Episode 3
SCENE 1 – INTERIOR, MILITARY COMMANDER'S OFFICE
A British COLONEL stands at attention facing the camera, addressing it sternly.
COLONEL
Good evening. It has come to my attention that for the past few episodes, this story has tended to become rather silly. The plot has been reduced to nothing more than a lame excuse for inserting a series of unrelated Monty Python sketches one after the other. Now, nobody likes a good comedy sketch more than I do.
(beat)
Except my wife, of course . . .
(beat)
And all of her friends . . .
(beat)
And of course Mr. Johnson . . .
(beat)
Come to think of it, *most* people like a good comedy sketch more than I do.
Nevertheless, I want to assure the public that from here on out, this story is going to maintain a much higher standard of storytelling than has been going on up to this point. Right! On my mark, cue the introductory sketch for this episode!
SCENE 2 – INTERIOR, OPERATING THEATER
A DOCTOR and a NURSE stand over an operating table. The table has a patient lying on it, covered in a bed sheet, but the shot is close enough on the Doctor and Nurse that the patient's head and feet are off either side of the screen. The Doctor is preparing to start surgery when he and the nurse react to:
COLONEL (V.O.)
Wait for it!
BACK to SCENE 1 - INTERIOR, MILITARY COMMANDER'S OFFICE
COLONEL
Right! Begin the . . . sketch!
SCENE 2 – INTERIOR, OPERATING THEATER
The DOCTOR and NURSE, after a brief reaction time, go back to standing over an operating table. The table has a patient lying on it, covered in a bed sheet, but the shot is close enough on the Doctor and Nurse that the patient's head and feet are off either side of the screen. The Doctor is preparing to start surgery.
DOCTOR
Right, we're ready to begin. Knife, please.
The Nurse hands the Doctor a fairly good-sized knife, about the size of a bread knife. The Doctor looks at it scornfully and tosses it aside.
DOCTOR
What kind of a knife is that? Gimme a big one!
The Nurse hands the Doctor one about twice the size of a carving knife. The Doctor then picks up a hand-held knife sharpener and starts slicing the two on each other repeatedly while gleefully saying:
DOCTOR
Oh, I do enjoy this!
The Doctor stops sharpening his huge knife and turns back to his patient. He roughly buries the knife almost up to its hilt near the patient's neck and slices all the way down toward the abdomen.
DOCTOR
Perfect incision! Prepare to open.
As the Doctor pulls the enormous incision open, the shot pans backwards until we finally see the head of the patient. It's the MAN IN THE DINNER JACKET, who turns his head toward the camera.
MAN IN THE DINNER JACKET
And now for something completely different.
To the surprise of him, the Doctor, and the Nurse, the IT'S MAN pokes his head out of the incision.
IT'S MAN
It's -
TITLE SEQUENCE
VOICEOVER
RC Gumby Productions presents:
"The Three Muscatels."
Based upon the comedy of Monty Python.
And upon the novel The Three Musketeers, by Alexander Dumas.
Who is now spinning in his grave.
So is Graham Chapman.
Title sequence ends.
TITLE CARDS, in sequence:
"EPISODE 3"
"THE MEANING OF THE LIFE OF THE HOLY GRAIL"
SCENE 3 – EXTERIOR, CITY SQUARE, OUTSIDE ROYAL PALACE, PARIS
A large crowd of townspeople is gathered outside the palace, in view of a high balcony from which King Wouie occasionally addresses the crowd. The people in the crowd shuffle about impatiently or nervously. They've been waiting for some time now to hear of news regarding the kidnapped Queen Marie.
FOCUS on three of the most restless TOWNSPEOPLE.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Still no sign of the King. How long is it?
TOWNSPERSON #2
That's a rather personal question!
Townsperson #1 looks at #2 in dismay.
TOWNSPERSON #1
You stupid git! I meant, how long has it been since we were all summoned to the palace! You've destroyed the atmosphere now!
TOWNSPERSON #2
I'm sorry.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Shut up! We'll start again.
SCENE 3 – EXTERIOR, CITY SQUARE, OUTSIDE ROYAL PALACE, PARIS
A large crowd of townspeople is gathered outside the palace, in view of a high balcony from which King Wouie occasionally addresses the crowd. The people in the crowd shuffle about impatiently or nervously. They've been waiting for some time now to hear of news regarding the kidnapped Queen Marie.
FOCUS on three of the most restless TOWNSPEOPLE.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Still no sign of the King. How long is it?
