Olivia's mood changes over the past few month or so had not gone unnoticed. Munch had even made a comment to Fin about her probably being on antidepressants.

"I thought you didn't believe in those pills. You think that the pharmaceutical companies are just plotting to get people hooked to make money."

"Don't get me wrong. I stick to my beliefs. However, I can't help but wonder why she's so happy after all of a sudden, considering everything she's been though."

"She's probably just relieved to put everything behind her. Can't say I blame her. Maybe you just aren't giving her as much credit as she deserves." Fin still felt bad that things hadn't been quite the same between him and Olivia. She avoided him, although she was polite whenever she talked to him.

"But still…she seems to be pretty happy."

"You know her, she's a tough cookie. I'm sure that she's been hitting the gym a lot lately. Gets those endorphins going. "

"Who's been hitting the gym? " Elliot asked

"My old lady." Munch lied.

Elliot didn't believe him, but decided to let it drop. "Have either of you seen Olivia today?"

"not today. I think she took a vacation day."

That puzzled Elliot. She hadn't mentioned to him that she wouldn't be in that day. He made a mental note to call her on his break.

But it turns out Munch was wrong. Olivia strolled in about an hour late.

"Hot date keep you up last night?" Elliot teased. All he got in response was a dirty look. Wow, that was unlike her. They'd been dating for awhile and everything had being going well. He was happier than he'd been in a very long time.

"Olivia…" Cragen beckoned. " My office, now."

Busted. She couldn't even sneak in late one time.

"Where have you been?"

"I, uh, wasn't feeling well this morning. I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"This is not like you. Everything okay?"

She nodded. "Just haven't been sleeping well lately. I'll be alright. "

"Olivia, is there anything you'd like to talk about? I mean..you just haven't been yourself lately. Stabler says you were a little sick at the crime scene a few days ago. "

"Captain ..with Harris's trial being postponed so many times, I just think that maybe that's wearing me down a little bit. I promise it won't happen again." Olivia felt bad for bringing that case up. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to feel sorry for her. In this case, though, she didn't want the Captain to think she couldn't handle stress anymore. It annoyed her that Elliot had mentioned that.

"I thought that's what it might be. If you need anything I'm here. And you should talk to Huang by the end of this week.""I will. thank you sir."

On her way out, he mentioned one more thing. "By the way, company physical's today. "

Later that day she received the shock of her life.

"are you sure? There must be some mistake."

"No, Detective," the doctor shook her head. " The urine and blood test both came up positive. You are pregnant."

"Oh God, oh no…tell me this isn't happening."

" I can send someone in to talk to you about…options. But I'd like to give you a few days to think about it, to consult with the father. Ultimately you know it's your choice."

"I know it is. But thank you." She shook her head with disbelief. The father….it would have to be Harris's child. Her gut feeling told her it was. No..how could this happen….she would turn out like her mother after all.

Later that day she went back to work, but decided to take a nap. She couldn't face anyone right now. Especially not Elliot.

Before she could go back, he approached her with a cup of coffee. "You okay?"

" I appreciate the offer..but I'm going to catch some sleep."

"can we talk for a minute? Out in the hallway, I mean?"

She felt badly for him. Despite what was going on, his presence was always reassuring.

"What's up?"

" I was just wondering..if we're okay. I mean, if you're okay." The Freudian slip did not go unnoticed.

'yeah…sure…of course. Why do you ask?"

"Well I just got back the results of the DNA test"

Olivia's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't have known about the pregnancy.

"Eli's not mine, Liv. "

Out of curiousity, she asked him. "Well what does that mean? Are you going back to the house? Are you going be part of his life?" The way he reacted would tell her exactly what she needed to know. If he couldn't accept another man's baby by his wife, then how could he accept her child? Especially if this was a child of rape. From her personal experience growing up she knew that was something even the strongest of men couldn't deal with.

She touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. You weren't the one who deceived me for a year. You're nothing like Kathy. You'd never do to me what she's done. You'd never to that to anyone. "

"I'm not a saint, Elliot. I make mistakes too."

