A/N : Eek! How long has it been since I've updated? Darn plot bunnies ran off with my calendar. Sorry, a few of them got away from me and I've spent the last few days trying to wrangle them. Hopefully this chapter is worth it.

Thanks to those who've reviewed, alerted and favorited any of my stories. Love you all.

Nope, still don't own Bones or any of its characters. You'll be the first to know when I do.

One Sweet Love/Under Control

After Booth had told her that he was reenlisting, Brennan did all that she could over the next few days to keep busy. She finished her latest book well ahead of schedule and was identifying the remains in limbo at a frantic pace. Even Cam made a remark on her hyperactive efficiency. Brennan told Cam that she was always efficient, but what she didn't say was that she was attempting to keep herself busy so that she didn't have to think about Booth leaving. As it is, she filed her paperwork for Chile out of habit, and because she wasn't certain she wanted to remain working at the Jeffersonian while Booth was gone.

She was at her desk, working on the first chapter of her next book when she took a moment to pause. She realized that she started a new book without having any sort of story or plot line in mind. She had no idea what was going to happen between Andy and Kathy, or even what kind of case they would be assigned. No idea at all.

"Here." said Cam, tossing a folder unceremoniously onto Brennan's desk startling her out of her thoughts.

"What's this?" asked Brennan, startled by Cam's manner.

"Your paperwork has been approved. Have fun in Chile." muttered Cam as she was about to leave.

"You tell me to enjoy myself, yet your posture, the tension in your voice and your mannerisms tell me that you are not being sincere." noted Brennan.

"You're absolutely right, I'm not," confessed Cam as she turned around to glare at Brennan. "To be honest, I hope that you're miserable. I hope that it's hotter than hell out there and that you get eaten alive by bugs while you muck around in dirt and human remains."

"If you have a problem with me Cam, why don't you just tell me what it is?" Brennan glared back.

"You want to know what my problem with you is? Fine, I'll tell you," replied Cam stonily, taking a step towards her. "You're the reason why Booth is going back to the Rangers, aren't you?"

"I'm sure Booth has his reasons, not the least of which is a sense of duty towards his country." shrugged Brennan attempting to appear nonchalant despite the constriction she felt in her chest whenever the subject came to mind.

"Yeah he said that was the reason he's going," Cam hesitantly admitted. "But I'm sure that an even bigger part of his decision concerns his partner rejecting him and then abandoning him. How could you do this to him? You know what? I don't want to know, I'm sure that you'd just come up with some rational sounding excuse when really, you don't deserve him anyway."

"I never claimed that I did," Brennan pointed out. "He deserves better, he deserves more than I can offer and I hope he finds it."

"Bullshit." Cam declared, narrowing her eyes.

"What?" sputtered a confused Brennan. "I'm being sincere."

"No, you're not," exclaimed Cam. "You're being a coward. You're letting fear rule your life and ruin the life of a man whose only crime was to fall in love with you. Because of you Booth is getting sucked back into the hell he fought so hard to get away from."

"What are you talking about?" asked Brennan.

"Reenlisting with the army, that's what I'm talking about, " Cam retorted. She was tired of this innocent act Brennan kept getting away with. "He was a different man as a soldier. Even though he was the best sniper that they ever had, it ate at him. He's such a good hearted, emotional man that the only way that he could get through it was to think of his targets as nothing more than targets. He had to stop thinking of them as people, with families and friends who loved them. He had to put aside his humanity in order to protect his country. Even though he was told that those targets he eliminated posed a threat to the safety and security of so many others, each and every one of those deaths still haunt him today."

"I know about that," admitted Brennan. "I know about his cosmic balance sheet."

"Do you know about his nightmares?" asked Cam. "Do you know that he'd wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat? Do you know what he was forced to do in the name of his country? To this day there are things about that time that he won't talk to anyone about. When you ask him, there's this awful, haunted look that appears in his eyes, and he refuses to speak about it. Do you know that he got into gambling because he became addicted to winning after all of the loss he suffered. That it made him forget for just a little while that he felt like a loser for not being able to protect everyone all of the time? Do you have any idea about the friends that he lost? It took him a hell of long time to get over what he went through and now he's going back in."

"But Cam, he's training soldiers. He's not going out into the field." argued Brennan weakly.

