I just reread and edited this thing and I cannot remember where I got the idea for something this stupid.

Worst Case Scenario

Mordred was sweating profusely. He couldn't stop his hands from shaking, and his breath was coming out in agitated pants. Beneath his shirt, he could feel the hard, steady thrum of his heart beating in his chest, pulsing in his ears. He felt a bit dizzy. Lightheaded. And his eyes wouldn't stop watering. In short: he was nervous. Really, really nervous. Of course, he always knew this day would come. He'd dreamed of it, imagining how it would happen, when it would happen, hoping for it with every fiber of his being. But now that it was actually here, he wasn't so sure he wanted to go through with it.

Merlyn, on the other hand, was as cheerful as they come. Life was just about as perfect as it could be right now. Sure, the past few weeks had been rough, between evil fathers coming back from the dead, the biggest idiots in the world fighting over her, and almost dying via angered triple goddess. But now? Well, now things were great! Okay, so Arthur and Mordred were still sending death threats to each other, and they still wouldn't listen to her when she told them she just wasn't interested, but magic was unbanned! It had finally happened! All those years of hard, dedicated work were finally paying off. And now, there was only one thing left to do.

Of course, Merlyn was dragging Mordred along on this venture. He needed to tell Arthur just as much as she, and she wasn't letting him get out of it. There was also the fact that if they told him at the same time, he'd be more likely to get mad at Mordred rather than her, and since they already hated each other anyway, Merlyn considered it a win-win situation.

Mordred did not share this sentiment.

It was on their way to find the king that Mordred spoke up, his voice a whole octave higher than normal. "On second thought," he said, "maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"Oh, I never said anything about this being a good idea," Merlyn answered. "But, it's something we need to do." Secretly, she actually thought this was a terrible idea. But a lot of her ideas in the past had been terrible and look how well those worked out! Honestly, in her experience, the terrible ideas always work out the best, so really, this was as good idea as any.

"But why?" Mordred moaned. "Why does Arthur need to know? We've kept it secret this long!"

"We can't just keep pretending!" Merlyn hissed back. "Look, Arthur deserves to know the truth about us, and this is the best time to do so if there ever was one."

Mordred, still whimpering, was about to say something else. But Arthur, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation (because of course he was, as he often took to eavesdropping on his servant and knight whenever the two were alone together), took this moment to barge in on the two, startling them from their otherwise pleasant walk down the corridor. Well, it was pleasant for Merlyn. Mordred looked ready to faint at any moment.

"Oh, hello Arthur," Merlyn chirped with a grin at Arthur's arrival, seemingly not noticing how red and angry his face was. "We were just looking for you!"

"Yes, because apparently there's something you two want to tell me!" he growled, glaring daggers at Mordred. For his part, all he could think was what Merlyn said, 'Arthur deserves to know the truth about us!' and, of course, jumped to the worst possible conclusion he could.

Mordred gave an undignified "Eep!" and hid behind Merlyn (which he will later deny). "See, he already knows! Let's just run away now and move to China!" Arthur couldn't find them in China...he hoped.

"Oh, so now you two are running away together!" Arthur roared, whirling on Merlyn. "What about us?" he demanded. "All these years to be thrown away, just like that? Were you even planning on saying goodbye?" Sure, there wasn't actually an 'us' for Arthur to be referring to, but he still felt he made a valid point.

Merlyn frowned, because this whole thing was confusing her. "I don't think we're on the same page here-"

"See! I told you this wasn't a good idea! He's too betrayed and angry to just let us be who we are!" Mordred cut in. He glared at Arthur and said, "Why can't you just leave us be? I thought you had changed! But it's clear that your hatred is too strong to accept us!"

"I'm pretty sure we're talking about two different things-"

"This is all your fault!" Arthur accused, trying to face Mordred directly, but he kept shifting around Merlyn, keeping her in the way. "If it weren't for you, this never would of happened! You, you...you corrupted her!"

"How dare you!" Mordred roared right back, finally stepping around Merlyn to stand on his own. "I didn't corrupt anyone! And besides, it's not like she even had any choice in the matter!" Mordred thought he was making a valid point -Merlyn shouldn't be blamed for something she had no control over!- but he failed to take into account the fact that Arthur didn't actually know what he was talking about.

Now, if Arthur was angry before, then I have no idea how to even describe the emotion that flashed through him next. Just that it was fiery and red, the purest form of absolute fury combined with hatred to ever be seen. "You coerced her?!" His face was approximately the color of a tomato, entire body shaking with his rage at the thought of Mordred forcing himself upon his dear, innocent servant (not that Mordred could do any such thing, Merlyn would tear him to shreds if he tried).

