I open my eyes slowly to a streak of sunlight that has found its way past the blinds. It's sunny. That happens only every once and a while. I get out of bed quickly and throw on a small shirt and combat pants and boots, then I walk outside. I look around the camp from my porch and things look a little unusual. People are putting little white lights around their cabins and they are putting reefs on their doors. The girls and women wear dresses and the men and boys wear ties. I feel very underdressed. I see Adeline walking and she sees me.
"Blake," she squeals as she runs over.
"What's going on," I ask.
She smiles. "It's the Holiday of Hope. Everyone calls it H day though. We dress up and decorate and there's a big dinner and a party after!"
I look around. She's wearing a knee length light blue dress with a small button at the top.
"And you know what? I heard miss Margaret has made you a dress for tonight," she says with a wink.
"Miss Margaret," I ask.
"The lady who makes all the clothes," Adeline says. I nod. "Come on. I'll get you to help out." She grabs my arm and pulls me forward and I follow her.
Castiel smiles wide and and examines the lights he is making me put on the roof of the dinning hall. I look over my shoulder.
"Good," I ask.
He gives me a thumbs up. "It's perfect!" I smile and climb down the ladder.
I jump the last rail and Cas turns on the lights. They look good even in the day. The next thing we do is place candles in jars and place them on the tables. Castiel begins to juggle them and I laugh when he drops all of them.
"It's not as easy as it looks," he says with a smile.
"Ya, I can't do that so good for you."
I place another jar on the table. Castiel begins to juggle again but Dean walks in and grabs a candle that Cas just threw in the air. Dean hands it to me and I place it in the jar. Castiel rolls his eyes.
"I see you brought the circus to help you with putting tee lights in jars," Dean says playfully. He looks at me and stares for a second. "You wanna come help me with the cookies they're making tonight," Dean asks me.
I glance at Cas who keeps juggling the candles. "Ya, sure."
Castiel drops one.
"You okay with that, Cas?"
He nods.
I follow Dean to the back kitchen. He leads the way and people smile at him as he walks by. He snatches a cookie off of a tray without being scolded. He breaks it in half and hands me a piece. I smile and take it.
"I wanna talk to you about something," he says.
This can't be good. He flipped out at me yesterday and now he's back for more. I purse my lip and he takes me to the back of the kitchen where we are alone.
"I'm sorry," he says. "I thought about it and you did the right thing by going up there. I would have done the same thing. I overreacted and I'm sorry." He avoids eye contact and he puts his hands in his pockets.
"It's okay, Dean. I should have listened to you. It won't happen again."
He nods and then looks up at me. He hands me a bag of buckwheat flour. "Now that we've got that covered, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about."
I nod and begin to follow the recipe.
"There's this gun. We call it the Colt. This gun can kill any demon, and it would be nice to have around considering the consequences. We're planning to go out sometime next week. I'm pretty sure I know where it is so we're going to go look for it. And I would like it if you would come if you still wanted to."
I smile and nod. "I'd love to, Dean."
He nods and starts bringing out ingredients. "You got any family anymore," he asks.
I freeze. I hate talking about them. "No. It's just me," I say. "How about you?"
He scoffs and shakes his head. "Nope, me neither."
My dad could be alive. But I guess I'll never know. I'll never forget the night he left. It was the oddest thing. He was making a lot of noise downstairs and so I got up to see what was wrong and I swear that I saw his eyes go black. It must have been a mistake because that's not possible. He told me he was sorry for waking me and that I should go back to sleep because of something about how his father wanted no harm towards me. I never understood withy he was acting that way but it doesn't matter anymore. He left and that's that. I can't change it now.
"So what's this H day thing about," I ask Dean.
He stirs ingredients in a bowl. "It's supposed to represent hope. Hope that things will get better. It's pretty pointless if you ask me. Until we find a way to kill the devil, which is impossible; things aren't going to get better. It's a lot of false hope really."
I take in what he has to say and it sounds to me like he's lost all his faith. "I think it's good to have hope," I say. "I think people need to have faith now more than ever. Without it we have nothing and the world would be a much sadder place without it." I stare down at my bowl as I mix the ingredients but I can feel Deans eyes glancing over at me. He takes everything I say in. That's what I like about him. He treats me equally as far as opinions go. "So I guess that means you're not coming tonight," I say.
