Title: Wallowing: Part 2
Pairing:Xander/Angel (mostly)
Content Warnings: Slash
Disclaimer:I own nothing. Joss Whedon's responsible. I just worship it.
Author's Notes: This chapter still takes place shortly after the episode Lovers Walk (excluding the flashback to Season 2 prior to Killed by Death in the beginning).
A few important notes on the format of my writing:
- - = A memory that includes an actual scene from the show
_ = A memory of my own original conception and creation
Italics = Thoughts/Inner dialogue of a character.
"Xander did you hear me?" his mother asked.
Xander didn't respond, partially because he was too paralyzed by fear to even think or breathe immediately, but mainly because Angelus had his hand held tight over Xander's mouth.
"Okay never mind then, I'm going to bed," she said after a long pause. "Oh, if you go downstairs don't be afraid if you hear any noises. I left your father on the couch."
Xander's heart dropped as he heard his mother's footsteps proceed down the hall, followed by the sound of her door closing shut.
"That was rude not to answer your mother, Xander. She's such a nice lady," Angelus whispered into Xander's ear. "You know, don't take this the wrong way, but I never assumed your family to be of the white trash variety."
Xander opened his mouth and bit the inside of Angelus's palm as hard as he could. His eyes opened wide in terror as the vampire on top of him began to chuckle quietly.
"So you're a biter?" he commented, pulling Xander's hair and cocking his head to the side, allowing him to nestle his lips close to Xander's neck. "Well, so am I." He grazed his teeth along Xander's neck. "Now, when I take my hand from your mouth, you're not going to scream, or call for help from your parents, because if you do- one, they probably wouldn't even hear you in their drunken stupor and two, well, you know what I did to Ms. Calendar. She got off easy."
Xander was trying his best to keep a level head. At least as level-headed as one could be in a situation like this. He'd always considered the possibility of Angelus attacking him, even in his home, but the fact that it was actually happening was something Xander still couldn't quite wrap his head around. He thought he had mentally organized some kind of emergency plan should he find himself in this situation, but right now, all he could think about was the likely possibility this would be his last night alive.
Okay, so there's a homicidal maniac lying on top of me, which is actually making me very uncomfortable, he thought to himself. Should I do what he says? He'll probably just kill me anyway. What would Buffy do?
"Do we have an understanding?" Angelus asked.
What would Buffy do? Fight back for sure. I could try to fight... Oh who am I kidding? She's the Slayer. Super strong, super fast, and super cunning. My only talent where slaying is concerned is regularly getting almost killed.
"This isn't jeopardy, boy," Angelus whispered harshly.
For a moment, Xander hoped Buffy and the others would charge into the room and save him. That's the way it usually happened. Buffy came in at the right time, in the right place, right in the nick of time. He imagined her crashing through his window (and she always eerily somehow knew exactly which window/wall to crash through) and taking on Angelus.
However, he had a feeling his luck had run short in this particular situation. Buffy was probably fast asleep by now, trying to fight off the flu, not her evil ex-lover. Buffy wasn't coming.
Making an impulse decision, Xander nodded his head, giving a sigh of surrender.
In one swift motion, Angelus removed his hand from Xander's mouth, leapt up from the bed and had Xander pinned against the opposite wall.
"See, I'm not such a bad guy. I'm open to compromise," Angelus said, morphing into his regular face.
"Go to hell!" Xander replied breathlessly.
"I'll pass. Too many familiar faces."
"What do you want?"
"Hmm, to bring chaos to the unsuspecting world, strike fear in the hearts of children, oh, and one those little Tamogotchi pets. Dru says their evil, but I just think they're so darn cute!"
"What do you want with me?" Xander responded acidly.
"Oh Xander, what do you think? It's not like you have anything to offer me, but the obvious." He grabbed Xander's throat and cocked it to the side, once again exposing his neck. "I contemplated killing your parents earlier, but they reaked of alcohol. I was afraid if I fed on them I wouldn't be sober when you finally got here."
"You know what, if you're gonna kill me do it now. I don't think I can stand the sound of your voice for much longer," Xander said, trying his best to sound unaffected.
Angelus chuckled villainously again, and Xander suddenly felt as though all the wind had been knocked from his body as Angelus' fist made contact with his stomach. He then felt his body being hurled through the air, yet landing almost silently on the bed.
"You always try to be so brave, Xander," Angelus said, practically resting beside Xander on the bed with his hand wrapped tightly around his neck. "Especially in front of her."
Xander met Angelus' gaze.
