As always, thank you to all my readers! You guys are the best! This was, so far, my favorite chapter to write so I'm really hoping everyone enjoys it. It was also a little tricky writing it and it had the potential to be very very confusing so if it comes across as confusing at all, please let me know! Thanks and happy reading.

Spoilers: Up to and including "The Mortal Cure" (episode 12)
Disclaimers: I own nothing except for a few characters here and there... sad but true.

We could sit on the shore,
We could just be friends,
We could jump in
Whole world could change in a minute,
Just one kiss could stop it spinning,
We could think it through
I don't want to if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same,
Leave here the way we came with nothing to lose
I don't want to if you don't want to

Sugarland, "Want To"


Chapter 3 – Risks

Beth all but ran out of Mick's building, blinking furiously to keep barely contained tears at bay. She stumbled to her car and climbed into the driver's seat, but beyond that, she didn't know what to do. It was late but the possibility of going home right seemed impossible. She wanted to be alone but she knew that to go home would only mean having to face the reality of her dilemma. And she wasn't ready… despite what Mick kept insisting, she wasn't ready.

She forced herself to turn the key in the ignition and pull the car out of its spot. She didn't know where she was going but she knew she didn't want Mick to see the condition he had put her in if he happened to be looking out. Around her, strains of laughter and music filled the air. Lights flashed cheerfully. Beth ignored them all and found herself driving to the beach. But when she got there, she was again, disappointed.

Everything was strange and unfamiliar. The sand felt gritty beneath her feet and no matter where she looked, she saw windblown litter. The motion of the dark waves swirled with white foam didn't seem calm and gentle but cold and cruel. The crash of those same waves reached her ears in a deafening roar, not at all rhythmic. Beth looked up at the sky and saw no stars—only pinpoints of barely visible lights. Then she realized those were the stars. Her gaze traveled to the moon and she had to close her eyes against its harsh white brightness. Hard as she tried, she couldn't see what it was that had drawn her here tonight, couldn't find the simple beauty that had often given her solace. She had thought reconnecting with this part of her past would help her find clarity but this contradiction of what she had expected only confused her more. The tears spilled from her eyes then and this time, she did nothing to curb them. She decided she did want to go home after all.

- - o - -

By the time Beth arrived home, she had composed herself. But when she stepped into the darkness of her apartment, she felt a spurt of irritation. Outside, the darkness had been simple, comforting, like a shield against all that was complicated. But in the stillness of her living room, the darkness only reminded her of Mick. She flipped the lights on and sank into the couch, staring at the cordless phone and the answering machine on the adjacent table. She tried to block it out but the memory of what had been said, of what had happened, flooded her mind.

Beth pushed the half-empty champagne glass away and sat up straighter, eyes fixed on Mick's back. For the past few minutes, neither of them had said anything. "If not Europe, then there's something else I wanted to talk about, something else I wanted to ask you." Her voice trembled as she spoke. "Will you give me your honest opinion on this one?"

"Depends," he answered cautiously, without turning around. "What did you want to ask?"

"There's this guy… he's called me, asked me to call him back… I haven't yet."

Mick turned around then, allowing his eyes to meet hers. "But you want to," he stated, his voice betraying no emotion.

"I don't know," Beth answered honestly. "It's been so long that sometimes, I don't know what I want."

Beth bit her lip and fingered a button on her answering machine. Would he have responded differently if she had told him the whole truth? That the "guy" wasn't some stranger she had just met. That the "guy" was someone who had once meant everything to her. She smiled at the last thought and pushed the button to replay the message that had haunted her since she first heard it.

"Hey, Beth… I don't know if you still recognize my voice—I'd like to think I still recognize yours—but it's me… Luc. Luc Edwards." Nervous laughter bubbled from the machine. "I know it's been a long time since we've talked and longer since we've seen each other, but… I'm coming to L.A. It's for work and all, a case I'm on, but I thought… I just… well… I'd like to see you again."

Though she had heard the message countless times in the past three days, the sound of his voice, even recorded, sent a buzz of warmth across her cheeks. Feelings that she had thought were long dead clamored for attention, just as they had done the first time she heard the message. Feelings that made her wonder if could still mean everything even though she knew in her heart that she had moved on, that it was Mick she wanted.

"So you're asking me…?"

Her gaze never left his. "I'm asking you what you think I should do."

"Why? Isn't this one of those matters that you need to decide for yourself?"

"Yes… but your opinion matters to me. I can't decide without it. Do you think I'm ready?"

It would be so much easier if Luc was the one she wanted. So much less complicated. She shivered as his voice continued to play, the warmth in her cheeks becoming chills down her arms.

"It's out of the blue, I know. But I thought we could try the friends thing again. Last time, we agreed we needed more time… well, time's on our side now. It would be a shame if we didn't at least try."

It was easy for Beth to imagine herself with Luc again. Easier than imagining herself with Mick. Easier than wanting Mick, who was sweet and chivalrous but oh so frustrating and infuriatingly dense.

He seemed to want to turn away but thought better of it and settled into a contemplative silence without breaking eye contact.