TOWNSPERSON #2
Nearly half an hour since we were all summoned here.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Half an hour! What could have befallen our beloved queen?
TOWNSPERSON #2
We just have to hope the king will have some good news for us.
(beat)
I don't think I destroyed the atmosphere –
TOWNSPERSON #1
Shut up!
TOWNSPERSON #2
Well I don't think I did!
TOWNSPERSON #1
Of course you did!
TOWNSPERSON #2
You don't have to get rude -!
TOWNSPERSON #1
Shut up! Shut up!
SCENE 3 – EXTERIOR, CITY SQUARE, OUTSIDE ROYAL PALACE, PARIS
A large crowd of townspeople is gathered outside the palace, in view of a high balcony from which King Wouie occasionally addresses the crowd. The people in the crowd shuffle about impatiently or nervously. They've been waiting for some time now to hear of news regarding the kidnapped Queen Marie.
FOCUS on three of the most restless TOWNSPEOPLE.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Still no sign of the King. How long is it?
TOWNSPERSON #2
Nearly half an hour since we were all summoned here.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Half an hour!
TOWNSPERSON #3
Have we started again?
Townsperson #1 kicks #3 in the shin.
TOWNSPERSON #3
OW!
GROAN. SCENE 3 – EXTERIOR, CITY SQUARE, OUTSIDE ROYAL PALACE, PARIS
A large crowd of townspeople is gathered outside the palace, blah blah blah.
TOWNSPERSON #1
*Still* no sign of the King. How long –
Fanfare suddenly erupts from the balcony.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Oh damn, too late! Here he comes!
As the fanfare reaches its climax, King Wouie XIV steps onto the balcony and faces his subjects.
WOUIE
My fewwow Fwenchmen, I bwing you twagic news! As you know, my wovewy wife, Queen Mawie Thewese, has been stowen fwom the pawace! Howevew, I have wesponded wapidwy by sending aw my couwageous Muscatews faw and wide to wook undew evewy nook and cwanny fwom Bouwogne to Wyon. And I pwomise you they wiw wecovew and wetuwn youw Queen vewy soon!
King Wouie is too busy relaying the news to notice the crowd is trying desperately to stop giggling, with no luck.
WOUIE (cont.)
I wiww now wisten to any questions you wish to inquiwe wegawding this diwemma. You, in fwont, you have a question?
TOWNSPERSON #1
(through giggles)
Yes, whom did you say was kidnapped?
WOUIE
As I bewieve I wecentwy wepowted, my wovewy wife, Queen Mawie Thewese.
The crowd giggles even more.
WOUIE
Anothew question?
TOWNSPERSON #2
(through harder giggles)
Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. Who was kidnapped again?
WOUIE
I bewieve I told you, my wovewy wife, Queen Mawie Thewese!
The crowd's giggling becomes outright laughter, and now Wouie begins to realize it.
WOUIE
(shouts)
Awe you waughing at me?
The crowd suddenly stops laughing.
CROWD
(in unison)
No your Majesty, we are not laughing at you!
TOWNSPERSON #3
I am.
TOWNSPERSON #1
Shh!
WOUIE
Awwight, that's enough questions, this addwess is officiawwy concwuded. Now, if you wiww excuse me, it's Fwiday, so it's time fow my weekwy wabbit hunt.
Wouie utters an Elmer Fudd laugh and silly walks from the balcony.
SCENE 4 – INTERIOR, CARDINAL MICHELIN'S CHAMBERS
Cardinal Michelin backs away from his own balcony in anger, having just finished listening to Wouie's speech. With him in the chambers is his most trusted henchman, L. N. GUMBY. His jaw is hanging open and his eyes are once again as blank as those of a brain-dead zombie.
MICHELIN
(shaking with rage)
Oooooh, ah hate that Wouie! But at weast pawt two of my pwan is now – I MEAN – oh great, now he's got *me* doing it!
Michelin turns to Gumby.
MICHELIN
It's time to act! Malady de Whiner is guarding the Queen in the secret hiding place I've arranged. King Phooey the Zeroth has scattered his precious, plastered Muscatels all over the countryside searching for her, thus leaving himself virtually undefended. So now is the perfect time to knock his royal rump off the throne and claim it for my own! You are going to follow the King until he's alone. Once he is, approach him, gain his confidence, and when the moment is right, grab him and bring him back to me! Understood?
Long, pregnant pause as Gumby continues to stare at Michelin with a completely blank, open-mouthed stare. Finally:
GUMBY
(shouts)
My brain hurts!
