Thank you Rosalie, V.V, Arwen, Redhawk, Dark cyradis, cellino, oe, CaratGold, Anya Malfoy, Nightsong, and Fleur Rochard.
Lucius sighed. Another page, another memory. Some of which were painful, but on nights like this it was important that he remember the beginning. Then perhaps he could convince himself that it was worth it.
Journal,
Tom's eyes hurt. They hurt me more than I ever thought anything ever could. He's unhappy about something. I think he's jealous of Claudia. Every time he sees her, he looks capable of murder and he doesn't talk to me any more, but every now and then I catch him looking at me and the depth of feeling in his eyes hurts. For the first time I can see into his soul and what I see scares me. I've never seen him so angry. How could he be jealous of Claudia? Tom is my best friend. He's more than my best friend. He's- I don't know what he is. What am I supposed to do- wait around forever? Wait for him to want me, need me, love me? I do wait. Every second of every day I wait. But it's hard to wait when he does nothing, when he teases me and tempts me and I find myself doing the damnedest things for him and he does nothing. All he has to do is ask. Just give me a bone. I can't live off crumbs of ambiguous emotions.
"Have you slept with her?" Tom demanded.
"Tom, I"
"Have you slept with the little whore"
"No, Tom, I haven't slept with her. I couldn't." He grabbed the blonde by the arms and inspected his face. Tom's eyes glittered coldly and his lip curled.
"You couldn't? I doubt that very much, Lucius. Are you sure you haven't slept with her...you haven't filled that dark, velvet warmth between those long, slender legs? "
"No"
"No? There isn't a boy in school who wouldn't love to be in your shoes, my friend. But you haven't touched her. Now why is that"
"Because I want you to be my first."
There. The words had been spoken. Lucius couldn't take them back now. He had given Tom an open invitation. Tom peered into Lucius' eyes, scrutinizing every aspect of his soul. He lowered his lashes.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. More than anything. Not Morgan or David or Claudia. You," Lucius said firmly. If he weren't so nervous, he might have smiled. He loved the fact that he alone could make Tom jealous like this. The older boy's breathing occurred in rapid bursts. Without warning, he pressed his lips to Lucius' and Lucius was only too happy to accept them, opening his mouth for Tom. The kisses came fast- sometimes gentle, sometimes brutal. There were chaste, quick kisses and deep, hungry kisses. But it wasn't enough. Lucius needed so much more. He undid the clasp to Tom's robe and the buttons of Tom's shirt, hands trembling.
This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. But it was. Tom's hands were under his shirt, sliding over the planes of his chest, now sliding the shirt off his shoulders. His lips moved to Lucius' neck and his fingers curled in silvery blond strands as he pulled Lucius' head back. His tongue darted out over the smaller boy's collarbone. Lucius shivered, bucking his hips forward. Tom hissed and moved his hips forward in response. Tom's hands fumbled with Lucius pants, yanking them off. Then went his own. Lucius pulled Tom closer, running his hand along Tom's ribcage, his hips, tracing the curve of his spine. Tom pressed against him, trying to melt into him, trying to close every single gap between them. "Tom," Lucius gasped. Tom stopped and looked at him, understanding what it was before Lucius even said it. "I need-" Then Tom's fingers were there, slick and gentle as they probed him. Lucius bit his lip. It was almost too much. He was so close. "Tom." "Go ahead, if you have to. "
" Are you sure"
"Positive"
"But-" Tom thrust sharply with his fingers and hit something, sending bursts of pleasure through Lucius' body, pushing him over the edge. Lucius screamed and closed his eyes momentarily. Tom kissed him softly, his free hand stroking his friend's hair.
Lucius didn't dare open his eyes. He listened as his breathing steadied, trying to get used to the feel of Tom's skin against his. He found Tom's midnight eyes, watching him calmly. The jealous lover was fading, replaced by the aloof student. Tom rose suddenly, making Lucius sob at the immediate loss of warmth and intimacy. "Forgive me, Lucius"
"Forgive what"
"My actions tonight. I'm not used to sharing"
"What?" Lucius blinked. "I lost control. I should never have..." His words trailed off as he found his pants and dressed himself. Words failed Lucius completely. Reason failed Lucius completely. What was going on?
"You never should have what"
"Taken advantage of you," Tom replied quietly, shrugging on his shirt and gathering up the rest of his belongings. Lucius averted his eyes to the sheet he twisted in his hands. The door shut briskly. The small blonde burst into tears.
In the attic of Malfoy Manor, Lucius quickly turned the page, but not before a single tear kissed and blurred Tom's name.
I'm not promising continuation, but I figured that I at least owed you this. Who knows what will happen in time. Review!
Love,
J. Silver