JUNJOU EGOIST

II

MEMORIES

But Nowaki did come again the next day, and the next, AND the next day. Using Hiroki's spare key he entered the house at odd hours, to treat and bandage his wounds, clean up the house, cook him meals and even do his laundry. Hiroki didn't thank him for that, but didn't turn him away either. The tall pet was always smiling, always trying to help him, was it because he was injured? Hiroki's wound healed dreadfully slowly, he couldn't take his own shirt off without wincing, his shoulder's black and purple marks lasted two whole weeks to disappear, and the back of his head ended up needing stitches, "FIVE stitches!" would remember Hiroki from time to time, gingerly touching his nape. "So he felt sorry for me..." Hiroki felt his brows twitching at the thought, would he leave the moment his injuries were cured? The moment his free of the responsibility? Does he really...? Did he meant...? Hiroki didn't ponder at the thought, he left it drift away, unconsciously allowing Nowaki's presence to permeate in his life, becoming accustomed to even Nowaki's bad habit of calling him cute, petting him like a child. Of course Hiroki would always growl in answer, smacking the hand away, shouting and pointing angrily at the pet's height, or scolding Nowaki whenever his bushy long tail brushed a pile of books down.

"Nowaki your tail!" growled Hiroki for the 3rd time that morning at Nowaki, looking at the books spilled on the floor

"I'm sorry Hiro-san I couldn't help it!" cried Nowaki moving quickly to help pile the books again, his ears down, troubled "I was so happy! I couldn't..."

"I just told you to eat with me! That's nothing!" growled Hiroki, his throat good enough to growl much loader than before.

"Can't be nothing to me" responded Nowaki looking at Hiroki with deep serious eyes

"Ah… Anyway, why the hell is it so long?" asked Hiroki looking at the bushy tail, (obviously trying to change the topic), he thought about asking to cut it but it was so beautiful, long and soft, with that rich dark blue colour... "Now that I think about it... what are you anyway?"

"Eh?" responded Nowaki a bit shocked, letting the books in his hands fall again in to the floor

"I know you're a Pet, but I can't really put my finger on your type..." continued on Hiroki not noticing the uncomfortable pale look on Nowaki's face "I don't think you're a cat but then again, I have never had a Pet before, so I don't know much about your species and all that stuff..." said Hiroki placing the last book on his pile and turning his eyes to see Nowaki's face.

"I'm not a cat..." said Nowaki staring at the floor, his ears laid down, his tail moving in small nervous swifts, his shoulders tensing "I'm kind of like a dog..." tried to say Nowaki but Hiroki knew better

"kind of?..."

"Please Hiro-san just don't get scared… I won't do anything bad" pleaded Nowaki worriedly, his ears flat and pinned back, his tail standing on end.

"Don't be stupid, you have proved yourself useful and not dangerous" responded Hiroki but Nowaki still looked worriedly at Hiroki's eyes, the man crossed his arms at his chest, Nowaki's eyes glanced down, staring at the wooden floor "please, just, don't get scared... I'm just... I'm a wolf"

"... wo… wolf?" for a second Hiroki was speechless, of course he was! Now he could see it, the almond-shaped, dark blue eyes with their yellow core , the uncommonly thick coat of fur, oily and wooly looking, the long pointy-wolf-like ears. Physical build, his muscles were compact and solid, with substance, a large, deeply descending ribcage, his abdomen was pulled in, and his neck heavily muscled... "But, wolves are not Pets..."

"We are a rare species for Pets" said Nowaki, eyes glued to the floor "It's commonly taken as an exotic pet, and my specie it's probably almost extinct..."

"Do you have an owner?" asked Hiroki suddenly noticing he hadn't thought about that

"No, I did live at a Pet orphanage but a few years ago I got too old and started living at the streets..."

"Ah, yeah... you did say you lived at the alley..." responded Hiroki feeling guilty "Do you still live there?"

"No, some cops were searching the zone for feral; I didn't want to be put down. I don't want to die... so I changed locations to one nearer to my day jobs..."

"Jobs...?" Hiroki remembered Nowaki's variant schedule.

"Yeah, it took me a while and a fake collar, but I found a few places where they were okay with hiring me..." said Nowaki smiling his soft smile, Hiroki couldn't feel worst; Nowaki had saved him, risking his own life, that morning had probably being the first in a long time for Nowaki to sleep on a bed and he had kicked him out of his dreams, and later on, Nowaki had stayed with him all the time being nothing but kind and caring and he had only treated him coldly, losing his temper on him at every little thing.