Even longer, pregnant pause as Michelin stares pityingly at Gumby, holding it for so long as to expect the audience to start laughing at the long pause alone. Finally, Michelin turns to the camera.
MICHELIN
What do you want? That pretty much says it all.
Michelin turns back to Gumby.
MICHELIN
Could you at least *pretend* you understand?
Another long, pregnant pause as Gumby continues to stare at Michelin with a completely blank, open-mouthed stare. Finally:
GUMBY
"Pretend"?
(another long pause)
Oh! Okay!
MICHELIN
Then get going!
Gumby turns to leave. He approaches the wall about three feet from the door and tries to walk through it. He's unable to do anything but slam his body into it repeatedly, with no apparent effect on him.
MICHELIN
Hey!
Gumby stops slamming his body into the wall and turns to Michelin.
MICHELIN
(frustrated impatience)
Try going through the *door*!
It takes Gumby several seconds but finally the advice penetrates into his tiny little brain.
GUMBY
Oh!
Gumby shuffles to the door and slams his body into that. This time, the door breaks off its hinges under the force of impact and Gumby is able to walk through and exit the room.
An exasperated Michelin starts rubbing his temple.
MICHELIN
My brain hurts too.
SCENE 5
A TITLE CARD appears onscreen saying "INTERMISSION".
VOICEOVER
There will now be a short intermission.
SCENE 6 - EXTERIOR, FRENCH COUNTRYSIDE
D'Ark-Onion and the Muscatels ride their horses over a distant hill, coming toward the foreground. D'Ark-Onion signals for them to stop briefly just at the bottom of the hill.
D'ARK-ONION
You're sure the Queen is being held prisoner in that castle up ahead?
ASSHOLE
My informants are seldom wrong. She's there, I'm sure of it!
PORTHOLE
Then let's hurry!
D'ARK-ONION
Ah, just one more question. Asshole, where did you get the horse? I thought the Emporium in the last episode only had penguins.
ASSHOLE
I managed to get this horse in a trade-off out of the budget for the next production.
SCENE 7 - EXTERIOR, FOREST GLADE
SNOW WHITE and PRINCE CHARMING struggle to fit both of themselves on the back of a penguin.
SNOW WHITE
For this I ate a poison apple?
SCENE 8 – EXTERIOR, FRENCH COUNTRYSIDE
A castle stands in the middle of an open field. D'Ark-Onion and the Muscatels gaze upon it from afar.
D'ARK-ONION
So which castle is it?
They all turn to look at a nearby sign, on which is printed in large letters:
CAMELOT
HOME OF THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE
Floor shows twice nightly
Casino open Noon to Midnight
SCENE 9 – INTERIOR, DUNGEON, CAMELOT CASTLE
Malady de Whiner supervises two Gumbys, P. Q. and a new one, B. O. The Gumbys grip Queen Marie firmly between them by her arms.
MARIE
When the King hears of this abduction, you'll all pay dearly!
MALADY
I hope he takes credit cards, I'm short on cash.
(to the Gumbys)
Lock her in the cell!
Surprisingly, or maybe just to keep the episode's runtime down, the Gumbys immediately understand what Malady means and frog-march Marie into one of the cells.
MARIE
When the hell am I gonna get some decent lines in this damn story!
SCENE 10 – EXTERIOR, JUST OUTSIDE ENTRANCE to CAMELOT CASTLE
D'Ark-Onion and the Muscatels arrive near the castle's entrance and see a long line of people waiting to get inside. The entrance has a ticket booth and price listings divided into age groups. People in the line include so-called "pepperpots," Vikings, armored knights, Gumbys, and many other icons of Monty Python sketches.
PORTHOLE
How're we going to get in? Even if the line was shorter, those prices are insane!
ASSHOLE
If we had a distraction, we could sneak past the guards at the gate. Airhole, you think you could manage it?
AIRHOLE
Leave it to me, Asshole.
Alone, Airhole walks up to the guard at the ticket booth.
AIRHOLE
Hello. How's business?
GUARD
Can't complain, unless of course you don't move back to the end of the line.
AIRHOLE
Oh, I'm not cutting, I just wanted to look at the outside up close for a bit beforehand.
(looks up at the castle wall)
Beautiful construction. Yes, I saw the advert for this place in the color supplement and decided right then and there that this is where I wanted to go on holiday.
GUARD
You're really looking forward to the tour, then?
