CHAPTER FOUR
Friend or Butthead

I

My wounds healed, but the familiarity of the dream continued to linger days after the fact. I couldn't remember much about that long ago childhood and I'd learned only after the fact that we'd all been at the orphanage. It was Edea who'd reminded me, in one of those rare moments where she was actually there and not possessed by Ultimecia. All but Rinoa had been there, some of us longer than others, but I couldn't recall which of the kids I'd been friendly with, or if I'd ever been friends with any of them at all. I had only vague impressions of things, like the light house, the color of the water and of potential foster parents coming and going and how they'd ever chosen me.

It would have been easy to dismiss it as just a dream if it didn't have the feel of memory to it. Which, if it was something remembered, it brought on a whole other set of issues. It meant, for one, that Selphie Tilmitt had been my original posse, and what a disturbing thought that was!

I was half tempted to ask her if she remembered the orphanage days, but I didn't. For starters, part of me didn't want it to be true, and I didn't want to have to listen to her chatter on for weeks about it if it was. She was also still very pissed at me for throwing her out of my room after she'd helped me, so I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to give her another reason to deny me my freedom.

Not that she'd spoken to me for days. Her silence was unnerving, after days of non-stop, all the time Garden Festival Radio. It was a welcome break, but it also worried me a little. The fact that she wasn't talking meant that she was very, seriously mad at me.

I'd been an asshole, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize for it. Mostly because I didn't know how. I was never good with apologies, and I justified it by telling myself she'd barged into my room uninvited, and therefore, I'd had the right to forcibly remove her.

But, maybe, me spouting off about Irvine was unnecessary. It took me two days to figure out Irvine was precisely the reason she refused to speak to me. I'd made her question his loyalty, and she didn't want to believe anything bad about him.

In her gut, I was betting, she had to know something wasn't right. She knew he wasn't the perfect boyfriend she imagined him to be, she just couldn't admit it to herself. I could see the break up coming, and I had a feeling it was going to be ugly. I half wanted to bear witness to that particular fight, if only because I wanted to see how Irvine would try to justify it all. I imagined him feeding her some line of convoluted bullshit that not even Selphie would be able to buy and her knocking the crap out of him for being a lying jerk. She'd probably call him a butt head. Of which, he was.

I decided to keep my mouth shut, sit back, and wait for the fireworks, no matter what I saw or heard from then on. It wasn't my business, and I planned to stay out of it.

On the third day of Selphie's silence, I'd stopped by the canteen after my last class and bought a small cactus in a clay pot. I felt stupid, but I didn't know what else to do. After all, I needed her in my corner, whether I liked it or not, and it was the best way I could think of to make it up to her. Besides, the silence was getting unnerving.

I entered the office, lugging my books along with me in a dorky manbag thing that I had no choice but to carry. It was out of necessity more than anything, and I loathed the thing, but the alternative meant carrying an armload of books and folders and leaving me defenseless, should someone decide to jump me. Since the night I was beaten up, it had become a real possibility. I still didn't know who'd attacked me, and they'd gotten away with it. What was stopping them from doing it again?

Selphie looked at me without any kind of expression on her face when I walked in. She didn't smile or start gushing about the bake sale she'd planned for the first week of classes or her latest, greatest plan to make fast cash.

She was still pissed.

That was, until she spied the cactus. Her face broke into a wide grin and she giggled. Hyne, that giggle was annoying. Just hearing it made me wish I hadn't bothered.

"Is that a cactus in your hand or are you just happy to see me?"

Instantly, my face flamed and I scowled at her, completely unable to come up with a biting comeback.

"Sorry, couldn't help it," she said, still grinning like a fool.

Humiliated, I thrust the pot at her and dumped my bag beside my desk without looking at her.

"Is this for me?" she asked slowly and with obvious surprise.

"Whatever," I mumbled.

"That's Squall's line, you know," she teased.

I sent her a withering look.

She stared back at me, her smile gone.

"I'm guessing this is your way of apologizing for being a butthead."

