Siriusly Misunderstood
Summery: In which, Remus has harboured feelings for Sirius for years, but Sirius is oblivious. Unfortunately, Remus is, as per usual, Siriusly misunderstood.
Disclaimer: Not mine. STOP LOOKING AT ME!
A/N: Sorry for the delay, but my beta had some family troubles, its not her fault though! My new beta, by the way, is SiriuslyPadfoot101! And she'll be beta'ing this fic from now on, so appraise her as well!
Now, on with the fic...
Chapter 4: Love Poems
'I hate that Muggle guy- Newton. He's a fucking liar!' Sirius thought viciously, 'I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes in this predicament. 'What goes up must come down'-my arse!' His eyes flickered briefly to his lap, 'My pants are going to be permanently stretched if Newton's law doesn't set itself in motion. And they are such nice pants too.'
Sirius sighed dramatically; earning a few strange stares that went unnoticed, 'Why did I have to get 'morning-wood' in the afternoon?' He almost moaned out loud in frustration, 'I don't know what could have set me off so late in the day.'
"Sirius, can I borrow your ink?" Remus asked from next to him, as Sirius tried desperately to cover his legs, although he knew Remus couldn't see his... Er, little guy, anyway.
He nodded and Remus took the ink, leaning over only slightly, with his soft auburn hair close to Sirius' face.
'Man... Remus smells good today...'
Sirius looked down again into his lap and studied the aftermath of a rather 'stimulated' little Sirius Black. 'It looks like a ship has been docked in the crotch of my pants.' He thought grimly, 'Did I say ship? I meant aircraft-carrier.' Then, strangely enough, 'I kind of wish that James could see this now. He wouldn't call me tiny again, I'd fucking poke his eye out with it! Oh man, if only I could send him to the Madame Pomfrey crying, I can just picture it now…'
"Oh Mister Potter, what happened dear?"
"My-m-my eye!"
"Oh no, sweetie tell me what happened."
"S-Sirius' huge manhood... it just up and... took my eye out."
"Well, I guess that's what you get for being an arse."
'Madame Pomfrey wouldn't say 'arse', I just made that part up for good measure. Because he is an arse (when he wants to be), and I am big. Down there. Ahem.'
Sirius sat back in his chair and took a deep breath.
'Right, need to think of things to UN-stimulate me…Professor McGonagall with her hair out.'
He looked back down.
'Nope, need something stronger...Professor McGonagall in a bikini!'
He peered down again.
'No? Agh... Wait, I've got it! Dumbledore in a bikini!'
"Oh, yeah, that did it."
"Did what?" Remus asked
"Er, oh, nothing." Sirius replied hastily.
Remus raised a suspicious eyebrow, an amused smile playing at his lips. Thankfully, just as he opened his mouth to question him, Sirius was saved by the bell, telling all that class was over, and it was free period.
"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up and punching his fist in the air, gaining the attention of many startled classmates.
Remus merely chuckled lightly, "Come on." He said as he grabbed Sirius' arm and steered them both out of the classroom and towards Gryffindor Tower.
"Hey guys!" Greeted James happily from where he sat on one of the large armchairs of the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Hey, Prongsie!" Sirius replied as he took Remus' hand and helped him climb through the portrait door.
"Hello, James." Remus said and he gave Sirius a thankful smile. Sirius felt his heart suddenly beat frantically, though he couldn't pick why.
"You guys, you'll never guess!" James said excitedly as they other two Marauders joined him in the sitting area.
"What, mate?" Sirius asked, James was obviously bursting to tell them something.
"I have the perfect plan to get Lily to go out with me!"
Both Remus and Sirius groaned in displeasure. 'Not this again.' They both thought in unison.
"Hey, hear me out!" James relented, "I got her friend you see, Anita there-" He pointed to a brown haired girl sitting in a corner of the room talking animatedly to her friends "-she's gonna tell Lily all about how great a guy I am, and she assured me that Lily was certain to go with me then!"
Both Remus and Sirius looked doubtful.
"And she told you this?" Remus asked.
"Yeah!" James smiled widely while nodding enthusiastically.
"Mate-" Sirius started, but was interrupted as James exclaimed;
"Here she comes!"
Just then, aforementioned love of James life, walked up to her friend Anita, who gave James the thumbs up, which James returned. She then began to tell Lily something in a whispering tone that all the surrounding girls listened to, then burst out laughing, gesturing to James in a mocking fashion.
