The chapter starts out with some fluffy nautiness. If you don't want to read it, I put it in italics because it's a flashback :]. You can skip past it if you please! (I know you won't though :P)
The plot/theory starts actually taking place in this chapter. I'm really, REALLY excited to write more for you. I hope you enjoy! There's TONS more to come.
Garrus did dream about Shepard that night, but it wasn't the vivid, hauntingly real experience he'd had previously.
His memory allowed a replay of all his favourite moments with her. The images bounced back and forth in no particular order: A flash of Shepard laughing, then another of her holding Garrus's face in both hands, one of him dipping her on a dancefloor, that look she gave him when he landed an impossible head-shot; a moment of the Commander reloading before they both shot up from cover and enthusiastically unloaded their rifle clips into a lumbering Cerberus heavy-mech. Little snippets of memories rolled through his mind, until he landed on one he was extremely grateful for.
It had been the night before their impending mission to the Collector base. Shepard had taught Garrus how to kiss, and she let him practice as much as he wanted that night.
After quickly mastering her lips, he moved down to her neck and collar bones, making sure to cover every inch of her skin along the way. She tilted her head back and to let him do what he pleased, sighing pleasantly.
He managed to accidentally tickle her a few times with his mandibles as he brushed over the exposed parts of her neck. The noises she made were intoxicating to him, and he wanted more.
At this point, Garrus knew he was doomed; he was falling in love with his Commander. He backed away for a moment to look down at Shepard, her eyes were shut, her head tilted back and she looked utterly content. She opened her eyes and beamed back up at him before resting her hand on his chest.
He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. Garrus took the hand Shepard had placed on his chest with his own, and pulled her in again for an embrace, tighter than before. He kissed her on the lips again; even longer than before.
She moaned, and Garrus picked her up in his arms, and took her to the bed. He sat her down gently and she removed her top to reveal her bra. Standing over her, he thought it looked fantastic, and pulled his own shirt off over his head.
He silently compared the textures of their bodies; it made him feel somewhat self-conscious. She was so soft and smooth; everything a curve or contour. He was rough and angular. Everything about him seemed so jagged compared to her.
"Shepard I...I'm sorry if I scratch you. Or you know...well I don't want it to be unpleasant for you."
Shepard looked up at Garrus with a smirk. She started moving her hands over his stomach as he stood over her; exploring the softer skin between his plates and on his sides.
This made him shudder. He wasn't used to such intimate interaction. The times he had sexual relations with other turian females were fun, and at those times was exactly what he expected and wanted. Turian relations were more casual; the lovemaking he had with turian females felt more like business than what he was feeling then with Shepard. Pleasurable business, nonetheless leaving both parties satisfied...but this was...so different.
"Garrus," Shepard grinned up at him, "How much have we been through together?"
Garrus didn't expect the question, and had to think about it for a moment, "More than I've ever been through with anyone else...and that's saying a lot." He was happy with his answer.
Shepard looked up at him playfully, "Then why are you worried about giving me a little scratch? You out of anyone should know what I'm capable of handling."
The tone of her voice was surprisingly arousing, and Shepard pulled him down on top of her for another kiss. Garrus went a little wild at this point. He pulled Shepard up further onto the bed, and began kissing her everywhere he could. Shepard didn't seem to have expected it either, and slipped out a moan, which made Garrus move more frantically, grabbing at his favorite spots: her thighs, hips, breasts.
"Jesus, Vakarian," Shepard shuddered under her breath.
The intercom in the room pinged, and Garrus awoke reluctantly from his dream. He stretched his legs to the length of the bed, and looked over at the clock. It was 4am.
He sighed sleepily and put his head back down on the pillow, then lifted it again to look down towards the end of the bed. He was very visibly aroused; the the sheets peaked to a suggestive tent. "Ah shit," he hissed.
He bunched up the sheets around his waist to hide it, and propped himself up with one arm, rubbing his fringe with the other. "What is it!?" he called groggily, hoping whoever was on the other side of the door didn't burst through uninvited.
"Garrus," Liara's worried voice was muffled behind the heavy door.
Garrus rubbed an eye with his palm, "Liara? It's so early, can't it wait for morning?"
He heard Liara sniff sadly on the other side of the door, "I'm sorry Garrus. It's about Shepard."
Garrus punched the door control on the bed-side table; the door hissed open and Liara stepped in, looking distressed.
"I'm so sorry, Garrus," she repeated sincerely, while making her way further into the room. She was holding a few datapads to her chest. She sat down on the chair next to the bed. Garrus was glad she didn't turn on the lights; there was enough emitting from the fishtank, and he wasn't fond of the idea of Liara seeing him aroused.
