Disclaimer:
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha is the creative property of Seven Arcs, whom created this wonderful anime/manga series. Anything not attributed to Seven Arcs belongs to their respective owners, such as other series, references, and vice-versa. This story is written purely just for fun, guys; please for God's sake, don't sue us! We're just college students with too much free time on our hands! On the other hand, any specific author created characters we created for this fic (despite how unoriginal they may be at times) are ours. So without further ado, let's get on with the show!
The Surgeon General's Warning:
Read at your own risk.
BE BORN! / MANLY! MASKED! MAGICAL! GUY Nanohiko
Show me the way to you...!
Prologue 04:
The Morning After Feels like a Hangover?
A Genderbending Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha AU fanfic co-produced by the evil genius of Tempest Dynasty and James "Ray" Edwards
Nanohiko Takamachi, age nine (well, nine and a third, and getting older by the second), felt terrible, and it was not because of the time-honored traditional Kanagawa prefecture summer heat wave (the new school year had just started, so there was still some time before that ugly business). He was sore. Tired. Hungry. Sweaty. Salty. Thirsty. And that ear piercing scream first thing in the morning was not helping his splitting headache. Kami-sama, it was Sunday! Sunday! The day of rest according to any Judeo-Christian derived religion, and of course, in modern Japan, the one day he did not have to go to school, which aside from organized religion, was the number one institution responsible for aggravating his boredom.
Oh, and what's that noise? Oh! Thank you for starting a stampede first thing in the morning too! Holy Buddha, it sounds like hail stones bouncing off his skull.
The boy growled, turning over on the much adored family couch. This was not his idea of a pleasant Sunday morning after a long night out at all. Oh no, he wanted to sleep in right now, right here on the couch in the living room, dozing his day away. NOISE was unacceptable. Especially when he had been obligated to give up his bed too and...
Hey, wait a minute. Didn't that scream come from upstairs? It sounded like his mother too. Which means.......oh, crispy tonkatsu!
Nanohiko bolted up with a sweat, his senses rebooting and becoming aware at last of the general hubbub gripping his home. It was not a good eight o'clock in the morning, to say the least, catching a glimpse of his elder brother marching upstairs, no doubt to join his father. Everything would have been fine at that, for he was willing to feign sleep right back onto the couch, but Miyuki caught him, from where she was peeking out from the dining room herself.
"Chibiko?" his dear sister blinked in surprise, invoking that dreaded nickname he so loathed.
"Not Chibiko! And keep it down!" Nanohiko hissed back.
She deflated visibly, her almost comically huge two-point glasses misting over in an exaggerated sulk, "B-But...but it sounds cuter."
"A man's name is not supposed to sound cute, Onee-san!" he was not falling for her feminine wiles today. Sometimes he had to wonder what were his parents thinking when they named him? Could they not have thought of something cooler like "Ryuusei" (lit. shooting star) or Kenshirou for his name instead?
"O~kay, but, huhuhuhu, if you're down here," Miyuki intoned impishly, "who's up there?"
The ruckus upstairs died at that line of questioning, leaving an intense silence. Nanohiko knew the cat was out of the bag, and the honest thing to do was tell his elder sister exactly what happened, but --- who in the world would believe the fantastic tale he had to tell? A few would but his folks and siblings were straight to the point, down to the earth realists, except for his mother; she had something of a work-in-progress childhood going on. Okaa-san still believed in many things, like little green men and UFOs, a blissful naivety, for she, the young at heart, and a pox to her spouse and older children, who must step in as the voice of common sense. The various unique, or otherwise, outrageous goodies and drinks available daily at the Midori-ya as the Mysterious Green Magic Special were all her pride and joy that the stranger and weirder could enjoy, each to their own. Though, a small word of warning for the foolhardy or courageous: the Mysterious Green Magic Special is not fit for the consumption of all human stomachs.
Eat at your own risk, that is all.
Now, the billion yen question of the hour is, how was Nanohiko supposed to fool his insufferably sharp elder sister, Death Glasses Miyuki (read: don't ever call her that to her face!)? Try as he might he could not help but frown and tear up when he considered the options. His honorable father, Shirou Takamachi, is a former body; therefore, a strict realist with a touch paranoia on the unhealthy scale, according to every day salarymen, a trait which both his elder children have inherited as well. He could smell a lie from one and half kilometers (three on a rainy day) away, again a trait passed on to Miyuki and Kyouya too, so as such, the actual act of lying become something of an art form and matter of personal vanity in the Takamachi household.
