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Chapter 4: Shop Till You Drop

At 3:30 p.m, T.J, Clifford, Spinelli, Vince, T-Bone, Mikey, Cleo, Mac, Emily Elizabeth, Gretchen, and Gus all had the idea of going Christmas shopping. Each of them went to separate shopping centers and stores so that it wouldn't be a total peep show. When Spinelli was at the local Stein Mart, she ran into her parents.
"So, did you find anything decent, Pooky?" Mr. Spinelli asked.
"Just a pair of grey dress pants," Spinelli replied.
"Really? For whom?" Mrs. Spinelli asked.
"None of your beeswax, Mom," Spinelli said. "Now lemme finish my shopping spree!" She walked off, pushing her shopping cart and humming "Judas" by Lady Gaga.

T.J. was at the new Birdwell Mall next to the freeway. He found every store category: men's and women's clothing stores, cosmetics stores, teen's and kid's clothing stores, jewelry stores, kitchen tool stores, toy stores, video game stores, candy stores, electronics stores, pottery stores, glassware stores, candle stores, sunglass stores, bath and body care stores, CD and record stores, a huge Sam Ash Music store, a movie theater, and six department stores. T.J. had a ton of shopping bags inside a huge paper bag. After he bought himself a cinnamon sugar pretzel and a lemonade at Auntie Anne's in the food court, he sat down at a table. A minute later, just as he was about to start polishing off the pretzel, Vince, Cleo, T-Bone, and Mimi (T-Bone's girlfriend) took the remaining seats.
"This has to be the largest shopping mall I've ever been to," Vince said.
"Oh yeah?" T.J. said.
"We've never actually been here before," Mimi said. "Or have we, T?"
"I think once before," T-Bone said.
"Well, T.J," Cleo said, looking straight into T.J's eyes, "a dog's life is better with a human body. You guys are the best."
"Thanks," T.J. replied. "I appreciate it."
"How did your shopping trip-" Next to the AMC Birdwell 40 Theater stood a sign that caught Vince's eye. It read:

Are you ready for some more slapstick action?

Will the leaders of action/adventure comedy save the world?

ME NO KNOW!

Nitwitz IV: The Rise Of Hamburger Jesus

Watch out on December 20th, Sammy!

(Rated PG.)

Vince was immediately dumbfounded. "No way! I never knew they made a Nitwitz IV! I gotta see that movie on Monday night! I just can't tell my parents!" He remembered when he saw Nitwitz III and got grounded from TV for a week.
"Are you really a fan of this series?" Cleo asked. "Ever since you saw Nitwitz II: The Distinguished Knucklehead?"
"Criminy! Rovers on the roof!" Vince replied. "I get mesmerized by those movies all the time."
"I heard that Nitwitz IV has to be even funnier than its predecessor," Mimi added.
"Guys, don't try to peek into my bags here," T.J. said, grinning.
"Same to you," the others replied.

After shopping at the boardwalk, Mikey decided he'd at least head over to Hill Park and relax for a while. He put his bags down, lay on his stomach on the snow, and poked at a solitary dandelion. Mac, who was clad in a black parka, blue jeans, black galoshes, and a trapper hat, dropped by to say hello.
"Mikey, you might wanna put your shopping bags away so no one peeks in them," he said.
"Huh?" Mikey said. "Oh yeah, I gotta do that." He stuffed his bags in his suitcase, making it bulge. Mac suddenly gasped.
"Finster!" he whispered. "Okay, Mikey, let's each simultaneously throw a snowball at that witch." Both of them rolled up snowballs and packed them with their gloves. They aimed directly at Miss Finster, who was busy chastising Vaz for bumping into her, even though it was an accident.
"Well, well, well, Garcia," she said. "You better stop acting like a lousy hooligan and clean up your act! I oughta-"
PAF! PAF!
Both snowballs nailed Miss Finster right in the face, and then PAF! A third snowball hit her squarely in the backside, making her fall over.
"Let's make a run for it!" Mac said. He and Mikey ran as fast as they could to the beach, laughing hysterically.
"Lousy, rotten ruffians trying to...oof!" Miss Finster began.
"Here, this is a good remedy," Randall said, offering her what he thought was an ordinary chili pepper. It was actually the hottest pepper in the world: a Bhut Jolokia, or the Naga Ghost Pepper.
"Why, thank you, Randall," Miss Finster said. She put the whole pepper in her mouth, chewed, and swallowed. Then she started making little noises out of her nose, gagged the pepper up onto the street, coughed, and did a raspy scream.
"MISS FINSTER! MISS FINSTER!" Randall yelled. "Oh, no! What's wrong?"
Miss Finster tried to speak, but what came out of her mouth was "I caaaaaa..." She smacked Randall in the face. She would recover the next day.