Chapter 4: Dreamed

I decided to give up on my idea of finding her. Even if we met again, the sight of me would disgust her. And how could I betray Bella like that? Not like she hasn't betrayed me, I bitterly told myself.

But I still loved Bella, and I wasn't about to act like Romeo. I hated that play, and that character for what he was. Romeo was in love with a girl who was becoming a nun. She was off limits. Just like Bella.

But then, as he's grieving, he sees Juliet for the first time. And what does he do? He falls in love with her! Love at first sight! And what's more? They are rivals!

I shook my head and frowned as I realized how similar Romeo and I really were. It disgusted me, for I always detested his character. Maybe I am that despicable, I mourned.

I decided that staying alive was out. However, I had one thing to take care of first.

I began running the way I had come, the way Sam and the pack left last night disappointed by my choice. I felt guilty for that, but I didn't want to think about that. The only emotion I let flow through me was revenge. I ran as far as I could until it was unsafe to be a werewolf. With the first glimpse of a human, I transformed, still sprinting half naked into the populated streets.

I humorously waved at the guy in the hotdog stand, and he looked at me quizzically before shyly waving back. I chuckled to myself for being able to find humor in my present situation.

I had to be honest with myself though. I was giddy with delight at the thought of what I was about to do. The corners of my lips pulled back into a devilish grin as I sprinted on.

Pretty soon I was in the same familiar forest that I was trying to escape from not too long ago.

I mentally remembered the date Edward mentioned in the less-than-satisfactory note he decided to give me. I remembered how surprised I was by how soon they were going to get married!

Oh well! I thought happily to myself. It was only more convenient for me this way! Now I wouldn't have to wait before I got my revenge! I was going to crash their wedding! The mental image of the horror on Bella's face made me smile. No, I wasn't one for cruelty, but I couldn't deny how pleased it would make me feel to ruin their wedding after she ruined my life!

When I was out of sight I turned back into a werewolf and listened to Embry's pleading voice.

"Seriously Jacob! Please reconsider!"

I skillfully ignored him, and eventually Sam told him to knock it off and leave me alone. They were shunning me until I changed my mind obviously.

For some reason, this made me crack up, which sounded very strange coming from a wolf. It wasn't a laughing matter. In fact, it was downright depressing! But the excitement of what I was going to do lifted my spirits. Even though my best friends kicked me out of my home, my love abandoned me, and I imprinted on a vampire, who most likely hated my guts, I could still see a positive side to it all.

It will all be over soon, I told myself. The wedding was Saturday, and it was Wednesday. I could wait that long. Couldn't I?

I only had one problem…where was I going to stay?

Going to Charlie crossed my mind, but even though he was a family friend, I couldn't risk running into Bella. So that idea was definitely out.

I found this little patch of open space among the trees and decided it would do. The night was already creeping up into the sky, and I enjoyed the sight of the stars sparkling, giving off their own light in the darkness.

I was hopeful as I thought about my recent mood. Maybe I was my own light in the darkness of the situation. Although thinking about death could hardly count as being a light, I still allowed myself to hope. Hope that it would all work out.

I closed my eyes and quickly drifted to a sleep. However, my dreams were not as pleasant.

I dreamt of Edward first, mocking me and laughing in my face. Grabbing Bella by the waste and kissing her with so much passion it made my blood curl.

Then the pack came up behind me and started pushing me around. Sam was the one who ushered the last push, and I went falling off the same cliff Bella jumped off of ages ago. The waves crashed all around me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Bella was the only one I could see now.

Her face was contorted with hate, and she was leaning over the edge of the cliff, glaring at me like everything was my fault. Her hands were stiffly on her hips, and she spit in disgust.

A huge wave swallowed me under the water, and when I finally managed to get back to the surface, Bella was gone. In her place was the vampire I had seen earlier. Her face mimicked what Bella's was like.

I swam to shore, hoping to run away from her loathing face, but my legs wouldn't cooperate. They were going slow, no matter how hard I pushed them.

She was there in a flash, but her features were smoothed out. She looked at me seductively, and I almost lost my balance, my knees were buckling so badly. I gasped as she crept closer, and I realized what she was about to do. My whole body froze in shock, as her lips touched my neck.

She bit me and was gone as quickly as she came. I was on the floor, shuddering and clasping at my throat. Tremors shook through my whole body, and as if I changed into wolf form, I was a vampire.

The nightmare ended there. I jumped up, my heart accelerating, and I brushed the sweat off my brow. I shuddered as I thought about the climax of the dream. I hadn't even thought becoming a vampire was possible for me. I didn't even have second thoughts about ever becoming one of them.

It's just a dream, I told myself. No, it was a nightmare. But you've had worse.

I really doubted that what I said was true, but I tried to find comfort in the lies I was telling myself.

I really am going crazy, I thought.

A wave of nausea flowed through me and I curled into a tight ball. I tried to think of more peaceful things while I attempted to fall back asleep, but sleep would not have me.

It seemed like it had been two hours by the time I finally gave up.

I glanced up at the sky, wondering why it was so dark. The stars were dim and barely shining, and the moon was engulfed in darkness.

"A new moon," I muttered to myself. "Just perfect."

It was surprising how drastically my emotions had changed in the last couple of hours. And even the night sky failed me.

I hate my life, I mourned in despair.

A/N: hey! I'm living! I'm sorry it took me so long to write, but I was so excited about my other story getting finished, I had no time for this one. Poor Jacob : Anyways, I'm sorry that these chapters are always so short. I'll try to make them longer ;)