I'm not too sure about this chapter, all this relentless parodying is getting to me a bit. But yeah, more sexy my immortal references in this because I pretty much can't resist – anyone who can spot them gets a virtual cookie.

For the uninformed who don't want their IQ dropping too much (or the informed who just want a lol worthy reminder) here's a summary of it (hopefully the second part will come out soon):

www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?v=SFTQ7_vZlG4

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You know your day is not going to go well when you get woken up by your tent being knocked over by unicorns.

Galinda screamed, Elphaba scowled at the florescent pink sparkly creature with its colour changing mane and its equally annoying owner and wondered whether anything could surprise her anymore.

"Will you watch where you're going?"

Moonlight giggled sexily, "oh sorry ugly ones," she apologised.

"What are you doing with that thing anyway? We aren't even allowed pet cats at Shiz."

"Excuse me!" said Moonlight furiously in her sexy voice, "She's not a thing, this is Fluffles Snuffles Sparkly Silver Dobbin Apples Matilda Dobby Pears Peaches Raspberries Buckbeak My Little Pony Mystery Horn Glowy Glitter Comet Awesomness Bella Smith, she's my secret unicorn soul sister."

"Not much of a secret anymore," Elphaba commented.

Moonlight pointedly ignored her, "and here's her sexy boyfriend, soul mate and true love being ridden by my sexy boyfriend, soul mate and true love!" She pointed to a second unicorn, baring a close resemblance to a black stallion with wings, although it too sparkled.

"Oh please, Fiyero, no," Elphaba muttered.

"I want a unicorn!" Galinda moaned.

Fiyero grinned sexily, "Moonlight's simply the best girlfriend ever! She gave me this wonderful unicorn, his name is Pegasus Hercules Percy Angel Batman Sherlock Yero My Hero Superman Wonder-Woman Winchester Draco Dar'kness Diabolo Slytherin Voldemort Angel Satan Gotham Jonas the Third because he's so brave and I love him so much!" He squeed, hugging the sexy unicorn. Then Moonlight and Fiyero joined hands sexily and flew off on their unicorns into the sunrise leaving Elphaba and Galinda on the ground stunned.

"There is no way that Fiyero in his right mind would ever ride or hug a sparkly unicorn," Elphaba said when she managed to regain her voice.

"It's not fair! Why can't I have a sparkly, flying, pink unicorn?" said Galinda.

"Galinda," Elphaba said firmly, "I may believe in rights for all Animals and respect for all animals but a pink sparkly unicorn is just… unnatural."

"But they sparkle!"

"So does radioactive goo with glitter in." Elphaba said simply, "Now let's get inside so we have time to digest the 'vegan salads' that I'm sure is the only thing the canteen sells."

Of course Elphaba should have been used to being wrong by now.

"We're not serving food here yet," the staff informed her, "we're waiting until the sexy Moonlight gets here so everyone can stare at her sexy beauty while they're eating."

"What if it puts me off my food?"

"Well you're too fat anyway green bean," said an annoyingly sexily tinkering voice happily from behind her.

"What?" said Elphaba, she'd really never been called fat before …but, she looked down at her chest, how had she managed to get so pudgy since Moonlight had arrived? "Well I'd rather have some weight than look like a skeleton any day."

"But fat people are ugly," Moonlight said sexily, "I'm much thinner than you and much more sexy than…"

"Look, if you want to be anorexic…"

"I'm not anorexic!" said Moonlight offendedly!

"Well it certainly looks like it."

Moonlight turned her nose up at Elphaba and said sexily, "I don't think I should bother to listen to someone who thinks she can stage an effective protest by asking the audience to moo with her."

Elphaba looked at Moonlight, confused, "I've never done that."

"Stop lying," Moonlight replied viciously, "next thing you know you'll be saying you never turned into a cartoon character and married a prince."

Elphaba rolled her eyes, "I think I'll pass on breakfast actually, I prefer not to dine with the retarded."

"You're just bitter because you're preps and not sexy like me!" she called at Elphaba and Galinda's retreating back.

