CHAPTER 4
ANKH-MORPORK, UNSEEN UNIVERSITY
A "breakfast" at the unseen university is a sight to behold. If there is a thing that the mages love above all else, it is food. Not one kind in particular, just food in general. They can stay a whole day at the table, eating so much that they can barely walk afterward. It is no wonder many mages are fat.
It is a sight to behold, but only for a short while. After half an hour, it can become quite boring if you are not fond of overeating. Which was the case with Louise. She did like foods the food, but not to that point. She woke up this morning, only to find herself alone, in a room that was not the one she was used to. a quick look at the window had confirmed that, No, she did not dream being sent to another world. Also, she noted, there are prettier sights in the morning than Ankh-Mopork. When she exited the room(1), She came face to face with a maid. Ridcully instructed her to bring Louise to the dining hall, so she could eat before continuing the conversation they started yesterday. While Louise was happy to eat, especially since the food was good, she quickly grew bored of the sheer length of the meal. The only mage that was not eating was the bursar because he was trembling so much that any food he tried to put in his mouth simply fell back on the plate.
"Louise, are you alright? You've barely eaten anything." said the dean.
"I think I ate enough."
"WHAT?" exclaimed Ridcully "NO! Small as you are, a sneeze could kill you. You should eat more, otherwise you're never going to grow"
"I am not small. It's just you people who are fat."
"We are not."
"Wait, Henry, she is right, you guy should do more physical work." Ridcully took an instant to think. "I KNOW! Why not show the city around to our host with a bit of jogging."
"It's a wonderful idea, Arch-chancellor. Meanwhile, we are gonna prepare..."
"No meanwhile, you indefinite teacher. We all do the running. It will be good for you lazy body."
"But..."
"Everyone, stop eating. That count for you bursar. A bit of running is good for the nerve. I think."
"I prefer swimming in the ground." Said the mad wizard.
"Well, the Ankh river is for another day, my friend. Girl, are you used to exercise?"
"A little, but if it is a bit a running, I think I can manage."
"Alright, let's go, we have a city to show!"
Ridcully started pushing the mages towards the door of the Dinning all, followed by Louise, who was blissfully unaware of what a short run was for Ridcully.
Right when they approached the door, it opened, revealing Drumknott, the secretary of patrician Havelock Vetinari.
"Good morning, gentlemen. I can see you were preparing to go outside."
"Yes, those lazy mages need some exercise, and the girl needs to visit the city."
Drumknott took a look at Louise. " Are you sure people won't ask questions about her. Her hair color is quite unusual."
"Hey, my hair is beautiful, and not weird at all. Some People I know have stranger hair, like blue or green."
"A terrible choice, really."
"Drumknott!" Intervened the arch-chancellor."What is the reason for your presence?"
"The patrician sends me to bring the girl to him. He wishes to meet her, and talk to her."
"Mmph. I guess it is normal for me to meet someone as important."
"Indeed miss Valiere. Now, if you would please follow me, I have a coach waiting outside of the university."
While Louise went with Drumknott, Ridcully turned toward the mages.
"You guy also need a coach, in my opinion."
"Well, it's true walking is kind tiring."
"NOT THAT KIND OF COACH, MORRON! A TRAINING COACH! NOW FOLLOW ME! The girl may not come with us, but you are gonna learn the pleasure of a jog, I tell you!"
From the window of the coach, Louise could see the street of Ankh-Morpork. It was as dirty as it looked from far away. But what Louise remarked was the huge diversity of the population in this city. Beyond the humans with many skin color and facial features, the streets where full of short and stout people she could guess where dwarves, as well as gigantic humanoids made of stone. And she was sure she saw a vampire conversing with an undead in a guardsmen uniform. How could so many people of different species coexist? She could understand dwarves cohabiting with humans, even in Halkeginia they were serious and would leave you alone provided you did the same, But vampires where dangerous creatures of the night, with a history of either killing peoples or turning them into slaves. And this one did not even wait for the night to come out. She could only wonder how many accidents happened in this city. She promised the Librarian to try and stop being specist, but there was some creature that you simply should not trust. Like elves. You simply could not trust elves(2). She really hoped the people here were aware of that.
"How many people live in this city, sir?" She asked.
