Thoughts

Epov

The scent…So sweet, so tempting. Stop thinking that! That girl -Bella Swan- clouded my every thought. Her mahogany brown hair that fell past her shoulders, her ivory skin, her veins full of tasteful, sweet no! I started to run harder. I was currently running to Alaska. I decided it would be best for me to avoid Forks for a while. When I saw her I barely controlled myself. My every thought being about ways to sneak her out of the house, draining her every drop of blood. How good it would feel, her blood- Stop those thought this instant! Think of Carlisle I demanded myself, think of our family. You're not draining innocents from their blood, or any human for that matter. Immediately I started feeling guilty. My self-control wasn't as good as I had thought. Luckily Jasper was out hunting when she came in, otherwise she would have been drained dry by two out of control vampires. Stop thinking of draining her! The rest of the way to Alaska my mind went on like this. I hated myself by the point I reached my destination. I now stood in front of a very old house. Suddenly the door swung open and the next moment en felt a pair of arms around me. Tanya of course…I sighed, but returned the gesture. Edward. You don't have any idea of how good it is to see you again. May I ask, to what do you owe us this visit? Don't get me wrong. It's nice to see you for sure, but you rarely come here alone… Tanya's thoughts directed to me. I broke the embrace after an appropriate time. Tanya always held a crush for me, and embracing her longer than a few seconds could bring her hopes up, which was the last thing I wanted to happen. Don't get me wrong. She was a nice person, and even though she had a crush on me she accepted I just wanted to be friends. Still her mind would sometimes wonder to different scenes, where I did want to be more than just friends. I shuddered for a moment. Tanya in the mean while was still waiting for an answer. "Hello Tanya. It's indeed nice to be here again.I haven't been here in a while. I'm sorry for that. But I wasn't really planning on coming here actually. That's partly the reason for my unexpected visit, but the main reason-," I paused for a moment. Now what are you going to tell her, Edward? That you couldn't control yourself? That you were way too much of a coward to stay in Forks? That a twelve year old girl made you flee to Alaska? I debated with myself for a moment, leaving Tanya pondering over the main reason for my appearance here. I decided it would be best if I just told her the truth. At some point she would probably find out though… "The main reason for me showing up here is because Alice took the new girl in town to our house. She had a vision of the girl a few days ago. The vision showed that she would be moving to Forks. I asked Alice why she had a vision of someone we didn't knew, but she just kept blocking her mind for me. And today she took her to our house and forced me into meeting her. But when I came downstairs I, err, I-," I sighed. Might as well just get this over with. "I barely lost control." I whispered ashamed. I looked away, afraid that Tanya would be shocked and maybe even disgusted with me. But she surprised me. "Edward. Edward, look at me," she demanded me. I turned my gaze back on Tanya who now looked worried and understanding instead of happy. Her brows were furrowed and her strawberry blond hair fell from behind her ears, but she didn't bother tucking it back. "Edward, we can't always deny our nature. We are after all vampires. We're supposed to live on humans, yet you chose not to. And sometimes it's harder than usually to control ourselves."

"But I follow this diet for decades now. I should be used to this. I mean it's normal for us to feel the burning in our throats, but not this strong. Not after following the diet for so long. I just don't get it Tanya. I never wanted a human's blood so much." I said angrily, but more to myself then to Tanya. I started thinking about the girl again and how delicious she smelt. She surely would taste delicious too… No, Edward! Stop it! I tried to distract myself so I decided to look at what Tanya was wearing. She wore a simple, long black T-shirt with a dark grey legging underneath, showing how long her legs were. Then I felt Tanya's hands on my shoulders.

"Edward, please listen to me. What about you stay here for a while? Just cool down. You told me you didn't really decide to come here? Does that mean Alice didn't know either? Cause if she didn't I will have to contact your family. I'm sure Carlisle and Esmé and the rest are worried of you, but especially Carlisle, Esmé and Alice." She stated, her Russian accent slipping through for the slightest bit. When I started thinking about what Tanya said I started feeling guilty again. So I nodded. I would stay here for a while and in the meanwhile I would decide what I would do about my situation. I was being selfish. I ran away from my problems. I ran away from my family and home, not thinking about how my family would feel. I knew Tanya was right. To Carlisle I was the second to most precious member of the family. Of course Esmé came first to him. And Esmé…I couldn't even think of how she would feel. I knew she would be sad. She loved me as a son. Her first child in our coven. She hated it when I ran away. And still I kept hurting her. And then you had Alice. My favourite sister in all times. We always had those mental conversations due to our gifts. She had seen my decision to leave. I remembered it clearly.

