Title: Hello, Goodbye
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack (and his family) have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: A shadow from Olivia's past shows up on her doorstep and offers the opportunity for her to take a very different direction in her life. This story exists outside of the universe that my other stories are happening in.
Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 13/14 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.
Now she felt a bit like she was stalking him. But she just hadn't liked what had happened at their last meeting. She actually had had it running over-and-over in her head. Just everything about it was striking her to her very core.
She felt like the kid needed help. He needed some sort of support or something. It sounded like he didn't have anyone in his life. It had been eating at her for more than a week. As much time as it had spent eating at her – especially in those quiet moments while she was home alone – she'd also spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince herself to leave well enough be. Some things just weren't meant to be handled. They were grenades. But she had trouble letting go of things after she got a hold of them. She supposed this was no different – even though she kept on telling herself it should be.
She had no way to contact him. She really wished she did. And he hadn't tried to reach her again. She hadn't seen him around again – no loitering or lurking, no feeling like she was being watched or followed. As quickly as he'd just appeared in her life, he'd disappeared. She supposed that was like most people in her life, it seemed.
She'd tried tracking him down some more now that she had some general information about him. But wherever he was in the city, whatever he was doing – he was covering his tracks well. She would basically need a warrant to dig much further into his life to try to find him.
She'd actually considered that he'd given a false name. Maybe he wasn't actually who he said he was at all. That made her angry to even think about. She didn't think it was true, though. It was a pretty elaborate deception, considering he hadn't asked her for anything. He'd even been reluctant to let her spend 15 bucks on his dinner. She supposed it could still all be an act. Her gut was telling her something was off. But she didn't think it was that. She hoped not. Because, man, did he ever look like Jay at that age. You can't really fake that, she thought. Or maybe she just wanted him to look like Jay?
She kind of felt like the whole thing was playing with her head. Too much had been going on in her life in the past year – too many losses. Somehow, this just felt like another one. Yet, she'd also considered it was the losses that were making her cling onto this, when there really wasn't anything there, when it really was something she should just let go.
Not that night, though. She couldn't.
Things had wound down at work early. A reasonable hour really. It was good for Amaro – he could get home to his wife and daughter. Fin had disappeared silently and Rollins had still been sitting there. She got the sense that maybe Rollins was waiting for her to offer up going out to the pub for some drinks and billiards. It had seemed to become a thing over the past couple months. She was clearly avoiding going home to something too. Or maybe, more like she was avoiding going home to nothing too.
But Olivia had somehow ultimately decided she was going to walk over to Pier 62 and see if she could spot him. He hadn't specifically said he was a skater. He hadn't even said that if he was if that that was a place he skated at. But the Chelsea Pier Skatepark was the only place he'd really identified as a location that meant something in his life. There was City College. But that was a big place. She'd have to wander around a lot and really luck out to catch him there. Though, she supposed some irresponsibly flashed badges in the admissions or scheduling office might get her directed the right way. She didn't want to risk that coming back to her, though. She was on enough thin ice lately anyways. Her gut told her there was a chance she'd find him at the skate park, though. Maybe.
She'd never really been to a skatepark before. She actually thought with all her years on the Force and all the flak you sometimes hear about skateboarders, she couldn't remember ever being at one of the parks as a crime scene or even to track down a suspect. She couldn't even really recall dealing with more than a handful of skaters in her various canvasses over the years. So she wasn't really sure what to except.
She'd seen the park open and knew it was there in the Hudson River Park system but the gates around it kept it mostly out of sight. She'd never felt the need to go and take a look inside before.
She was kind of surprised at how clean the place was – even after it already being open for about two years. It looked pristine really. She supposed she was also kind of surprised at the number of young men milling around the place. She'd thought with it being around dinnertime – it might be quieter. It didn't look that way, though. It anything, it looked kind of crowded to her.
She stood at the sides watching for a while. Teens, young men – and some not so young men – were whizzing around on skateboards and rollerblades. Some were catching air out of a pool and doing all sorts of tricks, others were grinding over banks and rails and trick-boxes. It was just a flurry of activity.
She eyed the many of the passing faces and figures, trying to locate any that looked like Jack – or anyone that made more than passing eye contact with her. But it wasn't happening. She wasn't seeing him. She thought it was likely more than a little silly that she even thought there was a chance she'd be able to catch him on some random Monday night at some random time at some random park he'd mentioned in passing. It was a lot of what-ifs she was working on in attempting to possibly re-locate him.
But, just was she was about to go, she saw a kid come flying out of the bowl and fist pump the air as some of the other people standing around there gave him some claps and a couple hoots. She'd hardly seen his face in the leap where he'd grabbed the board from under his feet and landed almost gracefully on the ground. He had his back to her now. But then she her a voice – a voice she was nearly sure was his voice – say, "OK, OK boys, give him some space. Go on, tear it up Benj."