I shrugged and sat down, turning my attention to the latest list of crap she'd assigned me.

"Seifer, that's so sweet," she said, breaking into a huge grin. "Thank you."

"It's just a stupid plant," I said. "Don't get all sentimental."

She didn't say anything else, but I saw her smile to herself as she set the cactus on the windowsill.

II

It was easy to fall back into the daily grind of training, classes and work, then more training and study in the evenings. I'd never been a stickler for structure, but it was easy and comfortable, and having my Posse around made it bearable. I was getting stronger, and soon, I'd be ready to fight Squall again and actually stand a chance of beating him. I was looking forward to that more than anything. Not because I owed him a proper beating but because I needed the challenge and I got the feeling he did too.

Okay. Maybe my ego demanded I beat the devil out of him at least once in the near future, but that was besides the point. I had my feet rooted firmly in reality, and the reality of it was, he was better than me. A challenge was all I could ask for, but kicking the crap out of him would have been more than a little satisfying.

My classes were going okay, though no one but the instructors talked to me, and I'd selected photography as my elective, since everything else that sounded remotely enjoyable was full. The other options were things like Cooking 101 and The Poetry of Sorceress Adel. I'd wanted to take the Film Studies course, but it had a six month waiting list, which didn't help me any.

Photography, though not my first choice, wasn't so bad. I liked looking at some of the old photos from before the advent of digital, and I found myself getting a little lost looking at black and whites taken in the Trabian mountains. We studied photography as an art form, using actual film, and were learning different techniques and how to develop that film. After a while, I even found myself enjoying myself. I actually liked taking photos, and it seemed I wasn't half bad at it, though I'd never admit it out loud.

Of course, when Selphie found out I was taking photography, she immediately put me in charge of the Yearbook.

"We don't have a yearbook," I said.

"We do now!" she said happily. "It's a really great idea, Seifer. I'm so glad you're taking photography. It'll really help out."

"It's a class," I said. "It's not like I'm going to make it a hobby."

She picked up my portfolio, which I was required to keep, and flipped through some of the studies I'd done. She stopped on a photo I'd taken of a sunset over the mountains in Balamb and looked at it critically. Then she flipped to a black and white portrait I'd taken of a girl in my class.

"Maybe you should make it a hobby," she said seriously. "You have an eye for it."

"It's just a class."

She put the portfolio down and perched on the edge of her desk, and started to swing her feet back and forth. One of many annoying habits she had that I hadn't known about until it was too late.

"That doesn't mean you can't enjoy it."

The truth was, I did enjoy it, but I wasn't willing to admit it. At least, not to her. Especially now that she'd dumped another responsibility on me. One that would make me hate taking photographs as much as I hated working with her.

"What do you want out of life, Seifer," she asked. "I mean, I know being an instructor was Cid and Rinoa's idea and you're only doing this to earn your freedom, but if you had the chance to do anything in the world, what would you do?"

Her question startled me a little. It wasn't like her to ask serious questions, and to tell the truth, I didn't know how to answer it. It wasn't something I'd thought about since before the whole Ultimecia mess started. And back then, my priorities were clouded by my own delusions of greatness. I had dreams, and some of them had come true, but at a great price.

I hadn't looked forward since getting out of prison, and I was a little apprehensive about doing so now, if only because I wasn't certain how this would play out. There was still a chance that I'd spend the rest of my life in the Brig, so until I knew for certain that it wouldn't happen, I wouldn't let myself think about the future too much.

And now that I was faced with this question, I didn't have an answer for her.

What did I want most?

"There must be something," she said.

"I don't know," I said. "I guess, maybe I'd want to take it all back."

"You mean your part in the Sorceress thing?" Selphie asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"That's not really something you can take back, Seifer," she pointed out.

She said it gently, but it still kind of stung. Mostly because she was right.

"Can we talk about something else?" I grumbled.

She hopped down from the desk and handed me a stack of pamphlets from various companies that printed yearbooks.

"Look through these, decide on one. I've already got a couple of people interested in working on it."

