Alternate fic between the Bount filler and the introduction of the Vaizard and Arrancar. No pairing yet determined. Small bit of Hana/Isane this chapter.
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There are some hints to later chapters in the author's notes and Review responses, so please read them.
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Two days of training, meditation and sparring with his fukutaicho had so far come up with the same, consistent result… having his butt kicked.
No matter how hard he tried, or how long he spent chatting to Hisagomaru discussing tactics, he could not surpass Isane or break the power barrier of a 4th seat. He could barely block her swift powerful strikes. Not once did he ever get the advantage in any sort of combat, and his most brutal assault was likened to throwing cookies at a brick and expecting it to burst into flame.
Though his ability to dodge about and 'run like hell' had improved, there was little progress in his combat or strength, much to their dismay. And even with what little agility he gained, it would be of little use against the shuunpo (flash-steps) of his opponents. They soon would have to concede that Hanatarou had reached the limit of what he could gain in what little time was given; be it nothing short of four times his original strength.
But Isane was not ready to concede, not until Hanatarou found his will to fight; the key missing element to his progression, and possibly the only thing between victory and failure…
"You are a stupid shinigami Hanatarou! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" yelled Isane. The two of them confronted face to face, yelling insult after insult at each other, as best as 4th squad members could do. "You can't do anything right!"
"W-w-well your mean Koketsu-san!" stammered Hana, in his best angry expression he could pull. "A very mean, a-a-and cruel… uh… and a very bad-person!"
"SO?" Isane lifted him up by the front of his shirt. "At least I'm not a clumsy little, umm… st-stupid-head!"
"U-uh…" thought Hana, trying to come up with something with a bit more bite than 'bad-person', which was quite hard to do while he had been lifted a clear two feet off the ground. "And you're t-too… uh… t-tall!" He had stuttered out the first thing that came to mind… and it was a mistake.
Before his frightened eyes, Isane's face then crinkled like a tissue up a vacuum cleaner. Her eyes watered and her hands trembled as they gripped him. "I'm… too… t-tall?" and flashbacks of her 'elevated' childhood flew past her eyes.
The name-calling, the overhanging branches, broken unbreakable-plates, having to always sit in the back row. The horrible mental scarring of years of stature discrimination, the intolerance of tallness; ALL back to haunt her again! "GAHHH!" she wailed loudly. "I'M A FREE-EAA-EAAKK-kkk! AAHHGH!" and she dropped him and fell on her knees in tears.
"Kotetsu-san?" he spoke as he fell on his backside. "D-does that mean we have stopped the… uh, 'training'?"
"HANA-KUN THINKS I'M UGLY!" she cried, sniveling and blowing her nose on her sleeve. "I'm like a lumpy faced Giraaaaaffe! Waaaaaaaaaa!"
"Wh-WHAT? I-I-I never said that!" said Hana, panicking on the spot. "Koketsu-san, you're not that ugly… (Isane looses breath for a moment from the shock) I m-m-m-mean! You're NOT ugly! You're NOT ugly! Oh dear…" he whined.
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Oh no! I'm so sorry! Please calm down Kotetsu-san! You're not ugly!"
"But I'm so TAAAAALLLL!" she bawled while Hana ran around like a headless chicken, totally unable to cope.
From behind the hill, Ganju dropped his head dismally. "They are really hopeless at this aren't they?" he sighed. He looked back to his companion. "This is certainly an emergency! Thank you for getting me a pass through the gate Unohana-taicho!"
"You saved me a trip to find you, Ganju-san." Said Unohana, calm as ever. "I think your 'talents' are just what Hanatarou-kun needs to win this fight. You have my complete faith."
"Aw! Now your making me blush!" laughed Ganju smugly at the praise he received. "Well, I think I've done enough watching, so I think I will make my entrance!" and he put his fingers in his mouth and whistled…
Turning his head to the sound, Hana looked up to the hill. Before he could say 'leaping bacon' Bonnie-chan (Ganju's Boar) leapt over the top of the hill, tossing Ganju in the air with a quick shovel of her tusks. "G-GANJU-SAN??"