"Doesn't matter. He has to train a bunch of new recruits to do it. To look at a person through a scope and pretend that it isn't a person. To set aside their humanity for the good of others. How is he supposed to teach them that when he can't do it? How is he supposed to send off these young soldiers into a hell he can't bear the thought of returning to?"

"I didn't consider that." Brennan replied sadly.

"You can do something about it." said Cam determinately. "Tell him to stay before it's too late. As of lunch today when he told me, he hasn't officially signed the papers, yet. You can change his mind."

"I don't think I can." replied Brennan, looking away.

"Yes you can Brennan," she pleaded. "You're the only person that could. You just have to be willing to do it. Don't let him go through all that again. Don't make him suffer just because you're afraid of what you feel for him. And I know that you care for him as more than a partner. Anyone who sees you two together could tell. You and Booth could finally be happy together. All you have to do is take that leap, take the risk and tell him to stay. Trust me, he's worth it."

"I know that he's worth the risk, I'm just not a person that takes risks." Brennan claimed.

"What the hell are you afraid of?" growled a frustrated Cam. When Brennan declined to answer, Cam continued.

"You're just running scared," Cam spat. "And you know what? You'll regret it someday soon. You'll wish that you had taken the risk when you're at your apartment late at night, all alone and thinking about the way your life would be if you weren't such a coward. All of those moments, all of that happiness, all of that love that you two could have shared, to let fear get in the way of that is stupid, and you Dr. Brennan are not a stupid woman so stop acting like one!"

She couldn't resist saying one last thing before she walked away.

"True happiness is a rare thing and if you don't take a chance, then maybe you don't deserve it."

In an attempt to act as though Cam's words had no effect on her, Brennan turned again to her computer screen hoping that inspiration would suddenly strike her and she would find a direction for this new book. She allowed two more minutes to pass before conceding that she was far too distracted to work. At least while she was at the lab she couldn't concentrate. She packed up her things and left to go home, only when she started to drive, she found that she had no urge to go to her apartment. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She felt an irrational need to feel comforted, and usually when that happened she turned to Booth. Yet, she knew that option was no longer available to her. It would be unfair of her to seek solace from him when he himself was experiencing emotional suffering because of her. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by a loneliness that she hadn't felt since becoming partners with Booth.

She considered going to Angela's place, but there was a strong possibility that Ange was with Hodgins and Brennan didn't want to interrupt again. There was no one else she could think of turning to, nowhere else to go. She didn't want to cry, but the more she fought the tears, the harder they came. She was forced to pull over on a side street until she could regain control of her emotions.

"Dr. Cornwell!" Brennan exclaimed, getting out of the car and hurrying to hug her old mentor. "How are you?"

"I'm well Temperance," she replied warmly. "And please, call me Tansy. All of my friends do."

"Very well - Tansy - it's good to see you again," Brennan said, giving her a watery smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Apparently, watching my best and most famous student sobbing in her car," Tansy remarked. "Weeping is best done in the company of a friend. My house is right here, why don't you join me for some tea and tell me what is bothering you?"

Brennan was about to politely decline, but it was good to see Tansy again, and she really didn't want to go home just yet. Brennan followed her into the house that she had inadvertently parked right in front of.

They engaged in some light chatter, discussing the latest discoveries in the world of Anthropology, Tansy showed her some of the treasures she had managed to accumulate over prosperous and successful career. They settled in Tansy's traditional kitchen, and silently shared a few sips of tea before Tansy spoke again.

"So, how are things with your FBI partner?" asked Tansy.

"What do you mean?" asked Brennan evasively. She was beginning to think that maybe she should have just gone home.

"Temperance, you know that you can confide in me," said Tansy warmly, reaching out to grasp Brennan's hand in a gesture of comfort. "You were always more like a daughter than a student to me. I can see that you're in some sort of emotional pain. Let me help you."

"I don't know if anyone can," Brennan whispered, wiping away a lone tear that cascaded down her cheek. "You've had a remarkable career, filled with accolades and commendations. You're also accomplished and well respected. I know that regret is a useless emotion, and you can only move on from the decision that was made, but I can't help....do you have any regrets in your life Tansy?"

"Yes, of course I do," replied Tansy kindly. "Anyone claiming to lead a life without regrets is lying."

