Chapter 4
I don't play games but they're supposed to be playing Black ops.
…~x)*(x~…
"Come on, Cassie! We'll teach you." Gabriel and Castiel had been excused from helping doing the dishes since their friends were with them. Michael had pulled Gabriel into the kitchen and suggested Castiel spend the night with them instead of locked in his room.
"Gabriel, I said no." Castiel turned to leave to his room.
"Pleeeeaseeeee?" Gabriel pouted.
"No."
"I will drag you over here if I have to, Cassie."
"Try." Gabriel grabbed Castiel's arm and pulled him but was surprised how strong his brother actually was.
"You're heavy." Castiel gave a slight smirk.
"Can I return to my reading now?"
"No! Come play with us!" the older boy stomped his foot.
"Gabriel, I said n-"
"I can teach you." interrupted Dean with a grin, Castiel glanced at Gabriel who nodded at him with assurance; he returned the smile.
Gabriel dragged another bean bag from the room and placed it next to Dean, Castiel sat next to him feeling slightly uncomfortable not because of the person sitting next to him but because he wished the distance between them would be less. Dean handed Castiel one of the game controllers, his fingertips brushed slightly against Castiel's and both jerked at the touch feeling a spark shock them.
"Are you two okay?" Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, yeah. Come on, start the game." Sam shrugged and turned his attention to Gabriel, Castiel sat still looking at the floor and Dean looked at the giant screen in front of him.
"Well?" asked Gabriel.
"Huh?" Dean answered with a frown.
"Come on, Dean-o, wake up. Have you taught him how to use the controllers yet?
"Oh, uh no. Give me a minute, you guys go ahead and start playing." he turned to Castiel explaining how to work the controllers properly; the younger boy nodded understanding since his brain memorised instructions. Dean was impressed at how fast Castiel learned, he'd managed to complete his mission without getting killed. The other three boys played enthusiastically while Castiel watched them becoming uninterested in his own character. Dean turned to see Castiel with the controller on his lap, an expression of boredom apparent on his face; he placed down his controller after pausing the game.
"I'm bored of this game." he said throwing his hands up in the air, Gabriel and Sam turned to look at him then at Castiel and they understood.
"How about we watch movies now?" suggested Gabriel with a smile.
"Sounds good." said Dean as he stretched, his shirt lifted up a bit showing his tanned skin, Castiel felt his cheeks flush and he looked away.
"Indiana Jones? Star Wars? House of 1000 Corpses? Iron Man? Superman? Dark Knight? The Omen? Jaws? The Exorcist? The Shining? Alien? Predator? Twenty Seven Dress- wait, what the hell is this shit doing here?" he tossed the movie across the room. And continued looking through the rest of the films, "The Fly? Thunderbolt and Lightfoot? Child's Play? Alright, choose"
"Uh, anyone up to horror movies?" grinned Dean, Castiel widened his eyes and looked at Gabriel who smirked not paying attention to his twin.
"I don't mind, and you, Sammy?" Gabriel turned to Sam.
"Sure." he shrugged focused on the screen of his mobile as he waited for a message to send.
"Alright, which one?"
"I say The Omen or The Exorcist!" Dean raised his hand. "Sam?"
"Uh, The Exorcist."
"Well, The Exorcist it is." Gabriel inserted the movie in the DVD player and ran to turn the lights off. Castiel sat still in his seat with eyes widened as his heart started pounding loudly in his chest; his nerves urged him to get out of the room yet he feared interrupting them or being teased by Gabriel in front of Dean. Gabriel was aware in the outcome of his younger brother watching horror films yet he ignored it since the boy had not spoken of it.
Dean, Sam and Gabriel sat concentrated on the film as they consumed the snacks left around them. Castiel felt his stomach turn at each scene, his breathing became accelerated as well as the beating of his heart, his limbs started shaking as his head became dizzy; he wished to get out of the room to throw up yet couldn't move. Dean turned to see Castiel but was shocked to see the boy ghastly nearly fainting, he jumped out of his seat to catch Castiel in time.
