Patrick propped his head up on his hand as he lay watching Richie sleeping. This was one of his favorite things to do. To just gaze at this gorgeous sexy man as he lay there in all his exotic beauty. Patrick had no idea that he could be so turned on by the feel of that bristly beard rubbing against the soft skin of his groin, or by the stare of those brooding, dark hooded eyes as they looked up at him while Richie was sucking his cock. The man's eyes were mesmerizing. They really were like the windows to his soul, and he held nothing back, nothing hidden as he seemed to devour Patrick with his eyes.
And that body. All hard muscle covered by dusky satin skin, not an inch of fat on him. Patrick could feast for hours just kissing and licking that body. As for his penis, well, he had a beautiful penis, and Patrick was relieved that it ended up being a circumcized one so he didn't have to live through the embarrassment of their first date again, and fumble his way through figuring out what to do with that whole foreskin thing. He wasn't a size queen, but fuck, Richie's cock was a thing of beauty. Patrick loved playing with it, sucking it, jacking it off, and Richie seemed to love it all too.
Patrick could hardly believe his luck. He had been so close to losing any chance at being with this amazing man, yet Richie had forgiven him for his crassness on their first atrocious hook-up, and had given him a second chance. And even though that night at the End Up Patrick had not been thinking much beyond a fun date and some hot sex, it had turned into so much more. Once again Richie had proven himself to be sweet and open and so fucking genuine, that Patrick was enthralled. Almost from that first night, they had been spending as much time together as they could, and everyday Patrick was finding his world expanding, learning so much about a whole culture he knew nothing about, and he was loving every minute of it.
Patrick really hoped he hadn't fucked it up tonight with that whole boyfriend thing, though. It had just slipped out as they were discussing Dom's party. It had felt so natural for him to call Richie his boyfriend that he hadn't even given it a second thought. What was the etiquette supposed to be? They obviously weren't just casually dating anymore. Richie had spent so many nights over at his place, and Patrick had stayed with him a few nights too, so...didn't that mean something? And since that day they had spent walking around the city together they had become so close and Patrick could swear there was a connection there that was deeper than just a hook-up. Richie had teased him about it as he continued preparing dinner for the two of them, had joked that he had scored in landing himself a WASP boyfriend, but he had seemed pretty chill about it too. And that was one of the most amazing things about Richie. He was just so...calm, grounded. He took life seriously, but at the same time was completely philosophical about stuff. All he wanted to do was to enjoy life, play his guitar, make enough money to pay his rent...It was so beautifully simple.
What must it be like to not care or worry about every little thing that was happening in your life, to not question every decision, to not analyze every choice. Ambition was bred into him, but really, did money and a successful career make you happy? He had spent his life around high achievers, and none of them seemed more content with their lives than Richie did. Patrick wanted to find that inner peace inside of himself too, that core of strength that made Richie so sure of himself, so confident. He lacked education and he was a barber, but the way he held himself he made you feel like he could have been anything he wanted to be, and this was the life he had chosen for himself.
He was just so fucking sweet. He had played his bass guitar for Patrick, singing shyly in his deep baritone, melting Patrick's fucking heart, and then after serenading him had proceeded to blow his mind with the best fucking blow job of his life. With the extra addition of Richie licking his ass which felt so fucking good even though it felt so very uncomfortable at first. God, if he could just get over his whole thing with assplay he could feel this good all the fucking time. But...there were just some things that were a little harder for him to just relax and enjoy. Like swallowing cum, rimming, being fucked...The list was unfortunately quite long.
