Connection

~(*)~

Hold it in...

Emily's last link to her childhood, the last one of her family to really know who she was, was dying in front of her.

Reveal nothing…Just breathe...

Jack was crumpling before her eyes, his great love for Sammy becoming an unbearable weight in the face of his imminent death.

Don't let it out...

Emily couldn't tell when the first tears started. They were already a steady stream on her face by the time she realized she was crying.

All of her training, her cold shield that kept her apart from others, was rendered useless in the wake of this tragedy. Right now she didn't feel like Emily Thorne. Instead she was Amanda Clarke; and her greatest friend was dying in the arms of her greatest love.

Of course she couldn't say anything to Sammy, could not convey the depth of her gratitude, the way Jack was doing. She desperately wanted this last chance to say what was in her heart to her childhood friend.

Thank you for taking care of him. I never meant to abandon you, either of you.I am so sorry I left. You were my best friend, my only true friend besides Jack. Thank you for not forgetting me.

For the first time she could remember Emily prayed; in hopes that Sammy could hear what was in her heart. The effort it took to keep it all inside was killing her. Sammy's dying seemed to encompass all of the heartache and injustice of the last twenty years. Emily wondered if she began to scream, if she would ever be able to stop.

So she pinched and bit her lips in an effort to keep them shut. She would not allow herself to say one word.

But even though she looked away and tried mask the degree of her pain, her hand sought Jack's in comfort. The strength of his grasp, the warm heat of his skin mixed with the wet feel of Sammy's coat all brought a rush of heartbreaking familiarity to Emily.

When the breath had finally left Sammy's tired body, Jack covered his friend and sobbed. Unable to stop, Emily gently pulled him into her arms and wept her apology for so many things as she held him.

I'm so sorry about Sammy.

I'm so sorry for leaving-both of you.

I'm sorry that I brought you back into my life, for lying to you, for being unable to protect you.

I'm so sorry that I couldn't stop loving you…

All too soon he let go and lifted his head to look at her. In his eyes Emily recognized the plea to make it all go away, to erase the pain. Her own heart had suffered so much that it was mutilated and misshapen. How could she take away his pain when she didn't know how to live with her own?

Her only answer had been to kiss him.

Oh so gently Emily brought her mouth to his, trying to heal Jack by somehow touching his heart with hers. At first he seemed lost, as if he didn't trust that she was real. Then Emily realized it was more that he didn't trust that she really wanted him.

She understood of course. She had caused his hesitancy with every brush off and denial she had given him. Then the drunken confession happened and Emily had gone against every rule she had, just for the briefest chance to tell Jack how she felt. It had been despicable really, confessing her heart while knowing she couldn't let it stick. Jack must have thought he was crazy the next morning, and a horribly selfish part of her had been grateful that he was hundreds of miles away.

It never should have gone that far.

The moment had seemed surreal; dreamlike. Emily had already been fraught with guilt and worry over how to rescue Daniel, allowing Jack's sadness and candor to catch her off guard in a moment of weakness. But her resolve was stronger than that and Emily had damn well known better. The resulting anger in herself had only caused her to pull further away from Jack.

She kissed him gently, but inside she was starving. In a way it was completely true, because her soul had never known what it was like to truly kiss someone she loved. Now it knew the taste of his breath on her lips, how his skin felt like fire on hers and the strength of his fingers in her hair. It would never be able to survive on the sustenance of another.

Only a heartbeat went by before Jack relaxed and returned her kiss. She had had fevered encounters full of heat and passion. This kiss was the furthest thing from that and Emily felt something inside of her die, because this was so much more. It was a release of two hearts that recognized each other as theirs.

This must be what love feels like…

Rapidly the kiss deepened, but it still held a slow and meaningful quality. Jack brushed against her lower lip with his tongue and Emily immediately opened to him. Cradling her head, Jack claimed Emily's mouth with every deliberate stroke of his tongue. Emily matched him in every way, eager to show the depth of feeling she was always trying to hide from him.

Jack paused for a moment, still lightly grazing her mouth but his eyes were clenched shut. Emily suddenly had the sickening feeling that she had gone too far.

Oh god, I don't want to hurt him anymore…

"Are you real?"

His whisper had been so soft and yet so broken that Emily swallowed hard against the sob lodged in her throat.

"Yes…I'm here. I'm real Jack!" Quickly she captured his mouth again, desperately trying to re-establish their connection. Her mouth moved hungrily over his, willing him to believe her. Jack fully let go and matched her ardor, his hands diving back into her hair. Emily moaned and that seemed to only spur Jack further.

He kissed her as though he had been searching for her for years and finally found her. He kissed her like she was something precious and the one thing he couldn't bear to live without. He kissed her exactly the way she loved him.

But all too soon the kisses slowed till he was gently nipping at her skin. His breath fanned heavily against her face as her rested his forehead against hers, his hands gently massaging the back of her neck. Emily's first instinct was to avoid the honesty in his eyes, but tonight she refused. She didn't know what she would choose to do in the future, but for right now she wanted to be honest with him.

Jack seemed to recognize her choice, because a tiny bit of happiness lit up behind the sadness in his eyes. Emily was grateful that for once she could be the one to put it there.

"I should go bury Sammy." He finally said. His voice was like gravel from crying, but it still did things to Emily's stomach.

He made a move to get up but Emily stopped him. "Let me help you? Please?" She begged quietly.

Jack frowned slightly for a moment before looking at her in wonder. "You would do that?"

"It would mean a lot to me Jack." Emily murmured sincerely.

Jack continued to stare at her for a moment, considering. "Would you mind if we buried him here, on your property? This place was his first home and I think he would be happier if he could finally stay."

Emily couldn't seem to respond to this touching gesture, but still managed to nod her agreement. Her heart felt like it would explode from the confusing crush of sorrow and joy that she felt. "Yes! I would actually like that, very much."

Jack smiled gratefully her before swooping in for another heartfelt kiss. "Thank you!" He murmured against her mouth. Emily could only give a watery smile and nod. He had no idea that she would do practically anything for him and yet he was doing the one thing for her that she shouldn't even ask for.

"We better get started, before the ground freezes completely. I have some stuff in the back of my truck that we can use."

To bury Sammy with.

This reminder of reality brought the grief back to the forefront of their minds. Emily felt her eye's swell with new tears, but as they both rose and then made their way to his truck outside, Emily held on to Jack and him to her. Their connection had not ended when the kiss did, and Emily could feel it pulsing underneath within her, demanding a constant outlet to the man at her side.

She knew that very soon she would have to let go. Not long after that Jack was going to want answers; decisions. Emily wasn't exactly sure what to do with the looming future so fraught with uncertainty. She knew that she would have to take care of business before she could declare anything to him. But she also knew that she wasn't going to let him go. When this was over, she would tell Jack everything. After he realized just what her heart truly looked like, if he decided that he still wanted her-then Emily would spend every moment of the rest of her life showing him how much she loved him.

~(*)~

AN: Next will be the Fauxmanda reunion from Jacks pov. Not sure how much longer I will go with this, because it was meant to be a bunch of in-between oneshots of the series, but I seriously am bot happy with where they went with FauxMandy and Jacks Relationship .