"Hey, hey, hey, Cas. Cas, are you alright?" he held him tight in his arms while Gabriel ran to turn the lights on, the younger boy tightened his arms around Dean as he trembled, panic and anxiety clear on his semblance.
"Cassie, I'm sorry." he knelt before the young boy, "You didn't say anything, I thought… I'm sorry."
"Wha- Gabriel, he… why didn't you tell us?!" Dean snapped at Gabriel who turned towards him with guilt in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, he didn't say anything and I thought- I…" he looked down frowning.
"Don't just kneel there! Get Michael or someone!" Gabriel stood up running out of the room calling for Michael.
Sam stood behind his brother watching as Castiel panted trembling in his brother's arms, Dean held him tighter rocking him back and forth as he did when Sam was younger to calm the boy. Michael's voice was heard in the hall, his steps faster and louder as he approached the room, Lucifer was behind him as well as Gabriel.
"Castiel, hey, it's alright. I'm here." Michael knelt before Castiel taking him into his arms. "Let's get you to your room." his breathing calmed and his limbs responded enough for him to walk to his room. Lucifer headed downstairs to find his brother's medicine; he entered Castiel's room holding the pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Michael sat on the edge of the bed as Castiel lay on the duvet.
"Will you be alright if I leave you alone?" Michael asked, Castiel nodded at him. Lucifer sat on the other side of the bed.
"Hey, you alright?" he ran a hand through the boys sweat damped hair.
"I'll be fine. I'm really sorry." he said in a low voice.
"Hey, it's not your fault, alright? Go to sleep, everything will be fine in the morning."
"Thank you." he nodded, Lucifer and Michael walked out of the room and left the door ajar. Castiel felt mortified that Dean had seen him in that state, he closed his eyes hoping sleep would find him.
~)*(~
Dean paced back and forth in the game room feeling uneasy, Sam sat on the sofa looking at his hands on his lap while Gabriel sat on the floor in a corner of the room with his knees to his chest and his head down knowing what was coming, he took a deep breath aware that he deserved it.
"Excuse me, boys." said Lucifer to Dean and Sam then turned to Gabriel. "Gabriel, follow me." the young boy stood up and walked out the door not looking back at the Winchesters.
Gabriel inserted his hands in his pockets to keep them still as he descended the stairs with fear in the pit of his stomach, his limbs trembled slightly hoping Michael would not punish him severely. They entered the office to find their older brother sitting on the sofa instead of his chair behind the desk, his unreadable semblance did not ease the feeling in Gabriel. Lucifer locked the door behind them proceeding to sit opposite of his brother.
"Sit down." he said to Gabriel pointing to a chair in front of the desk facing the sofa. "Want to tell us what happened?" Gabriel looked down and nodded.
"It is all my fault, I'm really sorry, Michael. I suggested we watched horror movies. I didn't think-."
"You didn't think of your brother, Gabriel? Do you have any idea how his chronic his phobia is? Do you remember what happened, Gabriel?! You are supposed to look after him, can't you do that?!" Michael stood before Gabriel speaking in a firm yet furious tone.
"Yes, I remember. I'm sorry." Gabriel kept his eyes on the ground. There was a moment of silence which Gabriel hated more than his older brother's yelling, Lucifer was sitting quietly with his arms across his chest.
"I don't like this more than you do, Gabriel but you must learn. Do not be selfish." Gabriel saw Michael raise his hand from the corner of his eye, he felt as though thousands of needles had been perforated his flesh on the side of his face a low cry escaped from his lips bringing a hand to his face, he steadied himself as Michael turned away.
"You may go." he said in a low, monotone voice. Gabriel stood from his seat heading towards the door, he heard it lock after he'd walked out and ran to the bathroom to look on the mirror. His head throbbed, a red and swollen mark shaped like a hand was printed on his cheek; he closed his eyes took a deep breath.
'You deserve it, Gabriel. For being an idiot." he muttered walking out towards the game room. He looked around to find Sam sitting awkwardly on the sofa.