So yeah, there was that as well. Thankfully despite being so overtly sexual, Richie was sensitive and gentle about encouraging Patrick to consider trying new things, always being respectful and accepting of all his hang-ups which he had also managed to zero in on so quickly. Patrick had bottom shame. The thought of being 'submissive' or being butt fucked made him uncomfortable, as he imagined what his parents might think of him being in that situation. Agustin had been telling him for years that he was too quick to equate bottoming with being a girl, with being weak, but Richie had just seemed to make the connection so much more real when they had been talking quietly in the planetarium, discussing Patrick's issues with being fucked. He hadn't been judgmental like Agustin, or dismissive like Dom sometimes could be, he'd just been...accepting. Everything was ok in Richie's book. Everything was acceptable. He wanted to fuck Patrick, but he wasn't making a big deal about it. He'd just put it out there, discussed it easily, recognized Patrick's issues and had moved on. Not only that, but that same evening, when Patrick had decided that Richie might be the one who could help him overcome his aversion to being fucked, when he'd tentatively told Richie that he might be open to the idea, Richie had shown him such generosity by letting Patrick fuck him instead. Until then they'd been only using their mouths and hands, which had all been great, but that night Patrick got to fuck Richie and it was fucking fantastic. He loved it so much. And he would return the favor one day soon. Sweet, sexy Richie. What a fucking revelation.
Patrick wondered why he had never thought to date anyone outside his 'type' before. It was exciting to be with someone so fundamentally different. Why the hell had he only stuck with preppy WASPs before? It made no sense. Who the hell wanted to be with someone just like themselves? Compatibility was vastly overrated. He and Richie had practically nothing in common on paper, yet those very differences seemed to highlight the things that were fundamentally important, such as the way someone made you feel about yourself, the way someone challenged your notions about life, about priorities. Richie could make him a better person and that was more important than superficial similarities like college degrees, hobbies, careers.
Patrick turned to lie on his back, looking up at his ceiling as Richie slept on. Jesus. He had been so close to making some really stupid decisions, and if he hadn't walked out of the office that night of the Folsom Street Fair, he might still be here, lying alone, fantasizing about a man who was totally unavailable, and on deeper reflection, totally unsuited to him. Sure, they shared interests and of course were on a somewhat similar trajectory in life, and yes, Kevin was undeniably attractive, but Kevin wouldn't wait patiently for someone to work out his sexual hangups. He would just fucking take. And he was obviously a top, so what the hell was Patrick thinking anyway. Also, Kevin was the type who would probably cringe at the thought of two grown men spending an afternoon in a planetarium, talking about their childhoods. Kevin probably didn't even have a childhood. He was the sort of man who had been born fully formed into his confident cock-sure self. He had definitely never been fat. He was most likely the captain of all his sports teams, impressing the young girls and boys left right and center. As for cooking someone a meal? Possibly, but only if forced to. And for damn sure Kevin would never serenade anyone to win them over. He probably would cut off a left testicle before he did that.
Kevin was not sweet. He was not tender and kind. And he was definitely not open. He was probably the sort of man his parents would love Megan to marry if she wasn't already engaged to the mega-successful Gus who had won over his father with his career success and his golfing, and his mother with his traditionally-male attitude of leaving all the wedding details to Megan. To be fair though, Gus was actually a very nice guy. Nicer than Megan, that was for sure. If he wasn't careful she was going to trample all over him and grind him into the ground. There was a lot of her mother in Megan. Quite fierce and a little frightening. Patrick wished he had inherited some of that take-no-prisoners attitude from Dana Murray, the cold matriarch of their family. Instead he had inherited her drama which he was all too familiar with, and possibly her narcism, though he had really worked on that, and having Agustin and Dom for friends, who would call him out on his bullshit regularly, had really helped him get out of his own head. Sometimes.
Shit. Agustin and Dom. Richie was going to meet them tomorrow and Patrick was frankly...nervous. Dom was cool. He wasn't racist or a snob. His own beginnings were modest and the only thing he judged people by was their fuckability. Any color, any background, as long as they were hot and Dom's type, he could give a shit about any of that. Agustin though...Obviously he couldn't be called a racist since he was Cuban and his boyfriend was black, but the man was an unapologetic snob. If he knew that when Patrick had first met him Richie had thought he was an 'Oncogist' instead of an 'Oncologist' he would never let Patrick forget it. Which he obviously hadn't anyway. Shit. But being book smart and educated wasn't the same as being intelligent. And Richie was the most intuitive person Patrick had ever met and that counted for a lot.
So, he hadn't been to college and he didn't have any ambition beyond living a simple life. Unimportant facts. Irrelevant details. The man was a deep thinker, and he was a restful, calming, soothing presence, that was enriching Patrick's life every day.