He pulled the folds of the sheets further up around his waist, feeling quite exposed, despite the fact he was mostly covered. "It's fine, Liara, just tell me what you're upset about." He was expecting more tears, more mourning. He didn't really mind; as bad as it made him feel, it was nice to connect with someone else on an emotional level regarding Shepard's death.
Liara inhaled and exhaled deeply, as if preparing for a long-winded explanation. "Garrus, I had a dream about Shepard."
Garrus gawked at Liara for a while before he realized he should probably say something. "If it was anything like the one I was just having, I really need to hear this."
This made Liara emit a soft giggle. "I promise I wouldn't have woken you up in the middle of the night for that type of dream."
Garrus grinned, but he was genuinely curious as to what Liara meant; without hesitation she delved right into it; "Garrus, Asari believe that when someone dies, their energy returns to the consciousness of the universe. All Is One, we say."
Garrus shifted uncomfortably, for more than one reason.
Liara continued; "I've had many friends die in this war. Occasionally, if it were an Asari close enough to me, I would dream of them. It wouldn't be of anything ominous; just past interactions with them, or wonderful conversations we'd have together. It's a good way to pass the mourning, and a way to gain peace of mind."
Garrus stared at Liara, puzzled, "Liara, I don't think-" but the Asari raised a gentle hand, stopping him from continuing.
She closed her eyes and sighed, "This wasn't like one of those dreams, Garrus."
The Turian's mandibles twitched in agitation; he realized he was holding his breath. "How do you mean?" he asked sternly.
Liara locked eyes with Garrus, "Shepard was there, Garrus. In my dream. I found her and she was really, really there." Tears formed under Liara's green eyes and reflected the blue glow of the fishtank. One dropped from her cheek onto a datapad, twinkling as it fell.
Garrus was speechless, almost furious (his arousal encouraged from his dream had subsided). He already had to deal with his own vivid dreams of the Commander appearing before him, which would make it damned near impossible for him to cope with her passing. But now Liara is coming to him with similar experiences, making this whole mess so much more difficult.
Garrus swallowed; his throat went dry and he addressed Liara after a few moments of thought; "Did this dream happen to start out in...somewhere in outer space? Where you floating?"
Liara's eyes widened, "And there was a light, Garrus. I knew you had one too, I knew it! I felt it. And the look on your face when you woke up back at the lagoon; I've never seen you like that before."
Garrus shifted in embarrassment. "What do you think it means?" he asked her, straightening his back, trying to look dignified.
Liara started to look excited, and grabbed one of her datapads. "I couldn't get back to sleep," she whispered as she tapped at the orange screen; her green eyes darted back and forth while taking in the information. "The dream was so vivid, and it felt like Shepard was right in front of me. I couldn't believe for a second she was dead after that."
Garrus felt a twinge of shame; he had the same dream, and the same gut feeling. However he was so intent on brushing it off; it was too painful.
The asari was too busy with the datapad to notice his distress; "I started researching what more I could on the Crucible; to see if there was anything else we missed before it was detonated. I found a recording of what happened when Shepard…" Liara stopped. The look on Garrus's face was of extreme torment.
"There's a vid?" his voice came out small and quiet; Liara looked down at the datapad, avoiding eye contact.
She went on, her voice cautious, "You know that insufferable human reporter that would bombard Shepard with unfair questions every time she visited the Citadel?"
Garrus strained his memory, and nodded, "I'd have clocked that woman if Shepard wasn't so intent on making nice."
Liara nodded in appreciation, "We can agree on that. The reporter managed to sneak one of her cameras into the Presidum before the Cerberus closed the Citadel arms. She must have rigged it with a long-range wireless control device and planted it before it was evacuated. It was perched somewhere high above in the rafters." Liara looked cautiously up at Garus, who expanded his mandibles.
"Show me," he said between his grit teeth.
Liara looked concerned, "I don't think...Garrus the reporter didn't air it because she thought it would be disrespectful to Shepard's sacrifice. It shows...everything"
Garrus shook his head impatiently, "Look, if you're going to come wake me up at 4 in the morning because you believe Shepard is alive, and that" he pointed at the datapad, "is the supposed evidence, then you're going to show me." Liara looked down and nodded slowly, tapping the datapad, and handed it to Garrus.
The vid first showed Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani's face up close (Garrus made a noise of displeasure). The Citizens of the Presidum rushed passed in the background; it was obvious the evacuation was in place.