Beth felt her hope rise. "So you don't think I'm ready?"

"No!" Mick protested quickly. "You're ready, Beth, you're ready."

Her eyes fluttered closed briefly. "I thought so too," she agreed quietly. But once I had a chance to really think about it, I realized I wasn't."

"Of course you are. You're strong, you've always been. You can—"

"No, that's not what I mean… For the past eight months, every time someone asked me out, I told myself I wasn't ready. At first, it was true… but as time passed, I had gotten so used to saying it that it was easier to stick with that than to admit the truth."

"And… what is the truth?" His voice was hoarse and pitched low, almost as if he anticipated what she was about to say.

"The truth?" Beth stood and smiling faintly, she slowly crossed the distance between them, eyes shining with sadness and hope. She didn't speak until she was so close to him that he had to look down. "The truth is, I didn't want to be disappointed." She reached up with one hand and splayed her fingers across his chest. "And if I had said yes to any of those guys, I would have been disappointed. Because they weren't you. And they could never come close to being you."

"Beth…" He slid his hand over hers and gently pried it away.

Beth countered by turning her hand over so their palms met. She slipped her fingers between his and closed them around his hand. She pushed down slightly and rose on her toes. For a few seconds, their faces hovered tantalizingly close without touching. Then Beth pressed her lips against his.

Just thinking about the kiss made Beth feel lightheaded. She felt as if her head would detach at any moment and float away. She vaguely heard Luc's message continue to play, but it was quickly fading into the background.

"I would be a liar if I said friendship is all I want. The truth is, a part of me wants more than that… I miss what we had, I miss you… I haven't met anyone like you since I came to New York."

Beth traced a finger across her lip, eyes glazed and faraway. Her better judgment screamed against it but she couldn't stop herself from trying to recall every detail. She barely noticed the way her faced flushed and her body warmed as she did.

He tried to pull back but Beth tiptoed higher and threaded her other hand through his hair. Almost automatically, his resistance crumbled and he leaned into the kiss. The effect was electrifying. Beth felt a jolt race down her spine and she arched her back, lips parting in a gasp as she did. Mick's arm circled around her waist, steadying her, and she sagged against the newfound support, knowing he would not let her fall. She tilted her head back slightly and Mick leaned forward to adjust to her shift in position.

"Beth…" he groaned as she flicked her tongue against his mouth, trying to tease it open. Then abruptly, he pulled back and pushed her away. "We can't do this." His voice was shaky and his breath shallow as the tried to regain control.

Beth still wasn't sure how to interpret his pulling away. She knew it was largely due to his self-hatred but it still hurt. She couldn't stop wondering if it was because in his heart of hearts, he didn't believe in them because he didn't trust her, didn't believe her every time she told him she wasn't scared of what he was. And that was what hurt most of all. She inhaled deeply and Luc's voice came back into focus.

"But as they say, the ball's in your court now. I would be happy just to see you again; it's been far too long. I understand if you'd rather not… but either way, I'll be waiting."

It would be nice to talk to Luc again, to feel wanted. He had made it unquestionably clear what he wanted… Could she really throw this chance away and not regret it? Especially considering the way she had left things with Mick…

Beth blinked rapidly, disoriented by the sudden break of contact. She stumbled back toward him and cupped his face in her hand. "Mick, don't you see? It doesn't matter to me that you're a vampire… it never has."

"But it matters to me," he said softly. "There are so many things you don't know, so many things you don't understand."

"So tell me. Show me. I'm a quick study and I'm willing to learn."

He pulled her hand from his face and held it in both of his, tracing circles on her palm. He continued to stare at her hand as he spoke. "You should call him."

Beth furrowed her brows. "What?"

"The guy. The one you were asking for my opinion on. You should call him back."

"Oh." An unexpected lump began to rise in her throat and her eyes grew hot.

"Beth, you're ready." He squeezed her hand comfortingly, pleadingly.

"No… I mean, yes, I mean of course," Beth choked out. It was getting so hard to speak… She didn't know if she should laugh hysterically or cry right then and there.. "Look, I should just go. Coming here was obviously a mistake."

"Beth, wait." Mick gripped her hand, trying to draw her back. "I didn't mean it that way. You know I care about you."

"No, you were right. Absolutely right. I should call him back." She yanked her hand from his grasp. "Thank you. And good night."

The worse part was, she found she couldn't stay angry at him and she hated herself for it. It had only been a few hours for goodness sakes! The pale pink of her cheeks deepened into a dark red and whether it was purely from resentment she couldn't say. How many times in the past months had they joked about their feelings? Shared looks that conveyed everything they felt? How could he bear to leave all that unspoken, unmanifested?

In an almost dream-like state, Beth picked up the cordless phone. Mick was right… he was wrong about so many things but he was right about this. She should call Luc. He had always made her feel special and though it had been five years, she knew he wouldn't fail her. She raked her thumb down the rows of numbers to stop herself from automatically dialing Mick's number. Instead, she let Luc's number filter back into her memory, pressing the numbers as they came. By the time she had finished dialing, the heat in her body had become pleasant coil of warmth in her belly.