"Do you think it will ever make a difference? Do you think it will change the way she feels about you?" Angelus probed. Xander squirmed only to have Angelus tighten the grip on his neck. "Your heart is pounding so loudly it's almost drowning out the sound of your alcoholic father's snoring downstairs. You're not brave, nor heroic. You're just a little boy, trying to make Buffy think you're a man. No matter how many times you gift-wrap her a rocket launcher, perform a love spell, which went terribly wrong by the way, or play bodyguard while she's sick, that will never change."
Xander tried to remove Angelus' hand from his neck once more, who this time didn't even bother trying to further incapacitate him. At this point it wasn't necessary. He's got me, Xander thought to himself in defeat. I can't fight him.
"She sees it, the others see it. Cordelia sees it. How do you think it makes her feel- you always trying to be Buffy's knight in shining armor? The thing about girls like Buffy and Cordelia is, they want a man who will take control... although Buffy does enjoy being on top."
Xander hurled his fist toward Angelus' face with all his strength, who without even flinching, had his own wrapped around it in the blink of an eye.
"It really gets to you doesn't it?" Angelus' inquired. "The fact that Buffy doesn't even give you a second glance, yet she gave it all up to me. Even now that she's freed the monster within and her little lovey bear is on a permanent vacation, no matter how hard she tries to convince herself she can kill me, she can't. She still loves me."
"Fuck you!" Xander managed to growl back.
"No thanks, you're not my type." Angelus replied. Once again moving at incredible speed, he was suddenly on top of Xander again, pinning his hands above his head. "Then again, I've been alive for a long time... there's almost nothing I haven't tried Xander."
Xander's eyes widened as Angelus rested his head on his bare chest.
"I can feel the blood pumping from your heart. It's running through every vein, every capillary, filling up every... appendage." Angelus skillfully removed one hand from Xander's wrists while still keeping them pinned, and ran it down Xander's arm, down to his side, slowly going further down before resting his hand on the waistband of Xander's boxers. "Your fear, your scent... it's, dare I say, intoxicating. Maybe it's because you're the only person in this house whose blood isn't 80% alcohol, but I'm still anxious for a taste. It kind of excites me... Don't think that makes me some kind of deviant, hmm? Do ya?"
At this point Xander began to feel his eyes tearing up. The last thing he wanted right now, even less so than being murdered by Angelus, was for Angelus to have the satisfaction of seeing him cry.
In what felt like a blurred motion Angelus quickly positioned Xander on his knees with his arms twisted behind his back. Angel pressed his form into Xander.
"I must admit," Angelus began, running a free hand across Xander's face, before grabbing his jaw and turning his head so their eyes met, "your puppy dog eyes, smooth skin, the shape of your mouth- almost have a feminine softness to them. You're a beautiful man Xander..."
The tears spilled over Xander's eyelids as Angelus began to close the distance between their lips.
Suddenly, Xander was thrown on the floor, and Angelus, after straddling him, gave him two hard strikes across the face, laughing sinsterly. "Unfortunately- for you- I'll just settle for killing you... but not now. That would be so predictable, almost anti-climactic. I want the Slayer to be there, watching when I drain the blood from your body. Just know, in the very near future, I'll be back. For you, Cordelia, Giles... I can only imagine the things I'll do to sweet, sweet Willow."
"Stop it," Xander muttered. "Just stop."
"Save the begging for when that day comes me boy," Angelus teased in an Irish drawl. "Until then, sleep tight."
And in an instant, he leapt off of Xander and headed for the window. Suddenly, he stopped. "On second thought..." Xander closed his eyes painfully. "I'm going to go out the front door. After all, I was invited in."
With that, Angelus stalked pass Xander, not even bothering to look down at him. He opened the bedroom door and disappeared, closing it quietly, as if not to disturb Xander's sleeping parents.
Xander, took a deep breath, for what seemed like the first time through that encounter, and slowly picked himself up off the ground; but he found it extremely difficult. He didn't understand why he felt so tired and weak. All he'd done was lay there and let Angelus...
He collapsed onto his bed and began sobbing uncontrollably into his pillow, trying his hardest not to make a sound. Not for fear of Angelus coming back, but of waking up his parents. Fear of being seen in this state.
Xander had never felt so violated in his life, and the worst part of it all was that Angelus had, in reality, shown him mercy; so Xander lay there, collapsed on his bed as he imagined he would be earlier that night. Only he wouldn't be going to sleep any time soon.
Xander shuddered as he returned to the present world, feeling goosebumps underneath his clothing.