"Do you ever wish that you were different?" asked Brennan hesitantly. "That you could be different."

"Temperance, is that why you were crying? Because someone wants you to be different than you are?" pressed Tansy. "If that's the case, then-"

"No, Booth doesn't want me to be different," insisted Brennan. "He seems to accept me for who I am."

"Booth huh?" grinned Tansy. "Is that the name of your .... partner?

"Yes," smiled Brennan. "Booth is my partner, and my friend, and my....I think that he loves me. I know that he loves me."

"And how do you feel about him?" asked Tansy.

"I care very, very deeply about him," replied Brennan. "He's such a good man. He's kind, he's courageous, he's honorable, and he has strength of character. I wish I were different. I wish that I were more open hearted. I wish that I were able to love someone without reservation the way Booth would."

"Why can't you?" inquired Tansy.

"I'm just not that way," murmured Brennan. "Whenever I consider entering a relationship with a man, I tend to posit all of the possible negative outcomes and consequences. With Booth, there's just too much that could go wrong."

"If you care about him deeply, and he's as good a man as you claim him to be, then conversely there's much that could go right," Tansy reasoned. "Think of this just like you would any other type of scientific inquiry - no matter how strong your hypothesis is, you can't be certain of the outcome without performing the experiment. Think of love as the ultimate experiment."

"I can't experiment with Booth," she exclaimed. "He's my partner, and I can't - there are too many consequences to consider."

"If you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by all of the possible consequences, you'll be too paralyzed by thought to take the necessary action," Tansy pointed out.

"I was once in love before." confessed Tansy.

"Really?" asked Brennan. "I was under the impression that your life centered on academia and your career."

"When I began my career, I was struggling to make a name for myself in a male dominated world," replied Tansy. "Not just in the field of Anthropology, but in the world of academia as well. I was part of a female empowerment movement that assisted women who sought to succeed in careers that are traditionally held by men. We were seeking to change the world, to demonstrate that we were just as able, just as intelligent as men are. Though I surrounded myself with like minded, driven women, there was a man in my life. He was a friend that I had since childhood. He supported me, challenged me, was my confidante, my trusted advisor, my best friend. He was there whenever I needed him and for whatever reason that I may have had. Although he didn't say it, I knew that he loved me. He demonstrated his affection for me through his actions. And I loved him, but I didn't say it because I was afraid. I was afraid that loving someone made me weak, made me too vulnerable. Patrick seemed to sense that I wasn't ready, so he made no grand confessions, just continued to remain the friend that I needed.

"Occasionally, I would have a casual encounter with a like minded acquaintance, simply for the purposes of relieving biological urges," Tansy continued. "Patrick didn't say anything, but I could tell that he disapproved. If I were being truly honest, it probably hurt him to see me with other men, but I rationalized it by telling myself that we weren't in a romantic monogamous relationship and I wasn't forbidding him from having his own dalliances. And one night, it all changed."

Brennan was about to ask what happened, when she looked into Tansy's eyes. She was focused on the far end of the room, where there was a framed photograph of a number of people at a celebration of some sort. In the middle of the photograph was a man and a woman - a young Tansy with her arm around a tall handsome man. Tansy was looking at the camera smiling, while the man with her had eyes only for her.

"We were at a party, and I had been conversing with a man that I was interested in having sex with, when an acquaintance of mine - one with whom I've had sexual relations with previously, grabbed me. He was obviously inebriated, his motor functions were slow, his speech slurred, he bared all the markers for someone who had far too much to drink. He told me that he was horny, and wanted to take me home now. I told him that I wasn't interested, and I attempted to get away from him. He began to yell that I was nothing more than a slut, and that I was sleeping my way through the campus. I slapped him, and I saw him draw his arm back to hit me, when Patrick intervened. They fought, and the other man turned out to be the victor - Patrick never was much for violence. I drove him to the hospital to have a laceration over his right eye examined, and on the drive there I berated him for acting like an alpha male and not allowing me to fight my own battles. He told me that he had to, because when you love someone you can't stand by and allow them to be hurt.

