Note: This chapter contains nudity. Of course, there aren't any pictures, just descriptions. Even still, the contents are not hardcore and isn't enough to boost the whole stories' rating to R.
Chapter 3: Because I Say So
In a dark, unknown place…
"Bytyan, Ol-Skooler, and Garbamouth… So 3 of us have fallen. That leaves only 9 of us left: Dr. No, Unfillable, Biss, Noc, Hatey-Hate, Man From Hell, Woo Fan-Yi, K. Omplain, and me. Is everyone here?"
"Biss又自己自由行動了."
Translation:
Biss went out by himself again.
"I see… So what was the reason he gave?"
"Because he wanted to."
"The usual answer he gives… Like always. But as long as he is doing fine, let us not worry about him."
"…"
"You wanted to say something, Dr. No?"
"No."
"Hell, that's all you can say!"
"No."
"What the hell? If that's the hell you can say, then show me that you can something else besides that hell of a word."
"Hell no."
"I believe 'hell' is my phrase!"
"Now, now, it is not the time to quarrel among us. We were exiled from our home country and were pretty much nothing, until HE found us and made us this state again. We must use our newly found powers to once again terrorize the world and repay the debt for HIM."
"No."
"Tsk! This is the only the power he gave us? I expected more than! Jeez! I had my hopes high when we met him, but what did he gave? Only this much? Not enough! Not enough at all!"
"You shouldn't complain too much, K. Omplain. You should be at least happy that we have some power. Soon enough, we shall become stronger and stronger, and the name PURIST will spread throughout the whole world!"
"Bah! I still demand more than this! What's the world so special about anyway? Spreading throughout the whole universe is better than this!
"K. Omplain, 你抱怨太多了."
Translation:
K. Complain, you complain to much.
"You always speak in tongue that I do not understand! I seriously have enough being with all you freaks!"
"Let us not talk so bad about this. We are a family, remember what I said? Who brought you in when you were rejected by civilization? We shall take revenge on the world, using our ultimate plan—Project Gamfax! And thanks to HIM, we shall be able to fulfill that long-time plan at last! Hahahahahaha!"
-
Ness is lying on the bed and unable to move. "My arms are sore…" he complains.
"That's what Nintendo intended to make you feel when they were thinking of the Wii's gameplay," Dr. Mario tells him. "It gives you exercise, you know? You're becoming a bit chubby lately, so it's good for you."
"Now how am I going to do my homework…?"
"That's your problem."
-
Snake is walking around the neighborhood, and in his hand are two tickets. "Hmmm… I'm in luck to get my hand on these," he thought to himself. "Who should I invite along? It should be someone interested in this."
As he is pondering over this, he sees Falco walking pass him. "Hey, Falco," Snake calls him.
"Yeah, what is it?" he replies.
Snake shows him the ticket he has. "Want to go?"
"Fashion show? Where'd you get these?" says Falco curiously.
"I was the 1 millionth customer of the weapon store, and I got these as a prize. You interested?"
"So and so… Anything special about it?"
"The designer is… Gaime Totousanto."
Hearing this, Falco's eyes sparkles, and he says, "Okay, when is it?"
"This evening, around 6 P.M."
-
Peach and Zelda are working on dinner while the others are frolicking about. Then the phone rings, and everyone turns his or heads to it. "You pick the phone," Bowser says hoarsely to DK.
"I kick the bones?" says DK curiously, as we all know well that in my story he has severe hearing problem.
"Forget it… Someone pick the phone! My throat is sore from all those shouting…"
"But there's no bones more me to kick."
"You shut up…"
"Shuttlecock? You want to play badminton?"
Mario picks up the phone and answers it, "Hello? Yeah? Oh… Got-a eet. See ya, then." And he hangs it.
"Well, who was it?" asks Marth.
"Snake called and said that he and Falco are eating out tonight, because they got some sort of a special invitation."
"Oh really?"
"Good thing we don't have much ration left tonight," says Peach, who overheard them at the kitchen.
"Right, we probably don't have enough to feed Yoshi and Kirby already," adds Zelda.
"In fact, I'm actually hoping it would be them two to eat out instead."
"But that would be too much for the restaurant."
"Right, and I would feel sorry for them.
-
At the fashion show place…
Snake and Falco are sitting in the front-most row. "Remember, Falco," Snake whispers to him. "Always act calm and collected during a fashion show and don't go insane over seeing anything exciting. This is considered an entertainment for high class people, so act like one."
"Of course I know," replies Falco. "I'm not a child that you need to tell me."
Gaime Totousanto is a fashion designer well known for designing revealing clothes, and it attracts usually men.
"It should be starting soon," says Snake.
"Did you bring a camera?" Falco asks him.
"I'll just use my cell phone's camera. That way, nobody would ask why we brought along a camera when we got home."
