Chapter 4: Yearning
(Thanks so much to everyone reading and supporting this story! :) My gratitude to Sariniste (Ah, what won't happen! These two are positively igniting. I am really, really enjoying writing them together.), Sairakanzaki (You bet! This is a fun and interesting love story to write. I am liking this pairing more by the moment), Charlene Heo (Yes, sorry about the wait. Just have a lotof irons in the fire, but I will try to get another update to you soon! Thanks so much for the enthusiastic support!), Kyuumihaira (It's interesting to me to try to figure out who and what is more dangerous, the love affair being reignited or the scary things they are facing! lol), PhreshxxxBear (Well then, you shall have more!), Ankh (All right, I will start on the next chapter quickly. Thanks for the support!), SBNO (You got it, kiddo!), Aimee (Sure thing! I'm loving them too!), and nyone I missed due to the ff troubles over the past few weeks. Love you all! Thanks for reading!)
"Are you feeling all right?" Aizen asked, startling Gin with the first words he had spoken since they had entered the precipice world, "You look rather paler than usual, my treacherous, former love."
"And you wouldn't want me to die too soon, denying you entry into the royal realm, ne?" Gin sighed, rubbing his hands over his too warm face and shivering inwardly, "But, don't worry, I'm fine. I could use some rest, but it can wait until we get out of here. I don't like this place."
"Too many frightening memories to haunt you?" Aizen asked, smirking, "like watching me destroy the cleaner and seeing just how horrible my powers had become?"
"It is cold," Gin said blithely, "Snakes prefer warm places."
"Of course. That is why so many prefer the fires of hell to the coolness of the heavenly region."
"Are you trying to frighten me?"
"Are you frightened?"
"No," Gin said, looking away, "I know you still need me, so I do not fear what you will do. You are too smart to kill me too soon."
"And you figure that between now and when you become useless to me again, you will find a way to convince me not to destroy you?"
"No. I don't care if you destroy me."
Aizen blinked slowly.
"Nothing you could do to me would rival what the soul king would do if he knew I was still alive. You see, Sousuke, he already knew I was a threat. That is why he set us up to kill each other."
"You tried to kill me because of what I did to Rangiku. It was personal, Gin. No one had a hand in what we did, but the two of us. I hurt her, you tried to kill me for it and I tried to kill you."
Gin looked him in the eyes, debating whether or not to tell the man more of what he knew.
"What is that look, Gin?" Aizen mused, "You look torn. But I can make it easy for you and torture you until you tell me what you are holding back."
"Go ahead and torture me," Gin said quietly, "I am not afraid of you."
He continued to stand quietly where he was as Aizen drew his weapon, gazed at it silently for a moment, then swung it at the silver-haired man. He stared in surprise as Kyouka Suigetsu manifested and crossed his sword with Aizen's, stopping him short of striking and killing his former lover. Gin gazed into his eyes solemnly.
"Sousuke, Kyouka Suigetsu and the hougyoku both know that my heart wasn't in killing you. I wanted back what you stole from Rangiku. That is all. When I struck at you, I was conflicted. You wouldn't have died, even if not for the hougyoku. The attack would have failed because I was..."
He paused, closing his eyes and swallowing hard.
"Because I was in love with you. I hated what you had done to her, and I wondered, why her? I struck at your heart, Sousuke, because you struck at mine. But before I could take aim, I fell in love with you. That last night, all I wanted was to ask you for what you had taken from her. I would have forgiven you and remained true to you if you had just offered me that much. And if you knew I wanted to kill you, you had to know why. It would have been simple for you. But you wanted me to hate you. You wanted me to turn on you. It was a part of your own plan for me to betray you!"
"You say I wanted you to betray me?" Aizen repeated quietly, sheathing his weapon and beginning to walk again, "Why would you think that?"
"It's clear enough. You took me to your side. You kept me close by, and unlike others, you protected me to make sure that I did not die before the trip to make the key."
"Yes. But...I only took that route because I knew what a snake you were. You murdered that third seat."
"He was weak and he stood between us. To get close to you, I had to prove myself. I will not apologize for getting my hands dirty to gain your trust."
"And you walked at my side, knowing all along that you would try to kill me. What amuses me is that if you had tried, there were several times when you might have been able to overcome me. Yet you waited until that day, and thus, lost your opportunities without realizing."
"You are right about that," Gin confessed, "I did underestimate you. I did not think that you would be so reckless as to fuse with the hougyoku and I was not aware that doing so would make you immortal."