AIRHOLE
Oh yes, I've been on package tours many times, and so your advert really caught my eye.
GUARD
Ah, good.
AIRHOLE
Yes, you're quite right. I'm fed up with being treated like asheep. I mean, what's the point of goin' abroad if you're just another tourist carted 'round in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs-
GUARD
Yes -
AIRHOLE (cont.)
-from Kettering and Coventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans with their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea: "Oh, they don't make it properly here, do they? Not like-
GUARD
Absolute-
AIRHOLE
-at home," and stopping at Majorca Bedegel's selling fish and chips and Whatney's Red Barrel and calamaries and two veg and sitting in their cotton sun frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all-
GUARD
Yes-yes -
AIRHOLE
-over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cause they overdid it on the first day...
SCENE 11 – INTERIOR, CAMELOT CASTLE
Asshole, Porthole, and D'Ark-Onion enter the main hall of Camelot Castle and find a long row of kiosks with prominent labels just over their windows.
D'ARK-ONION
They're probably holding the Queen in the dungeons. Wonder where they are?
Camera pans slowly across a long row of kiosks on one side of the hall. Prominent labels display the kiosk names in sequence: "ADMISSIONS", "RESERVATIONS", "COMPLAINTS", "ARGUMENTS", "INFORMATION".
ASSHOLE
Let's ask at the Information kiosk.
Asshole steps up to the kiosk window and is greeted by an angry CLERK.
CLERK
(shouts angrily)
Whaddayou want?
ASSHOLE
Hello, we're looking for -
CLERK
*Don't* give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
ASSHOLE
What!
CLERK
Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke you vacuous, coffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!
ASSHOLE
Look, I came here for information! I'm not going to just -
CLERK
(suddenly calms down)
Oh! I'm sorry, but this is Abuse.
ASSHOLE
What? No it isn't, it's Information! Look!
Asshole points to the sign above the window. The Clerk leans out and sees it for himself.
CLERK
Good Lord, I'm in the wrong booth!
The Clerk pulls back through the window and disappears. D'Ark-Onion overheard the entire exchange and is incensed.
D'ARK-ONION
He can't talk to us like that!
D'Ark-Onion marches over to the Complaints kiosk and addresses the CLERK (#2) inside.
D'ARK-ONION
I want to complain!
CLERK #2
You want to complain? Look at these shoes! I've only had 'em three weeks, and the heels are worn right through! If you complain, nothing happens, you might as well not bother. I've got a bad back, and it's not a good day, and I'm sick and tired of this kiosk -
D'Ark-Onion has already left the kiosk in frustration. Porthole suddenly runs up to rejoin him and Asshole.
PORTHOLE
Men, I've found out where the dungeons are! Up on the fourth floor.
D'ARK-ONION
I though dungeons were always down in the basement.
ASSHOLE
Yes, having the basement be upstairs sounds a little backwards.
PORTHOLE
True, but then this is a backwards time. The stairway's at the other end of the hall. Up to the dungeons, Muscatels!
ASSHOLE and D'ARK-ONION
(in unison)
Up to the dungeons!
They march further down the main hall. The camera follows them as they pass in front of a new set of kiosks. This set has an overall label, "CONCESSIONS." Just over the window of each kiosk is an individual label. In sequence as the Muscatels pass them, they are: "BEVERAGES", "CANDY", "BURGERS", "POPCORN",
The Muscatels continue onward, but camera pan stops on the last kiosk, "ALBATROSS", and the CLERK (#3) inside has one of the giant seabirds on a platter resting on the kiosk window sill.
CLERK #3
(calls out)
Albatross!
SCENE 12 – EXTERIOR, JUST OUTSIDE ENTRANCE to CAMELOT CASTLE
AIRHOLE
And being herded into endless hotel Mirramars and Bellevueses and Continentals with their modern international luxury roomettes and draft Red Barrel and swimming-
GUARD
Yes, I know-
AIRHOLE
-pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats, forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into the queues, and if you're not-
GUARD
That's very nice-
AIRHOLE
-at your table spot-on seven, you miss the bowl of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup: the first item on the menu of international cuisine. Every Thursday night in the hotel there's a bloody cabaret in the bar featuring a tiny emaciated dancer with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat lady-
GUARD
Yes-yes -
AIRHOLE
-with her hair Brylcreemed down and a big ass presenting flamenco for foreigners, an adenoidal typist from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhea trying to pick up hairy, bandy-legged waiters called Manuel...