Flashback

"Edward?" she had asked carefully after she came back from bringing Bella home. She nervously played with the hem of her shirt. I saw her small fee covered in pink flats as I kept looking at the ground while I sat on the cough. She sighed.

"You had to meet her. It was meant to happen anyways. I just speeded the process up and I didn't even plan it. I just came back from hunting early to spend some time with you when I saw her. She was lost an-"

"Alice, save it. You should have left her alone. Don't think I didn't saw the visions you were getting of me attacking her." I had spat while standing up. Did she have any idea of how much danger she had put the girl in? I had seen the visions of my lunging at the girl through her mind. And yet she let me meet the girl. I had to go I had decided then. The girls scent still covered the floor and the phone. I looked up at Alice. She looked me in the eye and then her eyes glazed over. After a minute or so she said

"You're leaving." You could clearly hear the disappointment and sadness in her voice. I felt sorry for little Alice and couldn't find my voice so I just nodded.

"I don't see where you're heading though. Nor do I see when you're coming back." She now looked like she would be crying if she could.

"I'm sorry Alice. But I told you not to search for the girl or contact her, yet you did. I can't. I can't stay. Her scent lingers everywhere. I need to go. Please understand." The last part was more pleading than talking. She nodded, yet I could hear her sad thoughts.

"You do understand that Esmé will be sad and Carlisle too do you? Will you at least promise to come back as soon as possible?" She said while pouting.

"I'll try, but I won't promise anything." I told her whilst patting her hair.

"So you're leaving now son?" I turned around to find Carlisle looking up at me defeated. He looked way older than he was with this expression covering his frozen face. I looked at the man I saw as a father. I nodded.

"I'm sorry mom." I told Esmé, who had been standing in the doorway of the living room. She was there next to me the next second. She gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Please come home quick, Edward. We don't want to miss you for so long again."

I now stood in my room at the Denali's. Tanya tried to cheer me up, but went away when she realized I didn't actually help. My mind started thinking about the girl again. I started thinking of something else then her blood. I had noticed that I couldn't read her mind. I tried to read her mind when she stood in front of my in the kitchen, but when I tried to locate her mind I was completely blank to me. This girl was certainly special. First of all she had my control at breaking point. Second her mind hadn't revealed itself to me. And third: There was something about her that had protected her from the monster that I was. A vampire. Something inside fought the monster of. Something that wasn't related to guilt about my identity, my diet, my family. Something about her only…

Bpov

I had awoken screaming. Luckily Charlie was already at work. I decided that since it was 9:00 am in the morning I might as well get out of bed. I collected my clothes for the day and my toiletries and went to the bathroom to take a nice hot shower. After taking a shower I put a towel around my body and blow dried my hair while brushing it after which I got dressed. I put on a pair of faded, dark bleu jeans with a brown sweater. I picked up my toothbrush and brushed my teeth. Then I went downstairs. I took two eggs from the refrigerator and cooked them. I carefully put the fried eggs on my plate and ate them. When I was done, I started doing the dishes. Okay, what now? I thought. It was 10:13. Great, it's just past ten and I'm already bored. Now what am I going to do till 6:00 pm? But then I realized I had to go to the mall today. I made and grocery list and picked up the money Charlie had left for me. We decided that since I didn't have to do anything today I might as well do the shopping. Well, I decided it. Charlie probably felt guilty that I already took care of the whole household, that he didn't want me to take this upon me too, but I wanted too. I took care of the shopping in Phoenix too. Phoenix…I missed Phoenix a lot. Come on Bella. Stop thinking about Phoenix. You shouldn't be so selfish. To keep my mind of thing I put on my woollen coat and walked out the door towards the mall. It wasn't a long walk. Probably about ten minutes. When I had all the ingredients for lasagne I walked to the checkout when I heard someone call me.

"Bella! Bella!" I heard a bubbly, musical voice call. It turned around to find none other then…

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