"Alright. Check. Check," al-Jilani whispered, "This is a first-hand account of the outcome of engaging the Crucible. Please note, nobody knows for sure what will happen…" She looked disturbed, and her image frapped out into another.
The next image was a semi birds-eye-view of Admiral Anderson at some sort of console; his back turned to the camera. Shepard limped into frame shortly after; it was obvious she was very badly injured.
Garrus didn't react visibly, but his heart went cold when he saw her so beaten and bloody. He watched on, intently.
When the Illusive Man arrived on screen, Garrus bristled; his mandibles flaring. The Illusive Man somehow had control of the two Alliance soldiers, and forced Shepard to shoot Anderson in the stomach. Garrus flinched; it hurt to watch, but he had to. The Illusive Man was ranting about taking control of the Reapers; it was obvious he was indoctrinated.
After the Illusive Man finished his maniacal raving, he prepared to kill the Admiral. Shepard acted first, breaking the control the Illusive Man had on her and fired a shot at him. A clean shot, but it wasn't enough; the Illusive Man pulled the trigger on Anderson, and they both fell to the ground. Both Liara and Garrus lowered their heads and closed their eyes in respect. Shepard sat next to the Admiral as he bled out.
"Forward it, Liara," Garrus asked, his tone now gentle and solemn. "Give them their moment." Liara nodded silently and tapped the datapad.
The vid flickered away from the scene to another. al-Jilani must have been controlling the camera-drone remotely, as it seemed to have followed Shepard to the Crucible after she managed to open the Citadel's arms. The camera managed to wedge itself safely under what appeared to be some sort of ventilation column.
At first Garrus thought there was some sort of smudge on the lense, which stretched the light on the screen. It made him squint and bring the datapad closer to his face. "What is that?" He asked Liara, but she only motioned silently for him to watch on. The smudge of light wasn't on the lense; it began talking to Shepard.
Garrus' eyes widened in surprise, "It's...a child?" Liara nodded.
They sat in silence for several minutes, listening to the options the child presented to Shepard. Garrus let out a defeated sigh; of course, he seethed, it would be too easy to just destroy the Reapers and be done with it. There always has to be something else.
The child told Shepard she could destroy the Reapers, but it would in turn destroy all synthetics; the Geth, EDI, and even herself. Garrus knew Shepard well enough to know sacrificing herself wasn't an issue; eradicating an entire race was.
Regardless of how anyone else looked at the Geth, Shepard saw them as equals. The eerie child also offered to allow Shepard to control the Reapers. The camera zoomed in as close to Shepard's face as possible. She looked so weary, but her famous determination was present in the lines on her face.
The last option was the Synthesis. The child's explanation was so vague. It told her it would be a means to save everyone; organic and synthetic, even the Reapers. It would somehow change their DNA for the better.
As far as Shepard was concerned, Synthesis was the only option. She started limping towards an immense beam in the center of the room. Liara began tearing up, and Garrus's green eyes were fixated on the datapad, his jaw clenched.
When Shepard got to the closer to the edge of the platform where the beam was, she wasted no more time. Garrus was taken aback as to how quick it went. He expected her to turn around and shoot her famous smirk back at the camera. Of course that was ridiculous; she had no idea it was there.
Garrus found himself touching the screen as the Commander made her final steps to the edge of the platform, using what energy remained in her move faster. Shepard opened her arms and tipped herself into the beam.
Hot tears formed in Garrus' eyes, his mandibles expanded and contracted as he watched Shepard's shadowy form disintegrate in the beam.
A green pulse emitted from the beam, sweeping over the Crucible; the camera rattled as the pulse flowed through the camera lens.
Liara, holding back her own sobs moved to the bed and put an arm around the Turian, resting her head on his shoulder. He silently thanked her for that. The scene of the empty platform and beam played on for a couple seconds longer before going dark.
al-Jilani's face reappeared on the screen; it was apparent she had been crying as well. Her irises now glowed with the green hue of the Synthesis. She whispered to the camera, "This document will be donated to the Presidium's private historical files. It will be stricken from the public record, and never used as a public news source, in respect for the deceased. The story will be covered, and Commander Shepard will be revered as the true hero she was, and always will be. Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani over."
The screen switched back to a cheerful orange default glow, casting a light over Garrus and Liara's face. They sat in silence for a few moments.
Garrus wasn't sure if he appreciated Liara showing him this or not, though he did demand it. He got to see Shepard one last time, but watching her throw herself into the beam to allow her body to waste away to nothing...was torturous.