Patrick didn't give a shit what Agustin thought. Yes, he had been right about Patrick's temporary obsession with Kevin, but that didn't mean he would be right about Richie. It was probably best though not to mention that whole fortune-telling woman thing with the eggs. That one would be hard to justify to Agustin, who, despite being an artist and a free spirit, would definitely think that whole spiritual bullshit was just that...bullshit. It had been hard enough for Patrick to take it seriously, but Richie had once again stuck to his guns, not let Patrick make him feel stupid about it and kept thinking and believing what he wanted to. Fucking rock solid. Still, best not to mention it.
Actually, Patrick wished they could skip the whole party in the park. Dom wasn't even that excited about it, and he really wanted to keep this new relationship in the little bubble he and Richie had created. It made him so fucking happy. He knew he had been walking about with a huge smile on his face for weeks now. Owen was intensely curious to meet this miracle man who had finally made Patrick happy, and even Kevin had noticed something was different, though they never spoke about it. As a matter of fact, since that night he had walked away from Kevin everything had been different between them, and though it had felt a little hard at times, Patrick had done a pretty good job of keeping the right distance between him and Kevin. In hindsight their whole relationship had been so inappropriate. The man had a boyfriend for fuck's sake, yet Patrick had tried to spend as much time with him as possible, basking in his approval, relishing his company...like a fucking puppy and their master. God he had been such a cliche, falling for the big strong boss. Kevin had hopefully been oblivious to it all, not thinking twice about why the silly young developer preened and strutted for him. But maybe had had noticed and was glad now that Patrick had grown out of his crush. It must have been difficult for him as a boss to know what to do in that sort of situation. How fucking humiliating if Kevin had been aware and desperate for Patrick to leave him the fuck alone. God. What if he had been laughing about it with Jon? But...he hadn't acted like Patrick's attention bothered him. If anything he still seemed to sometimes seek Patrick out, so probably it was all in Patrick's head and Kevin hadn't noticed anything or picked up on anything. Thank god. What a fucking mess if that situation had gotten out of hand and Kevin had had to do something to put Patrick in his place.
That was all water under the bridge now. Kevin would always stir something in him because there was such an animal magnetism about him, and because, however much he tried to denigrate Kevin's character in his own mind, he had actually been a very decent guy, funny and charming and smart and even silly sometimes, but Patrick now had Richie, and the reality of that was a hundred times better than the fantasy of Kevin. A warm body to hold, a mouth to kiss, a hand to hold...so much better than the frustrated longings for someone that would never be yours.
Richie stirred in his sleep, and Patrick turned to look at him again. He didn't want to touch him so as not to wake him up, but he looked so gorgeous sleeping there, quietly, that he couldn't resist leaning over him and kissing him gently on those beautiful full lips. Richie smiled in his sleep and turned over again, on his side, his back to Patrick. Patrick sighed as he cuddled up behind Richie and took in a deep breath of Richie's unique musky scent. Delicious. He'd make sure to wake Richie up in time for morning sex before showering, so he could have that scent in his head all day long.
Maybe the day wouldn't be so bad after all.
Dolores Park
Patrick couldn't stop fiddling with his scapular. It was slightly itchy and irritating his skin, yet if he wore it outside his shirt it might provoke more questions and he didn't want that now. The beautiful sentimental moment of this morning had already been soured by Agustin, who was being particularly bitchy today.
Patrick had woken up in time to play with Richie's body, just as he had intended to, and Richie had been more than happy to let him. He had relished rubbing his face against the soft whorls of dark hair on Richie's chest, licking his way up to his arm pits, nuzzling in close to get that tangy scent of him deep in his lungs. Then he had kissed his way down to Richie's rapidly hardening cock and proceeded to lick and suck him leisurely, languidly, deliberately driving Richie out of his mind with pleasure until he let him come while Patrick rubbed himself to the same rhythm. Richie hadn't let him finish himself off with his own hand though, taking over and stroking Patrick to orgasm while he kissed him passionately, rubbing his mouth raw with his stubbly beard. Heaven.