"Gabe, are you okay?" Sam asked noticing the red mark on the boy's face.
"Yes, I'm fine, Sammy. I'm really sorry about that. Where's Dean-o?" he placed a smile on his face.
"He wanted to see how Castiel is." he ran a hand through his hair looking around the room.
"Oh. Okay." Gabriel sat at the end of the sofa opposite of Sam, they were silent for a moment before Gabriel spoke again. "I really fuck up sometimes." he smiled slightly, "I took it as a joke and…" he paused remembering what Michael had said, "He always gets hurt because of me." his bottom lips trembled as he remembered, Sam sat closer to him wrapping an arm around him for comfort.
….Twelve years ago……
It was storming outside, the skies were dark even though it was only afternoon. Castiel sat in the kitchen with a colouring book and crayons, Gabriel was trying to reach the counter to steal sweets from the jar.
"Come on, Cassie, help me get them, I will give you one. Pleeeeaseeeee?" Gabriel turned to his twin with a pout.
"Michael said no, we will be in trouble."
"He doesn't have to know." he looked at his twin with a pleading look and a twinkle in his eyes. Castiel sighed and dragged a chair from the table to the counter, the older twin held the chair in its place while Castiel reached for the jar succeeding; he took two biscuits giving one to Gabriel and kept the other.
"Castiel, Gabriel!" they heard their teenage brother, Lucifer, calling for them from upstairs, Gabriel panicked and let go of the chair leaving his twin behind. Castiel jumped from the chair landing on his feet, he dragged the chair back to its place, then proceeded to sit at the table once again. He heard loud footsteps and Lucifer came through the entrance.
"Where is Gabriel?" he looked around the kitchen remembering he'd heard the voices of both kids.
"He ran away." Castiel replied with crumbs around his lips.
"Why did he run away?" Lucifer tilted his head slightly looking at the young boy.
"Because we took cookies from the cookie jar that Michael said we couldn't have." he looked at Lucifer with innocently guilty eyes.
"And he left you here, I see. You won't get in trouble because you confessed, Gabriel, however. I'll go find him." Castiel nodded and picked up his crayons again as Lucifer turned to leave.
"Why did you tell him?!" Gabriel stepped out of his hiding place. "You're stupid, Castiel, he didn't have to know!" he pushed the younger boy from the chair, Castiel hit his head on the corner of the table falling on the floor, Gabriel stared at his brother wide eyed when he saw blood on his forehead.
"Cassie, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Please don't tell anyone, please." he helped his brother to his feet and took his arm dragging him to the bathroom. They heard Michael coming their way, Gabriel panicked again and dragged Castiel to the basement.
"Gabriel! Castiel! Where are you?!" they heard Michael's voice as they walked quietly down the stairs of the basement. It was dark and cold, but the scarce light from outside crept its way through a small window giving the room enough light to make up shapes of things in the room. The two boys waited for a while until the voices of their older siblings disappeared the sun was set by then. The older siblings along with their nanny had spend the afternoon looking for the kids but they skipped the basement.
"Stay here, I will go see if he's gone." Gabriel whispered and his little brother nodded. He walked upstairs opening the door as quiet as possible, he stepped outside carefully, Castiel watched him disappear from his place. The door shut loudly, Castiel looked around the room listening as Gabriel started yelling.
"Castiel unlock it! It locks from the inside, unlock it! Castiel!" the little boy yelled from the outside of the basement, Castiel looked around but could barely see anything, there was a loud thunder outside that shook the walls around him, the lightning allowed Castiel to see a few objects in the room; he gasped to see a face close to his, its skin was shiny and smooth with a big smile on it's face and a long nose. The thunder outside kept getting louder or perhaps it was his brother banging on the door loudly, he didn't know, he couldn't tell. The lightning kept illuminating the room for brief seconds and again, Castiel saw that same face.