"I never said you don't. All I meant was that you're the kind of woman who does the right thing even it's difficult. "

"Please don't put me on a pedestal. Maybe you don't know me as well you think you do. I have to go now. I'm tired…"

"Yeah, okay. Sure. Take it easy."

Olivia decided she needed to find a female friend to confide in. So she called Melinda.

Later that evening…..

Melinda met Olivia at a restaurant close to her apartment. She would have to get back home to her family, but she was glad Olivia trusted her.

"What's going on?"

Olivia didn't even know how to begin. "How are you?"

"what's going on. You don't look like you're feeling well. You're just picking at that salad. " She smiled at her friend. "You know that you can talk to me. Is it the job?"

Olivia looked down at her plate. "no."

"Okay I'll let it go…"

"I'm pregnant Melinda."There, she got it out.

Melinda was visibly shocked. "You're what? Olivia..look at me… Is this a good thing?"

"I don't think so. It's horrible. It was not planned…I don't know what I'm going to." Her pregnancy hormones had kicked in, and it was all she could do not to cry.

What can I say? That it might be the result of a rape? Or that a married man is the father? Or I love Elliot and everything will be okay?

"How far are you?"

"Four months."

"oh no Olivia…." She did the math. "you don't have to answer this…but at the prison, when you said nothing happened…"

All Olivia could do was nod her head, that yes, more had happened there than what she'd told anyone.

"I'm so sorry. I am. " She squeezed Olivia's hand. "I'm here for you no matter what you decide."

"I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I never in a million years thought that this could happen to me. I mean my head tells me this wasn't my fault. But then I keep thinking that if I hadn't put myself in that situation…"

"Olivia, stop. No woman puts herself in that situation. What happened was not your fault. I'm just sorry that you have been holding all of this in. I'm glad you talked to me."

"I am too. Thank you. I mean I can't hide this much longer. I have to tell my boss. I only found out because of the company physical- and he will get the results. I don't have time to think about what I want. If I tell him, then he will do the math..Everyone will know who the father is. I can't work with everyone feeling sorry for me."

"I don't think anyone will feel sorry for you. You have to give people a chance to love you. You've gotten hardened and maybe you don't realize how wonderful your friends can be. I myself respect you that much more…your coworkers are your family. They will support you through this. You are not alone." She paused. "this may be none of my business…but does Elliot know?"

"I can't talk about Elliot." And she knew that she couldn't, even as much as she wanted to. As a partner, she realized that it would be unethical, at the very least, to discuss his private life with anyone. And as his girlfriend…well, she just didn't want to cause anymore stress in his life than what he was going through. Why couldn't this be simple? It would be bad enough for people to realize that she was pregnant; she could handle that. But people might not understand what she and Elliot shared. Imagine if they couldn't be partners anymore…she just couldn't think about that.

"no, he doesn't. He doesn't have to deal with my issues…"

"Olivia, maybe you should give him some credit. I don't know him that well, but I think that it might help if you told him…"

"No, you don't get it. I can't talk about it, with him or anyone else. I don't even know if I'm going to continue with the pregnancy."

"Under these circumstances…"

"you don't know the half of it. I am seeing someone…and I just don't know how he would feel about everything. I can't put him through all of this. I don't even know what kind of mother I would be. Maybe.. I'll be like my mom."

The waiter brought the bill.

"I've got it, Olivia. You just take care of yourself."

Finally Olivia got up the never to ask what she'd really wanted to know. "Would you be able to do DNA testing…"

"I thought that's what you might ask. I'll be glad to help you…but you should know that there are risks. There are a lot of factors that could hurt the baby. It's your choice."

"As my friend, do you think I should go ahead with the tests?"

"Professionally, I have to caution you that there are risks involved…you could lose the baby."

"this is a no-win situation Melinda. This very well could be my only chance to be a mother. It shouldn't have happened this way. If I keep it, I don't know how it will affect my job. I don't know how it will affect me." She sighed.

Either way, I'll lose Elliot. The one person I care about the most is the person who will be hurt the most by the choice I make.