SCENE 13 – INTERIOR, JUST OUTSIDE DUNGEON ENTRANCE, CAMELOT CASTLE
Asshole struggles to open the door, but it's locked tight.
ASSHOLE
I can't open the door. It's locked tight!
Cut that out!
ASSHOLE
Porthole, D'Ark-Onion, we'll have to try breaking it down.
They all position themselves in readiness to ram their shoulders into the door.
ASSHOLE
Ready? One, two, five -!
PORTHOLE
Three.
ASSHOLE
- three!
The Muscatels plow into the door repeatedly until it breaks down. Entering the room, CUT to its INTERIOR, and they suddenly stop short and look in horror at what's inside.
CUT to show the Muscatels are staring at MR. CREOSOTE, an impossibly fat man in an equally wide tuxedo, chained up next to QUEEN MARIE. A large bucket sits next to Creosote.
CREOSOTE
(in a low-pitched, sick-sounding voice)
It's about bloody time you got here! I've been stuck up here so long, I think I'm gonna throw up!
Creosote leans toward the bucket, and barfs buckets into the bucket. The Muscatels are beyond disgusted. Porthole turns to a direction just off-camera.
PORTHOLE
CUT! CUT! Welles, get over here!
From just off camera, WELLES the director walks onto the set, wearing a traditional director's ensemble from the 1930's, and carrying an old-fashioned megaphone. The Director's ensemble is close to busting at every seam, since he's almost as impossibly fat as Creosote.
WELLES
That's *Mr.* Welles to you! And what's the matter!
PORTHOLE
(points at Creosote)
Are you insane! Why'd you put *this* character into the story?
Welles looks at Creosote, then back at Porthole.
WELLES
What's wrong with him?
PORTHOLE
"What's wrong with him"! Our rating is close enough to NC-17 as it is, but *this* freak is the most offensive character Monty Python ever created! He's gross, he's rude, he's fat beyond belief, and he's not funny at all! All he ever does is throw up gallons of fake vomit into a bucket, when he's not drooling it all over himself or spraying it on other people! What the hell is so funny about that!
WELLES
What do you mean, he's "fat"?
(beat)
Besides, the character of Mr. Creosote is the only representative this story has from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life! Without him, this wouldn't be a complete tribute!
ASSHOLE
What do you mean, *he's* the only thing from The Meaning of Life? What happened to the musical number about sperm?
Welles turns to look at Marie, and points at her with exasperation.
WELLES
*She* wouldn't let us do it unless we also did a musical number about eggs!
MARIE
Hey, do you know how sexist the Monty Python troupe was? They even had men play most of the women's roles! How is *that* supposed to be funny!
CREOSOTE
Aw fuck it, there she goes again. If it's not about the male chauvinism, it's about the ethnic and nationalistic stereotypes, or the attitudes toward different sexual orientations. Political correctness makes me want to puke my guts out!
Creosote bends over the bucket again, and loses another meal into it.
MARIE
(nauseous)
Get me out of here before the Prince of Puke has company over the bucket!
WELLES
I didn't have this much trouble from the actors in "Citizen Kane"! Now look, we're already behind schedule, so just do the scene and gripe later!
ROQUEFORT and several of the Cardinal's guards suddenly appear.
ROQUEFORT
Not so fast!
MARIE
(rolls her eyes)
*Now* what?
WELLES
Roquefort, what are you doing! We haven't had your cue yet!
ROQUEFORT
Sod the bleedin' cue! I am arresting you for impersonating the great film director Orson Welles!
WELLES
What! I *am* Orson Welles!
ROQUEFORT
Who *died* in 1985!
"WELLES"
(deflates)
It's a fair cop.
ROQUEFORT
You made one fatal mistake, my fine fellow! You didn't count on the fact that I am my department's foremost expert on the great film director Orson Welles!
Roquefort starts wandering about the room as he continues:
ROQUEFORT
(continues)
Who got his first start in acting at the Gate Theater in Dublin in 1931. After subsequent acting roles in off-Broadway productions in America, he began mounting his own productions, featuring actors from the Gate Theater and from the Todd School for Boys from which he graduated. Teaming up with John Houseman of the Federal Theater Project, they eventually formed the Mercury Theater and produced stage plays and radio programs. Which brings us to his radio adaptation of "War of the Worlds" in 1938, which famously caused thousands of people to run panicking into the streets of -
Roquefort notices "Welles", D'Ark-Onion, and the Muscatels walking toward the dungeon door.