"I'm sorry..." said Hiroki looking down "I didn't know..."

"Oh no Hiro-san, don't worry about it" said Nowaki smiling "it's okay, my new home is even nearer to Hiro-san's, so I can get here quicker to help you" but that only made Hiroki felt worst, "Why?… Why are you so good to me? I have done nothing but treat you badly" asked Hiroki feeling tears at the corner of his eyes.

"But I have already told you Hiro-san, I love you" responded Nowaki taking Hiroki's shoulder with his hands

"No, you don't love me, you can't..." responded Hiroki trying to control his nervousness and fear, he had only to remember Akihiko to feel insecure, "no one loves me...", "you're just confuse..."

"I'm not, I love you! Hiro-san..." Nowaki called walking the short distance between them, "I love you" he repeated and embraced him softly, his arms surrounding him protectively. Hiroki felt weak, his heart beating fast, tears started falling through his rosy cheeks, his ears becoming hot, "God, why am I blushing?" thought Hiroki confused, but before he could try something about it Nowaki moved closer to his face. "Hiro-san" Nowaki's voice called, a hand caressing his cheek, drying away the tears, Hiroki couldn't do anything but close his eyes, preparing for the upcoming kiss... and then, the doorbell rang

"Diiiing Donnnnng" The sound like a jet of icy cold water. Hiroki pushed Nowaki quickly away from him, blushing redder than ever and without a word run to attend the calling "Coming!" he called trying to breathe normally, but his breath was not meant to calm down, being taken away again, when he opened the door and muttered in shock "Akihiko?..."

"Oh! So you're alive" responded Usami Akihiko looking at his friend's eyes, the man stood tall and pried as he vividly remembered, his expression set in a worried glare.

"What's that suppose to mean?" asked Hiroki scowling, behind him Nowaki heard Usami's cool and deep voice, followed by Hiroki's angry spat, and felt he's whole body trembled in anger and fear. Hiroki might be scowling furiously, his words colouring with indignation, but he could tell he was trembling inside, sadness, fear and painful memories creeping inside his beloved.

"Not answering my calls, I can't even reach you at the university!" exclaimed Usami moving closer to his friend "I thought you were dead" Usami's eyes widened at the thought, Hiroki felt his heart hammering against his ribcage. "Well sorry to disappoint you, I have being busy preparing for two thesis, I don't have time to be playing around with a great overvalued writer" growled Hiroki stepping back, a tear fighting to pour down. "How could I see you if I haven't figure out my feelings for you?"

"Don't joke about it! Are you taking good care of yourself?" asked Usami stepping even closer, caressing Hiroki's head with the palm of his hand, making him tremble at the cold touch. "No, don't move closer" cried Hiroki inside his mind. "Hiroki?" called Usami his brows furrowing with concern, Hiroki closed his eyes, feeling his heart crumble in despair "Please just don't call my name, don't treat me with so much care if you don't feel anything for me!" Hiroki was about to fall when someone embraced him from behind and covered his eyes with his hand.

"Excuse me, but I'll be taking care of Hiro-san from now on" Hiroki heard Nowaki's voice saying and then heard the door close loudly. It took him a few moments to process and realize what had happened, Nowaki stepped away from him breaking the embrace. "I'm sorry I stepped out of my line but I…" he tried to explain but Hiroki turning over his heels threw at him the first book he had at hand, followed by another and another.

"How could you do that?!" screamed Hiroki not looking at Nowaki, his anger reaching a limit "He could have misunderstood! Why did you say that?!"

"I already told you, I love you, there's no one I could love more than Hiro-san!" responded Nowaki trying to reach for his hand but Hiroki pushed Nowaki away. "What the fuck are you saying?!" shouted back Hiroki keeping his distance from Nowaki.

"I just want to be with you, I fell for you when I saw you crying but I want to make you smile… I would never ever hurt you like that!"

"You…" Hiroki felt his heart pounding, for a moment a trail of hope tried to open its way up to Hiroki's heart, but he couldn't let this happen, not again, he didn't want to be hurt again, to love someone so much and then to be tossed away, he was not going let that happen "No! Leave immediately! Go! Leave and never return!" screamed Hiroki pushing Nowaki out of his house.

And he didn't.

