After awhile, I was completely sure that I had killed the mood, and I kicked myself for doing so. There was nothing I wanted more than Edward, nothing at all… except…
Except I couldn't think it. I wanted Jacob to be with me. I also wanted Edward to be with me. It had felt like I finally had control in my life, like I had finally had chosen the right one. But I realized that that wasn't it. I had distanced myself from my should-have-been soul mate so I wouldn't feel the pain. Well now the pain was back, but I had no regrets. I loved Edward. Loved him with everything I had, minus the one reserved corner of my heart. I loved him enough to marry him. To be his wife. To love him forever, for as long as I…existed.
I would just suck it up. I couldn't have them both. I had known that forever. I would just suck it up and move on with my life.
So that's what I did… Almost.
I wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand and looked at Edward; his expression was such a funny mix of concern, apprehension, and disgust that I had to laugh. It sounded very hysterical, like I had just had an emotional breakdown.
Which I had, but I didn't want Edward to know that.
I waited a little bit before I spoke, trying to keep the hysteria out of my voice.
"Edward," I said, and was pleased when my voice didn't even shake, "I'm so, so sorry. I owe—"
"Love," he interrupted me, his face softening, his voice rough velvet, "you owe me nothing. You completed your part of the bargain. Probably the most important decision you ever made in your human life went on here." He smiled a little at the inflection, and went on, "And you completed your part flawlessly. If I do so remember correctly, it is I who owe you something. Some things."
With that, he crushed his lips to mine for the second time that day, which made me a little nervous, as he was still speeding down the highway at 100 miles an hour. Not enough to make me rational in my response, besides the car didn't deviate an inch from its original position. My heart pounding, I reached over to him and twisted my fingers in his hair; I pulled out of the kiss and breathed in the scent of him. Mmm. Untwining my fingers, I ran them over his smooth chest. He was perfection. In every way. With a gasp he pulled my mouth back to his. I was on fire. Everywhere he touched me my skin burned, and I only felt like I could put it out by pulling him closer…
He broke out from the kiss, his eyes smoldering in the darkness. With one hand he placed my hands back in my lap, keeping one in his hand. He leaned back against the seat, seeming smug for some reason. I leaned back against my seat, too, recognizing defeat. There would be no more of that in the car.
I closed my eyes, feigning that I was tired, but really peeking at him throughout the rest of the trip.
He kept his eyes on me, but I couldn't tell if he knew I was faking or not.
The last thing I remembered was snow falling. My mind couldn't make any sense of it. It was August for crying out loud…
I drifted into unconsciousness.