Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli had now entered Fangorn Forest. Legolas used his good ol' Elven wisdom to tell his companions that the forest was a.) old b.)full of memory and anger, and c.) that the trees were speaking to each other. Gimli patted Legolas on the back and said, "Of course, sweetie."

Aragorn shook his head and beckoned for his silly willy friends to keep going. After a few minutes, they stopped.

"Dude," Aragorn said, turning around to face his friends. "There is totally a white wizard in here. Don't talk to him. If it's Saruman, as I suspect, he will ruin our reputation for sure...and put a spell on us."

Aragorn placed a hand on the hilt of his sword. Legolas nocked an arrow and Gimli gripped his axe more tightly. A bright white light came closer and closer to them from the distance.

Meanwhile, Bill yawned from Aragorn's nose, stood up, and stretched.

"Hey, Estel, what are we do-?"

"Shh!"

"What, bad time of month?" Bill asked grumpily.

Suddenly-

"Futchwaaa!" Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli yelled simultaneously.

A glowing man was right before them. He deflected Legolas's arrow, knocked away Gimli's ax, and made Aragorn's sword burn, forcing him to drop it.

"Ow!" Aragorn cursed, shaking his hand through the air. "Dammit, next time I'll bring some ovenmitts!"

"Okay," the wizard said, still glowing, "firstly, I'm NOT Saruman, so I fooled you all, which is awesome. Secondly, Merry and Pippin are safe. They are being carried around by my drinking buddy Treebeard."

"Who are you?" Aragorn hissed. The wizard sighed impatiently and the glowing light of coolness vanished.

"Aragorn, it's me, Gandalf," Gandalf said.

There was an awkward silence. Don't you love those? Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli used it to exchange looks with each other, then they burst out laughing, slapping their knees.

"What? What?" Gandalf asked, looking a little flustered.

"But...you're...white!" Legolas giggled.

"Yeah, Gandalf was grey, not white," Gimli grinned. "EVERYONE knows that, silly!"

"Yeah," Gandalf snapped. "And Legolas and Gimli have never been gay! EVERYONE knows that too, 'silly'!"

Legolas and Gimli shut up and Aragorn laughed harder. Tears were leaking from his eyes and he dropped to the ground, rolling around.

"Guys, come on! I'm serious!" Gandalf said impatiently. "I've got loads of stuff to tell you."

Aragorn quit laughing after another ten minutes. (The others all spent that time staring at Aragorn with raised eyebrows.) He sat up and folded his legs Indian style. Legolas sat down the same way and Gimli sat on his lap like a little kid.

Gandalf explained to the three companions that after he fell, he had battled the Balrog and, though he killed it, he died too. He woke up naked in Mirkwood with a bunch of elves bending over him, giggling like hell. He proudly explained to them that he had gotten to change colors because the Istari had decided he was cool enough to move up one whole frickin' color and how he had danced for joy. Then, he explained to them that Theoden looked really weird and that he was indisposed, thanks to Grima Wormtongue. When Aragorn asked what this had to do with them, Gandalf got mad and threw a brick at him. Aragorn fell backwards in pain and lie in the dirt, holding his head. Gandalf giggled. He told them that it was their job to go to Edoras, free Theoden, kick Wormtongue's ass, and help them in a battle against Isengard.

"So, what you're saying..." Gimli said slowly, "is that our exhausting search for Merry and Pippin was pretty much a waste of time?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Gandalf nodded with half a shrug.

Meanwhile, Gollum was leading Frodo and Sam through the Dead Marshes.

"Why are they called the Dead Marshes?" Frodo asked stupidly.

"Gee, could it be because there are a bunch of bodies lying in the water?" Gollum said sardonically.

Frodo stopped and looked into the water. Gollum laughed sourly at him and Sam came over to give Frodo a hug.

"Samuel, get off me!" Frodo snapped. Sam let go of Frodo in surprise.

"Okay, Mr. Frodo, you and I have some things we need to get straight," Sam said sternly. "Firstly, Sam stands for Samwise, not Samuel. Secondly, you used to like it when I gave you hugs. Thirdly, Gollum needs to go. He's bad!"

Frodo blinked. He mouthed, "Samwise?" before saying, "Sam, I think we need to break up, okay?"

Sam opened his mouth in shock. His lip began to tremble and he took a step away from Frodo.

"W-w-w-why?" Sam asked.

"Sam, I'm really sorry," Frodo said sadly. "It's just not working out. I think I would rather we were just friends, all right?"

"Fine," Sam sniffled. "But I still think we should kill Gollum."

"He's showing us the way, Sam."

"Nuh-uh! He is planning on killing us both. I know it. He's a foul, evil little-"

"What are we, invisible?" Gollum exclaimed. "Yous is talking about us as if we wasn't here!"

"Sam, we need him. End of discussion."

The three continued to walk in huffy silence. Frodo was irritated with Sam for mistrusting Gollum. Sam was irritated with Frodo for breaking up with him and not believing him. And Gollum was irritated with-well, everybody because he did not have the Ring.

"We might add," he said stonily, "not to look at the lights."

Ten seconds later:

"Whaaaa!" Frodo exclaimed. He had looked at one of the bodies in the water and the eyes had opened, making him fall face forward into the water after it. He was under the dirty, gross water and looked around in terror. Ghostly things were floating towards him, evil blank eyes glaring at him, white, gnarly hands reaching towards him. He suddenly felt something grab his shoulder and he felt a fresh wave of terror.

It was not a hand grabbing him to kill him, however, but a hand to help him out of the water. Frodo gasped as he broke the surface and was dropped onto the grass. He looked up to see Gollum crouched next to him, glowering at him.