"HANA! LOOKOUT BELOW! AAAHHHH!" yelled Ganju.
"AAAAAAAEEEEEEEEIIIII!"
Unable to alter his trajectory he landed right on top of the poor Yamada-san, followed by a belly flop from Bonnie-chan. "OW!"
After overcoming the initial shock of watching a large man and boar fall ontop of her comrade, Isane, quickly began excavating the bodies "H-hanatarou-kun! Are you alright?" she asked, hurling Bonnie and Ganju over her shoulder.
"I… feel… flat…" said Hanatarou, at the center of a boar shaped imprint in the grass.
"You better stay still for a while I make a diagnostic." Said Isane, fetching her medical gear. "Just incase you broke something or… GANJU!"
"What?" asked the youngest of the Shiba-clan, as he gently kicked Hanatarou back on his feet.
"Y-you don't just do that to someone after being flattened!" spluttered Isane. "AH! What are you doing now?"
"Punching him for flinching." Said Ganju casually.
"GAH! Leave him alone!" snapped Isane, pulling the sore Hana away into her arms like a baby. "You're meant to punch on the shoulder anyway for that sort of thing, not the stomach!"
"Ha! Those sort of punches aren't going to kill him!" said Ganju, shaking his head. "You really are underestimating Hana's strength. Do you think he's been doing all that training, just to fail after I and Bonnie-chan greet him with a hug?"
"A HUG? That wasn't a hug! That was a blatant aerial bombardment!" hissed Isane, shielding her Hana from the intruder. "And do you mind? We are training here! This area is off limits to others!"
"Not me!" smiled Ganju. "Things are going to be a lot different here now! So get ready Hana!" the courageous and fierce gleam in his eyes making Hanatarou feel like half cheering and half screaming. "I am your new trainer!"
"WHAT?" yelled Isane.
"Wh-what?" yelped Hana.
"The time for laughs and fun is over now Yamada Hanatarou!" continued Ganju. "You are getting Spartan level SHIBA training now! The beating and yelling from my sister that made me what I am today! By the time I'm through, you will have the spirit of battle at your fingertips! So roll up your sleeves and give me your best manly, 'RAAAAHHHH'!"
"Eeeeeeeee!" squeaked Hana, frightened.
"Are you insane?" asked Isane.
"We have work to do…" sighed Ganju. "A lot of work to do…"
…
"Matsumoto…" sighed Hitsugaya Toshiro. "For the very last time, I will NOT sign the pardon Hanatarou pact!"
"But taichooo!" cooed his voluptuous lieutenant. "This pact is from the Shinigami Women's Association! If you sign this, think of all the fangirls you'll gain for protecting poor Hana! Think of the subtle Yaoi you'll bring to the scene!"
"All the MORE reason not to sign it, BAKA!" snapped the irate Toshiro, chasing her from his side with a wave of his calligraphy brush. "Anyway, it's considered treason for any captain participating in an upcoming trial to help him. Do you want me to get into trouble?"
"Y-… No." said Matsumoto, flashing a bright smile.
"There was a hesitation..." noted Toshiro angrily. "And shouldn't you be doing work?"
"Oh! There's Unohana-taicho! I have to show her the list! Bye!" said Matsumoto in less than two seconds, and rushed out the door.
"MATSUMOTO!"
…
"Unohana-taicho!" rushed up Matsumoto to Unohana's side. "How is Hana-chan doing?"
"He is improving with great pace." Said Unohana. "And now the Shiba clan have also joined in to help him. Things are looking up." Unohana said this in her normal quiet tone, but something infinitesimally wrong caught Matsumoto's eye…
"Umm… are you okay Retsu-san?" asked Rangiku, looking carefully at her face.
"I'm fine Rangiku-san." Smiled Unohana "I feel very-"
"You're lying." Deadpanned Rangiku and a shadow of depression heaved itself on the captain. "Why aren't you training Hanatarou-san yourself? Isn't that what you want to do…? Unohana Taicho?"