The entire hall clapped and roared in agreement, calling out insults as they left the room.

"It's not fair, how come she's sexy and has a unicorn?" whined Galinda.

Elphaba was grateful that none of her lessons that morning had Fiyero and therefore Moonlight in them even if most of the time in said lessons was spent consoling the boys (all or which seemed to have grown six-packs overnight) who were crying sexy manly tears of blood because Moonlight was not in their class. But still, she found out hysterical boys were just as easy to tune out as insulting remarks, so made the most of the time with her head stuck in a book. Galinda seemed also perfectly content comforting them, even if they didn't listen to her, given their new six-packs.

She debated skipping lunch as well to avoid the hypnotised masses and of course Moonlight but in the end her hunger won out. Wishing to save as many books as possible before the library turned into a strip club or something she told Galinda to go on ahead and to try and find her something edible – if she was allowed to eat something without the saintly Moonlight's permission of course. However, by the time she arrived and met up with Nessa, Galinda was still not there.

She came in a few minutes later, face pale and screaming, melodramatically.

"Galinda, what happened?"

She waved her hands erratically, attempting to regain the ability to speak, "Broom closet moving… looked inside… Moonlight… Fiyero… making out keenly… his thingy… her you know what… I feel sick!"

"Eww," said Nessa.

"Yes, 'eww' may just be the right word for this," Elphaba agreed, "honestly, I thought even Fiyero had standards… but then again I can't say I ever thought the same of Moonlight."

When Moonlight and Fiyero finally did enter the room and allow lunch to be served, they were still entwined with rather too many red marks on their necks…

Elphaba rolled her eyes and attempted to distract Galinda before she had a nervous breakdown once again.

Soon afterwards Madame Morrible entered the room for an announcement

"I'd like to announce that this afternoon's lessons are cancelled," she announced, "instead there's going to be a sexy MCR concert in the Emerald City. Free train tickets for all except Moonlight who will take a luxurious private carriage with champagne and a butler and a sexy four poster bed and a hot tub and a ballroom. All the ugly people must go but they have to pay!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes, "No favouritism there at all. And what in Oz is MCR?"

'MCR' it turned out was a 'goffik band' who for some reason had decided to dedicate all their songs to Moonlight. However, Elphaba was unable to hear much as all the 'ugly prepz' had been placed at the back and Moonlight and her followers (including Fiyero and Boq) had deemed squealing "I LOVE YOU GERARD!1!" as much more important than actually listening to the singing.

Suddenly Gerard and the other people on stage pulled off their masks and (Moonlight gasped sexily) were actually…,…,…,…,…,…,…,…,…,…,…,... Darth Vader and the Death Dealers!

Everyone screamed as the death dealers started trying to shoot each other's arms off and some random old guy with Alzheimer's, a headache and wearing Avril Lavigne robes flew in.

"STOP IT!" screamed Moonlight sexily, "I cannot bear anymore fighting. This was how my childhood was spent. You see I lived a happy life until I was six when I was unable to stop my sexy sister eating apple pie which started the apocalypse. Then demons killed all my family and everyone else I ever knew and I had to live by myself fighting them every second of every day of every year until superman and wonder woman rescued me and then they DIED. So from now on I preach only peace, love and Jonas!"

Elphaba's brain had given up even bothering to ask what 'Jonas' was.

Darth Vader and the death dealers cried gothic sexy manly tears at Moonlight's wisdom and at once all became pacifists and Jonas Brothers.

"Thank you Moonlight you are so wise," sobbed Darth Vader (who now called himself Darth Jonas) sexily, "will you have sexy sex with me?"

"Ok," said Moonlight sexily (after all he was a total hottie).

"Slut," Elphaba muttered, "and does Fiyero your soul mate have a problem with this?"

But apparently Fiyero was far too busy cheering Moonlight's sexy peacemaking to care.

"There's something very wrong with Fiyero at the moment – he's easy going but come on not that much."

"At least he has a unicorn!"

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Sexy count:

Chapter 3: 24
Chapter 4: 26
Running total: 100!