Chapter 4: Hello

One year passed and I had been unable to free my friends, I had tried but the fight was too much for just me. I was exhausted, I was broken and battered. I often went lengths of time without eating, when I did it was barely adequate. I had no idea if they were still alive…if Pansy was still alive. But I never gave up the fight, I never gave in. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I travelled the world hunting the Triumphant, I fought in the name of the fallen, the truly innocent of us that were killed in order to hurt me. I fought for Kreacher and for Tracey, I fought for the families of Draco, Blaise, I fought for the Greengrass family. But most of all I fought for her, I thought about her all day every day. When I fought, I fought the battle as if I was fighting the battle that would secure her freedom, I missed Pansy and wished for her to be by my side. I bled and nearly died on multiple occasions, I was delirious and envisioned her caring for me as she did Draco all those months ago. I would reach out to her, cup her chin and try to speak to her when I would blink and see the wind wipe the image of her face away.

That led to this moment, the moment I knew I had been fighting long enough.

"Please…" Hannah said blankly.

I sat across from her with my wand on my lap, she stood by the door with her handbag in her left hand and a shopping bag in the other. She looked tired, her eyes were bloodshot and her shoulders sagged. When I didn't answer she nodded sullenly and placed her things on the table near the door and then walked towards the open living room area where I was. She sat on her leather couch, facing me.

"You look horrible Potter."

I didn't say anything but I knew it wasn't a taunt, I glanced to the right where a mirror reflected my image back at me. I hadn't bathed in a few days, having been hiding out on the streets for nearly a week watching the Leaky Cauldron waiting for anything remotely interesting to happen. My clothes were ragged, battle-worn, and I hadn't shaved. My hair was long, it hung in front of my eyes even when I tried to push it back or away from my face.

"I don't know anything."

I shrugged. "We'll see."

"Are you going to kill me?"

I stared at her. "I haven't-"

She pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and spoke. "Don't…don't answer that actually. If you are then just do it and then leave, I just ask one thing. Leave my body in a peaceful place okay?"

I knew what she was referring too. Since Ginny I had killed several of our former schoolmates, my former friends and in an attempt to keep them from finding out too soon I would leave them in various places across the world and use their disappearance to draw further people out. At first it worked brilliantly…I should have been proud but I was not. Lately however it had done little and so the latest Triumphant I had faced I did so in the middle of a French wizarding community, I showed my face and within an hour three members had come. They were little match for my power.

"Why are you here?"

"Neville."

She frowned and looked around the room. If this were another life and I was here as a guest I would have complimented her flat but I didn't. The room was full of bookcases and plump furniture, even had a fireplace, which would have been especially nice at the moment as the winter was hitting Britain hard. I stole the clothes I wore and had done so before the snow came, I was usually cold.

"He hasn't been here in a while."

"How long is a while?"

She shrugged, tugging at the sleeve of her overly large sweater. "I don't know, a few weeks maybe?"

"You seem calm."

Hannah again shrugged. "I assumed I was going to die when we fought the Death Eaters and Voldemort, I made peace with the world and if I am to die by your hand I would still be ready to die. You aren't the only one affected by these events."

"I don't care about you."

Silence reigned as she nodded to my words, looking away and out the window. I hadn't drawn the curtains and I wish I had, but if I was to kill her I would do so regardless. Hannah seemed disappointed by my words, she glanced at me again before leaning back in her couch. A tear fell down her face and I sat silently, watching her, my gaze never leaving her.

"I think you did at one point."

"That was before…" I told her honestly, my voice barely audible. "…this is now."

I had been on my own...I don't really know how long, after the first week I gave up counting the days. I missed my friends, I missed Draco and I's morning chats, I missed Luna's laugh. But most of all I missed Pansy, just having her beside me made me feel safe, made me feel normal. She was right about me. I had been fighting too long, she told me once that she believed leaving the wizarding world may be for the best, she wanted to remain on my family's island with the others. If I had only listened…Kreacher and Tracey would still be alive. More people I had failed.

I shot up from my place in the chair when she stood from the couch. My hand snapped forwards, grabbing my wand and I stood with it pointed directly at her. She jumped back and backed away while I stepped towards her, sweat beading down my brow. Her hands up, no wand in sight, Hannah looked scared now…no she looked petrified. She may have accepted she may die but she was still terrified.

"I-I was going to make some tea."

"Say that next time!" I shouted, spit flying from my mouth.

Hannah looked from me to the kitchen and then back to me. "I did…you didn't answer so I got up."

Without another word I gestured to the kitchen and she walked away. When she was out of sight I slumped down into the chair, my wand falling from my hands. I tried to reach for it but my hand was shaking too badly to pick it up, I tried again and once more I couldn't pick it up. My heart was beating so fast it hurt, to breathe hurt and my mind screamed for relief.