- 0 -

"Five days" mumbled Hiroki marking another day on his calendar, looking at the date he couldn't help sighing; turning away from his wall calendar he noticed the mess that kept expanding in his apartment, take out dinner left overs and bags over the kitchen counter, his table and some on the floor, clean clothes mixed with dirty ones over his unused bed. The piles of books growing, not being spilled on the floor by a large tail anymore, nor being arranged on the shelf by tender hands. "Nowaki…" called Hiroki feeling down, he was not like this, he was used to living alone, why was so difficult to work himself out?

At first he had kept his anger. "I was right on saying that! He's insane being in love with a guy… yeah it's true that I love a guy too, but that doesn't mean anything, he shouldn't have said that, he shouldn't have done that!" thought Hiroki walking around and around his room, but at the next day when his stomach grumbled he wondered what would Nowaki be cooking, making him regret his words, his actions, "It's okay, it was about time. It's better this way" he scorned himself, but two days after, reading was no longer the relaxing time, cause no matter what novel he pulled in front of his face the letters would not make any sense, he felt no desire, no interest to read, his eyes lifting every minute to the spot in front of him, close to the window, where Nowaki used to sit, perfectly still waiting for him to finish his work. "He'll be back… he came back last time… he'll be back" repeated Hiroki endlessly, trying to believe it, but he kept avoiding his bed, the place in his apartment that remind him of Nowaki the most, how innocent and cute had he being, curled at the feet of his bed.

"Love... love... love. Why does it have to be like this?!" Hiroki gnawed at the thought, marking the 15th day of absence he had to accept that Nowaki was never going to come back. "I hurted him, I shouldn't have said that… I was hurt but he never did anything… I shouldn't…" His thoughts darker than normal lead him in to the biggest depression ever. Was he ever going to see the stupid dog again? Enjoy his meals? His warmth caresses? The sweet words he couldn't stop saying for the love of God.

"Nowaki..." called Hiroki again and sat down, but when a tear fall down wetting his hand Hiroki stood up in one second "WHAT THE HECK I'M DOING I'M A MAN FOR CHRIST SAKE! …I don't care about him, he can go and fucking die! I don't care and I don't need him; he was the one forcing himself on me! I…" but the fire, turning down as fast as it had being lighted made him stop freaking out and stare at Nowaki's hair-brush, Nowaki had brought it one day saying that he couldn't do it well, it was an obvious excuse, and at that moment Hiroki thought Nowaki was stupid but now, he wondered whether the lie was for Nowaki to get closer to him or for Hiroki not to feel embarrassed for wanting to brush Nowaki's fur. He had mentioned it so many times, the desire of brushing a pet's, never saying Nowaki's name of course, but still.

Looking at the window he saw the clear skies turning orange, outside everything was frozen and magical, again, what had he marked today? "25th of December" he read again at the calendar in his wall, "Hiro-san what do you do on Christmas?" had asked Nowaki one day dusting of the shelf, "I use the holiday to sleep and read" had being Hiroki's response without a second thought, Nowaki just smiled, "If I come, can I make something for you? I never had someone to be with on Christmas" Hiroki never saw the pet's expression, occupied with his thesis review, never lifted his eyes to see the raw, desperate hope in those dark blue gems. Now replaying the scene in his mind he could easily recognize the tinge of hope in Nowaki's voice, he had tried to denied, what had being his answer?

"Damn it!" growled Hiroki turning to run towards the door, in one movement took his keys and coat, opened and closed the door and ran towards the stairs going down 2 or 3 at a time "Stupid, stupid you're so stupid" murmured Hiroki continuing on running down the streets, searching in every alley for any sign of Nowaki "He should have come back, I would have forgiven him, I would have... I would have... just" He searched methodically in circles, moving through the markets and parks. "Is he working right now?" Hiroki wondered but easily discarded the idea, he barely knew he had a job in a flower shop and in a construction company, but what was the company's name? What was his schedule? What was the address? Nowaki knew every detail of Hiroki's long and cracked daily schedule, he remembered every event he had mark on the calendar, even some he hadn't, "I don't know nothing about him... now I don't even know where he is" Hiroki felt a spring of new tears burning his eyes, he blinked them away and continued on searching. "I was so stupid"

But hours passed by, the night came, every couple left to celebrate the holiday, in warmth and love for each other, and there were no signs of Nowaki. He had said his new house was close but, how close? Had he moved away after their fight?, Hiroki felt like crying again, his pride had messed things up and now he was paying for his mistake. "Nowaki, where are you?" his brows knitted together, there was no stopping the tears, Hiroki turned right to another alley, nothing was there, empty, Hiroki closed his eyes, his body trembling with waves of guilt and sorrow. But then, flashlights, creating lined patterns at the sky. Hiroki turned around, there was a sound, low... wolf growls, Hiroki heard Nowaki's deep yet scared voice "don't… let me go, let me go!" without thinking Hiroki sped up, blindly turning at the next corner to the right, recognizing an animal control patrol, two officers were trying to hold Nowaki, one of them had a syringe in his hand, probably a tranquilizer. "Oh no..." Nowaki fought, but there was no way the kind giant of a wolf would try to harm anyone, Hiroki knew better. Not knowing what to do Hiroki panicked "Nowaki!" he called, the only thing in his mind to do.