She walked over and stood next to him. He was standing with his deck tapping against his knee and watching another skater down in the pool. The kid looked small. Definitely not even a tween. She'd be surprised if he was even seven or eight, actually. She probably would've been scared for him, if he wasn't completely decked out in a helmet and other padding.
"Jack?" She said, after he hadn't seemed to notice or acknowledge her.
He glanced at her and did a bit of a double-take but then settled his eyes back onto watching the skater with the rest of the people gathered around the pool.
"You shouldn't be here," he commented, though.
"I hadn't heard from you. I thought …"
"I can't talk right now," he said and took a few steps away from her and moved a bit closer to the edge. "OK, Benj," he called out. "Com'on, get a grab in there next time."
She stood too and watched the little boy in the pool come back up and down the bowl, seeming to gain some speed and then he got right up to the edge, ollied getting some air and put his hand down and grabbed the board between his feet.
"Yes," Jack had cheered with his fist in the air. The rest of the people around the pool had offered out cries of support too. "Nose stall, next," the kid had suggested loudly to the smaller child.
The little boy must've known what he was talking about, because he came up onto the opposite edge of the bowl and seemed to balance there in thin air for several seconds before dropping back into the pool. The onlookers cheered him on again.
"OK, bail," Jack had called. "Give someone else a turn."
The kid seemed to hear again and dropped to his knees sliding into the bottom of the pool. He then came running with his board up the side near Jack, who'd leaned over the edge and grabbed the kid's hand, pulling him the rest of the way up and onto the flat surface. On the concrete now, Jack started giving the kid fist bumps and slapping at his helmet, while the boy glowed at him.
"That was frackin' awesome," Jack told the kid. "Amazing, little dude."
Olivia had slowly closed the gap between them again and looked at the small boy under the massive helmet that made his head look huge, while the pads around his elbows, wrists and knees seemed to extenuate just how tiny the rest of his body was under the bulk.
"Who's this?" she'd asked, and Jack glanced at her again, looking slightly unimpressed. The little kid just kind of gazed up at her, as Jack seemed to try to push him to the side a bit.
"Benji," the little boy had said, though.
She'd given him a small smile. "Hi Benji."
"Hey, Benj, how about you do another circuit of the street course, 'Kay? Go lay down some lines for me. I want to see you practice your manuals. Maybe try to get a couple kickflips in. See if you can land a boardslide on the trickbox, alright?" He'd pointed to a rectangular brick structure behind them.
"But Jee-Peedg I want to go again," the little boy had nearly whined at him.
Jack had shaken his head. "Nah. Give other peps a turn, Grom. We gotta go soon anyway. Circuit. Practice. Go. You lay a good line and I can't land it and I'll buy ya dinner."
The little boy considered it. "What if you land it, though, Jee-Peedg?"
He poked the kid in the belly. "Then you buy me dinner."
The kid had shaken his head.
"Than it better be a frackin' fantastic line. Go. I gotta get rid of the Fuzz."
The kid had glanced at her again. "She's the Fuzz?" he'd whispered.
Jack had put his head down closer to the boy. "She is," he hissed.
"But she's a girl," the kid had said quietly back, though not quietly enough she couldn't hear.
"I know," Jack had said. "The girl ones are extra mean, so you better go lay that line while I tell her skating ain't no crime, right?"
The little boy had reluctantly nodded and tossed the board on the ground and started peddling away, though she saw him kind of glancing at them, to the point he'd crashed into someone else and stumbled off his board, before getting back on it and continuing to go over the waves and banks that ran along the exterior of the area.
Jack watched for a moment and turned back to her. "You shouldn't be here," he said again with an edge of anger in his voice. "Now who's stalking who?"
She examined him for a moment and rubbed her eyebrow trying to compose herself and decide how to direct the conversation. But with the pause he'd stormed over with his deck over to the sidelines, out of the way of all the rest of the activity going on around them, and she'd followed after him. He was at a backpack and taking a swig of some sort of coloured hydrating drink, it looked like.
"Is he your son?" she asked, as she watched his eyes continue to monitor the kid, though he did offer occasional glares at her.
He snorted at her and shook his head harder, rolling his eyes.
"You just hang out with little boys?"
The kid had sighed and shot his head at her. "He's my nephew. Just because you're job has your mind all perverted, doesn't mean the rest of the world is just full of fucking perverts, OK?"
She looked at him. "You hadn't mentioned you had a sibling. You'd made it sound like you didn't really have much of anyone right now."
He shook his head at her again and rolled his eyes even harder. "Sorry, I should've given you the annotated biography of my life. Look – me approaching you was a mistake. I'm sorry. Now, please, get the fuck away from me."
