A/N: I'm still not sure about this chapter, but we have some more interaction here which I know people will be pleased about! I've tried to make it as realistic as I can with what Maura is feeling. It's on the path to happiness and eventual Rizzles I promise! Thank you for all the follows/favourites/reviews! Means the world. Anyway... enjoy!
Maura Isles knew that she didn't want to be in this place. As soon as she had run away from her mother, she knew that she didn't want to spend another second in her company, especially when she was so angry. Her hands shake as she pulls out a chair in the coffee shop, not sure if it's from the cold or from anger. She's never thought herself capable of such actions, especially in a public place. She feels sick; she's never spoken to her mother like that, which probably accounted for the shock on Constance Isles' face.
Her hands are still shaking and now her right leg is beginning to as well. She hates the situation she's in and it almost feels like a dream but she knows she isn't going to wake up any time soon. She wishes her mother would wake up and realise the reality about her daughter. The waitress comes over and Maura orders a coffee, desperate for her hands to have something to hold. Her mind keeps flashing back to the argument she had just had.
"Mother!"
"Maura, darling, I was hoping you'd come down to see me!" But then Constance notices the anger flash in Maura's eyes. "Darling, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Maura scoffs. "Maybe the fact that I went back to my apartment for the night and found this sitting on my kitchen table!" She can't keep the anger out of her voice and the volume is slowly rising. She holds out a card in front of her mother.
"Maura, let me explain—"
"No!" Maura yells and sees a few heads turn. But she doesn't care. "I don't need an explanation! You can't accept me for who I am all because I won't spend the rest of my life tied down to a man like Garret! You're too concerned about keeping up appearances that you cannot see past your own needs and look at mine!"
"Maura, please, you're making a scene!"
"Let them stare, mother!"
"Please, Maura, I am looking at your needs. I know that you would be far happier with a man like Garret, someone with connections and money. He can make you happy! It's all there for you, Maura, darling. We can just get you some help and make you realise this!"
Maura stands there in disbelief. "I… how can you possibly know that he can make me happy? Just because you've been tied to father all your life, doesn't mean I want to spend mine stuck at home with someone I will never love just to make you happy! I'm not just an object you can sell, mother, I'm your daughter!" Maura doesn't know where all this is coming from but people are staring and she feels sick. But she carries on. "I don't want money to make me happy. It never did. It was something that was thrust upon me and now you expect me to stay in the confines of your kind of people just to keep up appearances. I don't want a man to make me happy. I'm gay, mother and I don't understand why you can't just accept this and be happy for me!" She hates that her eyes are filling with tears.
"I'm your mother, Maura, I know what is best for my own daughter! Why don't you trust me?" Maura stands there, horrified. How can she be still defending herself?
"Because I know that you're wrong. You don't know me at all if that is what you think. I do not expect to see you again until you have called off this arrangement and accepted your daughter for who she is," Maura's voice drops again. She rips the card up, letting it drop to the floor. "And if you are so ignorant that you think a doctor is going to cure me, then you are not the mother I thought you were." And with that, she was off, running and not looking back.
She jumps when the coffee is placed in front of her. Immediately she sips it and it burns her tongue. As if more things could go wrong tonight. She feels the start of a headache approaching rapidly and moves her still shaking hands to her head to rub at her temple, trying to ease the ache out. Her eyes close. Her mind is racing; she doesn't believe what she's done but Maura has never been angrier in her life. Actually, Maura never gets angry; she just bottles it all up and goes along with everything because it's easier than causing a fuss. But this was too big to simply push away.
Maura jumps as she hears a chair being scraped backwards, not too far from her. She opens her eyes. Not far at all. She blinks rapidly as she takes in the scene in front of her. The singer, the gorgeous raven haired singer from the street is sitting down opposite her. Maura shifts her gaze, knowing she's been staring; she just can't help it. The moment she had laid eyes on the olive skinned girl she had felt something deep inside her connect with the singer. The words in the song had moved her no end. She couldn't explain it but hearing that girl sing had distracted her momentarily from her anger; her voice was filled with such emotion that Maura had stopped breathing for a few seconds. It had been phenomenal.
The girl sits there for a few seconds, playing with her hands on the table, long fingers intertwining as she stares at Maura, like she's studying her, trying to think of the right thing to say. Usually, Maura would have pushed anyone away that had come to talk to her when she was feeling like this but she had no desire to run away from this girl.
