Chapter Four: Not a Word

After the lab was cleared out, I sat with my back resting against the Vita-Ray machine, clutching the few notes Erskine ever made in my lap. This was where Peggy found me. "You can't stay in here forever."

"I wasn't planning on it."

After a few seconds of silence, she leaned back against the controls opposite of me, crossing her arms over her chest. "What happened today?"

I looked up from the encrypted papers to meet her eyes. "A lot happened today. Steve's wildest dreams came true- all of our wildest dreams came true. Erskine died. Some lunatic blew up-"

"You know what I'm talking about. Stop using Howard's defense mechanism, it doesn't suit you."

"Like it suits him?"

"Jo."

We stared each other down another moment, and I conceded first. It was stupid to try and win against Peggy in a stubbornness contest. "Radiation poisoning," I admitted. "I assume it's from working too closely with the Vita-Rays for so long." I chuckled, rubbing the bridge of my nose to uselessly fight off the permanent headache. "I'm actually surprised Howard doesn't have it too. He always was a lucky bastard."

Another minute of silence for Peggy to digest that I'd basically just told her I'm dying. "How long do you have?"

"However long the universe decides to give me. Think I'll have long enough to convince Steve to get into bed with me? Because he was handsome before, sure, but that serum did him nothing but favors."

"Stop."

I matched her level gaze once again. "Why? What're you going to do, Peggy? Kill me? Sorry, but you'll just have to get in line."

She pushed off the controls, stepping closer to me. "Stop joking about this, Joanne. You dying is not a joke. Not to me."

"Sorry," I shrugged, a half-smile still playing at the edge of my lips. "I guess I didn't get the memo."

"You're impossible," she scoffed, rubbing her forehead in exasperation. "Does anybody else know?"

I waved the papers in my lap a little. "Erskine knew."

"And he let you continue to work with the Vita-Rays?"

I shrugged again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "It wasn't like me stopping would make the radiation just disappear."

She nodded, and I was glad she was at least trying to understand. "What about Howard?"

"No." I stood so I could match her height, wanting to be perfectly clear in my next statement. "Howard doesn't know, and Howard isn't going to know."

"I thought you two told each other everything?"

"This isn't something he needs to know."

"Jo-"

"Peggy," I cut her off, "I swear to whatever higher power there is- if you breathe a word of this to Howard, I will kill you myself."

She looked me over with pursed lips, before sighing. "I knew it."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Knew what?"

"You're in love with him."

A bubble of laughter sounded from my tight chest. Every part of me hurt constantly, but I did my best to hide it. "I am not in love with Howard Stark."

"You're a terrible liar," she shook her head, settling her hands against her hips.

"Howard is my best friend, Peggy. We've looked out for each other ever since we were teenagers. Now, I would be lying if I said there was no physical attraction, but nearly every female on this green earth is physically attracted to Howard. And I don't mean to brag, but-" I made an exaggerated motion towards myself, smirk plastered on my face. "-I'm definitely something to look at too. So unless you'd like me to explain in full detail just how very adult Howard and I can be about dealing with physical attraction with no strings attached-"

She quickly held a hand up, the other flying to cover her mouth. "I get the idea, thank you very much."

I chuckled at her response before moving to take her hands in mine. "Don't worry about me, darling. I can take care of myself. And just to reiterate-" I squeezed her hands tightly. "Not a word to Howard. Ever. Okay?" I knew she wanted to argue, but was infinitely grateful when she decided to drop it instead. I barely had the energy to get around these days, so I definitely didn't have the energy to convince her further into keeping my secret. "Lovely. Now seriously- about getting Steve into bed with me…"

I walked into the room Steve was giving his blood in to see the nurse just finishing up.

"Think you got enough?" he asked, motioning to what looked like at least two dozen vials of his blood.

"Pretty much all hope of reproducing the serum is hidden away inside your genetic code," I explained. "Without Erskine it'll take a lot longer, but if I can decrypt these-" I held up the file containing his notes "-hopefully I'll be able to do it."

It was weird when Steve walked up to the sink I was leaning against and I had to look up to see his face. "He deserved more than this."

"They always do," I agreed before offering him the best smile I could manage. "Besides, if there could only ever be one success, Abe would be proud it was you. Especially instead of that Hodge character," I attempted to lighten the mood. "I mean really, he was just a downright ass if you ask me."