"I never agreed to this," I said.

"Come on," she said. "You want a way to make it up to people, then show them you're not such a bad guy."

How would working on a yearbook show people I wasn't a bad guy? Did she have any clue what it was like to be me?

Then I realized, she probably didn't. Selphie couldn't understand that not everyone gave others the benefit of a doubt like she did, nor could she understand that not everyone was as forgiving as she was. She sincerely thought that pushing me into working on the yearbook, I'd be instantly forgiven, and as much as I would have liked that to be true, I wasn't that naive.

She had my hands tied, though. I felt as if I had no choice because of the position I was in. Grudgingly, I snatched the pamphlets from her and dropped them on my desk. I didn't like being forced into doing something I didn't want to do. It was bad enough I had to work with her to get the student center running. Now I was being bullied into getting more involved than I wanted to be, which sucked.

I reminded myself that I had to do this if I ever wanted to live on my own terms again. What was a few months of discomfort if it meant I'd eventually earn my freedom? Besides, I'd be free of all this nonsense once I'd passed my exams. It was a small price to pay in the long run, even if it made me slightly insane now. Still, there was just one problem with her plan, besides the fact that I was going to bail once I was free.

"When exactly am I supposed to find time do this?" I asked. "I've got classes, training, all these stupid fund raisers you want my help with, plus everything else you have me doing. Now you want me to sacrifice what little time I have to myself for this? No way."

Selphie rolled her eyes.

"It's only two hours a week, Seifer. It's not like I'm asking you to sell your soul."

Actually, I was starting to think maybe she was.

III

For almost a week, Squall had been watching Seifer train in the evenings from a hidden observation deck above the main floor of the Training Center. There was no doubt Seifer was getting better, and no question that he was taking this very seriously. The Seifer of old would only have trained when he had to, being that he thought he was good enough that he didn't have to train. This was a more determined, less cocky version of the boy he'd known, and for that, Squall was thankful.

Squall believed now, more than ever, that Seifer Almasy would turn out to be more of an asset than a liability, as long as they could keep him on the right path, and he was glad they'd chosen Selphie to guide him. Squall just hoped that Selphie would be able to provide the right balance of encouragement and outright badgering to get him there.

It was no mistake that Cid had gotten Selphie as involved as she was. Cid knew what he was doing.

Selphie hadn't been the obvious choice in Squall's opinion, but he had to admit, she was good at giving people the benefit of the doubt, no matter what they had done. Plus, she had a tendency to make things work to her advantage, even when there was no plan and little to nothing to work with. Sure, she could be really annoying, but she was also sweet and charming and there was very little that could knock her down for long. Squall knew that there was nothing Seifer could do or say that would break Selphie's will, and that meant that she'd never give up on him, so long as he was entangled in her world and her plans. With Selphie invested in Seifer's success, there was little doubt that he would prosper in the end.

At least, Squall hoped.

Squall had extended an invitation to Seifer to train with him in the mornings, but he knew that Seifer would steer clear of him until he was ready. From the look of things, it might not be long before they faced one another again, and Squall found himself looking forward to that day. It had been a long time since he'd fought an equal that wasn't computer generated.

Below, Seifer felled a T-rexaur and Squall smiled a little. He remembered the first time he'd been able to do it alone, and it had been a major accomplishment. No doubt, Seifer was feeling the same kind of self-satisfaction now.

As Squall watched, he realized that his desire to keep tabs on Seifer had only a little to do with monitoring Seifer's progress, and it wasn't just that he was looking for a worthy opponent. It was that, deep down, Squall knew that Seifer was, at heart a decent guy. In spite of everything that had happened, Squall wanted to trust him. Something in Squall told him that Seifer would not walk the wrong road again. Instinct also told him, after the initial shock wore off, Seifer Almasy would wind up being one of the more popular instructors. For one, Seifer knew what he was doing, and for two, he wasn't going to take any bullshit off any of his students, yet Squall was certain the kids would find something in Seifer they could relate to, in spite of what he'd done.