"I…" said Unohana, her eyes saddened. "I have things to do… Thank you for the list." And she left.
"Retsu-san…?" contemplated Matsumoto. "Why are you avoiding Hanatarou-kun…" She sensed a presence and giggled silently, and then she turned around with an angry face. "This is all YOUR fault Taicho!"
"Wh-what?" stuttered Toshiro, standing up from his hiding place in a bush. "How did you know I was h-… I-I mean, what do you mean 'MY fault'?"
"You didn't sign the pact, so you upset Unohana-taicho! Now she hates you!"
"What? No! I-I'm not allowed to sign!" sweated Toshiro, who knew better than to mess with a woman all other captains didn't dare to cross. He began walking around in circles and tugging his hair. "Is she really mad at me? No! I-I didn't mean to… I-I-I…"
"You know," said Matsumoto thoughtfully. "I heard the last person who Retsu-chan hated died a swift and painless death, he didn't even notice until he was at heaven's gate. So if you think about it, it's not really too bad…"
"ACK! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"
"Nothing that you can do…" said Rangiku slyly. "But if a certain kind and generous lieutenant was to speak in your place, then just maybe…?"
Toshiro stopped sobbing. He looked up to Matsumoto, to her cunning grin, and gave her an evil eye and threw his arms down in defeat. "Fine you pirate! Name your terms…" he sighed, folding his arms. He is bowled over by a bundle of paperwork.
…
With a deep breath, Ganju held up his mega-speaker to Hana's ear. "WAKE UP!"
Hanatarou wakes up with a scream "Eee! Training!" and he rushes to put on his robes.
"FOUR SECONDS OR YOU FAIL!"
For two seconds Hanatarou looked back and forth from his robes to the door, and in the other two seconds, jumps out to the street in his bunny pyjamas. With the 'Rocky' theme playing in the background, Ganju began his series of gymnastic torture as they raced a gauntlet around the small town some miles from Seireitei.
The trio had begun a trek back to Kukaku house via boar, with Isane tagging along to make sure Hanatarou wasn't killed before the actual trials began. Now they trained at a village they had camped at for the night. They had six days left to train, five if you deducted the time it would take to race back to Seireitei to make it to the battle; or else he would lose by default.
As it was, Hana was barely getting through one hour without at least two major healing sessions from Isane. From wrestling logs while on a boar going down a hill, to wrestling on a log with a boar going uphill, Ganju never ceased to amaze Isane on how insanely purposeless his methods were, matched only by how spectacularly he could make Hanatarou fail at each task.
Though she didn't know why, she felt she could not completely loose faith in Ganju; probably because Unohana had recommended him so highly. But by evening, her temper and patience was at an end…
"Now hold still Hana-kun. This will sting," Warned Isane. Hanatarou clenched his teeth and braced himself as the branch was extracted. A silent scream escaped his lips before Isane began to patch him up again.
"Well, we should reach home by nightfall." Grinned Ganju, surveying the land. "You up for more javelin sparring Hana?" He is soon surveying the dirt as he is clouted by lieutenant Kotetsu.
"YOU MORON! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO HANATAROU-KUN?" barked Isane, her usual timid self blasted away from hours of viewing Channel Sadism, with host Shiba Ganju. "I've never removed so many KNIVES from a person's ARMPIT on the SAME DAY!"
"Well, that one was definitely an accident." Admitted Ganju, spitting out dust and small rocks. He gets another taste as Isane began to step on his head.
"Ah! P-please stop Isane-sempai!" pleaded Hanatarou after recovering from a brief faint. He quickly tugged the enraged woman from murdering his trainer. "Ganju's my friend!"
"Hanatarou-kun; friends do not do this to each other!" said Isane and she held up two bottles of his blood she had managed to save. She drew her sword at Ganju and waved it like a deranged serial killer "I am not going to watch you get tortured again! This lunatic is going to kill you if you keep letting him treat you like a dog fetching a stick over cliff!"
"B-b-but I did manage to catch it in the end, didn't I?"