"The last census estimated around 100 000 souls, excluding the people that don't have one."
"This is enormous. How do you get the food to feed such population? Just those giant stone peoples must be hard. What Are they called?"
"Trolls, miss Valiere."
"Really? Are you sure? I never met a troll personally, but from what I studied, trolls are made of flesh and too wild to live in society."
"I can assure that those are trolls, they would tell you exactly that if you asked them. Perhaps your tutors were full of preconceived ideas. Or perhaps in your world trolls are something different."
"Well, anyway, those trolls must eat as much as two mages. How can the city stay well fed with this many 'peoples' in it?"
"The trolls eat stones, so they do not need the same kind of food as others. And we export a lot of products and services to the outside world, which gives us the wealth to buy food from the stop plain and from Klatch. Our city host Many services used disc-wide by many peoples, like the clacks."
"The what?"
"The clacks. They are the tower you can see on the roof of certain houses."
"I thought they where watchtower."
"The watch doesn't need those, they got gargoyle for that. The clacks allow for the transmission of messages to faraway places and with great speed."
"That's impressive!"
"Indeed." The coach entered the patrician palace court. "Miss Valiere, we have arrived. Please follow me."
Louise walked right behind Drumknott inside the Palace. It was, unlike the rest of the city, very clean and proper, and was a size she could expect from a noble in charge of a city. It was decorated plainly, but with taste. She could guess that this patrician was not of the decadent leader kind. It was rather good news.
Drumknott led her to the waiting room before the oblong office, then entered to tell his master of the arrival of Louise. The short time she spent in the waiting room was enough to put her on the edge. A broken clock is very annoying. After a while, Drumknott opened the door.
"Miss Valiere, the patrician will receive you."
"At last. I think I need to mention that the clock is broken."
"I will see that it is repaired then. Now if you would come in."
The oblong office was like the palace: sober and simple. It contained a writing desk, on which a fair amount of paperwork laid, and a few chairs in front of it for people to sit. Near the window, there was another table, with a game of chess on it. The only drink on the patrician table was a glass pitcher of water, with a few glasses to serve the drink. It was the kind of office of someone who takes their work very seriously.
The patrician Vetinari was standing in front of the chess board, looking by the window. He was a tall and thin man, almost frail, all clad in black, with short black hair combed backward. His skin was pale, in strong contrast with his cloth, hair, and his eyes. He had a small and neatly cut goatee, which gave him a cunning look. Or perhaps he would look cunning and smart whether he wore a goatee or not.
"I suppose you looked at the city on your way here. Tell me, miss Valiere, what do you think of what you have seen so far?" He turned to face Louise, staring at her right in her eyes. She felt a chill when he put his gaze on her. It was calculating, without one ounce of distraction. It was much like her mother's gaze, but without the motherly love that was hinted in Karin's eyes.
"I-I-I thinks this is a very nice city full of-of respectable citizen and with a very 'peculiar' charm." she lied. But she really did not want to anger this man, especially if she was to stay in Ankh-Morph for a while.
"Then I might fear that you came from a very terrible world if this is what you think of it." He looked at her, clearly not fooled by her lie. "Ankh-Morpork is a city filled with selfish people who act almost only to fulfill their desire for distraction and amusement. They are not, in any way, respectable." He took the chair behind the desk, sitting right in front of Louise.
"To tell the truth, I think a city where vampire and troll can move freely is a terrible idea, and yet it still hasn't fallen into chaos. I mean, what's next, undead in the high instances of the government?" She tried to stare back, but quickly realized she could not hold his gaze and quickly looked away but in a pretentious way. She did not want it to look like she lost to that man.
"Well, I must inform you that the leader of the Ankh-Morpork lawyer guild is, in fact, a beheaded man." the smallest hint of a smirk on his face could barely be seen. "I wonder, however, what your homeland must be like if you are so wary of the differently living."
"The what?"
"The differently living. Undead carry a negative imagery, while differently living does not. It is a more respectful term"
"Why would I want to be respectful toward undead." People in this city where certainly mad. She thought the mages were kind of dumb, but this took the cake. A city where undead, as in people who were dead, had the same right as the living was just... If this world had a Brimmir, this would not have happened.