Under the right circumstances, Squall also understood that there was potential for friendship between himself and his former rival, now that Seifer had let go of some of his bravado. It wouldn't have been possible a few years back, but now things were different. For one thing, Squall had seen the look of respect on Seifer's face when they'd fought in the Training Center. The old Seifer would have thrown a tantrum and claimed that Squall had somehow cheated. The grown up Seifer accepted his defeat without childish theatrics or aggressive rage.

Maybe, with Squall on his side, maybe the rest would realize that Seifer did have some good qualities. If Squall could ease people's fears about having Seifer Almasy back at Garden, then things would be better for everyone, but most especially Seifer.

Squall's thoughts drifted away from Seifer's plight, to the message he'd gotten earlier from one of his under cover operatives.

While the world seemed at relative peace, there were some matters of concern that Squall had been watching for several months. His biggest worries had to do with Commander Jorjan Deling, a man whom the whole world was celebrating as a strong, capable leader who was bent on restoring peace and making up for his father's shortcomings.

Squall wasn't convinced that Deling Jr. was all he appeared to be. He'd been wary since the beginning, when Deling had been appointed the command post shortly after their return from Time Compression. President Carraway had assured Squall that Deling was nothing like his father. Carraway believed that Deling was honest, patriotic and democratic and had absolutely no designs on the Presidency. Deling apparently had an impeccable record and superior leadership skills, and no signs of megolomaniacal tendencies.

On the surface, it looked legit. Still, Squall wasn't convinced that Deling was no threat. Especially now that he'd received communication from his spy in the G-army ranks.

It seemed Deling was sending out regular patrols into the Salt Flats near the Great Salt Lake, just outside Esthar. Word was that they were looking for weak spots in Esthar's border veils. The thing was, if Deling was interested in getting into Esthar, there were other ways. Easier ways than breaking in. Squall found it more than just a little suspicious. Whatever was going on, he was fairly certain that it would spell conflict in the future.

If it did all go to hell, Seifer Almasy would be a valuable asset, and Squall could certainly use a couple of strong leaders in his corner. He hoped he could count Seifer among them.

Squall decided, as he stood there watching, that it was time to put the past behind him, for once and for all.

IV

As I left the training center, Squall stopped me. I wasn't sure what he wanted because I couldn't read the look on his face, but I had a feeling it had nothing to do with Garden or my classes or my growing agitation with Selphie. It was too late in the day for all that, and he didn't have that tense I have bad news look about him. He could be a tough read, but he had his tells, and from what I could see, this was an unofficial visit.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Feel like grabbing a beer?"

Never in a million years would I have ever expected an invitation like that from Squall Leonhart. Having a few beers after a hard day was a privilege reserved for friends, and as far as I knew, we weren't. But, maybe, it didn't have to be that way. After all, it couldn't hurt to have a friendly relationship with the Commander, especially if things went to hell with Selphie.

"Hell yeah," I said.

I hadn't had a beer in over three years and a cold one sounded like the answer to my prayers. I'd just have to be careful to remember that it might only take a couple to get me rip-roaring shitfaced, and I would have to pace myself. The last thing I wanted to do was get hammered while I was still on probation.

"You'll want to change," Squall said.

"Where are we going?"

"SeeD lounge."

Squall waited while I cleaned up, and I wondered again what this was about. Did he just want to hang out or was there something else. I wasn't sure and I couldn't help but be a little concerned that maybe things weren't working out with me being here, even if I didn't get that vibe from him.

I'd never been to the SeeD lounge, but I'd heard a lot about it. For one thing, it was only available to off duty SeeDs and approved guests. Access could only be gained with a SeeD badge or if your name was on the guest list. I was a SeeD now, but I wasn't so sure they'd let me in, even with badge in hand, since my future was kind of still undecided.

"He's with me," Squall told the door guy.

We were ushered in without another word and Squall took a seat at the bar. The barkeep walked past two girls, who were frantically waving Gil at him, to greet Squall, who was obviously higher priority.

"What can I get you tonight, Commander?"