He cracked a small grin and met my eyes. "You know, you curse more than any other woman I've ever met."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

After explaining the basics of the serum's effects to Steve, I was told by a nurse that Howard needed my help in the engineering room.

When I arrived, I found a large submarine suspended over a table that I was positive hadn't been there before. "Well, this is new."

Howard glanced at me before turning his attention back to the inside of the sub. "This is what that HYDRA guy was going to use to escape." He continued to explain as I moved to stand next to him and pushed the sleeves back on my uniform. "I've been tasked with figuring out how it ticks, which is proving to be a lot more difficult than I originally thought. Speaking of collapsing…"

I sighed and bumped him over with my hip when he stopped working to take over for him. "I didn't collapse."

"You would have if your knight in shining armor wasn't there to catch you."

I gasped dramatically as my hand flew over my heart. "Cary Grant was in the lab, and you didn't tell me until now? Remind me to thank him properly later, would you?"

Howard was obviously unimpressed at my attempt to change the subject. "What aren't you telling me, Jo?"

With a shrug, I turned back to the engine of the sub. "Nothing much. Just the fact that you were right about me wanting to jump Steve's bones- but who doesn't these days, am I right?"

"Joanne."

"Oh, would everybody just stop calling me that?" I groaned. "You know how much I hate that name."

"I don't care," his voice dropped, which was even scarier than when he got louder, because I was used to Howard being loud and obnoxious. When he was quiet, he was serious. I didn't want to be serious. "You're keeping something from me, which is against the rules."

I snorted. "What rules?"

"Our rules."

"We have rules?"

"God dammit, Jo," he sighed, just like Peggy had when I was putting off telling her earlier. He wasn't going to get it out of me though. "Yes, we have rules. And one of them is that we don't lie to each other."

"I've never been one for following the rules."

Any further bickering was interrupted by Senator Brandt's booming voice. "Colonel Phillips, my committee is demanding answers!"

"Great!" Phillips responded with fake enthusiasm, rounding the lab tables to stand on the platform above me and Howard. "Why don't we start with how a German spy got a ride to my secret installation in your car?" He didn't wait for an answer before turning to look down at the submarine. "What do we got here?"

"Speaking modestly," I pulled my hands out of the engine to wipe the grease off with a nearby rag, "Howard and I are the best mechanical engineers in the country, and neither of us have the foggiest idea of what's inside of this thing or how it works."

"We're not even close to this technology," Howard agreed.

The senator wasn't impressed with that answer. "Well then who is?"

"HYDRA," Phillips answered. "I'm sure you've been reading our briefings.

"I'm on a number of committees, Colonel."

"I'll take that as no, you haven't read them," I called up to him.

He glared at me before moving his attention to Peggy, who had just walked in with Steve behind her and was explaining what HYDRA was. "HYDRA is the Nazi deep-science division. It's led by Johann Schmidt. But he has much bigger ambitions."

I nodded and returned to looking over the sub, listening to Phillips' further explanation. "HYDRA is practically a cult. They worship Schmidt, they think he's invincible."

"So what are you gonna do about it?" the senator questioned.

As the men walked away, Phillips explaining that the SSR was being retasked to go after HYDRA, Howard gripped my arm to get my attention. "We're talking about your little episode more later."

I didn't get the chance to respond when Phillips called after us, "You too, Stark. Dr. Moore. We're flying to London tonight."

"Sir?" Steve asked, stopping the Colonel from leaving. "If you're going after Schmidt, I want in."

"You're an experiment," Phillips turned him down immediately. "You're going to Alamogordo."

"The serum worked-"

"I asked for an army, and all I got was you. You are not enough." After quite rudely refusing Steve, he turned and left.

I stepped out of the hole I was standing in to argue that Steve was enough, but Senator Brandt beat me to it by walking up to Steve and saying, "With all due respect to the Colonel, I think we may be missing the point. I've seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country's seen it. Paper," he motioned to a man in a hat who presented a newspaper and the Senator continued. "The enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hit the newsstands. You don't take a soldier- a symbol- like that, and hide him in a lab. Son, do you want to serve your country on the most important battlefield of the war?"

Steve's face lit up, and his answer was touching, as always. "Sir, that's all I want."

"Then congratulations, you just got promoted."