"Th-that's not the point!" snapped Isane, shaking her head. "Hana! Please! Can't you see what he is doing to you is completely pointless?" she begged.
"I-I…" stammed Hanatarou, looking from both his trainers in confusion and doubt. "I just can n-not accept Ganju's help. He is my best friend outside Soul Society, and I do not think at all that he would do anything to really harm me!"
"Of course not!" said Ganju, getting up and dusting his tongue. "The Shiba-training method is the best! Hana, you have really shown how resilient you really are. I knew you could pass these tests, I'm in complete control of the situation."
Isane stood gob-smacked for a few seconds before her face boiled again. "You? YOU?" she seethed. "If it wasn't for me, Hana would have died before you even got to the onion fireball! What would you have done if I wasn't around here to heal Hanatarou after each of your death-trap training sessions? Tell me!"
"Well…" shrugged Ganju, not very intimidated by the tall shinigami. "I probably would have stopped training him and let him rest." (Isane collapsed) "But seeing as you kept bringing him back to tip top condition, I thought I might as well take advantage of it and go through the whole course… plus a little extr-" and he is abruptly thrown at a rock.
"Ah! Please stop!" pleaded Hana, unable to get a word in edgewise. "P-please stop fighting Ganju-san, Kotetsu-sa-"
"Hanatarou!" spoke Isane sternly, picking up her things.
"I-isane-san?" he gulped.
"I'm going back to Seireitei," she said, making Hanatarou blink. "I have no faith whatsoever in this 'Shiba-training' so I'm going back to our division and I want you to come with me." And she passed him his knapsack. "On the way and when we get back, we can continue training the proper way, the safe way."
"B-but Unohana-taicho said we should…"
"Hanatarou-kun!" cried Isane, finally letting some tears of fear for her friend. "I don't care what taicho thinks about Ganju or Kukaku or about all that! I don't want you to get hurt again, and that's all I've seen happen to you all day!" and still crying, she laid hands on his shoulders. "Please! Come back to Seireitei with me! I don't trust these people!"
Hanatarou sort of had a momentary overload of emotion as his superior showed her concern for him. 'Kotetsu-san…' Without a word, as if guided by instinct, he began to move closer to her to comfort her in her sadness, but Ganju interrupted.
"Hana, she is right. We cannot go on together." Said Ganju, bruised but still sturdy, making the other two turn their attention to him. "Isane is too soft on you, and you know it, but in her judgment I am too harsh." He said, summing up the situation, and in Isane's view the wisest thing he had done all day. "Kotetsu-san, you know very well that Hana can do little more advancement under your care, but I am offering a chance for him to actually surpass what is expected of him. If you take him back, he may advance a little, but I believe, as well as your captain, that only by this way under Shiba supervision can he double again his chances of passing the trial."
"And what have you got to show so far for all this?" argued Isane grimly, sniffling away her tears. "This isn't training, this is butchery!"
"THEN JUST WATCH HIM GET BUTCHERED AT THE TRIAL!" barked back Ganju, silencing her. He looked back to Hanatarou. "Hana! Kotetsu-san cares for you, but how sad do you think she's going to get if you die in the trial? If you really want to help yourself, and Kotetsu-san, you WILL win this fight and you WILL get stronger to do so. You have to choose between us; back to Seireitei or onwards to Kukaku House..." Isane and Ganju waited for his decision.
Poor Hanatarou…
He was in a pickle. He had hardly played a part in the argument, but now he had a whopper of a choice to make. 'Oh why, oh why did I have to cause so much trouble?' he berated himself as he looked to his two friends. 'I don't want to create trouble for my friends, b-but what can I do? Kotetsu-sempai wants to help protect me, but Ganju wants me to protect her by learning how to defend for myself. Oh! What would Rikichi-san do? What would Ichigo-san do…? What would Unohana-taicho do…?'