The expression round here went: "Never let it be said that a Takamachi lied." (We only just happened to omit certain facts that were not specified in clear, written, binding language AKA a "contract".)
Nanohiko was a terrible liar, a fact that he blamed on his youth. Rarely did he ever manage to get away with anything, and so the boy gave up on trying to play "the game" altogether. The truth was out of the question, no duh. He needed a spin, that special blend of sweet mercury to act like a million dollar heart throb boy band to a raging, hormonally unbalanced teenage girls, meaning instant euphoria. What would a high school girl like his big sister, full of merry and mischief by the way, be interested in...
Oh.
Oh!
Oh ho ho ho!
Arisa (of the Burning) was going to kill him for this, if (and this a big IF) she ever finds out. Licking his lips, and feigning great consternation, which he noted seemed to make Miyuki-nee's glasses suddenly flare up with mad glee, the boy confessed his "sins":
"A-Anou, d-don't tell any-one about this okay?"
"Oh really now, Chi-bi-ko?" said the cat to the canary at her window.
"Rrrghhh... C-Contract! Contract!! You absolutely, definitely, can't tell anyone-nano da yo! ...I-I'd die of embarrassment, Onee-san."
"That depends if I like what you've got to say," she crept up closer to the couch.
"No Contract! No Talkie! Contract! Talkie! Hai?"
"Alright, alright, I give --- just this once. After all, for our favorite Chibiko to make heist in the middle of the night sounds pretty juicy to my Rumor Sense, fufufu!"
Now, Nanohiko prayed hard that Arisa never found out, "W-Well, you see..."
"Uh~huh?"
"You know...Arisa and Suzuka, right?"
"O really no~w?"
"Erm, you know how Bannings-san is really pushy, right?"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
"Well, she couldn't wait for today, so she kinda started our Sunday early last-"
"Kyaaaaaaann! Say no more!" Miyuki squealed like a fangirl and struck a mighty pose! "Oh, I am so proud of you, Our Favorite Chibiko! You're finally taking your first steps as a man. Do not fear, my young little brother; Onee-san will support you all the way, and guide you to the hearts of young girls far and wide! A thousand-percent satisfaction guaranteed for Doctor Strange-Love Miyuki is on the case!"
Nanohiko sweated. ".........wha...." He had been expecting a reaction, but nothing like this... Where on Earth was that bright light shining behind his older sister coming from, bright as the sun? And when did Mount Fuji get there in the background!? Last time he checked, they were not anywhere near Mount Fuji!
"Now, quick! Into the shower with you!" she ordered him, shoving a finger onto his nose, much to the boy's discomfort. There was an inexplicable light shining in her glasses, which he imagined could only be an omen of doom. "You --- sniff --- stink, and today is going to be a busy-busy-busy day, fufufu! And, hey, don't be worrying your silly head over nothing, you hear? I'll bring you a change of clothes and smooth things over with Oyaji and Kyouya, and when you come out, I'd better be smelling soap and deodorant young man!"
Well, at least, his neck was off the chopping block, for now.
Some Englishman with funny hair and even funnier clothes said it best: "To be or not to be, that is the question." Mom had been revived in time to join them all for breakfast, via smelling salts, and confessed sheepishly at the table, much to the frustration of his father and siblings that she could not recall at all what it was that had disturbed her so. A lilting laugh, though, ended any possible inquiry, to Nanohiko's relief, for she told off her husband and children not to worry for if it was something important, she would remember it sure enough when the time came. The rest of the morning had passed by without incident, thanks to whatever magic Miyuki had cast upon the eyes and ears of Otou-san and Kyouya-niisan.
Whatever it might be, the youngest son of the Takamachi household just prayed it would not be anytime soon. His chores and other filial obligations fulfilled for the day, Nanohiko politely excused himself to make his rendezvous with two zaibatsu's heiresses at a nearby playground. Well, it was not really nearby so much as halfway between all their houses and their elementary school; hence, Arisa decided it to be their designated meeting spot, for all manner of occasions.