"Liara…" Garrus began; Liara lifted her head from his shoulder and moved back to the chair, taking the datapad with her. Garrus's lifted his brow plates with a sombre puzzlement, "How does this indicate in any way Shepard is alive? If anything that was evidence that she...well she won't be coming back from that."
Liara looked hurt, "No, I didn't say that it was evidence, but it's essential to my theory. Didn't you listen to that child?"
Garrus gave Liara an uncertain sigh; he thought he was hanging on every word during the vid, though he was still fairly groggy. The entire conversation between Shepard and "The Catalyst" was pretty ominous altogether.
Liara gestured to the datapad, "Shepard asked that child AI about who built the Crucible. She was understandably trying to get more information; reaching for any further ideas as to why this was all happening, and how to best resolve it. The child brushed off her question like it wasn't important."
Garrus furrowed his brow, "I thought the Protheans built the Crucible? They just didn't have the Catalyst to activate it."
Liara leaned in closer to Garrus; it was obvious she was getting excited again. "Yes, Garrus, the Protheans did build it, but they didn't design it. The child said it became aware of the Crucible's design long before the Prothean cycle. The Protheans were the only race prior to ours who were able to construct it fully. Shepard asked the child about who initially created the Crucible, and the child told her it wouldn't matter. I don't think the Intelligence even knew." The pace of Liara's words quickened; she was getting lost in her own theory.
"You see, the Leviathans created that Intelligence long before the Protheans existed; it was an AI designed to control the Reapers for the Leviathan's original purposes. The Protheans built the Citadel, but they couldn't have installed the Intelligence on the Citadel themselves; not on purpose anyway; why would they? I think, that after the Intelligence betrayed the Leviathans cycles before the Protheans existed, it then used the Reapers to indoctrinate some Protheans to install it aboard the Citadel. That means the Intelligence was already present when the Protheans built their version of the Crucible."
Garrus perked up a bit, "So if this Intelligence claims to be the Catalyst, and it was already installed aboard the Citadel...why didn't the Protheans use it to activate the Crucible?"
Liara beamed, "Exactly, Garrus. The Protheans had all the pieces to the puzzle; why didn't they use them?"
Garrus shook his head doubtfully, "It could be one of a billion reasons, Liara. Maybe they had some sort of bastard, like the Illusive Man running around; indoctrinated and raving about controlling Reapers... I don't really see where this is going."
Liara nodded understandably, "I know, Garrus, but think about it. The Intelligence claims to be the Catalyst for the Crucible. It claims it's a part of the Citadel or rather is the Citadel; though it was the Protheans who actually created it. Whether or not the Reaper Intelligence was installed aboard the Citadel at the beginning, middle or end of the Prothean cycle, it was present at the time the Crucible was created. When we were constructing the Crucible ourselves, the Protheans left notes about how they had everything in place, but the only thing they were missing to activate the Crucible, was the Catalyst. Why didn't the Intelligence appear to them as the Catalyst, as it did to Shepard?"
Garrus rubbed his neck, "I guess…Look, I can't pretend to even comprehend what went on in the Reaper's collective brain, Liara. It could be a number of reasons. I'm not sure how these questions point to Shepard being alive, when she very blatantly was disintegrated in that beam."
Garrus didn't' mean to sound irritated, but his tone had some bitterness to it; it made Liara flinch away slightly. Garrus shook his head slowly, "I'm sorry Liara, I didn't mean to be short with you. It's just...I'm so exhausted of this. Of this war. Shepard sacrificed herself to end it, and we're sitting here, reaching out for little strings of hope. I feel like it's all we've been doing since Shepard first learned about the Reapers. I want her to be alive, Liara. Hell, I would give my own life to bring her back. It may be selfish of me, but I want to be ready to move on...I can't handle being hopeful again to have her taken away."
Liara shut her eyes, and for a moment looked defeated. But then she opened them again, and gave Garrus a hard, stern stare. Garrus tried to hold his stare unflinchingly, but the asari looked like she was going nowhere.
"Garrus, I understand. Please, believe me, I do," Liara's sincerity was one of her most admirable qualities, "I want everything to be over. I want to move on and to give Shepard the peace she deserves. But if there was a chance... the smallest sliver of a chance that she is still out there; despite what you saw in that vid, would you do what you could to be sure?"
Garrus looked at the asari thoughtfully, "Of course I would, Liara. If there was that chance...as small as it could be. I would search for her. I would find her."
Liara's face lit up with hope, "Garrus, I don't think the Reaper AI was the Catalyst. Shepard was. And I don't think that beam killed her. I think it teleported her."