"It's rude to stare," she says, her voice making the brunette snap out of her daze and dropping her eyes to the floor.
"Sorry," the girl apologises in a deep, husky tone that for some reason makes the hairs on the back of Maura's neck stand up. She's never heard a voice quite like that; distinctly feminine but so much more. "I… I'm Jane," she says by way of introduction. She clearly doesn't really know what to say but just the fact she's here is enough to make a small hint of a smile appear on Maura's face.
"I'm Maura. Maura Isles," Maura says, wrapping her hands around her drink again, letting it warm them. "You're a very talented singer." The girl, Jane, goes red.
"Um… thanks, it's just something I was born with I guess," she mumbles, running a hand through her long almost black hair. She lets out a breath. "Sorry, this probably seems totally rude," she laughs slightly. That sound is even better than her singing voice.
"Not at all," Maura says, sipping her drink. "I think I'm the one who was rude tonight," she whispers, holding the drink tighter. "You saw, didn't you?"
Jane looks almost guilty. "I… yeah, I did. I'm sorry, it's not my place to ask. Just when you stood there, listenin' to me I was glad just to put a smile on your face because you seemed upset about somethin'," Jane shrugs, pressing her fingers into the palm of her hand. "You were kind to me, so I just wanted to return that favour. People like you don't deserve to be upset."
Maura is silent for a minute. She can't quite fathom that Jane has said all this. She's known her for only a couple of minutes but already Jane feels the need to ask if she's okay. The kindness of strangers. It was beautiful. "Your song was wonderful. Just for a moment, it made me forget why I was so mad," Maura smiles, the memory burned into her mind forever.
Jane grins, just for a brief second but it's the nicest smile Maura has ever seen. The barista comes over and asks Jane if she wants a drink, but Jane declines. "You must be freezing, Jane," Maura says as the waitress walks away.
"I'm fine," Jane smiles, somewhat half-heartedly. Silence falls over them again. "Was that your mother?" Jane asks, clearly her interest getting the better of her.
Maura shifts in her seat. She's not usually so prone to fidgeting but she still feels uncomfortable about what she said to Constance. Sitting up straight and crossing her legs, she clears her throat. "Yes, she's my mother," Maura replies, running her bottom lip through her teeth. "We… we had a difference of opinion on a certain issue."
Jane slouches over the table, still playing with her hands. "I know the feeling," she says, offering a smile that doesn't quite reach the corners of her mouth. Somehow Maura believes Jane. Usually if she had a problem, her mother would always say "I understand, dear" or "I know how you must be feeling" but she never did. But there was something in Jane's tone that made her trust in this tall, lanky brunette with the most wonderful and kind voice she had ever heard.
"I wish you didn't," Maura sighs. Jane's jaw sets still and Maura's worried for a moment because she thinks she's upset Jane and the last thing she wants is for Jane to leave and for her to be left alone… again.
"You know… I mean, only if you wanted, you could talk to me about it. I know you don't even know me, but maybe it'll help if we're in similar situations," Jane pauses. "Sorry, this probably seems really weird, it's just I've not spoken to anyone in almost a week so this is probably just, I dunno, word vomit or somethin'" she trails off and Maura can't help but think that it's very sweet that Jane wants to help her.
"Word vomit?" she questions.
"Yeah, you know, when your brain can't keep up with your mouth and all that," Jane says, slumping back in her chair.
"Oh," Maura says simply. "I was going to say, it would be impossible for you to actually vomit words. In any case, I hope you're not sick. Do you feel ill?"
Jane raises an eyebrow, staring at Maura, before she lets out another laugh. "I didn't mean it literally, Maura," Jane says and Maura loves how her name rolls off Jane's tongue like it's the most natural thing in the world. "So… what do you say? I mean, about the talk. I don't have anywhere I need to be, so if you'd like to…" It really was adorable when Jane was flustered.
Maura chews her lip again. She wants to tell her every secret to this woman. She doesn't even know her but something makes her trust Jane more than she has ever trusted anyone else. She can't explain it. But she can't keep all of this pent up inside her, it wouldn't be good. She can't turn Jane away, not after what she's offered. Maybe she can help Jane too. "I'd love to," Maura finally replies, seeing relief enter Jane's expression.