She took a quick look at Vetinari. He was still looking at her in the same way, but somehow, she could feel like he was annoyed by her behavior.
"Miss Valiere, I suppose that your view of the differently living, and perhaps other creatures and peoples you will meet on the disk, is seen as normal in your world. However, the disc is very different in the way (we) treat those people. I would be thankful if you could abide by the same the rules as any citizen of Ankh-Morpork as long as you stay here. Now, let's talk about the nature of your stay. The mages have already started to work on, or at least study, the nature of the magic that brought you here. Are you aware of that?"
"Yes. They told me this morning that they put Stibbons on the job."
"Typical of them. Anyway, since we cannot anticipate the length of your stay, we, and by that I mean I, decided to find you a home." Said Vetinari
'Brimmir, he is still staring. I don't even think I saw him blink.' thought Louise. " You mean I cannot stay with the mages? But I am a mage too. Besides I could probably help them."
"Or you could leave them alone to do their work. They can work on such a subject because they have earned a great degree of skills in the field of magic. You, however, are merely a neophyte in any of the subjects they will work on."
"But... But what I am going to do then. And I still haven't finished that book at the library."
"I am not forbidding you the access to the University. However, I was under the impression that you were a noble, correct?"
"Yes. I am indeed noble. Of the proud Valiere family." She beamed with pride and confidence, before realizing that this had no effect on the patrician.
"Well, it would be unfitting of a noble to live in a university where they don't study. For that reasons, You will live with another noble family of high ranking, who is going to teach you the manner of our city."
"I guess you're right..."
"Indeed, I am right"
"But I'm not supposed to tell who I am. Wouldn't they try to know the truth about me?"
"No. And even if they learned it, they won't reveal it to the rest of the world."
"Can I trust them?"
"Yes. And one of them should arrive before long." He stopped looking at her, and turned his gaze at the paperwork on the table, before starting writing on it. A long silence fell on the room and lasted a while before Louise broke it.
"Lord Vetinari."
"Yes miss Valiere?" He did not even raise his head to look at her.
"..." The young girl remained silent, hesitating.
"If you have a question, ask it."
"How long do you think I will have to wait before going home."
"well..." His answer was cut by Drumknott entering the room, walking toward his master, and whispering something in his ear. Vetinari put down his pen, then stood up.
"Miss Valiere, I believe your future host as arrived." He said, pointing at the door.
Louise turned toward it, right when an imposing woman entered. She was tall, with broad shoulder and of heavy build. She looked like the kind of statue barbarian would pray for power and resilience and many other things. But despite her stature, she had a very kind and warm expression, the kind of face you could trust. She wore well-made clothing, but they were working clothes, with sturdy leather apron and gloves over a thick gardening outfit.
"Good afternoon Havelock." Said the newcomer, calling the patrician by his first name, the sign of a very confident person "So, is this the young girl you told me about?"
"Indeed. Sybil," started the patrician "this is Louise Françoise le Blanc de la
Valiere. Miss Valiere, let me introduce you to her grace Lady Sybil Deirdre Olgivanna Ramkin-Vime, Duchess of Ankh."
"You mean she is a duchess?" Louise was expecting some secondary noble with little fame. But A duchess, like her mother? She did not expect this much.
"Indeed young girl." said Sybil. "Havelock told me about how you are in a complicated mess right now, and that you need someone to take care of you while you are in Ankh-Morpork. The Vime household would be very glad to help you and show you the culture of the city. Now, I'm sure my son will be very happy to have someone to play with him."
Louise looked at the woman, mouth agape, unable to move. This woman was a duchess, but she was nothing like her mother. But at least, she will live in a mansion worth of her own status as a daughter of a duke and Duchess.
"Now then, young girl, let's not make Willikins wait. He is our butler, by the way. And he is waiting outside of the palace with the Coach. I have to show you around the house before Sam come back, he is not aware that someone will stay with us." She realized Louise was silent "Don't worry, I'll make sure Ankh-Morpork is as comfortable as your own home while you stay with us..."
She took Louise by the wrist and dragged her out of the room after saluting Vetinari.
(1) who apparently belonged to a wind mage titled Rincewind.
(2) People on the disc have a legitimate reason to be wary of elves.
CHAPTER END.