sorcerer in the Nine. It would be a pleasure to watch you, or, I daresay, anyone else attempt an assault on either my life or Jane's."
"I can make things very bad for you, Aesir…" Richard whispered.
"Let him go, Loki…" and Jane touched his arm, as Loki was raising it as if to strike. "Thanks, Richard, for not saying anything until we have this sorted. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."
The dejected now-ex-boyfriend left, muttering and shaking his head.
Loki stood with his back to Jane…
She let go of an unsteady breath. "Loki," she choked.
At this, he whipped around. "You laid with him. You laid with him, after what happened between us. After I promised to come for you…you still were with him?"
"I…"
His eyebrows lifted.
Jane turned away. "I…didn't know…I thought that maybe you weren't going to come…" her hands went to her face. "I'm so confused, Loki…"
"You need to stop thinking and follow what your heart, what your soul…what your very being is telling you."
"How?! How do I forget how to think? I'm an academic…it's who I am!" she turned, withering a glare. "You're asking me to abandon my self…who and what I am…for something that makes no sense!"
Loki shook his head. He swallowed. He went to her. "Jane…I would never ask such a thing…"
"What is happening, Loki?"
"I cannot tell you."
"Because you don't know?"
He nodded. He took her face in his hands and kissed her softly.
And he pulled away.
"I'll leave you to your thoughts…" he began. "You need to sort this out in solitude…"
"Have you figured this out?" Jane was desperate.
"No. Not exactly. But I do not need the approval of logic to determine my actions."
She laughed, and tears which were not happy fled her eyes. "Are you in love with me? Is that what this is?"
Loki sighed, and looked at his feet. "I am not. But I'd hazard a guess that that is where this is heading…it is a singular thing…this," and he looked at her. "I have always let my intuition guide me…my rage…so trustworthy…so reliable. But this…this is different…" he began to pace. "I feel as though…I am tethered to you. I cannot account for it. It is as if whatever you feel, I feel it, too…whatever pain you have, is mine. Your uncertainty, I experience it. And so, Jane…until you find yourself loving me, I would imagine I will not feel that particular emotion." His back was toward her, and his hands were wringing. "Love, ever elusive to me…I have not had her smile upon my being. But I hear her sorrow…I feel her touch just barely…Her dire whisper in my ear. It is as though she is cautioning me…an omen of dismal consequence…but I hear her not…obscured by my own soul's insistence…"
"Jesus."
He looked at her. "I shall wait for you. When you return to Asgard in six month's time…" his image began to blur. "…we shall continue this discussion, and see where we are…until then, I shall not trouble you…" and he was gone.
And nary a day passed wherein Jane wasn't tormented with a want…
A pressing emptiness…
What was happening to her?
It wasn't her heart which hurt with unimaginable longing…it was her entire being. Never, not in all of her young life, had she ever felt such muted pain.
Muted…because it was not acute.
Pain…because it hurt her in more ways than anything had done heretofore.
She felt like a zombie, wandering and navigating her life in a stupor of confusion and need.
What was happening to her?
Was she in love with him?
She couldn't be…it was simply not possible.
But what, then?
The stars… said a voice not unlike Loki's.
The stars were beckoning her…beguiling in their song.
Could she bear to live this way?
No, she thought as she queued for the convoy she had been accepted into.
No…she couldn't.
He had waited to go to her.
Waited, until the others would not question where he was going.
Odin had become increasingly wary of the mortals…his opinion of them and how they dealt with the other Realms dwindling with every passing day.
He had waited, and when he found that abhorrent mortal with her, his mind screamed.
How faithless was she?
Did she not believe him?
He had, admittedly, an intensity about his person…one which often drove others from him.
And he did feel her apprehension…which is why he never pushed her…
But oh! With what a steady want he did suffer.
…his dreams were rapturous…
So much so that he almost loathed taking his sleep.
He hated that this was to be his fate…and he looked at the stars. A mortal, indeed.
They peppered their pixels in purposeful sway…
And he saw that she was to be part of his fate…whether for good or ill, it was too soon to say.
There…the eastern star yawned her presence in her chamber…it meant that longing shall be fulfilled.
And there…the blossom of Vanaheim swelled in painful presence..it meant that an omen uttered shall be realized.
Still more…the old man in the northern quadrant's spear was bright…it meant that a journey was forthcoming, with uncertain ends…
It was as though the heavens themselves were speaking to him.
And what in Valhalla did it mean?
Love.
Death.
Pain.
Ecstasy.
He rather wished that he could skip it all and get to the ecstatic bit.
Jane…
…and he walked with intent to the grand hall of the palace to meet the mortal convoy.
Jane…
…and his eyes searched for hers…
Jane…her name a siren song to his ears…how could he resist the demands of fate and her mortifying blaze…
…she wasn't there…his heart pounded…did the Earthlings not allow her passage?
Jane.
She was smiling.
His muscles relaxed.
She made her way to him.
"Hi, Loki," she said, emotion brimming ever syllable.
He nodded. "You passed inspection for the convoy."
"I did."
He looked down. "Shall I fetch you later?"
"There is nothing that I would like more," and she found his eyes…her own held warmth…and she turned and left.
And Loki felt his very being unknot.
She would see him.
His bowels would then unhunger…
His mind unthink…
…and he was undone…