"Two beers and two shots of Mimmet."

"Of course, sir."

I found it a little amusing that it seemed everyone was so overeager to please Commander Leonhart. And, in all honesty, it was strange to hear them call him Commander. I was still having some trouble reconciling the Squall I'd known and this older, more confident version. Back when we were kids, he'd been pretty much overlooked, except when it came to fighting. Otherwise, no one really expected much from him. Now things had done a complete 180, and not only was he known but looked up to and respected, and it wasn't just the title that had made the difference. They had a reason to respect him, just as they had a reason to hate me.

The drinks came almost immediately and I watched as Squall lifted the shot glass.

"To letting by-gones be," he said.

The hits just kept coming.

He wanted to make peace with me. As if he'd needed to. More than anything, I wanted to leave it all behind and not have to think about it hourly. It meant a lot to me to know that he'd forgiven me. It meant a lot to know he wanted to leave our old animosity behind.

I echoed his toast, knowing that he meant me, but I meant all of it. The whole ugly affair, but I knew no matter how many toasts there were or how many months went by or how much freedom I was given, my burden would weigh heavy on me for the rest of my life.

But Squall meant well. He was trying to bury the hatchet, to use the cliché.

"Hear you're doing well in your classes so far."

"It's only the third week," I said. "Still have plenty of time to fuck it up."

Squall chuckled and shook his head.

"You'd better not. I can't vouch for you if you don't pass," Squall said. "Galbadia wants you back in their custody, you know. Don't give the board a reason to reverse their decision."

"Hell, Leonhart, that was a joke," I said, laughing at his serious expression. "I want my freedom, no matter how annoying or fucking painful it might be to get there."

"Selphie?"

"Yeah."

"She just told me things are 'hunky-dory' with you two."

"Oh yeah. We're two peas in a pod," I said

"She's a lot to take," Squall said, almost sympathetically. "But trust me when I say there's no one else I'd rather have on my side than Selphie."

I stared at him as if he'd completely lost it. Of all people, he'd rather have Selphie in his corner? What about Rinoa, or the others? Didn't they count or was I missing the point?

"Right."

"You'll see what I mean eventually. Once you get past all those glittered stickers, moogle dolls and fuzzy yellow things, Selphie's a good person and if she considers you her friend, she's the best friend you'll ever have."

I thought that over and took my first sip of beer in over three years. Squall had good taste. This was not the cheap contraband brew of my youth but a good quality Trabian import served in a glass with no hint of an aluminum can anywhere in sight. Had I known as a boy that this was one of the perks of being a SeeD, I would have told Ultimecia to go fuck herself.

"Something I wanted to ask you," Squall finally said, after a long silence. "Off the record of course."

Here it comes, I thought.

"You met Jorjan Deling while you were in prison. They tell me he propositioned you."

"Yeah. Maybe a year ago. Turned him down."

"Obviously," Squall said. "What was your opinion of him?"

Squall Leonhart, Garden Commander, was asking me my opinion? Had hell frozen over?

"I didn't like him. Seemed too slick. Like, a blue Dragon masquerading as a school boy," I said. "It was like he was pretending to be a nice guy, but I just got this feeling that, I don't know, he was up to something. He talks peace, you know? But I could see in his eyes that peace was the last thing he wanted when he came to me."

Squall absorbed that in silence and then signaled the bartender to bring us another round. I knew I should have refused, but I couldn't help myself. The beer was cold and quality. The Mimmet was probably the finest I'd ever tasted. And the truth was, I found myself enjoying Squall's company, even if we were discussing some potentially heavy subject matter. So, I accepted another round. It was Friday, after all. I didn't have to meet Selphie until ten the next morning, so I could skip my training and sleep in if I was hung over.

We didn't toast this time, just raised our glasses and drank. We discussed Deling a little more, not that there was much to say. I'd only met him once, and whatever Squall knew was classified, but I got the distinct impression that this wouldn't be the last I heard of the man. I just hoped whatever was going on would come to a more peaceful resolution than the one I imagined.