Suddenly my wand was placed into my hand.

"Why?"

"I told you…" Hannah said as she looked down at me. "…if I am to die by your hand then I am ready for it. I don't blame you in particular so if you are struggling with the decision then just do it and go, get it over with if you want."

"Are you asking to die?"

She shrugged. "I don't know Potter."

"I want to die."

Hannah looked at me and then nodded. "I know."

Why I was talking to her, why I was telling this…I may never know. But what I did know was she was the first person I talked to for several weeks and in that time I had done terrible things in the name of protecting the innocent. I killed, I tortured, I played a bloody and deadly game with people I once lived beside, learned beside, and ate beside. I hunted for answers…and when I didn't get the answers I wanted, I made sure they would never trouble me again. I had forgotten who I was. If I stared in the mirror I would not remember who I used to be, it was hard to remember the days leading up to our escape from Hogwarts. It was hard to remember and not be angered by the memories.

"Am I a monster…am I like Voldemort? Am I worse?"

"…He murdered because he was evil. You fight for love. We all know, even those of us not a part of the Triumphant plans know who you fight for. Her name is mentioned all the time, the talk of the wizarding world is who Harry Potter, the former Chosen One, is fighting for. Love for the Slytherin Pansy Parkinson fuels Harry Potter's fight…" Hannah stared at me and it was then I realized she was sitting on the coffee table, close to me and her hand on my knee. "…you aren't Voldemort."

"I never wanted this."

She shook her head. "No one wanted this. But you stood up for those people in front of all the people who had become disillusioned by the world, you threatened them, belittled them with your superior power. There are two sides to every story Harry. They made mistakes yes of course…but you did as well. You just have to save everyone don't you?"

"If not me then who?"

"Sometimes...a person isn't supposed to be saved."

I had gone too far. I had fought for too long. I was ready to do the one thing I was not able to before. From my place in the chair I stood and slid my wand back into its holster, without another look in Hannah's direction I walked towards her front door. I could hear her standing, turning to look at me, I could hear her cry softly. Why she was crying I didn't know. Was it because I had spared her? Was it something I had said, something I didn't say?

"Disappear Hannah…they'll come for you if they find out I was here."

She didn't respond at first. Maybe she was trying to find the right words, or maybe she didn't know what to say. But I didn't mind, nothing else needed to be said, in my mind at least. Yes time for talking was over, it was time to end this, to end all of it. I glanced back at her and studied her face for a moment, just as I was going to close the door she called out to me and ran for me. I felt her body come together with mine and she hugged me, I felt nervous, uncomfortable, but I didn't tell her to stop.

"Save her Harry and she will save you."

A moment later I was gone and standing before the gates of the place I had called home for six years. The school brought a smile to my face but soon the smile faded and I pushed open the gates, they weren't locked and I didn't think they would be. It was a long walk up the winding path but I did so without complaints, I strolled towards Hogwarts, my hands in my pockets and my eyes not looking at anything in particular. My hands still shook but I ignored it for now. It was chilly and I was cold.

Eventually I made it to the front of the school and when I stopped, about a good fifty feet from the enormous entranceway, I saw my former friends now enemies standing there waiting. My hands were in my pockets and my wand hidden away. A final fight…oh it would it be a spectacular feat to survive and I expected not too. I saw Hermione and there was Ron, his flaming hair ever a giveaway. Demelza, she was there too. And then my heart skipped a beat, some of the lesser foot-troops of the Triumphant pushed Daphne and Astoria to the front. I saw Luna and then I saw Blaise. Nott was nowhere to be seen but then I felt relief when I saw Draco walk himself out to the front of his tiny group, a wand pointed at his back, but he stood tall, stood straight. His eyes bore into mine and I realized just how much I missed him.

"Harry Potter you…"

Demelza began to speak but I paid her no mind. So she was the leader then, I glanced at her briefly before I began to walk forwards, her voice continued to echo across the distance between me and them but I ignored her. There was one more person I had to find. Draco and Blaise stood beside each other, never giving in to their meddling, they were skinny and tired, just as skinny as I had become. I walked towards them and Draco briefly tried to run to me but Ron walked out and pushed him back into line. That was okay, I needed to find her.

"Is she here?" I asked Draco.

He smiled briefly. Wands were raised as I walked forward but I didn't care. If they were to kill me then I wanted her to be the last thing I ever laid my gaze on. I ignored the angry yells, the threats, the spells threatening to be fired. I ignored Demelza, Hermione, I ignored Ron's hard gaze. I didn't care about the fight, about the Triumphant, all I cared about was Pansy.

"Ever the hero."

Draco's words reached me and I shrugged. "I made a promise."

And that's when I saw her.

"Hello."