"Guys," Merlyn spoke up, hoping to defuse the situation. "I am 86% sure we are not thinking the same thing here-"

She didn't get to finish, because in the next moment, Arthur had launched himself at Mordred, and the pair were fighting. Again. Except this time, it was...well, the last time was deadly too, but now there was unbridled hatred in the air, so intense that Merlyn thought that actual smoke might be coming from their ears. Last time, they were only ready to kill each other. Now, however, they were probably ready to kill each other, their families, their neighbors, and their pet dog. It was...not good.

"You've turned her against me!" Arthur cried, punching and kicking and swearing and cursing and a lot of other angry sounding verbs ending in 'i-n-g.'

"You have done that yourself!" Mordred shot back in return, sporting a bloody nose, a black eye, and what looked like a dislocated shoulder. In hand-to-hand combat, Arthur was definitely the better fighter.

That's not to say Mordred didn't get any punches in. Oh no, Arthur himself was missing a chunk of his hair and his nose was definitely pointing the wrong way. Merlyn was hopelessly shouting at the pair, trying to get them to stop, but they just. Weren't. Listening. It was making her very upset, because if Arthur killed Mordred, then he'd destroy any chance he had at making peace with the Druids. And if Mordred killed Arthur...well, that was self explanatory (once upon a time, she might've also been concerned for their actual safety, but now she just wanted to make sure they didn't start a war or something).

Eventually, the pair fought and yelled their way to the stairway, still spitting curses at each other, and Merlyn still screeching at them to stop. Arthur managed to kick Mordred back and scramble up the first five steps, panting heavily as he glared at the younger boy. "It's over Mordred," he taunted. "I have the high ground."

"You underestimate my power!" Mordred growled right back, magic building up inside of him, ready to strike-

"That's enough!" Both Arthur and Mordred stumbled back at Merlyn's scream, momentarily stunning them and allowing her to step in between them. "I am sick and tired of all this fighting!" she grumbled. She whirled on Arthur and shouted, "You! Get down here this instant!"

Looking rightly afraid, Arthur hurried down the steps to stand before her, head low and foot scuffing the floor nervously. Mordred wasn't much better, scratching the back of his head and looking anywhere but her. Honestly, why did she put up with these morons?

"Okay," Merlyn huffed, taking a deep breath of air. "First things first: you two are, by far, the absolutely worst people I've ever known! Just absolutely dreadful! Idiotic, big-headed, prattish, obnoxious, completely oblivious, narcissist, no sense of self-control...I could go on!" She backed up so that she could glare at both of them at once, eyes darting between the two as shame bloomed on their faces. "And that's not even the worst part! No, the worst part is that you guys aren't even fighting over the same thing!"

Arthur and Mordred both looked up in surprise. "What?"

Merlyn sighed and rubbed her temples, hoping to soothe the throbbing headache was starting to grow behind her eyes. "You!" she accused, turning to Arthur, "jumped to conclusions without first getting all the facts, and you!" she turned on Mordred, "automatically assumed the worst without checking to see if you were right!"

"...I don't get it," Mordred said after a moment.

Another sigh. Gods, sometimes Merlyn really hated her life. "Due to unfortunate wording on both our parts, Arthur got the wrong idea about what we wanted to tell him, and what you said after certainly didn't help." She shook her head and looked up, as if to ask the dull, beige ceiling 'Why me?' Returning her attention to the now confused boys (not men, they lost their right to being men after they tried to kill each other with spoons last week), Merlyn said, very slowly, "Alright. Listen carefully. Mordred, Arthur wasn't unaccepting of us. He just thought that we were going to tell him we were together. Which makes it understandable why he got so mad when you told him I didn't have a choice...anyway, Arthur, the thing that we were going to tell you wasn't that we're in a relationship, but that we have magic."

Arthur blinked. "Oh," he muttered. "I see." Slowly, he turned to Mordred, who was back to being a nervous wreck (crisis of possibly dying by Arthur's hand averted, there was now the crisis of possibly dying by Arthur's hand). "So...you're not dating Merlyn then?"

Merlyn, completely beyond her frustrations, threw her hands into the hair. "Oh for the love of- that's what you got out of that? That Mordred and I aren't together? What about the magic bit, huh? Or did you just not hear that part!" She walked away from them, angry and upset and very ready for a hot bath and a long venting session with Gwen. And a glass of wine. Hey, it was five o'clock somewhere!

Back in the corridor, Arthur turned to Mordred and said, "Well, I guess it's good that I don't have to kill you anymore."

"Heh, heh, right," Mordred squeaked, just glad that Arthur wasn't yelling at him or killing him or kicking him out of Camelot for having magic and not telling him about said magic (but, honestly, he knew he was a Druid, and he knew that he was apprenticed to a magic-user so it's really his fault for not figuring it out sooner).

The next morning, Arthur woke up with donkey ears and Mordred could only speak in rhyme.

Did you catch the Star Wars reference? It's okay if you didn't it's from the prequels and those are terrible. Up next: Kara's here and nobody cares.