"Nowaki!" called Hiroki again moving closer to the officers and the wolf, Nowaki froze at hearing his beloveds voice, turning he saw Hiroki out of breath in-front of them. "Hiro-san…" Hiroki didn't answer but moved closer to Nowaki, Nowaki stepped back and stayed still, his ears flat again his head, tensed, his tail prickling, Hiroki checked first his neck and then scowled angrily.

"Nowaki what have you done with your collar?!" Nowaki shocked didn't know what to say "It's the third one this month!" continued Hiroki giving Nowaki a knowing look, Nowaki blinked and then his eyes were cast down, his tail listless and his ears flat "I'm sorry?"

The officers turned to look at Hiroki too "Is this pet yours, Sir?" asked one of them shaking Nowaki to point what they were talking about, Hiroki didn't like the way he had said it, and did that, but he remained calm "yes he is, I sent him to do some errands for me but he tends to become disoriented easily. When he didn't return by the hour I decided to went out and search for him" responded Hiroki taking Nowaki's hand and pulling him to make the officers stop holding him. When the officers let him go Nowaki obediently walked towards Hiroki, and without looking at him positioned himself behind. "He's also very forgetful and dumb so he tends to lose his collar, I'm thinking of buying him those electronic collars with chips, a GPS inside" commented Hiroki merrily, making the officers laugh, Nowaki stood still not letting go of Hiroki's hand.

"I don't think that would work for it, but you can still try" laughed the officers

"Be more careful of it next time, we could have took it with us and put down for being a feral" commented the other officer already moving inside their patrol unit

"Thank you, I'll do that" responded Hiroki bowing softly. Nowaki waited until the officers were far away to speak "Hiro-san" but Hiroki interrupted him "Is all your things in the bag?"

"Eh?"

"It's all your stuff inside this bag?" asked Hiroki again showing a bag the officers had given Hiroki before leaving.

"Ah! ...yes… everything else I have always kept it inside my jobs lockers"

"It's okay then" responded Hiroki and started walking towards his house, Nowaki felt the tug but tried to let go of Hiroki's hand, Hiroki didn't let him holding even tighter his hand. "I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry for everything, all this time… you can stay with me, I think... maybe… I could adopt you…?" mumbled Hiroki not turning to see Nowaki.

"Hiro-san" gasped Nowaki feeling happy for a second, but then, a sad smile adorned his face. "Hiro-san, you don't have to force yourself…" said Nowaki trying to free himself again, but Hiroki only tightened his hold and gave him a hard tug for Nowaki to walk closer to him "I'm not forcing anything! I want to adopt you!" Hiroki's voice, full with emotions made Nowaki lift his eyes and see him, in front of him Hiroki's shoulders trembled lightly, his ears turning redder by the minute, was that a tear falling down Hiroki's cheek? "Hiro-san?" called Nowaki worriedly, Hiroki in answer stopped walking, turned around and embraced Nowaki hiding his face in Nowaki's torso "I thought… I thought I was gonna lose you!" he cried letting his tears fall freely "I couldn't find you anywhere, almost all day I searched for you and when I found you, you were with those officers, what could have happened if they didn't believe me?" Hiroki cried harder, his whole body wrecking with the strength of his cries. The fear, the terror that had clawed to his heart till the officers left exploded again at the memory "I didn't want to lose you, I was so scared" continued on Hiroki while Nowaki embraced him back petting his head "Hiro-san" called Nowaki tenderly embracing his beloved, not being able to avoid feeling happier than ever, the person he loved cared so much for him, and cried so hard at the very thought of losing him. "Hiro-san I love you so much"

Author's note: Second chapter of the Egoist couple finally edited, you MIGHT have noticed that I'm putting some calendar information, well, it's not only for the sake of giving you a late christmas present, but mostly in truth to set a background for the next chapters, they are bound to the weather and time of the year, so... it was needed. Hope you enjoyed this new version. Love you all. Thank you for continuing on reading and reviewing.