However, it was practically over in his mind; he just didn't want to hurt anyone by his choice…
"Kotetsu-sempai…" he said quietly, and Isane smiled hopefully, but it was cast down as he continued. "I don't want to see you cry at the trial… I must train harder! I will go on with Ganju to get stronger so I will not loose and you will not worry for me anymore!" and he turned away from her with tear clotted eyes. "I'm sorry!"
Ganju looked on to Hanatarou thoughtfully…
"Ha-hana-kun…" stammered Isane, unsure what to say as her heart didn't know which way to bounce. She felt she could not bare to see him hurt anymore, but she also knew it was selfish and wrong of her to stop him from doing what needed to be done to better himself. The dawning of a realization crept in the back of her mind; she was pulling him down. She wasn't letting go. "P-please won't you re-consider g-"
"No." shook Hana, unable to look her straight in the face "No… I can't. Please… Please go home…" Isane reached for him, but he shrugged her off and walked on away.
Turning away before she broke down, Isane wept as she began to run back to Seireitei alone…
'I guess it's time for the final test now…' sighed Ganju. With bitter resentment for himself, but knowing what needed to be done, Ganju went beside Hanatarou and patted him on the back in congratulation. "Good job Hana!" he said in his most cheerful tone he could pull. "We lost that annoying bitch…"
Yamada stopped.
…
Isane looked on bewildered as she saw Ganju's limp and battered body fly past her.
…
"So you see…" said mummy bandaged Ganju, as they carried him on a stretcher to Kukaku House, the arms of which were now in plain sight. "I did all this just so I could get Hana to find courage enough to reject you Kotetsu-san, as well as enough killing intent to actually, by definition, kill me for three minutes. My plan to bring out your stronger side was a success. Ha-ha! We'll get you through this task for sure!" he grinned and gave his best thumbs up he could manage.
Hana was still crying tears of mixed joy, but they were able to make out a couple of jibbered 'thankyou's and 'Ganju, you are so clever's between his sobs. Isane was just silent, in wonder at Ganju's apparent psychological intelligence, or lack thereof. Together, as friends, they entered Kukaku House…
…
"Well, I've seen him in worse condition." Sighed Kukaku Shiba, puffing out a smoke ring as she checked on her sibling. "Thanks for looking after him Shinigami, he's such a bother of a brother."
"Ah, it was a… um, pleasure?" Replied Isane, not sure how to reply to such a bizarre woman.
Kukaku scratched her armpit and yawned. "Eh, so we better get down to business then?" and she had Ganju tossed into his room. She inspected Isane with a lopsided glance "So you are going to go through the trials? Well, being a lieutenant helps, but it still isn't much better than if you were anything BUT captain level…"
"O-oh no! I'm not going to be on trial." Said Isane, realizing the mistake. "My subordinate, 7th seat Yamada Hanatarou will be on trial."
"Eh? And where is he?" asked Kukaku, looking around. "He must be pretty small."
"Oh , he was just washing up after some, er… sparring matches." Said Isane, though she knew he was just washing his soppy face. She heard the familiar sound of his panicked steps down the hall. "In fact, I think that is him right now."
'I wonder what poor twerp it is this time…?' sighed Kukaku, lighting her pipe again.
"Sumimasen!" panted Hanatarou, stepping inside quickly. He slid beside his lieutenant and bowed in greeting before Kukaku. "I got lost in the house. I-it is a pleasure to meet you Kukaku-sempai. It is an honor to be instructed by Ganju's famous sister. Please teach me the ways to become stronger."
Isane nodded at Hanatarou's correct formal procedure and looked back to Kukaku to see her reaction. However, all she saw was Kukaku, frozen in her lighting motion with eyes wide open at young Yamada-kun. Her pipe rested from where it had just plopped out from her mouth. Unsure what was going on, and noticing Hanatarou's growing anxiety in the awkward silence (as well as the fact he had bowed so hard he had planted his face into the floor), she coughed to address Kukaku. "Ahem, Kukaku-san?"
"Bishi…" replied Kukaku absent mindedly.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that Kukakusan? Replied Isane, who did not believe she heard hat she had actually said, though she did.