"Right."
-
Back at Smash Mansion, in Ganondorf and Bowser's (they share a room) room…
"It's going to start soon," says Ganondorf, looking at their personal TV. Yes, they have a TV in their room, in case the one in the living room gets taken.
"I can't wait," says Bowser excitedly.
"Hey, don't show your excitement. Remember that fashion shows are entertainment for high class people."
"Yeah, yeah, I know that…"
-
The show eventually began and several models are strutting up and down the catwalk in well designs clothes. "Nothing so far…" mumbles Falco.
"There will be," Snake whispers to him. "You know what this designer is well known for."
Eventually, a shoulder-length brown-haired model comes walking along the catwalk, and she is wearing a red long-sleeve dress, accompanied by a long black skirt. The most attention-grabbing part is that there are two holes cut in the front part of the dress perfectly designed to let both the breasts pop out. Cameras begin snapping more than usual when she came on stage.
"Told ya," Snake says softly to Falco.
"So, how would you grade her?" Falco, trying not to act to hyped up, asks Snake.
"Face: A+, body: A, but breast size… B-," replies Snake.
"I agree… It would've been perfect if they were bigger."
Then another model, with a black ponytail, came on stage, and this one is totally topless except for wearing a long pant made of fur.
"This one… The previous one has a cuter face, but this one has a much better body," says Snake, analyzing this model.
"Yep, the body is indeed perfect," says Falco, who looks calm but is going all crazy inside his mind.
-
"Hey, is that Falco and Snake I saw among the audience?" asks Ganondorf.
"What? I was too busy watching the model's breast jiggling around that I didn't see them," says Bowser.
"Hmmm… I was sure I saw them… What are they doing there?"
-
Now we fast forward time and skip to the last part of the fashion show. The designer himself, Gaime Totousanto, comes out onto the catwalk, and at his sides are two female models wearing nothing but their 'birthday suit' and carrying a large banner in front of them that writes, "Happy Birthday, Gaime Totousanto!" All the audiences stood up and clap their hands.
"So it's the designer's birthday today," says Snake.
"That explains why those two models with him are wearing nothing," says Falco. "Birthday suit, get it?"
-
"See! I told you those two are there!" says Ganondorf, pointing to the part of the TV screen where Falco and Snake are seen.
"Yeah, I see them" says Bowser. "Guess my eyes were glued to those lovely models that I didn't see them."
"What are you guys watching?" asks a voice.
"Whoa! Wha?!" gasp those two as they desperately reach for the remote and quickly change to a channel featuring Teletubbies.
"Pit?! What are you doing in here?!" Ganondorf asks him.
"I heard you saying loudly, 'I told you those two are there!'," replies Pit. "Then I came in to see what you were talking about."
"Next time knock before coming in!" Bowser says to him.
"Sorry, Mr. Koopa and Mr. Dragmire…" pardons Pit, and he leaves the room and shuts the door.
"Phew… I hope he saw nothing," says Ganondorf.
"Yeah, we should've locked the door," says Bowser as he goes to lock it. "Quick; back to that channel before we miss anything exciting."
-
Everyone is still clapping his or her hands and singing happy birthday to the designer while the models kiss and hug him. "Well, we sure had a great time here, eh?" Snake says to Falco.
"You bet," he replies.
All of a sudden, the lights in the room went out, making the whole place pitch black. "Wha?! A lightout!" gasps everyone.
"This isn't part of the show!" says Totousanto.
Then an unfamiliar voice bursts into the room. "Ahem, ladies and gentlemen!" says the voice. "I hope you had a great time with show, but now it is my turn to shine!"
Then the lights turn back on and on the back of the stage, you see a man with sunglasses and an Afro and also holding an electric guitar in his hand. Looking at the way he is dressed, one would say he is a street thug. "Everyone! I am Biss, and I am a member of the PURIST!" says the man. "It is my turn to entertain you all, because I say so!"
"PURIST?!" gasp Snake and Falco upon hearing this.
"Hey you! What are you doing here?" Totousanto asks Biss. "You have ruined my show!"
"I want to, can't I?" replies Biss rudely. "I have my right to do whatever I want, because I say so!"
"I have the right to call the police!"
"Then I'd like to see you stop me! But you know that it's impossible!" yells Biss loudly. "Because I say so!" And then he plays his electric guitar loudly, causing it to release a powerful sound wave. "BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!!!"
The sound wave is so loud that everyone has to cover his or her ears because it is awful sounding! "Yaaaaaaaaa! My ear is bleeding! My head hurts!" scream the people.
"Ugh! I prefer Jigglypuff's unintentional lullaby instead of this!" cries Falco.
"The screeching of the blackboard is even better sounding than this horrible music!" cries Snake.
"BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!!!! IF I WANT IT THEN I WILL DO IT!!!!!!! NO REASON ASK!!!!!!! BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!!!!!!!!" sings Biss loudly and terribly.
-
"Aaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!! What horrible singing?!?!?!!" cries Bowser as he rolls along the floor with his hands covering his ears. "Someone turn down the volume!"
Ganondorf reaches for the remote and presses the mute button. "Phew… That was close… I thought my head was gonna burst…" he says.
"It's even worse than Jigglypuff's song…" says Bowser.
"Who say my song very bad?" asks Jigglypuff from outside the door. "Jigglypuff no like it when people no like my song!"
-
Everyone screams in pain and rolls on the ground and suffers. "Argh! We can't let everyone suffer in this kind of terrible music!" says Falco. "We must stop him!"
"I just want some quietness!" says Snake.
The two of them try to ignore the horrible music and charge at Biss, but when they got near, an invisible force pushes them backwards. Snake flies to one of the birthday suit models and falls on top of her. "Ow! Sorry, my lady…" pardons Snake. "I didn't mean to touch your…"
"Ugh… The sound wave is so powerful that it even repels stuffs!" says Falco. "We must do something and try not to listen to his music! If only we can get earplugs!"
Biss continues to create horrible music, to the point that the lights on the ceilings begin flickering and emit electricity. "If we let him keep up like this, the whole place will collapse!" says Snake. "We must get everyone else to evacuate first!"
"Right, and then we'll deal with this sucker!" agrees Falco.
Snake and Falco begin shouting to everyone to leave, but because of the loud and terrible music, people either have a hard time concentrating on leaving or they didn't hear them. Though there are still some people who hurried out of the place.
"WHATEVER I WANT TO HAVE I WANT IT NOW!!!! BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!!!" sings Biss horribly. "THAT'S THE WAY I AM!!!! NOBODY STOPS ME FROM DOING WHAT I WANT!!!!!!! THAT'S HOW I LIKE THE WAY TO BE!!!!!!!!"
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!! Let's just shut his mouth up first!!!!!" screams Falco.
"The guitar!" yells Snake. "Weapons Vest!" He opens up his vest to reveal built-in guns underneath, and he lets loose bullet at Biss. However, the bullets only hit the guitar and destroy it, and it is just what Snake wants.
With the guitar destroyed, the music stops playing also. "Huh? You destroyed my guitar!" growls Biss angrily. "You must pay me a new one!"
"No way! You deserve it!" says Falco. "Why should we help a villain like you buy a guitar?"
"Because I say so!" replies Biss rudely. "If I tell you to do something, then you better do it, or else I'll beat you up!"
"So you enjoy bossing people around and do things the way you like it, uh?" asks Snake, cracking his fists. "Then we shall bully you like no other! I really hate the kind of people you are!"
"And I'm not a big fan of jerks like you too!" says Falco, who is ready to fight also.
"You will regret trying to come against us PURIST!" says Biss.
"There's going to be a fight!" gasp the people. "Let's get out of here!" And everyone begins running away.
Biss reaches for the nearest person next him, one of the birthday suit models, and locks his arm around her neck. "You make any move and I'll kill her!" says Biss.
"Holding hostages? That's playing dirty!" growls Falco.
"And especially using one that's in the nude!" says Snake. "You're a lowly guy!"
-
Back in Smash Mansion, Bowser and Ganondorf are looking at the TV with a distressed expression. "This is bad! That PURIST member is holding a beautiful, naked model as a hostage!" says Bowser.
"And he's playing dirty too!" says Ganondorf. "If only I was there to beat that foul villain up!"
"Don't forget you're that kind of person in the past."
"I never held hostages like that! And how about you?"
"I never held Peach naked by the neck and say to Mario that if he comes, she will die!"
"Eez somebody talking about-a me?" asks Mario voice from outside the door.
"None of your business!" Bowser shouts to the door.
-
Snake and Falco are having trouble deciding what to do. If they make a move, then that poor model will be killed, and they do not want the innocent to get involved in this. "So you are the Smashers who defeat 3 of our members, eh?" asks Biss. "Our boss is not happy to hear this. He loves his men as if they are his children, so imagine his pain when his children are lost."
"And imagine his pain to know that his children are doing things like this!" says Falco. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"
"Boss never cared about what we do. He gave us freedom to do whatever we like! He loves his children very much!"
"Enough talk! I'm going to teach you a lesson right now!" says Snake.
"So you don't care whether this model dies or not? Then go on and try to get me!" says Biss.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" screams the poor model.
Snake takes off his shoe and hurls it over Biss. "Ha! Where are you aiming?" says Biss.
"Rocket Shoe!" yells Snake. The shoe that is thrown behind Biss suddenly shoots out fire from behind and rockets towards Biss, hitting him in the butt.
CLONK!!!