"You would expect that upon such a confession, I would be overjoyed that Patrick finally professed his love for me. And you would be wrong. I was terrified and a bit angry at him for endeavoring to change our relationship when I could see that there was nothing wrong with it. Patrick met my emotional needs, and when I required my physical needs to be addressed I found someone else to do that for me. This system worked - at least for me. His confession changed everything, and he wouldn't stop. He told me that he loved me all along and he could no longer keep it secret. He wanted me to marry him, or if I was still not inclined to marry, at least to live with him as his love for as long as we lived. I told him no, brought him to the hospital and left him with enough money to take a cab home. A week later I was on my way to the first of my South American digs. I didn't talk to Patrick for ten years."

"Why?" asked Brennan, fearing the same fate with Booth.

"Because I was foolish," admitted Tansy. "I thought that with some distance, and over time the feelings we had for each other would fade. Once that happened, I believed that it was a reasonable assumption that we could go back to being just friends. After some time had passed, I saw the error of my ways and how poorly I treated him. I was ashamed, and that shame and the fear that he wouldn't forgive me prevented me from contacting him. I learned from mutual friends that he had married a year after I left. The news was painful to hear, but I believed that perhaps his new wife would be able to provide him with the love and the happiness that I couldn't. So I rededicated myself to my career, and gave all the attention that I would have given to someone I loved."

"You're saying it was worth it then?" Brennan asked.

"No, not all," Tansy said with a knowing grin. "Every day was the same - I'd wake up, have breakfast, go to campus to teach, have lunch, teach some more, mark papers, go home, have dinner, sleep and then start the day again. There were few deviations from my schedule. Occasionally I'd have lunch with some colleagues, or have dinner with a friend, but none of the company that I was provided with could compare to that of Patrick's. Time and distance didn't change my feelings for him, they only grew stronger and added to that was the ache of missing him. Nothing I found could take his place. And then I was invited to an Anthropology symposium in Los Angles. It was while I was sightseeing that I literally ran into Patrick again."

"We were heading into the same restaurant, neither of us paying attention to where we were going when we bumped into each other. For a few brief seconds, it was painfully awkward, and then we started to laugh at the situation we were in. From that moment on, it was like we had never been apart. We had lunch together, and we talked for so long that lunch flowed into dinner. We talked about each other's lives, I told him about my career, and he told me about his recent divorce and moving back to DC. It turns out that he bought a house there not too far from where I lived. We sat at that same table for hours, until the restaurant closed. When it was time to go back to our respective hotels, I found that I was reluctant to separate from him. For some reason that I couldn't fathom, I actually confessed this to him. He told me that he still loved me, and he asked me a second time if I were willing to marry him or live with him as his love for the rest of our lives. This time I said yes."

"Where is Patrick?" inquired Brennan. Though there were many pictures of him around the house, she could see no evidence of a man living there. "Did it not work out for the two of you?"

"Patrick and I had five glorious years together before he died," Tansy said in a voice just above a whisper. "He passed away from an aneurysm two years ago this day."

"I'm so sorry Tansy." Brennan said sincerely, taking one of Tansy's hands in hers in a gesture of comfort.

"I'm not," Tansy replied with a smile. "In the five years that we were together I loved more and lived more than I had in my entire life. When I look back on my life, at least I can remember a time when I was truly happy. Very few people can say that about their lives."

"I can see that his passing still causes you grief," Brennan began, forming her words in her mind before she spoke them. "Do you ever wish that you didn't meet with him again in Los Angeles? Is the happiness you felt worth the grief you're experiencing now?"

"Absolutely," Tansy said with confidence. "Life is a balance Temperance. You can't have true happiness without exposing yourself to grief. By protecting yourself from extreme emotions, you're limiting your life experiences. I do wish that Patrick was still here with me, but my memories of our time together sustain me. All things die Temperance, but not all things truly live."

"I don't know what that means." replied a puzzled Temperance.

"You will," sighed Tansy. "Someday my dear Temperance, you will whether you look on that phrase with fondness or regret depends on what you decide to do with your feelings for Booth."

They talked for a little while more before Brennan decided that it was time to home. Before she left, she promised Tansy that she would keep in touch this time. On the drive home, Tansy gave her so much to think about, and yet she was still uncertain as to what to do. Should she go to Chile? Should she prevent Booth from going to Fort Benning?

There was one more person she needed to talk to before she made her decision.