To top off that delightful start to the day, Richie had carefully and tenderly prepared Patrick's hair, and then had given Patrick what was without a doubt the single most meaningful, sweet gift he had ever received. The scapular, which represented good luck. Along with the declaration that Richie was indeed Patrick's boyfriend. Fucking excellent start to the day. Which then proceeded to go south from the moment they arrived at the park.
First Owen's girlfriend had asked if Richie was his boyfriend when they were introduced, and with just the slightest hesitation Patrick and Richie had confessed to their new status, and Agustin's radar had picked that right up. From that moment on it had seemed like Agustin's sole purpose in life was to needle them both and make things as uncomfortable as he could. What was his fucking problem? His own life appeared to be derailing and he was hell-bent on taking down as many people with him as possible. Patrick just wouldn't let him. So yes, the scapular thing was a little out of character for him to wear, but this whole relationship was helping him get out of his boring patterns, and if wearing jewelry was something that Richie wanted him to do, then he would. And Agustin could suck it.
Things had improved significantly when the whole group had finally arrived to celebrate Dom's birthday, and they could just relax and get down to the drinking and gossiping. As happened so often Patrick found himself the butt of his friend's jokes, but he loved the attention and never took it personally. Agustin and Doris usually fought for supremacy with the one liners, but this time Agustin had the floor, as he teased Patrick that his voice-mail message wasn't gay it was 'just that it spends all it's time pretending to be a power top, cos that's what all men are supposed to do'. Patrick had acted outraged while laughing with the others, and then his amazing boyfriend had rushed gallantly to the rescue.
'Who says he's pretending?' Richie had said, and the whole crowd guffawed as Patrick gasped. Wow. Let Agustin mull over that little gem for a moment or two. Of course then Richie had spoiled it by adding that he thought Patrick's 'gay voice' was sexy and never being one to shirk from the spot-light, Patrick had stood up in front of his friends and started prancing about like the fruitiest fairy he could imagine, mincing and skipping, gaying up his voice, generally making a total fool of himself for his friends' delight...until Owen had pointed out that Kevin was walking towards them, and there he was indeed, strolling slowly, watching Patrick, witnessing the whole mortifying show.
'Shit, fuck. That's my boss!' Patrick had grimaced comically, while the others continued to laugh. And as if drawn by a magnet, he had left the whole gang to meet Kevin as he made his way towards them. Why hadn't Owen come too? He was Owen's boss as well? What the fuck was he supposed to say to him? Patrick had only once seen Kevin outside of work and that had been that first disastrous meeting on the boat. This was a little too much like worlds colliding, seeing Kevin outside the office, in what Patrick considered HIS town, HIS park, surrounded by HIS friends. But this was a small town after all so it wasn't that unusual to bump into people outside of work. Even though he never did. Anyway, what was the big fucking deal? He saw Kevin pretty much every day and everything was totally normal now. And seeing Kevin today like this should serve as a happy reminder that he was actually, as of this very morning, no longer a single guy crushing on his unavailable boss, but part of a new couple that had had fucking hot sex just a few hours ago.
'Thought that was you.' Kevin grinned at Patrick. Fuck. He looked really different outside of work. Softer somehow. More...human, approachable. It was just the clothes. The shorts. The schlubby t-shirt. Slightly thicker stubble. Maybe even just the sun shining on him.
'Yep...' Who else could the prancing idiot be but Patrick.
'So this is where you come to escape our dungeons' Kevin joked. Patrick smiled weakly. God. This felt like those earliest days when he struggled to think of what to say so he didn't sound stupid. He just needed to remember to keep his mouth shut if there was the slightest suspicion that what he was going to say was going to be dumb.
'Yeah well you know, it's gay hipster drunk girl paradise on a Saturday, which makes it kind of not sound like a paradise at all, but...' OK. A little verbose, but nothing too embarrassing or anything he regretted yet. He really missed the days when it was so easy to talk with Kevin. Was it only a few weeks ago?
And of course at that minute the mythical Jon appeared suddenly, out of nowhere and started a conversation with Kevin, as if it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be there, and not hundreds of miles away in Seattle. What the fuck? And they were just having a regular conversation about ice-cream, as if Patrick wasn't even there. Wow. The picture did not do this man justice. He looked like he belonged on a box of fucking Wheaties. Was he real? Was he even gay? He was the most straight looking gay man Patrick had ever seen. Well, he couldn't just stand there saying nothing...so he said,
'Yum.' Really? Jesus.