"Yes," Aizen said, smirking, "I was careful not to let on about anything I thought you might be able to use against me. You thought that the only important secret you needed to know was how to counter the effects of my Kyouka Suigetsu. But you found out just how simplistic that expectation was."
"Yes," Gin agreed, going quiet as they reached the designated exit.
"What is it, Gin?" Aizen asked, studying him curiously, "You look rather spooked. Odd...you seemed so fearless before."
"Because you have no reason to kill me right now, and every reason to keep me alive," Gin answered, opening the doorway into one of the pocket dimensions, "This dimension is full of things that only mean to kill. And while you enjoy immortality, I do not. Yes, this, I do fear."
"Well, don't worry, little snake," Aizen said, curling an arm around him, "I will make sure you stay alive until we reach our destination. Just stay close to me and you will live...at least until I kill you."
Gin sighed softly in resignation, taking up a position alongside his former lover as they passed into the pocket dimension.
"We must walk north for several days, allowing the hougyoku to sense the path for us. As I am nearly powerless, you and Kyouka Suigetsu must use your powers to protect us. When we sleep, we will need to use a reiatsu cage. When we reach the crossover point, the key..."
"That is to say, you," Aizen added.
"Yes. I will resonate with the entrance and we will be able to pass through into the royal realm. But be aware, there are powerful creatures that inhabit this place, acting as guardians of that doorway. They will go to any lengths to stop us, and many of them have very odd and dangerous abilities."
Aizen nodded briefly, flash stepping through the doorway and landing lightly on the path. He looked around for a moment, studying the light fog that hung in the chill air around them. The hougyoku pulsed softly inside his chest, indicating the path ahead of them. Gin joined him on the path, walking silently at his right side, through the cloying mist.
As they walked, their footsteps made soft sounds on the trail, The trickle of running water reached their ears and the thickening mist seemed to emit a soft hiss. Gin's blue eyes opened wider to study their surroundings, and he sucked in a surprised breath as an odd vision appeared in the foggy air in front of him.
"Gin! Gin, where are you? Gin?
"R-rangiku?" he whispered, certain the vision couldn't be real.
But, the next moment, she appeared in front of him, the short-haired waif he had found collapsed and in need of food.
"Where have you been? The festival is about to start. Come Gin, there is free food, drink and dancing! Come on!"
"This...this isn't real," he mused.
But he breathed in deeper and tried to clear his eyes and only found that he was back in the Rukongai. Rangiku's hand took hold of his, tugging and leading him on, away from where he had been watching Aizen and his followers collect pieces of people's souls.
"This...this can't be right," he mused softly, as the festival came into view, "What happened to me? I was on the trail with Sousuke. I know I was."
He reeled inside as Rangiku dragged him to a table laden with food and they ate to their heart's content, then she took his hands and led him to the area roped off for dancing. Ragiku's laugh tinkled in his ears and he felt her arms wrap around him as the spun and turned together. He could almost forget, then, that he wasn't where he had thought he was. So entranced by the memory, he sank deeper into it, fixing his eyes on Rangiku's smiling face and remembering.
But suddenly, the vision that had been so strong all around him flickered strangely and Gin thought he could hear another voice, a much darker and more dangerous voice calling to him.
"S-sousuke?" he whispered, feeling a chill run down his spine as he saw that he wasn't even standing, but was lying down, and his body had nearly been engulfed by the thick, white fog.
"Gin!" Aizen voice called again, and the illusion around him broke apart completely.
Gin felt as though a thousand knives had cut into his body from every conceivable direction and loosed a scream of terror from deep in his chest. Instantly, strong arms wrapped around him, holding him still while something was brought to his lips and Sousuke's deep voice sounded in his ear, telling him to swallow. He choked and coughed as something bitter and thick ran down his throat, then dizziness roared through him again, leaving him senseless and completely vulnerable in the arms of the man who would have liked nothing more than to kill him.
Gin couldn't move, not even to acknowledge the other man's presence. He was stricken with how warm Aizen's hands and arms felt where they touched him, and how deathly cold he felt all of the way through. Shivering, he found strength enough to burrow closer to Aizen, forgetting for a moment that the man wanted him dead and just feeling that their bodies were close together.
We spent so many nights in each others' arms while waiting for things to play out. I loved the way his arms felt...loving, but deadly. Yes, I actually enjoyed that feeling of being on the precipice with him. And here we are again.