He glances over at me. "I don't know. I have more important things to do. But it is your first time so I might make an appearance." I smile and I can see the corner of his mouth curl up a little bit too.
At quarter after two, I hear a knock on the door. I stand up and open it and I see Adeline and an old lady with a dress and a pair of shoes.
"Blake," Adeline squeals. "We brought something for you!"
I smile and the old lady holds her hand out and I shake it.
"I'm Margret," she says.
I nod and she hands me the dress.
"I made this for you," she says with a smile. "I thought you might need something to wear tonight." She hands me the dress and shoes and I look up at Adeline who is smiling uncontrollably.
I stand in front of my mirror with the dress on and Adeline examining me from behind. The dress is white lace and it just makes it to my knees. It's high on my chest and it is long sleeved. It's beautiful. The waist is tight but below the waist, it flows down softly.
"I love it," I say.
Adeline smiles in the mirror and then she comes over to me and she takes the tie out of my hair and let's it fall.
"Take a seat," she says mysteriously.
I sit down and she stands behind me. She takes a hair brush and brushes it out. "So, who are you going with tonight," she asks.
"No one," I say.
There's a pause before she continues, like she didn't know if she should say something but she is going to anyway.
"What about Dean," she asks.
I frown. "What about him," I ask.
She starts to braid my hair. "You know, he never comes to these things. Until you showed up. Now he's decided he wants to come."
I smile a little. "Really," I ask.
"You must be pretty special if you can change that mans mind. But Blake, be careful with him. He'll break your heart."
I look at myself one last time before we leave. Adeline has loosely braided the side of the hair on my head and she has tied it back into a loose bun. My shoes are beige and they have a little bit of a heal. I smile and then I follow Adeline out the door.
We walk into the dinning hall and everyone is dancing and smiling. A band at the front which consists of an acoustic guitar, a violin, a drum and a tambourine plays a familiar tune but I can't quite put my finger on it. Adeline smiles as people greet us as we walk in. I smile and nod and people compliment my dress. A boy grabs Adeline's hand and asks her to dance. She looks at me for approval.
"Go ahead," I say with a smile. But I don't want her to leave me. I don't see anyone I know. I look around and see a table with food. There's a tray of cookies. The ones that Dean and I made. I wonder where he is. He was supposed to be here.
I pour myself some punch and watch all the action from the sidelines. I look over and I see a man glancing at me. His hair is cut at his shoulders and it waves nicely. He's tall and he looks about my age. Once he knows that I saw him, he approaches.
"Hi, my name is Andrew Byrne," he says.
He holds his hand out and I shake it. He has an Irish accent.
I smile at him. "Blake Hudson."
He smiles and nods. He probably already knew that. "You waiting for anyone special tonight," he asks, suggestively.
I shake my head. "No."
He smiles and nods again. We stand in an awkward silence and I sip my punch.
"Would you like to dance," he asks. What do I have to lose. It's not like I have anything better to do. He holds his hand out and I take it.
We dance to three dances and he tells me about his family here and how he got here and about how he's a musician.
"I have to go up and sing a song now but I'll see you later," he says.
Andrew winks at me and then leaves me alone on the floor. I sip my punch and move to the music as I make my way back to my safe spot at the table of food until I run into someone. He grabs my arm to steady me and I look up. It's Dean. He stares at me for a second and then he lets go of me.
"I was looking for you," he says.
I smile. He's wearing a button up plaid shirt and dressy jeans. And he shaved.
"You clean up nice," I say.
"You're not too bad yourself," he says with a wink.
Andrew gets up on stage and the crowd watches. "Now, I wrote this song a while ago at a train station in Ireland. I was on my way to see an old friend. And at this train station, I witnessed a woman get on a train and the man got there right as the train was leaving and he chased the train and he was running beside her, looking at her in the window and you know what she did? She flipped him off." The crowd laughs. "And so I wrote a song about this woman I didn't know." They laugh again. "This is called Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene." People sway to the music and Dean and I face each other.
"Do you want to sit down," he asks.
I nod. "Sure."