ROQUEFORT
(shouts)
Where do you think you're going?
PORTHOLE
Well, we can see you're busy, so we're just stepping out for a coffee.
WELLES
And I have to phone Hollywood about my new idea for a movie about –
ROQUEFORT
Shut up! Take him away, Beryl!
One of the guards grabs Welles and leads him off-screen.
ROQUEFORT
(to the Muscatels)
And as for you, my not-so-fine fellows!
He and the remaining guards draw their swords.
ROQUEFORT
En garde!
D'ARK-ONION
Oh, bloody hell!
PORTHOLE
Not yet, but give it a few moments.
SCENE 14 - EXTERIOR, JUST OUTSIDE ENTRANCE to CAMELOT CASTLE
AIRHOLE
And once a week, there's an excursion to the local Roman ruins to buy cherry-ade and melted ice creams and bleeding Whatney's Red Barrel. And one evening you visit the so-called typical restaurant with local color and atmosphere, and you sit next to a party of people from Riddick who keep singing, "Taray malinos, taray malinos," and complaining about the food: "It's so-
GUARD
Shut up.
AIRHOLE
-greasy here, isn't it?" And you get cornered by some drunken green grocer from Luton with an instamatic and Dr. Scholl's sandals and Tuesday's Daily Express, and he-
GUARD
Shut up, please.
AIRHOLE
-drones on and on and on about how Mr. Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up all over the Cuban Libres...
GUARD
Please will you shut up.
SCENE 15 – INTERIOR, TELEVISION STUDIO
A "Pepperpot" woman, MRS. PREVIEW, sits on a straight-backed chair facing the camera.
MRS. PREVIEW
Well! D'Ark-Onion and the Muscatels are all in a pretty tight spot, aren't they? And coming up next in our story, we'll see whether or not they can escape from Capt. Roquefort and rescue the Queen, and we'll also see Cardinal Michelin's plans finally coming to fruition! So don't fail to see the next episode of this exciting adventure!
Another Pepperpot woman, MRS. REVIEW, steps onto camera and sits in the empty chair next to Mrs. Preview.
MRS. REVIEW
'Allo, Mrs. Preview!
MRS. PREVIEW
'Allo, Mrs. Review! Enjoying the show, are you?
MRS. REVIEW
Welllll, could be better. Mind you, the classic Python sketches are 'andled very well, and the overall narrative forms a surprisingly cohesive thread from one sketch to the next. But I must say the plot itself is just too simple, too formulaic.
MRS. PREVIEW
Oh, but there's a rather clever twist coming up two episodes from now involving the King's imprisonment at the 'ands of the Cardinal.
MRS. REVIEW
That's what you said last week about the entrance 'all of Camelot Castle in *this* episode. Turned out to just be pieces of two more sketches sown together!
MRS. PREVIEW
Moan, moan, moan!
MRS. REVIEW
And another thing, the ending of this episode isn't strong enough by a long shot! Two old ladies giving spoilers for the next episodes and complaining about the last ones? Bor-ing!
MRS. PREVIEW
Well, what kind of an ending *do* you want?
MRS. REVIEW
Wellllll, I've always liked the ominous fade-out with dramatic background music.
Dramatic background music starts playing as the scene begins fading to black.
MRS. PREVIEW
Noooo, it's been done!
Scene suddenly reverts back to full light and the music cuts off.
MRS. REVIEW
Well, what about freezin' on the last image of the cliff-'anger as the end credits roll?
Scene CUTS to frozen image of the end of Scene 14: Airhole still talking to the Guard outside.
MRS. REVIEW (V.O.)
Not *that* one!
Scene CUTS to frozen image of the end of Scene 13: Roquefort and the Elite Guard confronting the other Muscatels. End music begins playing and a few credits roll before suddenly CUTTING back to Mrs. Preview and Mrs. Review:
MRS. PREVIEW
Noooo!
MRS. REVIEW
Well, there's teasing the next episode with the question of whether or not the 'eroes will survive –
MRS. PREVIEW
I just did that!
MRS. REVIEW
(fed up)
Oh, intercourse! Let's just end the episode.
Scene abruptly goes black.
TO BE CONTINUED
This episode performed by:
JUST ABOUT EVERYONE
Also appearing:
NUMBER 7: THE FOOT
NUMBER 8: THE OTHER FOOT
NUMBER 31: THE END
This has been a presentation of RC Gumby Productions, with thanks to Python Pictures Limited and A&E Home Video. Kiss kiss.