He felt cold, sick in his stomach and scared; the strong smell of mould, the humidity of the room and the cold made him shiver, nauseous, dizzy. Castiel wanted desperately to get out of there, he wanted Michael or Lucifer to hold him, to protect him but they were not with him, He felt his face burn as tears rolled down his face, the feeling in his stomach grew stronger; he felt weak and tired, in his memories someone called his name while warm, long arms picked lifted him from the ground. He lost consciousness.
His eyelids fluttered open as he gained consciousness becoming aware of his surroundings; he was lying on his bed, Michael was lay next to him with his arms wrapped around him, Lucifer sat on a chair next to his bed; they were both asleep. Images slowly started creeping into his mind, the place he had been before he woke up next to his brothers. Tears formed around his small eyes and he broke into sobs.
~)S*G(~
It was three in the morning. Gabriel opened his eyes slowly and noticed the light was still on, he felt warm and comfortable even though he realised he was on the sofa. He rubbed his eyes letting out a yawn, then he remembered Sam had been with him in the room a few hours ago. Did the Winchesters leave? Something moved under him, he turned his face to see Sam's face a few inches from him. Sam. Sam Winchester was holding him; his pink, soft-looking lips were a few inches from his and he could feel his soft breaths on his cheek. 'What are you doing? He's your best friend's little brother.' he tried to move away but the younger boy stirred and tightened his grip on Gabriel. 'Shit.' Gabriel could feel his heart beating loud in his chest and wondered if it would wake up Sam. But he looked so innocent, so peaceful, so…beautiful… Gabriel leaned closer to Sam and softly placed his lips on the sleeping boy's; Sam did not wake up but that night he dreamt that Jessica had kissed him; and so he smiled in his sleep.
These, were Gabriel's secrets.
…~)D*C~…
Raphael walked in the room after Lucifer and Gabriel walked out and apologised to the boys for what had happened. Dean was too worried about Castiel to find the situation awkward. Sam felt uncomfortable, worried about Castiel and worried for what Michael would do to Gabriel.
"How is Castiel?" Dean asked Raphael.
"He is doing alright now, they gave him some Xanax®. I think he may be asleep by now."
"Can I see him? Please?" Raphael nodded, Dean followed him towards Castiel's room.
"Don't wake him up if he's asleep, please, this is really difficult for him to go through." Dean nodded thanking Raphael as he walked out leaving the door open. Dean slowly approached the younger boy lying on the bed, he looked so fragile yet beautiful in a way. He sat on the edge of the bed by Castiel's feet being careful not to wake up the boy.
"Dean…" Castiel sat up slowly.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" he whispered.
"No, you didn't." he rested his back on he headboard.
"How are you feeling?"
"I am better." there was a pause, "Thank you."
"Hey, it's alright. I'm really sorry, we didn't know." said Dean feeling guilty, he rested his hands on his lap staring at the boy in front of him.
"It isn't your fault, Dean. I am the one who should apologise, I ruined your time with Gabriel and Sam."
"Hey, don't apologise for that. I still had fun and I- you're fun to be around, Cas."
"You called me Cas."
"Oh, sorry, Castiel."
"No, I like it." he smiled at the older boy, Dean smiled back.
"Okay, Cas. I should let you sleep. I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Thank you. Um, do you mind staying for a little longer? Please?" the light from the hall crept through the gap of the door hitting Castiel's face and Dean could see those beautiful deep blue eyes looking at him with plea.
"Sure." he nodded. Castiel and Dean had never been close, even when they were kids, Dean had preferred to play with Gabriel; Castiel would just sit and watch them. The room was silent but neither felt awkward or uncomfortable, it was a peaceful silence they rather enjoyed.
The sunlight hit his face making it feel warm, it irritated his eyes as it passed through his eyelids creating a red wall he could not reach; Dean woke up curled up by Castiel's feet, he blinked the sleep away proceeding to stretch his muscles, Castiel slept silently still, he could hear the others downstairs; Gabriel sat on the stool at the breakfast bar hyperactively while eating his breakfast, Sam sat next to him listening to whatever the boy said enjoying his bowl of fruit, Michael and Lucifer were quarrelling over daily duties and Anna was singing. He stood up to leave without waking Castiel up but the other boy was already opening his eyes, Dean turned around as Castiel sat up slowly on the edge of the bed with a messy hairdo; Dean let out a breath feeling suddenly nervous, if he thought Castiel looked more attractive than he already was he would not admit it to himself.