Dean and I watch as everyone dances. When I was ten, my dad and I went to a father daughter dance. We took tons of pictures that night and the day after, my father gave me a locket in the shape of a heart. It had a photo of us at the dance inside it. I wore that necklace everyday until the day he left. I was so heartbroken that I threw it away. I regret doing that every once and a while because I wonder if there is ever going to come a day when I'm going to need a photo to remember him by. I guess there's not much to remember though. Just a man with no love. That's what I used to tell myself. I used to blame it on myself. I thought that maybe he left me because I didn't love him enough. So I grew up thinking that it was my fatal flaw. That I wasn't capable of love. And that's why everyone leaves me. It's not them, it's me. That's why dad left, that's why mom died, that's why Mike died. I try not to think of as my fault as much now. It tore me apart when I was younger. I was constantly fighting myself because I loved my dad and my mom and my brother, but somehow it wasn't enough. I used to think of myself as the girl who couldn't love. I guess I still feel that way about myself. It has always been a heavy weight to bear and it always will be.
A boy, who couldn't be older than six comes up to me. Dean watches him curiously, as do I. He smiles at me shyly as his parents watch from the other side of the room. He holds his hand out to me.
"Would you like to dance," he asks in a small voice.
I smile and take his hand. "I would love to dance," I say, flattered.
He smiles. He is the cutest little thing. I stand up and he walks with me to the dance floor. I can see Dean watching. I almost see a smile on his face. I dance with the boy and he giggles as I spin him around.
"What's your name," I ask.
"Mathew." He puts his fingers in his mouth and smiles.
"I'm Blake," I say.
The song ends and a slow one comes on. I begin to dance with him again until Dean walks up. Dean kneels down to the little boy.
"You see that girl over there," Dean asks him.
The little boy looks and nods. The girl seems to be about his age.
"I think she wants a dance too," Dean says. "You should go ask her."
The little boy stares for a second and then he hugs my legs quickly and then runs off to see the girl.
"Now I'm gonna slow it down a little bit, so grab a partner. This song is called Work Song," Andrew says. Dean looks over at me.
"Do you want to dance," he asks.
I smile. "Dean Winchester dances," I say questioningly with a flirtatious smile.
He rolls his eyes and smile. "I'm not all guns and good looks, there's more to me," he says.
I laugh. He grabs my hand and puts his other hand on my waist. I do the same.
"You look really good tonight," he says in my ear.
I smile and bite my lip. "You already said that," I say.
"Did I?"
I nod. "You look pretty good too," I say. I can feel his smile. I can't see his face but I know he is. It radiates off him.
"You already said that, Blake," he whispers in my ear. It gives me shivers. I smile.
"Did I," I ask. I can feel his breath on my neck. We move slowly to the music and it feels nice. It feels nice to be held again. To feel safe.
"When is the mission for the Colt," I ask. He laughs.
"I thought we were having a moment," he says and he looks at me jokingly.
"I'm sorry," I laugh. He stares at me for a second and he bites his lip. Why is he looking at me like that. That's how boys look at girls in the movies, that's how it's described in books. Why is he looking at me like that. I clear my throat and he looks away and moves his head back over my shoulder.
"We haven't figured it out yet," he says. I think I just ruined the moment again.
"Goodnight, Blake," Adeline says with a smile. I smile back.
"Thanks for everything, see you later," I say.
She smiles and walks away. I begin to walk to my cabin and Dean runs up to me and begins walking with me.
"How'd you like that," he asks. Just as I'm about to answer, Andrew calls out to me.
"It was nice meeting you," he yells.
I turn around. I wave goodbye and Dean looks at him. The glance looks a little passive aggressive but I push the thought away.
"Maybe I can see you again sometime," Andrew yells.
"Maybe," I yell back with a smile. I don't want to be rude. He was a nice guy. And he was good looking too. Dean looks at me as if he's offended. I wave goodbye and I look at my feet as I walk.
I get to my cabin and I face Dean. "I could have walked myself you know," I say. He smiles. I lean up against the beam.
"Ya, I know."
He stares at my lips and I catch myself staring at his. They're so nice. They're perfect, really. They must be nice to kiss. I bite my lip and I lean in a bit. He leans in a little too. I shouldn't do this. Adeline's words echo through my head. He will break my heart. I smile.
"Goodnight, Dean," I say.
He smiles but doesn't stop staring at me. "Goodnight, Blake," he says but his eyes say something else. I slowly back up and I walk to my door and open it from behind me.
"I'll see you later." I walk into my cabin and his eyes follow me until I close the door. I hold the door handle and I place my forehead on the door. How am I supposed to sleep now. I can't even think. I don't even know if I'm breathing. What the hell is wrong with me.
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