"Should I order that coffee?" Jane asks, a smirk gracing her features.
"Well, it's definitely a long story," Maura says as Jane orders her drink.
"Good job I don't have a house to get back to then," Jane says, the hint of sadness not missing Maura's ears. She glances down at the side of the table where Jane's bag is, as well as the guitar.
"Are you homeless?" Maura asks frankly, letting her drink warm her insides. Jane is silent for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was just curious," Maura says, offering her apologies. Jane waves them away with her hand.
"Don't worry about it." But her expression looks far from okay. "I suppose I am. I doubt my parents would let me back into their house even if that was where I wanted to be," Jane sighs, her eyes staring at nothing as she thinks for a few seconds. It makes Maura sad to see someone so kind and clearly selfless so hurt and troubled. The connection is lost for only a few seconds and Jane turns her attention back to Maura with a smile. "That's not important. Let's hear your story."
Maura takes a deep breath, waiting until Jane's coffee arrives before starting in hushed tones so no one else overhears their conversation. She watches for a few seconds as Jane sips her drink, watching Maura with deep brown eyes.
"I come from a very wealthy family. They have connections all over the city, even across America. They believe money makes the world go round, so to speak. And they have always expected me to believe that too. But I don't think it does. When I was a child, they thought money could buy me happiness. It bought me everything I could ever want; a nice school, holidays in Paris, a nice house in Beacon Hill and a place at BCU," Maura just lets her mind take over, not filtering anything, but hesitating as she finishes to watch Jane's reaction. Nothing is said, and Maura takes it as a cue to continue.
"I knew I was lucky. And I was grateful. But I would have traded in all that money just to hear my parents say that they were proud of me for being who I am, that they loved me for who I was as a person, not because of what I had achieved. I'd have given anything for them to call me up every night just so they could say 'I love you'," Maura blinks back tears, not sure why she's spilling her heart out to this woman. But it just feels right. She doesn't feel judged.
"I kept thinking that one day they would ignore how they were seen by others and just accept what made me happy. But they haven't and instead decided to arrange for me to get married to this man called Garret. I've known him most of my life and he's a nice man but I just don't love him," Maura drains the rest of her coffee. "They want me to marry him because it looks good. Because then I'll have a home and a husband and I'll be able to have children and be a loving, good housewife. But it's just not what I want." Her hands are shaking again with anger and she stares at them until her eyes widen as olive skinned ones cover her own. She looks up at Jane, surprised at the affection from just one simple touch. Her monologue falters for a few seconds.
"I want to be my own person. I could never marry Garret. I would never love him more than I would a friend. I would never love any man that my parents chose for me. I want to experience everything life has to offer for myself. I don't want to stay inside a house I could never call home when I could be out there making a difference in the world. But my parents can't accept that and it…" she pauses, looking into Jane's eyes, overwhelmed by the compassion there. "It breaks my heart." She wipes away a tear that threatens to roll down her cheek and feels Jane squeeze her hand comfortingly.
"That's what I was arguing about with my mother. I told her that I don't want to be married off like I'm an object. I'm their daughter but they won't accept me unless I do what they think is right and I just can't because… because I'm gay," she says the last words quietly but Jane doesn't miss them. Her grip on Maura's hand relaxes but she doesn't move it. Maura watches as the corners of Jane's mouth turn up just for a brief second.
"They think they know what's best for me but they cannot understand anything I'm going through. They want me to get help." For some reason Maura laughs, drawing her hand out from under Jane's. "They're just not the parents I thought they were. And now I don't know what to do," she finishes in a quiet voice, looking down at her lap, not ashamed to let the tears flow over her cheeks and drip onto the tops of her hands. There's a silence which seems to drag on for hours.
Slowly, she raises her head to look at Jane. She hasn't run away. And Maura just knows that she won't. Her eyes are full of compassion and her jaw is set, like she's angry as well. There seems to be some stunned disbelief at the words that have come pouring out of Maura's mouth and Jane seems tense.
But she hasn't run away.
A/N: And there we have it! Some nice (hopefully?) Maura POV for you all. I hope I did her background justice. Trust me, I have big plans for this fic and it will all make sense eventually! I just want to say, before it happens, that I appreciate reviews very much, but I think there's a fine line between constructive criticism and downright rudeness... if you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it! If you have something nice to say, however, feel free! Until the next time...