Considering the clear, open blue sky, and the lack of chirping cicadas, it was no surprise to find the playground populated by the hustle and ambience of young families and their pets on a pleasant Sunday outing. The sun was high in the sky for it was noon; temperatures easy with a playful breeze to keep things cool. Under strict advice from Miyuki-nee (after she forced him to spill the beans on today's activities), Nanohiko had worn conservative, casual clothes to suit the weather, and not so much to impress. It would be his personality, according to her that would win the day, but never fear for her would have plenty of chances to show off his "fashionable senses" once the sakura bloomed!
The boy felt bad for deceiving his elder sister, but since she seemed to be enjoying her delusions so much, he felt it best to leave her to them. It ought to buy him enough time to ascertain the truth, namely:
"Was last night a dream? Or did I really fight?"
Nanohiko sighed, glancing over the kids playing on the swings. He envied how they laughed, so carefree, ignorant of any limitations, and whooping in delight to go higher and faster, for once he had been a bright eyed child like that, too.
"That seems like such a long time ago; guess this just means I grew up sooner than most kids."
In any case, running a hand through his auburn hair, the important thing to do now was to find some physical evidence, and the boy decided that Arisa's outing this afternoon would be a suitable cover to satisfy his curiosity just fine. Human memory, after all, was unreliable. Written records and the human heart are subject to distortion, for the former is a snap shot frozen in time while the latter is revised nigh constantly by fickle emotion.
Nanohiko would have preferred to have a video recording of the entire event, not to mention something physical he could grasp and fiddle around with his hands. How he wished he had his own digital camera at a time like this... Then again, a camera might be overkill, since he did have a "souvenir" on his person, right now.
"Geez, I really don't know if boys ought to be wearing charm bracelets," the boy murmured, staring dubiously at the new accessory on his right wrist as if it were diseased. It was not anything offensive, just a set of intertwining links made to resemble a series of infinity loops, color: metal, and what the chain link held was a single perfect ruby. He could not explain it, but he sensed a most uncanny presence in the gem, and under the right light, well, its "soul" seemed to light ablaze with its own fire.
Now, for the other question of the hour: where in the world was Arisa and Suzuka? The former always made it a point that he as the boy had to be on time, by the dot, no matter what, because boys had no good excuses to be late; the latter interpreted to him that simply he should be a few minutes early for safety's sake.
Whhfff-THWACK!
Nanohiko staggered, a pitiful note of whimpering escaping his lips, as his thoughtful consternation to a turn down "Owww! Why me?" street. With a hand clamped over, favoring his aching noggin', he became aware of the object, a Frisbee(?!), that assailed him clattering on the ground slowly to a stop. Laughter, a whole chorus of it made things obvious that the little kids across the way had seen it happen and were now getting a laugh at his expense too.
Kids these days; don't they know...
"NA-NO-BO-KE~!"
Oh Kami-sama, he recognized that voice from anywhere. It was Arisa Bannings --- not Arisa, Class Rep Arisa, or Arisa-ojou --- but Burning Arisa of the "Are You Okay? BUSTAA WOLF!" variety. Nanohiko had a bad feeling about this, and it did not help she was bearing down on him with full force practically seething flame from her cerulean eyes.
"Private Takamachi! Do you know what time it is?" said the blonde-haired heiress scathingly, arms akimbo in her "Sunday Best": namely, jeans, T-shirt, khaki vest, and sunglasses. Her intent was to be casual and fit as much as possible with the plebeians, so to speak, though with Arisa's fiery tomboy temperament, he suspected no form of camouflage could possibly mask her ego.
"Uhhh..."
"I've been trying to call you over for ten full minutes, boke!"
Wincing, Nanohiko shied away some as the girl leaned over to shout in his face, invading his personal space. He knew better than to give ground to Arisa but he never did much like raising his voice for trivial things, nor did he want to run the risk of hurting her feelings either. "S-Sorry, I guess, um, that means I get to do the punishment game, don't I, Arisa-iincho?"
"That's Arisa-gundanchou to you, Mister!" she declared proudly, leaning back and puffing out her bosom, arms akimbo.
...Brigade Commander Arisa?
"Today's going to be the start of a brand new era, Takamachi! For I have decided that we will form a club unlike any other before it."
"...come again?"
"I call it: the Gurren Brigade!" Arisa pumped a fist excitedly into the air, "an association dedicated to saving the world by overloading it with fun, and I, Vice-Commander Suzuka, and you-boke are the founding members!"