I wonder what happened to me.
"Sousuke?" he mumbled thickly.
He felt the body he was curled up against move and then warm breath touched his cheek.
"He feels warmer now," Aizen's voice said quietly, "I think the worst is over."
"Very well, then," said Kyouka Suigetsu's calm voice, "I will leave you now."
"What happened?" Gin whispered, breathing in Aizen's warm, familiar scent, "The last thing I remember is starting down the trail."
He opened his eye wider and noted that they now laid in a cluster of rocks above the heavily misted forest.
"The fog is a hallucinogen," Aizen explained, "It overcame you and you began to lose yourself in visions. There were malevolent spirits waiting in the trees, watching to see when you collapsed. They would have eaten you, I suppose."
"But you...?"
Aizen smiled wickedly.
"I would have been happy to watch you succumb and be devoured before my eyes, but Kyouka Suigetsu reminded me that we need you."
"Ah..."
But that wasn't what was in the hands that touched me, or the voice I heard.
Do you still feel something besides killing rage for me, Sousuke? Could it be that there is still a shred of hope for us?
He felt a gentle throbbing in his belly and sensed the continued presence of the soul he carried.
You may still hate me, but right now you are holding everything you once told me you wanted. Even still aimed at kingly greatness, you still want something so very simple that is right here with you. I won't hope that you will choose this. I won't fall for the dream of us living happily ever after. To do that would only end in my death, I know. But for now, while we are like this, I will dream, Sousuke.
If I ever had a family, I would have wanted it to be with you.
"What are you thinking?" Aizen said, touching his face lightly and making their eyes meet in the early morning darkness, "That was such a soulful look you wore just now. Were you thinking of something sad?"
"It was nothing," Gin sighed, closing his eyes and nuzzling closer to Aizen's warm body.
"Hmmm."
Aizen went quiet again, watching as Gin drifted off to sleep. And despite the flickers of anger that still registered when he thought of the silver-haired man's betrayal, he had to admit, in the privacy of his own mind, that he hadn't enjoyed seeing Gin hurt and nearly dying. Where he would have thought that such a sight would be pleasing, it had been like he felt the evil fog ravaging his own body.
I have never seen terror in Gin's eyes before, not even when I struck the blow that should have killed him. Always cool and methodical, whether playing out one of his schemes or taking the blow that would end his life, he did everything quietly and with surprising calm.
I never heard him scream like that before, not even when he was at my feet and dying. And when he made that sound, it was like it had come from my own lungs. And even if Kyouka Suigetsu hadn't manifested and pleaded with me to save him, I...
He looked solemnly at Gin's handsome, sleeping face, wondering if he could make himself kill the silver-haired man.
Of course I could. Maybe that fog had some effect on me as well. This whole place is rife with wicked and deadly things. You see now, Gin, don't you? You were never a big enough snake to brave a place like this. But still, you do so resolutely. Why is that? You escaped death. You were in the Rukongai and I was locked away. Even if Kyouka Suigetsu did reach you and you healed him, still, you did not have to come to me. What made you do that, Gin?
What made you take the dreaded steps that would only lead to your death?
Gin stirred in his arms, his eyes opening and meeting Aizen's quietly. For a moment, the two only looked into each others' eyes and felt the warmth and closeness of their bodies. Aizen's fingertips traced a line down the side of Gin's face and he sighed.
"If you feel like you can walk, we should go," he said softly, "It isn't safe to remain in one place for very long around here."
Gin nodded wordlessly and sat up, only to be stricken with intense dizziness and fall back again. Aizen's arms wrapped around him, then Gin felt a cool cloth wash the dried sweat from his face.
"Rest a bit longer."
"But..."
"If need be, I can carry you," Aizen said, studying the area around them, "This was only the beginning. This place will only become more and more dangerous."
"Are you trying to frighten me again?" Gin asked, smirking.
"Are you frightened?" Aizen asked, smiling back at him.
"Not yet," Gin breathed, longing more than anything to kiss Aizen's solemn lips again, "You are still more dangerous than anything in this dimension...and I am still useful to you."
Gin started to close his eyes again, but sucked in a surprised breath as Aizen's lips captured his. He looked back at the man in surprise, his mind whirling as he tried to make sense of the gesture.
"I am glad that you didn't die," Aizen said quietly.
For a breath of time, it almost seemed real...
"After all, if you did die, I would never reach the royal realm and find out what you were so willing to die for."