'Oh sorry. My manners. Jon, this is Patrick. We work together.' Kevin introduced them. If Patrick didn't want to admit to staring at Jon's picture in Kevin's office, he had to at least act a little surprised, right?
'Jon, hi! I didn't know you were still in town.' Well that at least was true.
'I'm in town... permanently.' Jon said, looking over at Kevin.
What?
'Permanently? Wha..ok.' Smooth, Patrick, fucking smooth.
'Jon nailed his interview with the Giants' Kevin explained, the pride evident in his voice. The Giants? What the fuck was going on? What had he missed?
'The Gi..? What do you do?' he asked, and he could barely get the words out, like a star-struck teenager.
'Sports medicine.'
Of course. He was a Greek God who was also a doctor. Who worked with athletes. With one of the top teams in the country. And this was Kevin's boyfriend. Jesus fucking Christ.
'Hmmhmm. I should be jealous right? He stares at world champion torsos, the whole day.' Kevin joked. Ha fucking ha, Kevin Matheson. As if his own body wasn't fucking world class.
'Former world champions.' The very proper Jon corrected Kevin.
Standing there, in front of the perfect pinup couple, Patrick felt like the fat little teenager he'd been fifteen years ago. The humiliation of what Kevin must have thought of him in their first encounters washed over Patrick in waves. But why? Why did any of this matter any more? He had a boyfriend now, so what did Kevin's opinion of him matter? He obviously thought highly of his professional skills, and that was all that counted. He had a boyfriend too now, and his boyfriend was fucking hot and would make anyone proud.
Speak of the devil. Here came Richie.
'Hey' he alerted Patrick to his presence.
'Oh hey' Patrick responded. And then remained perfectly silent. Everyone seemed to be waiting for something. Probably for him to introduce Richie. Why didn't he do that? Kevin broke the awkwardness, holding out his hand to shake Richie's.
'Hi. I'm Kevin' he introduced himself.
'This is Richie' Patrick managed to say.
'Hi Richie, this is my boyfriend Jon' Kevin continued. Was this the time he was supposed to say 'this is my boyfriend Richie'? Because those words were just not coming out.
'Hey.' Jon shook Richie's hand. All perfectly normal. 'So are you in video games too?' Jon asked.
'No, I cut hair' Richie replied.
'Oh right, like for a living?' Kevin seemed curious. Shit.
'Well, yeah for now. But eventually you will want to, you know, get your own place or something, right?' Patrick interrupted, smiling hopefully at Richie.
'I will?' Richie asked, staring Patrick straight in the eyes.
Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut. How would he be made to pay for this later? Thank god for Doris.
'Hey! It's Piñata time fuckers' she yelled across the park, and it was time for this delightful little get together to come to an end. And not a fucking moment too soon.
'Yeah, it looks like you're...needed...elsewhere.' Kevin smiled. All charm. 'Richie it was nice to meet you' he shook Richie's hand. 'Have fun, boys.' He'd laughed, while Jon stood there smiling. Then, putting his arm around Jon's shoulder, Kevin had turned away.
'Let's do this.' Patrick smiled at Richie weakly, before turning one last time to watch Kevin walking away. With perfect Jon.
And so Patrick's little bubble was burst and he remembered exactly why he hadn't wanted to come today. He was a fucking snob, and it did matter to him what people thought. Richie was the same perfect guy he'd been this morning, but Patrick...wasn't. He wasn't Richie's Pato, he was some stuck-up white guy who was slightly ashamed of the fact that his boyfriend cut hair, and that made him feel a little...shitty. This was definitely one of the times he should have kept his mouth shut.
But honestly, he had years of conditioning to overcome, and Rome wasn't fucking built in a day. So, he had more work to do on himself. He would get there in time. The things he had felt were superficial this morning were still superficial now, and he just had to remind himself of that. And if Kevin was into vanilla, conventional, cookie-cutter-perfect preppy WASPs, good for him. Patrick was going for the edgier, cooler, more hip vibe, and it was totally working for him. Totally.