"YEOW!!!" screams Biss, and he lets go the model, who quickly runs out of the place. "Argh! You dare let the hostage escape!"
"Because I want to," replies Snake mockingly.
"I believe that's my line! That's it! I'm going to make you wish as if you were never born, because I say so!"
"Tell that to yourself!" says Falco. He begins to run in circles around Biss very fast, leaving behind an illusion of himself. After a bit running, he dashes at Biss really fast and hits him hard. "Falco Phantasm!"
Biss sent flying into the audience seats.
CRASH!
Snake wastes no time in taking out a grenade and hurls it at the seats, setting off an explosion.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!
"That should do," he thought. To his surprise, Biss stood back up, but severely wounded and burned up. "Whoa, you survived it?"
"You better not underestimate me!" growls Biss angrily. "Because I say so!"
"If you say so, then try and get us!" says Falco. "I'd like to see what you can do!"
"You destroyed my electric guitar, and that was my main weapon! But I have a replacement for that!" He takes out a tape recorder and holds it up in air. "I have recorded my music into this tape recorder, and I shall play it and you shall suffer again!"
"Oh no! Not that music again!" cries Snake.
"Take this!" He presses the play button on the recorder and the same horrible music starts playing again. Falco and Snake quickly cover their ears, but in vain. For some reason, Biss is not affected by the music.
"Yaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Not again!!!!!!" screams Falco.
"Hahahaha! Listen to it until your ear bleeds to death!" laughs Biss. "I enjoy torturing people because I want to!"
"That's it!" Falco points his laser gun at the recorder and shoots it, and destroys it.
"Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!! Not the recorder too!!!!!!!!" cries Biss.
"Now!!!!!" shouts Snake. He and Falco run up to Biss and sock him hard in the face.
SMAACK!!!!!!!
He falls over onto the floor and the two of them continues to pummel him over and over.
POW! WHACK! POW! WHACK! POW! WHACK! POW! WHACK!
-
Soon afterwards…
"Once again you have caught a member of the PURIST," the police officer says to Snake and Falco. "You have done a great job!"
"I just can't stand the horrible music of his and his nasty of attitude," says Snake.
"Yeah! It was I who brought him down!" says Falco with pride. "If I weren't here, then this place would've been destroyed and many people would be killed by him!"
"I hope you continue to protect Onett! This city will look bright as long as you Smashers exist!" says the police officer. "You are the pride of Onett!"
-
Snake and Falco finally went home. "Home at last…" says Falco.
"I wonder how everybody is doing?" wonders Snake.
Bowser and Ganondorf quickly come to meet them and ask them, "So how did it go at the fashion show?"
"Huh? You guys saw it on TV?" asks Snake.
"Yeah, using our private TV," replies Ganondorf.
"We aw everything from beginning to end!" says Bowser "That topless model is really hot!"
"Oh yeah, you took care of that PURIST member too," says Ganondorf.
"Yeah! It was because of my power that he fell before me!" boasts Falco.
"They sure are showing up everywhere now," says Snake. "I wonder about their boss…"
"The boss has to be the strongest among them, right?" asks Bowser. "I would enjoy beating him up!"
Then Peach comes down the stairs to meet them. "Hey guys! You two back already? You sure had a long dinner, eh?"
"We went for a little walk too," replies Snake casually.
"Yeah, and we beat up a PURIST member who bothered us!" adds Falco.
"I see… Perhaps the news will talk about it tomorrow," says Peach.
-
The next morning…
Captain Falcon is reading the morning newspaper. "Snake and Falco beat up a PURIST member who invaded Gaime Totousanto's fashion show," he reads. "It was because of them that the place is saved. Below is the picture of the two heroes being warmly embraced by the fashion show's models."
"So that's where you guys really went?" Fox asks Falco.
"What's wrong with that?" he asks.
"Nothing wrong. I just wondered why you didn't tell us the truth."
"I'm afraid you'll call us perverts."
"Nah, I won't. Fashion show is an entertainment for high-class people, so there's nothing to be ashamed about."
-
In the unknown place…
"Biss has fallen… How sad… My children are disappearing one by one… The Smashers… They shall pay dearly…"
TO BE CONTINUED…
I hope none of you are offended by the fashion show part. No more will there be chapters like this, so you can read on safely without encountering R rating stuff.
In the beginning part where the PURIST members are talking, I left out intentionally who is talking to avoid spoilers. They will all eventually show up in the story to fight the Smashers. I will also reveal the leader's name eventually, and also who he meant when he said HIM.
So anyway, Biss is supposed to represent people who like to bully and hurt others just for the fun of it. I don't understand what the pleasure is they find in picking on people at all. Please, I beg you to never hurt others. It is something definitely terrible.
And yes, that is Chinese you see in the beginning. You'll probably have to install Chinese language into your computer or use Unicode encoding in order to see it properly.