That son of a bitch, he thought to himself, as he watched Angel walking. He remembered how it took weeks before he was able to sleep at all again, even after Buffy had killed Angel. He remembered how he had to beg Amy Madison to perform the spell to reverse Angel's invitation, who was overtly unwilling and reluctant after the love spell had gone awry. He remembered most that he had to go to Amy in the first place because he was too ashamed to tell his friends about the encounter, and how he had to hide the trauma of the occurence so not to arouse their suspicions.
He felt he had no reason to tell them, and humiliate himself. Angel hadn't said anything new. "I'm gonna kill the slayer, but first I'm gonna torture her friends." The same ole' song and tap dance.
Soon enough though, that shame turned to rage, and Xander became hungry for vengeance against Angel- Angelus. That was the problem. Despite the fact that he had gotten his own personal revenge against Angelus by giving Buffy an altered description of Willow's message to stall while she re-ensouled Angel, and no matter how many times he heard Buffy say that Angel and Angelus were separate beings, and Angel had no control over Angelus' actions, Xander couldn't separate his hatred and disgust of Angelus from Angel, who he never liked very much to begin with.
All these thoughts ran through Xander's head as he followed Angel through the outskirts of the stores and shoppes in town... into a cemetery.
How typical, Xander thought. Well, this isn't making things look any better for Deadboy. Walking through a cemetery at night with a bag that is undoubtedly filled with apocalyptic paraphenalia. Not good at all.
Xander continued his pursuit through the cemetery, being careful not to get too close or make too much noise. He was again considering a future career as a Secret Agent, or at least a Private I, when suddenly a crow flew directly over his head, startling him and causing him to wheel around in fright.
Damn birds, he thought as he composed himself. It's bad enough we've got demons and vampires, I don't need the birds to start attacking.
He turned back around to find that Angel had disappeard from sight. Crap, I lost him!
"Is there a reason you're following me?" came a voice from over Xander's shoulder.
He jumped, yelping and turning to find Angel standing behind him.
"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"
"Says the guy who is stalking me," Angel replied impatiently.
"Stalking? Oh, don't flatter yourself. I was... tailing you, because I know you and your paper bag of evil are up to no good!"
"What are you talking about?"
"What's in the bag Angel?"
"Blood," Angel replied blankly.
"Aha! The blood of virgin girls you're going to use in some sort of ritual sacrifice!"
"No, the blood of pigs I'm going to eat for dinner."
"Don't you mean breakfast? Vampire!" Xander retorted. "And those may have just been pigs to you, but to someone else they were Wilbur, Babe and Piglet!"
"As entertaining as this conversation is, I would just like to take my blood and leave. Alone."
Angel started forward, only for Xander to step in front of his path.
"Unless, you have something else you want to say to me."
"Maybe I do, Deadboy."
"Well then say it. We're burning moonlight here, and I get kind of grouchy when I'm hungry."
"Fine! I think-"
"Duck!" Angel interrupted, pushing Xander aside and to the ground just in time to take the tackle from a vampire who'd come charging out of nowhere.
"Hey, I wasn't finished talking!" Xander exclaimed, standing up again. The vampire struck Angel with two fists to the face, before Xander pulled him off. He got in about three good hits before the vamp ducked his fourth attempt, and sent him hurling backward through the air with a roundhouse kick to the chest. His head made impact with a nearby head stone and he sunk to the ground unconscious.
By this time Angel had regained his footing, and struck the vamp with a left-hook, uppercut and hitch kick to the chin. He stepped defensively between the vampire and Xander.
"Why are you protecting this human?" the vampire queried.
"The kid's kind of a pain, but you're not getting anywhere near him," Angel replied before pulling out a stake to finish the job. The vamp charged again, and Angel quickly dropped to the ground swiping the vamp off his feet and onto his back. "Besides, it's what I do." He plunged the stake into the vampire's heart, and it exploded in a cloud of dust.
Angel brushed himself off, and looked over at Xander lying on the ground. He looked over at the bag of blood, some of the contents of which had spilled. He sighed deeply, walking over to Xander, lifted him up into his arms, and headed off toward the mansion.
Xander began to stir. He didn't remember exactly what had happened, but this was a feeling he was pretty familiar with by now. He'd been knocked unconscious.
The last thing he remembered was following Angel, and vaguely being in a cemetery. He surveyed his surroundings. He was lying on satin sheets in a very large bedroom. The floor was stone, the air was drafty, and there were very few items of furniture. He recognized this place.
"The mansion!" he exclaimed sitting up. The sensation was delayed at first, but it wasn't long before a throbbing pain erupted in Xander's head- one of the typical after-effects of being knocked unconscious.
Angel entered the room swiftly, moving to Xander's side.