"Wh-what? Oh!" and Kukaku regained the motion of the present. "S-so Hanatarou-chan wants training from me? It would be my pleasure to teach him the ways to my heart..-kido." She quickly added.
"H-heart kido?" asked Isane, with a puzzled look. (She was in fact still gtrying to figure out why she had suddenly reffered Hanatarou as 'chan' so quickly)
"I-I-I meant hot-kido, as in my fire kido!" recovered Kukaku, getting her legs into a more dignifies sitting position than her usual squat. She did a little flame in her palm as evidence. "That's what I meant! Hot like fire and like a, uh, a burning of a brave heart. Yes! Yes, that's what I was meant to say!"
"W-well, I'm not sure if he's capable of anything apart from healing kido…" said Isane with doubt. "That is why he is in the 4th division-"
"Well, we'll never know if we do not try will we?" continued Kukaku, blushing as she finally began to realize just how 'informal' and breezy her attire was. "We will begin tomorrow as the sun rises over the quiet hills and the birds sing sweetly in the trees…" (Awkward silence from Isane and Hanatarou) "B-by that I meant dawn. Heh-heh!" giggled Kukaku in the cutest way she could manage with her cigarette charred larynx.
"Th-th-thankyou so very much Kukaku-sempai!" sighed Hanatarou in relief and gladness. He looked up at her making Kukaku hold her breath. "I will do my best to prove how worthy I am to be under your guidance a-a-and be completely obedient as your student in whatever you ask of me."
Kukaku bowed and said goodnight as Isane and Hanatarou took their leave.
"Well, I think she seemed very nice, Kotetsu-san!" Said Hanataou optimistically. A light spring was in his steps as they followed the servants to their respected quarters. "Ganju was completely wrong about her. She isn't nasty or horrible like he said she was."
"S-still,I think you should be careful Hanatarou-kun." Said Isane, he female instincts going haywire, though the instinct was new and alien to her experience. "After you told her you would submit as a student, I think I saw her drooling…"
"Hmm. She might have been hungry or something." Said innocent Hanatarou.
Needless to say, Isane kept her ears open all through the night.
…
"Argh!" growled Kukaku, frustrated at herself. "I can't believe I met him dressed like this!" she hissed, chucking skimpy dress after skimpier dress out as her servants filed through her wardrobe. "I must have looked like some dirty prostitute!"
"You always dress like that." Commented Ganju from the next room. He is abruptly knocked out cold by a samurai suit.
"Carefully! Careful please Kukaku-sama! Don't stress out!" urged her two similar looking man servants as she ploughed through ancient chests of glamorous fabrics and ribbons. "It's very late at night and you have been doing this for four hours now! You need rest!"
"No! No! No!" shook Kukaku, strapping on one of her more ornate and beautiful jade prosthetic arms. "I must look like a princess instead of a homicidal bull-dike if anything is going to go right! Everything must be perfect for tomorrow, the music, the food, the atmosphere; if I am going to make Hanatarou-chan my husband, and the next head of the Shiba Clan!" (Gasp, shock from the servants) "Tomorrow I'm not only training him, I'm going to be COURTING him!"
…
Author's Notes: Well, that was a mouthful! I feel I may have ended the Ganju-training a bit abruptly, but this all had to happen in one day, remember, and now we have the stage set for the next contender for Hana's attention! Please tell me if you think I'm beginning to get out of character with anyone (with perhaps the exception of Kukaku who needs to be infatuated for plot reasons) or if I'm just getting boring.
Hana still needs one more technique before he can face his three opponents. Just one more chapter of training/courtship/intervention and we will begin THE FIRST TRIAL! GWAHAHA!
To Greenzaku: Thanks for that! I plan on making Byakuya one of the key drama elements in the story. His pride in Soul Society clashes so well against the clumsy Hanatarou.
For ALL those who are interested in Hanatarou's Bankai, you can check out one of my fellow Kaizer's fan-art inspired by my story. Just type in 'Hanatarou' and 'Bankai', it should be easy to spot. And, no, I will not be using his final idea in the story.