"Oh gosh, that's horrible! I would never imagine- why would-I can't believe Remus would do something like that!" Charlie and I were walking through Hogsmeade the next day, when I told her what happened in the common room last night.
"Yeah, and the worst part is now James knows that I still have feelings for him, and I just lost another trustworthy friend."
"Well you still have me, and I wont ever do anything like that to you." I smiled at Charlie's reply, as we walked into the Three Broomsticks.
"Oh great, look who's here," I pointed James out to Charlie as he and I made ye contact.
"Wow, this boy is desperate!" Charlie whispered to me, before James reached our table. We were giggling slightly when he sat down next to me. I automatically tensed up, and stared at Charlie wide-eyed.
"Lily, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, what Remus did is all my fault, I made him do it, and I'm taking all the blame. Remus is a trust-worthy guy, and I would hate to see your friendship ruined because of me," and before he left, he leaned in closer and whispered in my ear, "I still love you- I've never stopped." If my eyes were bulging out of my head before, it was nothing compared to how they were no. I was totally unprepared for that, and there was no way that I could have predicted what James just said to me.
"Lily, Lily! What did he say?" Charlie was leaning across the table, waving her hand in my face, while I zoned out, all my fond memories with James came rushing back to me: sitting next to the lake watching the sunset, cuddling in front of the fire late at night, and then Charlie snapped me out of my daydream.
"Lily! Gosh, Lily, are you going to zone out all day?"
"He said he loved me- he still loves me," I could hear not emotion in my own voice, and I sat for a moment, numb, feeling nothing, and looking out the window.
"Lily, are you okay? Lily?"
"What am I going to do now?" I asked rhetorically, as I put my head in my hands.
"Oh Lily,"
"But seriously? He's broken me once before, how am I supposed to give him my trust again, and yet, now that he knows I still love him, he probably figures I'll come right back to him,"
"I doubt it, he's not an idiot either, you know, and he does have experience with girls."
"Yeah, I guess,"
"And besides, if he does expect that, he's such a bloody moron that he doesn't deserve your love, and Lily, you wouldn't love any guy that wasn't worth loving."
"Thanks, Charlie."
The rest of our day in Hogsmeade was uneventful, besides a few encounters with James and Remus. James seemed perfectly unaffected as if he didn't care whether I loved him back or not, he would still love me. I, on the other hand, was an emotional wreck. I was second-guessing all of my feelings, and all of my memories. Did I really see what I thought I saw that night I caught James cheating on me? Or did he figure I knew that Jane-and every girl he dated after me-meant nothing. Did he honestly expect me to come right back to him after I found out she still loved me? Would I go back to him? Why did I have to tell Remus my true feelings? I dug my own grave by doing that, and I really did feel like I was going to die, of heartbreak and embarrassment.
Because I was such an emotional wreck, I convinced Charlie to let me stay in her dorm for the night. There was no one else in either of our dorms since it was already winter break.. So luckily for me, Jane wasn't around.
"Mmmm…thanks for letting me stay here, Charlie," I mumbled before I fell fast asleep. I felt very lucky to have a best friend like Charlie to look after me and help me. If I didn't have her, gosh, I'd be lost.
"Lily…..Lily! Wake up! We're going to be late for breakfast."
"Hmmm? Oh, what? What's the matter? Where's the fire?" I felt so groggy when Charlie woke me up the next morning, like I just came out of a dream or something. Well, actually I did, and it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. And suddenly, I painfully remembered it: I was standing near the Whomping Willow, and a werewolf came after me, and James jumped in front of me so that the werewolf tore him to bits, not me, and for some odd reason, Snape and Sirius were arguing not so far away. What could that possibly mean? It was sending shivers up and down my spine as we walked down to breakfast.
When we walked up the staircase that adjoined the Great Hall, the sight we saw was practically unbearable for me. Dumbledore was bringing James into the castle, and it seemed he was dead at my first glance, but Charlie said something the extent of "man, he's out cold," (so that assured me he wasn't dead) or maybe she didn't. I don't know, I was half-asleep still, watching the person I loved being taken inside on a stretcher. I really wasn't paying attention to what Charlie was or wasn't saying.
After Dumbledore, McGonagall was in front of Sirius and Snape, screaming at them. They had no apparent injuries, except they both looked terribly ruffled.
I looked at James again, thinking to myself, "What if he dies? Would you ever be able to live after that, or would you die too, because he'd leave a big, gaping hole in your heart?"
"Lily, come on, let's go," Charlie pulled on my arm, snapping me back to reality. And the first think I saw again, was James's cut up, pale face. That image would haunt me for a long, long time.
"Where are we going?" I asked as soon as I realized that Charlie was practically dragging me up the stairs.
"Away from here," was her only reply to my question.
I didn't even realize where we were, until we walked through the portrait hole, into the Gryffindor common room.
"Why are we here?"
"To get some answers," I was shocked at the coldness in her voice. I guess she was jus as scared and dazed as me, and maybe even worse because she was probably terribly worried about me, too.
"Remus!" I ran up to Remus when I realized he was standing not too far away from us, with his back to the portrait hole.
"Lily?" He turned around when I called his name, smiled and pulled me into a hug.
"Remus, what's the matter? You're hugging me like you thought you'd never see me again," Remus's smile vanished when I said that, and he had a look of concern in his eyes.
"You-you don't remember what happened last night?" Now it was my turn to erase the smile right off my face.
"No…what happened last night?" Remus didn't answer my question, instead he looked over my shoulder at Charlie and asked,
"Why doesn't she remember?"