"Is you stupid!" Gollum exclaimed. "We told you, don't look at the lights!"

Treebeard set Merry and Pippin down on the ground gently and told them to sleep there for the night. Merry and Pippin, both exhausted, lay on the earth and watched Treebeard walk away and stand in a comfortable position, closing his eyes. Before they knew it, Merry and Pippin were both asleep.

Pippin woke up the next morning to find Merry doing some jumping jacks.

"Merry? Um...Merry?" Pippin said worriedly. "What the hell are you doing? And where's Treebeard?"

"Excercising," Merry answered breathily. "I have a feeling we're going to be doing a lot of sitting around on various parts of Treebeard while he transports us everywhere and I'd like to stay in shape. And Treebeard went to an ent bar."

"Um, Merry," Pippin said as if what he was saying were obvious, "you've never been in shape in the first place."

Merry stopped doing jumping jacks. "I'm in better shape than you, thank you very much!"

"Nuh-uh!" Pippin replied indignantly. "I'm even taller than you!"

Merry walked up to Pippin. "No, you are n-" Merry stopped and looked at Pippin, who looked mischievious. "How...you were never taller than me!"

"Of course I was," Pippin said smugly, standing up straighter. He picked up a basin that was next to where he had been sleeping and took a sip from it, growing a slight inch. "I mean, you must be what, three-six, three-seven? I'm at least three foot eight." Pippin took another sip. "Three-nine."

"What is that? Where did you get it?" Merry asked sharply. "Give me some!"

Pippin jumped backwards, giggling, taking more sips. Merry chased him and ended up knocking him to the ground. The basin shattered and what looked like water leaked all over the tree roots they lay on. They went to get up, but both of them felt something wrapped around their legs.

"What the-"

Tree roots were wrapped around their chests and pulling them underground.

"Aaaaahhh!" they both screamed as dirt went over their heads. The ent roared psychopathically.

"Away! Away!" they heard a voice above them say somewhat muffled. The tree roots lifted them back above the ground and sank back shyly into the earth. The ent to which they belonged grumbled. Merry and Pippin lifted their faces up to see Treebeard standing there, glaring at the ent that had just tried to eat them.

"Whoa," Merry whispered excitedly. "We almost got eaten by a tree!"

Pippin asked happily, "Can we do that again?"

Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were out of Fangorn Forest now. Gandalf did a really cool whistle and a shiny white horse came galloping gracefully up to them.

"Shadowfax," Gandalf said quietly. "He's the lord of all horses." Gandalf stroked Shadowfax's muzzle and looked at Aragorn. "That means he can tell your horse what to do," he sneered.

"Hasufel," Shadowfax barked, "go get me some hay."

"Screw you!" Hasufel snapped.

They rode to Edoras a few minutes later. Before entering the Golden Hall of Meduseld, they had to give up their weapons. The man asked for Gandalf's staff too.

"You would not part an old man from his walking stick?' Gandalf responded kindly.

"Well, I would," the guard said, "but for some reason today I feel like being nice so go on ahead and go inside." Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli went into hall.

An ugly old man with glassy eyes sat in the throne, an even uglier man with greasy black hair and a pale face stood next to him. A lovely woman with long blonde hair was coming down the stairs, looking sad. She went up to the throne and crouched down to the level of the old man's ear.

"My lord," she whispered, "Theodred is dead." The old man stared ahead of him blankly. "Uncle? Your son is dead. Do you care?" The old man continued to stare blankly. The woman looked up angrily at the really ugly man on the other side of the throne.

"What did you do to him?" she growled.

"Easy, my lady," the greasy-haired man replied. "I have done nothing."

The woman snorted. "Bullshit."

"Ah-my lord, Gandalf is here. Laugh evilly at him."

"Nah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," the old man laughed insanely. "Mra ha ha ha ha ha ha. You have no power here, Gandalf Stormcrow. Ma ha ha ha-"

Gandalf lifted up his grey garments that he had used to disguise his white ones and blinded the man in the throne. Aragorn grabbed the woman by the arm and pulled her over towards him.

"Boys," Gandalf murmured, "I would like to introduce everyone. Aragorn, the woman you are holding onto because you have had no woman contact since you dumped Arwen into the river, is Eowyn."

Eowyn looked up at Aragorn and contracted her eyebrows, not sure that she wanted him holding onto her if he had thrown the last woman he had touched into a river.

"The psychotic man in the throne," Gandalf continued, "is Eowyn's uncle, the King Theoden, but he is being possessed by Saruman because Wormtongue, the ugliest guy you'll ever see in your life, betrayed Rohan and now works for Saruman."

"Dude! Shut up!" Wormtongue yelled, standing up and looking around nervously at the rest of the people in the hall, who were watching this all interestedly.

"RRAAAAHHHHHGGHH!" Theoden/Saruman roared and jumped from the throne, flying towards Gandalf. Gandalf rose his staff and the psycho person went flying backwards. The man commenced to change. The glassiness left his eyes. His unkempt grey hair went slightly shorter and turned blonde. The wrinkles in his skin went away and he looked younger. He looked around confusedly. Eowyn ran up to him and hugged him, smiling. Theoden looked at her curiously and said, "I know your face..."

"I would hope so," Eowyn said happily. "You only raised me for twenty something years!"

Author's note: Well, I hope you liked it. Just so you all know, the part with Merry and Pippin getting taller and getting sucked under the dirt came from the extended version of TTT. I don't know how many of you reading this have seen it so...there you go.