"You should lay back down. You hit your head pretty hard," he said, although his tone was slightly lacking in sympathy.
"You knocked me unconscious and brought me here against my will!" Xander accused the vampire.
"As usual, you're jumping to absurd conclusions. Maybe you forgot, compliments of a slight concussion, but I saved your life," Angel responded pointedly.
"The vamp," Xander said slowly, remembering the attack. "I got knocked out by some no-name vamp!"
"And I staked said 'no-name vamp'. You're welcome."
"You expect me to thank you?"
"Well gee, saving your life may seem like a pretty small favor to you, but in most cultures of the world it usually warrants at least a thank you."
"Well, thankfully we live in the United States and I have a constitutionally-given right to exercise my lack of gratitude. Read the 19th Amendment."
"That was women's suffrage."
"That too!" Xander replied. Angel rolled his eyes
"I had to leave my blood in the cemetery so I could carry you here. If you're not going to thank me, I'll settle for the $15 you owe me," Angel retorted.
"Hey I didn't ask you to bring me here," Xander reponsded. "Besides, you have super strength, couldn't you carry both?"
"I'm a vampire, not a juggling circus act. Would you rather I had left you in the middle of the cemetery? You wouldn't have made it through the night."
"I would rather have taken my chances."
"Why are you acting like this? Maybe I haven't stressed this point clearly enough, but I saved your life."
"That's the problem!" Xander spat back. Angel's brow furrowed in confusion.
"I don't get you. You follow me around, you're constantly accusing me of being evil, and even after I save your life, again, you still can't bring yourself to say a simple 'thank you'. You can't let go of the notion that I'm always hatching some insidious plan."
"Well with your track record I'd say my suspicions weren't so far-fetched." Xander responded coldly. Angel paused for a moment, staring into Xander's eyes.
"Angelus is gone. I know the things he- I did can't be forgiven or forgotten-"
"Angelus isn't gone. Maybe he's been put in solitary confinement inside your evil, overly-gelled head, but as far as I'm concerned you're still a monster. A dangerous monster that could be released at any time."
"I have my soul back, and I don't plan on losing it this time."
"Well I don't see that working with Buffy in the picture."
"We're just friends," Angel said on the heels of Xander's last comment.
"Right, just friends." Xander snorted, rolling his eyes. "Well, as long as you two are being 'just friends', you're putting the lives of everyone Buffy loves and countless people in danger. Look, I wish I could say this has been fun- no wait, I don't. I'm perfectly happy saying this has been one of the crappiest nights of my entire life, but I need to be leaving now."
Xander stood from the bed, but was suddenly caught by a dizzy spell. He stumbled a bit, and Angel quickly grabbed him.
"You're not going anywhere until you've fully recovered. At least you'll be safe here until then."
"Safe? With you? Again, I'd rather take my chances out there than be in here with you."
"Fine at least let me call Buffy, or Willow and have someone take you home."
"No!" Xander exclaimed, getting dizzy again and leaning on Angel for support. "Don't call her- them. I don't... I can't see any of them right now."
Angel helped Xander into the main room, despite his protest, and sat him down on the couch. Angel brought Xander a glass of water. The fireplace was already burning, and the light danced on the bare walls of the mansion. The air was filled with tension.
"Well if there's no one that can take you home, and I'm willing to wager you don't want me to do it, you're only option is to stay here," Angel said, settling into the chair opposite Xander.
"Or take my chances alone."
"And die."
"Death ain't so bad."
"Damnit Xander!"
"Fine!" Xander surrendered, his face flustering. "I'll stay, but the moment I can walk around without getting all woozy and the room going all swirly I'm out of here."
"Fine by m-"
"On the condition you don't talk to me," Xander interrupted him. Angel squinted his eyes in frustration.
"Xander grow u-"
"No talky!" Xander asserted, cutting Angel off.
"Fine," Angel said.
"Good!" Xander answered quickly, intent on having the last word.
And the two sat in silence, occasionally taking turns looking at one another and then quickly glancing away before the other noticed, as the fire continued to burn and crackle with a loudness that only added to their discomfort.
To be continued...
A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I will try my best to upload at least one chapter a week from now on! The line, "Don't think that makes me a deviant, hmm? Do ya?" is taken from the episode "Destiny" in the 5th season of Angel, and there is a reference to the love spell gone awry that Amy Madison performed in "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered".
It was so difficult for me to remember to write Angelus, and not Angel, in the flashback scene! And I know I promised Xangel fun (again), but I promise that will happen AFTER the next chapter, which I'm considering writing from Angel's point of view (which I hadn't planned to do at all)!