James' face fell.
"Mate, I think she was, er, joking when she thought Lily would, you know." Sirius told James.
"Oh." He replied simply, obviously put-out.
"I'm sorry, James." Remus said sympathetically, "But don't worry, she'll come around."
James gave a small smile at that.
"Yeah, mate!" Sirius continued encouragingly, "You'll get 'er!"
James smiled appreciatively, "Thanks guys. I feel like such a fool."
Remus put his hand on James shoulder in understanding.
"Ah well," James continued, slipping once again into his optimistic 'glass half-full' attitude. "Remus, can you help me with that Transfigurations essay?"
"Sure." Remus replied, instantly thrilled to have the conversation turn to academics.
"I'm tired; I'm gonna go have a lie down." Sirius announced, and the other two nodded their acknowledgements as he made his way up the stairs to the Boys Dormitories.
As Sirius stepped into the dormitory the Seventh Year boys shared, he sighed with contentment. He was all alone.
'Ah, sweet solitude.'
As he made his was over to his bed, next to Remus' and across from James', he accidentally kicked his bag, spilling all of it contents onto the floor.
"Ow!" Sirius exclaimed, as his foot had hit something hard in the side of his bag. "Bloody hell." He kneeled and began picking up the mess on the floor.
"What's this?" Sirius wondered as he looked upon the cause of his now sore foot; a rather large and heavy book, with a worn leather cover.
'Mind-Boggling Love Poetry' it's title read, the gold letters shining in vast contrast to the black leather which bound it, and Sirius recognised it immediately.
"How did this get in here?" He thought out loud, but picked it up all the same, and situating himself comfortably on his bed, flicking through the pages absentmindedly, eventually finding the index.
'POEMS TO BRING ABOUT GOOD WEATHER' One section read.
"Oh..." Sirius contemplated, "This is a spell book, using poems?" He guessed.
He continued to flick through the pages, finding many interesting and useful (perhaps for a few good pranks later?) Spell-poems.
'POEMS TO GAIN SUCCESS'
Now, there was a prospect.
'POEMS TO BECOME MORE INTELLIGENT'
He could practically hear James voice in his mind telling him, "That's the one for you, Siri!"
'POEMS TO BRING WEALTH'
He wouldn't likely need that one, he was rolling in his parents' money.
'POEMS TO MEET TRUE LOVE'
Well now, that was certainly interesting.
Sirius flicked to page 825 and began reading about True Love Poems-
'Love is a condition or phenomenon of emotional primacy, or absolute value. Love generally includes an emotion of intense attraction to another person, and may also include the aspect of caring for or finding identification with that person, including self-love. Love can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience usually felt by a person for another person. Love is commonly considered impossible to define.'
'Your damn right.' Sirius thought grimly.
'The concept of love, however, is subject to debate. Some deny the existence of love. Others call it a recently invented abstraction, sometimes dating the "invention" to courtly Europe during or after the middle ages (though this is contradicted by the sizable body of ancient love poetry). Others maintain that love really exists, is not an abstraction, but is indefinable; being a quantity which is spiritualmetaphysical, or philosophical in nature. Some psychologists maintain that love is the action of lending one's "boundary" or "self esteem" to another. And others attempt to define love and apply the definition to everyday life.'
"Wow..." Sirius said out loud, he'd never known Love was so... Primal, so... Deep.
'Love poems are a powerful form of magic. Although also used by non-magical people, or 'muggles', Love poems radiate a strong magical feeling, primarily used to induce the emotions of both caster and reciprocate.'
"Now, were getting somewhere!" Sirius said excitedly.
'Different love poems induce different 'love' related emotions, such as; love of a place, love of an object, platonic love, self-love, and romantic love.'
'I have all of the above,' Thought Sirius smugly, 'I love Hogwarts, I love my penis, I love Jamesie, I love myself, and I love-' Sirius stopped short, unsure of where he was going with that in the first place. "Ah well, four out of five ain't bad."
Sirius continued to read a bit more about the section labelled 'Self-Love' before becoming too tired to keep his eyes open.
Remus would be proud, he mused as sleep overwhelmed him, that he was able to stand reading a book for more than 30 seconds.
And he slept on that note, a smile on his face.
A/N: Was that entertaining? Good. For any of you out there who have ideas that me and my beta SiriuslyPadfoot101 can work with, send them in a review!
R&R now.
Much love,
-Emerald Elf-Slytherin707-