She's totally not listening to me, thought Nanohiko with a helpless sigh. Once, Alisa Bannings got worked up about something there was nothing that could stop her. But did that make her a hot-blooded idiot, or was he the hot-blooded idiot for going along with her anyways?
Sigh.
"So what's-"
He was cut off when Arisa grabbed him, with great gusto, by the hand and lead him away, the action so sudden that Nanohiko nearly tripped in shock.
"Don't worry; don't worry, and enough, boring talk. Now's the time for action and you, private, owe the Vice-Commander and I --- ICE CREAM! Onwards to the Gurren-dan Heel and Toe Express!"
Wait a second, why was he the only "private"?! Wait! H-Hey! Hold up!
"This is definitely not cool-nano da yo..." the boy cried manly tears as he gave up any further protest.
Yes, there was no doubt now --- he was the idiot, after all.
Two weeks went by...
A full two weeks where Nanohiko Takamachi did not find himself bored for a change. Instead, the dissatisfied nine-year-old found experienced something far more trouble; Brigade Commander Arisa was running him ragged. Day in and day out, for the Gurren-dan met every day after school, including cram school (ugh, the inhumanity!), ahhhhh, he felt like dying. And worse, the boy had found no further evidence to verify the reality of his wandering feelings. Perhaps...
"Aaaa, maybe, it really was just a dream-na-no da-yo," Nanohiko sulked, lounging out lazily on the park bench.
"What was just a dream, Hiko-kun?"
The last thing he had been expecting on a quiet Sunday was to come face of face, literally almost nose to nose, Suzuka Tsukimura-ojousan, all of a sudden --- WHAT!
"B, Buh! Tsu-Tsuki-mura-ojou!"
"Arara, weren't we on a first name basis?" she tilted her head aside, much like a quizzical kitten.
Hey, hey, did she not realize the close intimate space of his she was presently violating? Why at this close range, one misstep and it would surely lead to a k, k, k-kissu! Oh man, oh no! How many people were watching? He bet it totally looked like a kiss! Gah! Please, Kami-sama Almighty, do not let Arisa be somewhere near by...!
"Er, um, not first-first name, but... S-Suzuka-san! Don't you think you're a little too close? People could be watching!"
"Oh, there's no one here besides my bodyguards, right now, Hiko-kun!" Suzuka admitted openly with a smile.
Gwahhh! What? Oh no, oh no; this was a level-AAA crisis. If he did think of something smart real fast that would not send the wrong messages, surely, the companionable friendship Nanohiko had shared with the girls since the hey-days of kindergarten would be all for naught!
"Ah."
But, would that be such a bad thing? He was the idiot always gripping about the lack of change and excitement in his life. Right here, was an opportunity to begin exploring the relationship between himself and...no. No. No. No! It... Ack, now was not the right time; they were too young, and they were his only friends! There was no way Nanohiko would let some crazy boy-girl relationship come between and tear them apart.
"Ah?" she blinked, thankfully oblivious of his thoughts.
"Hey, Suzuka-san, don't you think our faces are a little too close?" the Takamachi boy played tough, mustering the most suave "Honest and Cool" aura he could manage.
"Really? But, Hiko-kun's face is so cute when it's red! What are you thinking about-de kashira?"
Fuh---This girl totally cannot read the mood! Nanohiko felt like crying at the hopelessness of the situation. What did he have to do to make this innocent "ojou-sama" understand the dire circumstances they were in, and the trouble they could get into if someone were to misunderstand the situation? And, hey, shouldn't she be cutting it out with that close nickname for him?
"P, Please, just sit down, Suzuka-san. It's public property, after all."
"Why, thank you. I didn't want to impose on you," Suzuka beamed at him.
Oh yes, the boy could feel the invisible tears, like waterfalls, streaming down his cheeks, as he prayed to Kami-sama that Arisa-jouchan or anyone else would not stumble upon the "happy" predicament. Why he bet his situation could even be misconstrued for --- what's the word -- e-e-lope-ment?
Nanohiko sighed, inwardly. He was surely doomed and what was that heavenly smell wafting up...?
"Con~grat~ulations, a reward, Takamachi Nanohiko-dono!"
