I'M BACK! Sorry sorry sorry for the long wait. Just so you know, I am writing on this all the time, but I don't know where I want it to go from here. Well, here's chapter 3 with EPOV!

As you maybe remember, last we saw Bella she

EPOV

I knew it was my fault. My family's thoughts were constantly trying to prove it wasn't, but it was. I had killed my Bel.. Ah, I couldn't even say her name anymore. I didn't deserve to say something so beautiful; I was only staining it, ruining it, killing it.

I had killed everything, everyone I cared about. My family had fallen apart after our visit in Forks. Emmet couldn't look me in the eyes for a year. And Rosalie still resented me for it. Esme tried, she tried so hard, to not show her sorrow, to guard her thoughts around me, but it was no use. I had heard her the other day, when she thought she was alone. She was thinking of Bella, having found the photos she took of us before prom. I began to convulse at the memory. I know I deserve the pain, but my body refused to accept it. It was to much.

After two years, Alice and Jasper had to move away for a while. Jasper couldn't handle being around me or everyone else. I knew it was hard for him to be around Alice as well, no matter how much she pretended too smile or act excited. A part of her died at the same time I lost my love.

As we were driving through the rainy and green scenery of Oregon, the memories came back full time. Her smile when I told her I loved her, her eyes dying when I told her I didn't.

I knew I had to stop thinking about her if I was going too act pleasant while staying at Eleazar and Carmen. Apparently they had a new addition too their coven. A girl. I couldn't bring myself to care.

Bella. Isabella. Bella. Bella!

My mind never stopped saying her name, picturing her perfect face and small frame as she jumped of the cliff. It hurt. Though I knew I deserved it, it made me wish for my own death. I sighed. Ten years, ten fucking years since that day when I had finally succumbed and went back to her. Ten years of pain, agony and loss.

As we pulled up in Eleazar's driveway I blanched my thoughts, not letting anything pierce through my carefully built face of indifference.

As Eleazar saw us he smiled warmly before embracing us all. I gave him a smile I knew didn't reach my eyes. I then retreated to the room I had been given. A few hours later I was called down, as the third member of Eleazars coven was about to come in. Weirdly I couldn't hear any thoughts or smell any scents, but I clearly heard her turn the doorknob.

I looked up to meet the one face I thought had been forever taken from me.

"Ed…Edward?" She stuttered, looking beautiful and broken and immortal. I was too stunned to say anything. Before I had the chance Alice had leaped at my past beloved and crushed her to her chest. As did the rest of my family, I just stood there. I couldn't do anything else. I was too stunned.

I looked up and met a pair of golden eyes and it healed my heart and shattered it and fixed it and made birds sing and fall from the sky. Bella was here. Bella was not dead, but Bella was immortal and Bella was broken.

You did that to her, Edward, the traitor voice in my head said.

I still hadn't moved. I was still looking in her eyes. Then all I saw was the open door and my Bella sprinting out of it.

"What are you doing, you maroon! Run after her, dipshit!" Emmet yelled on top of his lungs before forcefully pushing me out the door.

I seemed to regain my senses then and left the house in a sprint so fast, humans didn't have a hope of seeing me. I tried to pick up her scent, but found none. That was weird. I then ran after my heart, basically on pure guesses, seeing as there was next too none traces of her anywhere. After a while I could hear noises coming from a small meadow just a few feet away. I knew she could probably hear me, but I stayed in the shadows watching my only love break apart.

She stood at the far end from me, shoulders slumped and her body was shaking with her convulsing sobs. It tore me apart inside. I had done this to her.

I walked slowly forward and as I walked her knees wobbled and she fell onto the grass. I suppressed a sob as I came to stand right behind my broken angel.

"Go away, Edward. I'm fine." She sobbed tearlessly. I almost snorted. She certainly didn't look fine. I bent down and lifted her on her feet, her face towards me. She refused to look up, so I put a finger under her chin, lifting it up. She was so heartbreakingly beautiful.

I was just about to hug her and never let her go, when I heard her timid voice whisper;

"Please don't, It hu… Just please don't, Edward." It broke my heart.

"Why not, Bella?" I asked, afraid of the answer. Of course she would have moved on by now, and even if she hadn't, why the hell should she trust and love me. I broke her.

"I, I don't think I can handle it. It's too much Edward." Her voice was so heartbroken that I wasn't able to suppress the sob that rose in my throat.

"I'm sorry." She lowered her glance.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for! I left you, damn it!" she flinched at my words. I continued in a softer voice. "And I've regretted it ever since."

She looked up at me then and seemed to struggle with herself before getting a resigned expression on her face. I thought she finally got that I was glad to see her, but she just answered me in a detached, and cold voice.

"Okay, but this is my family Edward. I would appreciate it if you'd stay away from me, other than when we need to associate." She looked away the entire time. She wiggled herself out of my grasp, and then the love of my life walked away. And I understood then. How could she love me after what I did? She tried to kill herself because I left her. She would never love me again.

That thought completely broke what was left of my heart. I fell to my knees in the exact point where my love had broken down before me, and I did the same. I let go of all the emotions.

The desperation, when I left her.

The loneliness, when I couldn't see her.

The joy, when I ran back for her.

The grief, when I found out she was forever gone

The guilt, when I realised it was because of me.

The numbness, when I knew she would never come back, and I had to keep living

The self-hate, when I saw my family falling apart.

The emotion rush, when I found her again.

And finally, the all-consuming, heart shattering loss, when I found that we would never be us again.

I had never let myself feel the full amount of these feelings, the instinctive self-preservations kicking in. What did I have to lose now? I had nothing.

Soooo, what do you think? It'll probably be a while until I update again, seeing as I have just started on chapter 4, I'm trying to have a life, aaand I'm writing two other stories too. They'll be posted soon so keep watch! xoxo