V

Selphie hadn't shut up about her plans for the Garden festival since Irvine had walked in the door of her apartment. Every time he changed the subject, hoping she'd get the point, she brought it back around to the plans for yearbook, or the bake sale, of which she'd tried to recruit him for, or her latest grievance with Seifer. It was too much to take on a Friday night, when he could be out playing pool and drinking beer or hanging out with Stosha. It used to be that on a Friday night, he and Selphie would go to the SeeD lounge, drink beer and play pool. It had been a really, really long time since they'd done anything besides talk about the Student Activities Center.

He missed the days when Selphie had been fun to be around. Now she was just frustrating. He loved her, but he hated being around her for too long because she made him feel guilty. He knew that this was his own fault, but it didn't help that she didn't even seem to notice.

"Hey, Seph, I've gotta go," he said when there was a lapse in Selphie's monologue.

"But you just got here," she whined. "I've hardly seen you all week."

"I know, but I've got a big munitions delivery in the morning, and Squall wants it processed as soon as it comes in."

Selphie pulled a face on him, looking crushed.

Hyne, he hoped she wasn't going to cry. He already hated himself for not being able to end this. Crying would just make it worse.

"Will you at least be able to help with the bake sale tomorrow? You promised you'd make some of those turtle brownies you made for my birthday last year."

Feeling like a giant asshole, Irvine reached out and pulled her into his arms.

"I've got to work, Sef. Just like you do."

Selphie sniffled and he felt her sigh against his chest.

"I know, it just sucks that we never get to spend any time together. I mean, I've hardly seen you lately."

Irvine held her close, thinking that maybe now was the time to end it. There was no sense in leading her on like this.

"Seffie, I think-"

"Oh, I just had a great idea!" she cried, pulling away. "I'm free next weekend and so are you. Why don't we rent one of those cottages at Balamb Beach? Spend the weekend alone with no distractions or anything? What do you say? Sound like a plan?"

Irvine shrugged. Maybe a weekend alone together would be just the thing to rekindle their relationship. Or, it could be a kind of hell, what with all the chatter about her projects and Seifer's classes.

"If I can get the weekend off, we'll go," Irvine agreed. "Just one rule."

Selphie looked amused and cocked her head at him. Hyne, he loved it when she did that. It was so damned cute that it was hard to resist her.

"No talk about work, or Garden or anything else that has to do with this place. I want it to be all about us. Nothing else."

"Oh, Irvy, that's so romantic," Selphie cooed and threw her arms around him again. "That sounds like a great idea."

Irvine gave her a kiss and held her tight. Just a moment ago, he was about to break up with her and now he couldn't imagine his life without Selphie being in it. No matter what girls came into his life, Selphie was the only one that mattered. She was the only one he kept coming back to, and there had to be something to that. Maybe it was the way she looked at him, or the way she kept surprising him. Just when he thought he was losing her, she did something like this that made him feel like a million gil. Maybe this could work out after all, maybe he was being selfish, maybe it was just that he truly, sincerely missed being around her.

As he left Selphie's apartment, Irvine vowed to break things off with Stosha, but as he passed the hallway that lead to Stosha's room, he changed his mind.

He'd break it off tomorrow.

A/N:

Wench: I know there's not a lot happening in this chapter, but it sets up some things that pay off later. This was a longer chapter, with some bake sale madness at the end, but we decided to cut it off here because it was a good stopping point. It's sort of a transition into what comes next. And no worries. There's plenty of good stuff to come.

PodSara: The passage at the end of this is a new addition to the finished story. We added it because Irvine wasn't getting enough air time and we needed to show that he loves Selphie, but he's also totally unable to make a decision when it comes to women. In spite of what Wench said about this being a transistion chapter, I really like what we've done. Seifer apologizing via cactus is just classic. Selphie badgering Seifer into working on the yearbook is amusing And the boys bonding over booze....well, that was just inevitable. And, as Wench said, the best is yet to come. Stay tuned, keep reading and give us some reviews!