Presented to him by the radiant smile of one Suzuka Tsukimura was lunch in a timeless (and no doubt expensive), compact, black-lacquered bento box that had been wrapped in a violet furoshiki, with a kittens and cats print pattern. What a feast it was: Hayashi rice, hamu katsu, and assort roll sushi, such culinary prowess, as expected of a "Yamato Nadeshiko Ojou-sama"! Artful and enticing, just staring at it made his stomach growl.
"F, For me? Wh, why?" the boy mumbled wide-eyed in a daze. Come to think of it, he was feeling down right famished about now.
Suzuka giggled daintily, pleased by his favorable reaction to say the least. "I thought it was well deserved to thank Hiko-kun for all the hard work he's done, since the brigade was born."
"Ah, er... Thanks, I think."
"Mou, you do not have to be so reserved. Even I think we are imposing on you a bit much, but, ah! please, don't be mad; she really does mean well!"
Eh?
"She, etou, we agreed to the brigade because we thought we could make a real club out of it next year, and take it all the way into high school. A brigade isn't much with just three people, but once we get more people to join, then...it'd be more fun, ne?"
Nanohiko blinked, "Suzuka-san, did you and Arisa-jou make this brigade for me?"
"Y, Yes..." admitted the violet-haired girl in red-faced embarrassment. "I did not want to agree to it, but lately, Hiko-kun just seemed to grow sadder, with a far, far away look in his eyes."
"A far, far away look? Me? ...Eh-heh, you've got to be imagining things, Suzuka-san."
"...ah."
"Well, it's true I've been occupied lately with something on my mind, but it's not like I'm sad or anything."
"Is, is that so-de kashira?"
"Yup, I wanted to confirm something."
"Confirm?"
"But, you know, you two really are good to me. I think --- probably --- I'll give up on it, now. It'd be bad to worry Arisa-jou and Suzuka-ojousan anymore."
"W, wait, what? Wh, what are you talking about, Hiko-kun?" Suzuka reared back a touch, and all red in the face by the boy's unusual sentimentality.
"Would you believe if I told you that I got this in a dream?"
Lifting the sleeve of his shirt, Nanohiko all smiles and cheer presented the object of his fascination: the charm bracelet that had since become a part of his person, though no one noticed. He wore it every day, without fail, an act that became habit swiftly, and today, the lone perfect ruby was as magnificent as ever, gleaming crimson in the sunlight.
"I know, I know, not the sort of thing you'd expect on a boy, but you have to admit it's darn pretty, Suzuka...eh?"
Out of the blue, Suzuka Tsukimura stood up and turned away from him, as if to hide her expression. Their congenial atmosphere had turned cold, the rustle of leaves audible in the faint wind.
"S, Sorry, I just remembered I had an appointment to make," she spoke hesitantly, raising a few flags in his head.
Naturally, the Takamachi boy assumed he was in the wrong. "Tsu, Tsukimura-san, did I-"
"N-No, I j, just have to go. Se, see you!"
Just like that, with those abrupt parting words, the heir to the Tsukimura zaibatsu fortune left in a hurry, leaving a heavy ornery weight on his own shoulders. Doubt assailed him with ridiculous accusations of impropriety and boorish behavior unbecoming of a young man to be, such as he, yet another side of him defended his character as staunchly. There was no evidence to say Takamachi Nanohiko was guilty of any trespass. Why he had done everything in the book not to stray off the golden mean. Yes, he had thoughts, but he not acted on such base impulses!
"Tsk, man, everything has been messed up, since I met that annoying guy!"
"Aghhhh, it's too bright and early...and, hey! who's annoying? Huh? Huh? HUH!? You got a problem, brother?"
Nanohiko froze at the sudden outburst. Like a nightmarish dream come true, right before his eyes there sat beside him, the Marvelous Brave once again, but why did his / her breath stink?
"Y, Y, y, yu, YOU!" choked the younger boy.
"Not so loud, B.B.E.; can't you see this old man is sufferin'?" the fellow in blue groused back, irritably.
What in the world?! What was this guy doing here? He had been searching, waiting, hoping, for a full two weeks without a word or a sign, and then, this troubling person appears now, all of a sudden. B-B-E. Why!?
"Ugh, what a bad feeling...I feel like road kill. So this is what a morning after hangover feels like, huh?"
To be continued...
Author's Notes:
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