"Good morning, Dean." smiled Castiel.
"Hey, morning, Cas." he smiled back awkwardly. "How are you feeling?"
"I am well. Thank you for staying with me."
"No need to." they smiled at each other and once again became lost in each other's eyes as if they two were the only beings in the universe, only this time Dean stepped towards Castiel only stopping a few inches from him; they were unaware of the short distance from each other's faces lost in their trance.
Gabriel opened the door to his twin's room but stopped his steps looking at his brother and best friend standing so close, he cleared his throat in hope to gain their attention yet failed, instead, he walked behind Dean, pretending to trip pushed the older boy towards his brother and dramatically fell on the floor. The two boys landed against the wall bumping their foreheads.
"What the hell, Gabriel?!" Dean said touching his forehead with his fingertips.
"Sorry, Dean-o, tripped." he shrugged.
"How can you trip on carpet?"
"I'm very talented, what can I say?" he gave Dean an innocent look.
"Right.." he turned to Castiel. "Are you okay, Cas?"
"Yes." Castiel gave Dean a small smile.
"Hey, Dean, there's breakfast ready downstairs. Sam is there too." he turned his eyes to Castiel the smile slightly fading, "Can I talk to you, Castiel?" the younger boy nodded, Dean walked out of the room and Gabriel closed the door. There was a moment of silence as Gabriel walked towards his brother's bed sitting on the edge.
"How are you feeling?" he spoke softly.
"I am well at the moment." Castiel nodded.
"I am sorry about last night, Cassie, it was very foolish and selfish of me to do what I did. I hope you can forgive me, I'm always causing you trouble and it's my fault this happened to you." Castiel stepped forward sitting next to his brother.
"I know you did not intend for it to happen, do not blame yourself any longer, Gabriel, it was years ago and we were both too young. You should not apologise, I am the one who caused the inconvenience and disrupted your movie."
"Cassie, no, I was really an idiot and I thought perhaps it wouldn't be that bad, I wasn't thinking about you, I am selfish and I am really sorry." his eyebrows furrowed, his gaze fixed on his hands on his laps.
"Gabriel, you are my brother, I know you did not mean to harm me in any way. There is nothing to forgive." Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around his older brother and the boy returned the gesture.
…~)*(~…
It was a lovely morning, the sun was bright and warm, the skies were blue clear of clouds; the three boys decided to spend their morning in the pool, Gabriel insisted Castiel joined them but he had politely refused choosing instead to continue reading his book. He sat by the window watching as the three of them playfully pushed each other into the pool, making races; he wished to join them yet he was afraid to interrupt their fun again.
It was afternoon when they decided to go eat pizza downtown at Dante's Pizza parlour and for ice cream at Bobby's later; they were greeted with, 'was 'bout time ya Idjits showed up again.' and a warm smile. Castiel had accompanied them by request of Dean and Michael. The boy noticed for the first time Castiel's appearance, he was aware of his androgynous beauty though his apparel caught his attention; white skinny jeans, a long-sleeved striped shirt, a light-blue-grey coloured vest with matching bow tie, a blazer and white Oxfords. He restrained himself from staring at the boy for too long though his eyes involuntarily found their way towards Castiel. He felt conflicted inside questioning whether he was attracted towards a boy or simply felt guilt over the kiss, Castiel's first kiss, they had not talked about it and Castiel had not mentioned it.