He just needed a little more time to get to where he wanted to be. And with Richie's help the journey to becoming the man he imagined he could be was going to be fucking awesome. And with that thought in mind, Patrick joined the party again, and focused all his attention back on his new boyfriend. Rome wasn't built in a day. They had all the time in the world.
Later that night...
Patrick stood in his bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. The lighting was dim, but he could see the scapular clearly. He had been so happy when Richie had given it to him this morning. Was it really only this morning? It felt like a whole lifetime ago.
What had he done. He should have kept his mouth shut. Two weeks. Two fucking weeks before his sister's wedding, and he'd invited Richie to come with him. Why? Because he was embarrassed at the fact that he was a pussy and let Agustin bad-mouth him? Because he wanted to prove to Richie that he wasn't bothered by their differences? Even though he had just admitted to himself this very afternoon that he still had work to do to fully rid himself of his learned prejudices and snobbery? What the fuck had he been thinking. Richie hadn't even blamed Patrick. All he'd suggested was that they were moving too fast. So, couldn't he have just accepted that and slowed things down until they were both comfortable with the state of their relationship? Did he have to just rush in and start shooting his stupid mouth off again?
Two fucking weeks. What would his mother think? His parents' friends? Did Richie even own a suit? Did he even know he needed one? How could Patrick tell him without sounding condescending? Who would he talk to while Patrick was in the wedding party? This was such a clusterfuck. And he didn't have anyone to blame but himself.
If he hadn't gone looking for Agustin's approval, his confirmation, none of this would have happened. As if he couldn't already predict what Agustin would think. But after that uncomfortable exchange with Kevin, he'd just wanted someone to admire his boyfriend. Just get Agustin to admit that his boyfriend was hot. Couldn't he at least get that from him? Didn't friends gossip about boyfriends? God knows he knew more about Frank than he ever wanted to. And he'd always been supportive of their relationship, even helping Agustin move out to Oakland to be with him. Was it too much to ask for Agustin to be just a little supportive too?
Well apparently the answer was yes, it was too much to ask. Because Agustin had gone off on some hair about Patrick slumming it, about trying to prove something to him and Dom, about using Richie, and of course Richie had overheard the whole thing. Patrick couldn't get him out of there fast enough.
Was Richie actually prepared to hit Agustin? That sort of thing didn't happen in his world. Richie had been so pissed though, and rightfully so. Agustin was a total prick for the things he said. And of course Patrick was one too for not sticking up for Richie more forcefully...but...he wasn't ever going to come to blows with Agustin. Did Richie expect him to, or did he just expect him to be more vocal, to make a scene? That wasn't really Patrick's style, though. But he totally got how Richie might expect more of him, and he needed to show Richie that he was so so so fucking sorry, and that he was completely invested in this relationship.
Richie told him he took this boyfriend thing very seriously. How much more fucking seriously could you take it than being twenty nine and only having had two boyfriends your whole life, though! Of course Patrick took it seriously. So, he had panicked in his typical fashion, and feeling the need for a grand gesture, something to equal the tender gift giving of the morning, he had asked Richie to come with him to his sister's wedding. Not just asked, but fucking insisted. Kissing Richie, begging him, cajoling him, pulling him close, trying to seduce him...anything not to have Richie walk away and leave with the impression that Patrick was a coward who was just trying out life in the slightly rougher lane. That just wasn't true. He really cared about Richie, and he needed Richie to believe that. And it seemed he finally did.
Richie was in his bed again tonight, waiting for him. Maybe this should be the night he asked Richie to fuck him, like a final peace offering. But it didn't feel right. It wasn't supposed to be a sacrifice. It was supposed to be intimate, about trust, about openness. And that wasn't what he was feeling tonight. He had a little more work to do before he was fully there. But it was Ok. Rome wasn't built in a day, and Richie seemed to still have patience.
Patrick looked at the scapular in the dim light. It was supposed to bring you good luck or something. Maybe it worked gradually. Maybe it just took a while to kick in.
Patrick switched off the bathroom light before joining Richie in bed.