Sorry for the lack of updates ^^; I haven't uploaded a new chapter since November (I think). But I finally remembered those handwritten fragments of chapter I had locked up in my drawer and decided it was time to upload them.

So, here you go. This one's about Matt's struggle to find Mello. Will he be able to find him? If he does, how will Mello react when he sees Matt again? You'll find the answers to those questions below... so READ! XD

(I do not own Death Note. Copyright - Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata)

Enjoy! ^^

Kallisto

"Mello is gone" I thought, as I tried to get some sleep. My eyes were wet, I wanted to cry; but I couldn't. I closed my eyes abruptly. Such painful memories... Yet, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I tried to comfort myself, I tried to forget; but these memories wouldn't go away. It shouldn't be possible to be this miserable when you were just 14.

I hid my face under my pillow, blocking my ears from hearing any sound at all. The outside world didn't matter anymore; not until Mello faded away from my mind. "Tomorrow will be a better day", I thought, but I didn't really believe that.

I woke up, got up, got dressed, went downstairs and had breakfast. It had become my routine; my boring, depressing, daily routine.

I found out that Near had gone away and created an organisation called the SPK. But… where was Mello? No one knew the answer. All they knew was that, one afternoon, Mello left Roger's office furiously, swearing and making threats, and then… he disappeared. Everybody knew he left because of Near; since the white-haired boy would be L's successor and not Mello. Of course that didn't help me at all… I knew all that too; perhaps even more than they imagined.

At first I blamed Near for what happened, but deep down, I realised it was not his fault. He was an annoying little brat, but that didn't mean he had to take the blame. Anyhow, blaming Near would lead me nowhere. If I wanted to find Mello, I had to investigate; I had to work hard to track down his exact location.

I had thought a million times about leaving Wammy's, although I never had the courage to finally do it. But this time it was different; I had stronger reasons. At last I had made up my mind; I was going to leave Wammy's and I was going to find Mello, at any cost.

And then I started thinking: since Near had got his own place for the SPK, I wondered if I could ask for one myself. I could help with the Kira case and, at the same time, investigate Mello's whereabouts. Well, there was only one way to find out: come by Roger's office and ask. And that's what I did. After a long talk, he finally agreed to give me my own place. (I was getting too old to be at Wammy's, anyway). Then, one day, after everything was set, I packed up my stuff and moved into my new house. Roger had provided me with everything I needed; the right technology, fundamental information from books… everything.

***

Before I knew it, I was already used to living there, all by myself. Time went by quickly and the case was finally progressing. I was 18 by then and had started smoking. A really bad habit, if you ask me, but I didn't care enough about my health to stop. There was one thing bothering me, though: my "investigation" (if you want to call it that) about Mello's whereabouts was going really bad. I hadn't got any information about it. (Some months back, I thought I did, but it led me nowhere). With Mello still "missing", I was getting more desperate each day.

Until, one day, something amazing happened. I had a mission, not very complicated, actually; I had to make a delivery to a certain location. (I won't go into any more details, since it's quite hard to explain). Let's just say it was important information I had to deliver. Well, as I was saying, I arrived at that location a bit early, I suppose, so I patiently sat down, waiting. I knew a deal with the Mafia was risky, it could even be dangerous, but I was rather confident that day. I carefully examined the room. Typical crime scene; perfect for a murder after some sketchy drug deal or something. It was a dark, tiny room and an ice-cold breeze made me shudder.

Suddenly I heard a very familiar voice, echoing in the hallway. Could it be…?

"Let's go straight to the point. Do you have it?" – a large man, probably the boss asked.

Next to him stood a familiar figure; a blond-haired guy, all in black, nibbling a chocolate bar. It was Mello.

"Y-yes…!" – I answered, still in shock.

After I handed him the information, I looked at Mello again. He hadn't changed much, not physically, I mean. But I did notice the fact that he acted like he didn't know me at all. I knew we were dealing at that moment, and he was with the Mafia and all, but still… (He didn't even looked me in the eye!) Every time our eyes met he quickly looked away, avoiding eye contact whatsoever.

"OK… it's done." – the man muttered to himself – "Mello, let's go."– he then called.

And so I watched Mello leave, unable to move, to breathe, to tell him that I missed him. He didn't turn around and look at me, even though I expected him to. I threw my cigarette to the floor and saw it falling in slow-motion. Then, it was taken away by the wind, leaving some lonely ashes behind.

It was a cold day. Yet, I was standing outside with no jacket or vest to protect me from such freezing weather. I had a thought which refused leaving my mind. I kept replaying that scene over and over in my head; Mello coming in and out the room as if he didn't know about my existence. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to watch it once more. And then mixed feelings began to bloom inside me.

I was hurt and I was happy. How could I be hurt and happy at the same time? - I asked myself. Weren't those two… opposite feelings? It was such a strange emotion, but I actually felt like that. Being hurt was understandable at that time; because of how Mello reacted, pretending he didn't know me at all. I was crazy enough to think that he'd remember our "ol' days" at Wammy's; crazy enough to believe he loved me. It was like being trespassed by a knife when he pretended he didn't recognise me… On the other hand, I was happy to see him again! I hadn't seen him in about 3 years, I think. And it felt like my heart, a wilting blood-red rose, had blossomed once again. Spring had at last arrived to my heart; after a thousand years of gelid winter which had slowly covered it with wintry snow. I had finally found him.

But how could I ignore what he had just done? How could I forgive such unforgivable actions? Yes, there was still a thorn of ice pierced across my bleeding heart, which begged to beat happily once again. There was still one more obstacle to overcome before I could plunge into happiness. I could still remember the day when he left… Why didn't he tell me then? If he had, I would have gladly gone with him. Yet, he chose to go down that path on his own. I wished I could understand that, deep down I do, but my devotion for him gets the best of me and wants to stop him from letting go.

I want to confront him; but I don't have the guts. I have to stop myself from running after him; I have to wait. And next time, I'll be able to win; I'll make sure that our meeting is be top secret and that it's just Mello and I, just the two of us; alone.