The night approached as the skies darkened, the temperature dropped slightly, the wind blew softly making the leaves sway along its rhythm; the boys decided to return to the Novak house again where they spent the night with the rest of the siblings sitting in the living room with buckets of popcorn throwing it at each other, devouring bars of candy among other snacks while watching as many superhero films as they could. Anna and Raphael sat next to each other on the sofa, Michael and Lucifer sat next to each other opposite of Sam and Gabriel, Castiel and Dean sat next to each hardly concentrating on the films yet enjoying their time together joining the conversations in the room; Castiel's behaviour did not go unnoticed by his siblings, the small touches, the hidden smiles, the lack of personal space and the longing stares between him and Dean yet they spoke nothing of the matter simply hoping Castiel would find happiness for once in his life.
…......
He stood up stretching his muscles, a yawn escaped his lips as he blinked at the blur in his vision being careful with each step he took towards the bathroom; he allowed the cool water to run as he tried in vain to focus his eyes on the image reflecting on the mirror. A small smile formed on his lips at the thought of a pair of forest-green eyes, it was a school day and he'd always been eager to learn each day, to fill his brain with knowledge or the least the education could provide, the rest was by his own effort. His day started merrily attending each class which were a blur to him until lunch hour; he was expected to join Dean and his friends at the lunch room. He sat down at his usual spot next to his twin opposite of Dean. Conversations were mainly between Gabriel and Dean's friends or the two boys as Castiel listened in silence stealing glances at the boy with the forest-green eyes.
"Told you she would say yes, Dean-o. Can't turn down a Winchester, can they?" Gabriel and Dean pounded their fists as they grinned, Castiel shifted in his seat not comprehending the feeling in his chest, a gentle pang.
"I get a date with a bendy cheerleader and get lucky. Best Summer Ball ever, dude." Dean smirked.
"Aw yeah, man." Gabriel and Dean laughed not noticing the younger Novak standing from his seat, he walked towards the exit without a word. Gabriel noticed a moment after the absence of his brother, he sighed quietly pitying the boy yet scheming in his mind noticing the smile fade from his best friend's lips at Castiel's absence.
He sat on at the desk with a book in his hands attempting to focus on his reading yet it seemed impossible as the image of Dean overtook his mind. The slight anger mixed with pain in his heart did not cease as the hours passed, it troubled him not being able to comprehend the new feeling though he suspected it 'jealousy'.
'It is wrong to feel anger towards Dean when he does not acknowledge my feelings for him, he does not know, he does not have to know.' he muttered inaudibly.
"Castiel?" he was disrupted from his thoughts by Amelia, a blonde girl with soft features and a lovely smile, her long curls bounced as she moved gracefully.
"Amelia, my apologies for ignoring you." he said in a monotone voice yet meaning it.
"Oh, it's fine, you seemed very pensive." she smiled softly sitting next to his desk.
"Yes, I was analyzing this passage."
"I see. Sorry for interrupting." she looked at her hands on her lap.
"Don't be." he smiled. "Is there something I can help you with?"
"No, I mean, yes, I wanted to ask you something." she took her bottom lip between her teeth. "Are you going to the Summer Ball?" her fingers fiddled with the corners of her blazer awaiting for a response from the boy. Castiel seemed to think for a moment about his decision; it would be unpleasant to see Dean with someone else yet he had no control over who the boy decided to spend his time with, it was rather foolish of him to miss an event because of this.
"I have not made up my mind yet, why do you ask?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" a nervous smile formed on her lips.
"I would be delighted to." he returned the smile sincerely.
"Really? Um, great! You have my number, don't you?" she stood from the seat to return to her assigned desk.
"I believe I do." Amelia thanked him with one last smile before disappearing to somewhere in the room. Castiel allowed the smile on his lips noticing from a distance the contentedness of the girl, it warmed his heart remembering her kindness and the amount of time he had known Amelia. She had confessed to him in grade seven having a crush on him, her smile never faded when he could not respond, the smile never faded knowing in her heart the feelings would never be returned but he could give her one thing, one memory of them.
…~)*(~…
I have no idea why I changed the ending *punches self on the face* Akjdklasd sorry if it seems depressing, I just think Amelia should be happy in the show and I'm thankful that she's alive.