She rubbed her eyebrow some more, as she looked at him, deciding what to say and do in his increasing agitation, weighing whether she really should just drop it and walk away. "Do you have that photo in your back pocket still?"
He stuck his hand in his pocket without even looking at her, watching the little boy, and handed the tiny folded square towards her. "There. You can have it. Keep it."
She didn't take it. "Why do you carry that around with you, Jack?"
"I told you. Because my Dad looks happy in it. Now – please – leave."
"Your name isn't Jack is it, Jee-Peedg?"
He shook his head. "J.P. Jean-Paul. Only my family called me that. Everyone calls me Jack. It's on most of my documents. It's on my driver's licence that I showed at your fucking station. I'm not … whatever you're suggesting. Lying. OK?"
She didn't know what to say to him. But at least it likely explained partially why she'd been having trouble tracking him down. She fully intended to re-run him now. She was actually thinking about going back to the office and doing it that night – while she had some quiet and privacy.
The little kid returned from his ride. "Did you see my pop shuv-it?"
Jack looked at him and shook his helmet. "I don't know. Did you land it?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know I believe you. Go show me again."
"She's still here," the kid said. "Is she takin' ya in?"
Jack snorted. "Nah. Skating ain't a crime, right?"
The kid shook his head but eyed her.
Jack shook his head some more. "Com'on. One more skate then we'll go get some dwags and Docs."
"Are you sure she's a cop?" the kid had whispered again. "You shouldn't talk to strangers even if they're girls Jee-Peedg."
Jack snorted again and tapped his knuckles on his helmet.
"You want to see my badge?" Olivia offered and the kid's eyes grew wide as she took it out and showed it to him.
"She has a badge," he whispered at Jack.
"Don't look right at it, or else she can arrest you," he told him – and the kid's eyes shot to him and looked terrified.
Olivia had shaken her head. "That's an awful thing to tell him," she nearly scolded Jack and crouched down to the little boy's level.
"He's teasing you," she told him. "Here, you can take it and look at it," she offered and the little boy cautiously stepped forward and took it examining it. He smiled and showed it to Jack, who just nodded.
"It's for real," the little boy had said and showed her.
She wasn't sure if it was a question. "It is. I'm Olivia," she told him. "I was friends with your grandpa, Jack's dad, a long time ago."
The kid shot Jack a questioning look.
"Popa-Jay," he nodded at the kid. "Mama's and mine's daddy."
"Pops is dead," the kid said and examined her badge more.
"Yeah, Pops is dead," Jack agreed. "Go on, 'Jamin, one more circuit. We aren't going to be back this week. Now or never."
The kid looked at her, though, and examined her. "Are you a Nan?"
She snorted. It was almost horrifying to be asked if she was a grandma when she hadn't even managed to have a child of her own.
"Ah, no, Benji, I'm not."
"A Mama?"
"Hey, Ben," Jack said and tapped on his helmet again. "Don't be rude. Go. Ride. Now."
He near pouted at Jack but handed her the badge back and seemed to listen, though, stayed closer to them that time. Doing a series of ground tricks, flicking and kicking the board around with his feet not more than 12 feet from them.
"How old is he?" she asked Jack.
He glanced at her. He had his board at his feet again and was pushing it back and forth with one foot, she thought it kind of like he was considering mounting it and skating away from her as quickly as possible.
"Four," he said simply.
"Wow, he must be pretty good at this stuff for a four-year-old," she commented, glancing at him from watching the little boy.
He shrugged. "We spend a lot of time at the parks."
"That the someplace you always need to be?"
"Something like that."
"So you watch him a lot for your sister? She lives in the city too?"
He snorted at her and shook his head. "I just wanted to see who you were, who you are," he said and looked at her. "I see. I saw. I didn't plan on giving you my life story."
She just looked at him.
"My sister is dead. Everyone is fucking dead. Physically, mentally, emotionally. They've all checked out. OK? She was fucked anyways. She lost it after Dad died. She OD'd. Ben lives with me. Now … please, leave me … us … the fuck alone. I'm sorry I wanted to see who the hell was in the picture."
He looked at her hard and then really did give a push on his board and peddled off towards the kid.
"Hey, Benj, S-K-A-T-E," he called as he breezed by him and ollied up onto a box and grinded across it, with the little boy following and copying him.
She watched as they continued to around the outside of the park. Jack doing a trick and making it look effortless and the little boy trailing after him and trying to copy it. He didn't make it look anywhere near as easy - tumbling from the board or tripping over his feet and deck. Though sometimes he seemed to land them. When he didn't, Jack was stopping and waiting for him. But as he stopped and waited for the little boy, she could see him looking back to where she was standing, and she knew he wanted her gone before they finished their circuit.