A/N: Please note that this chapter has a raised M rating due to sexually explicit content. This chapter focuses on Kaiba x OC, but the next chapter does not. I would advise skimming the parts you're uncomfortable with, but if you skip the whole thing, you will miss quite a bit of the aftermath of his meeting with Atem.
Part IV: Locked Away
If Kaiba allowed himself to think about his decision, he would start questioning everything. Instead he waited as his cell phone rang until Kaiba heard on the other end of the line, "Isn't this a rare surprise? You calling me?"
Completely disinterested in banter, Kaiba demanded, "Where are you?"
"I just got out of the shower, why?"
It was all the answer Kaiba needed to hear and he hung up without a word as he got out of his car. Kaiba thought of nothing except for each step forward as he left the parking garage and entered the luxurious apartment complex and rode the elevator to the top floor. He continued mindlessly walking until he stopped in front of the door to his lover's apartment and he knocked loudly before his common sense started to protest.
The door was quickly opened and Kaiba wasted no time with greetings. His mind appreciated the fact that Seijirou had presented himself in the nude and Kaiba aggressively dominated a kiss as he slammed the door behind him. The sheer force of it caused Seijirou to hold on to Kaiba and he could only stare up at the older man when they parted. "Seto, what—" he started to ask before getting interrupted.
"Prepare yourself," Kaiba ordered as he started walking to the bedroom, angrily undoing his tie as he went. The annoying voice in the back of his mind that sounded like the damnable priest was arguing against him, but Kaiba wasn't really interested. He knew that his actions made him seem weak-willed and cowardly, but Kaiba could think about it later; he needed a distraction and Seijirou was extremely skilled at that.
Seijirou muttered, "Yes, sir," sarcastically under his breath, but he was still smirking as he followed. There was something intriguingly different about Kaiba, which was the only reason Seijirou wasn't objecting to the rudeness. Following at a more leisurely pace, Seijirou arched an eyebrow at the way Kaiba slammed the bathroom door and locked it. What the hell is his problem? Seijirou wondered as he dropped onto his bed and grabbed a small bottle of lube from the nightstand drawer.
Laying back and getting comfortable, Seijirou began the tedious task of readying himself with slicked fingers. He had made the mistake early on of ignoring Kaiba's demand and he hadn't been able to fuck for two weeks afterward; Seijirou enjoyed it a little rough, but that was ridiculous, not to mention more painful than pleasurable.
Sighing to the darkness as his fingers ceaselessly moved and stretched inside, Seijirou glanced toward the bathroom with a mild amount of concern. He knew better than to show it, but sometimes he couldn't help but worry about the man he had known as a lover for the past two years. Seijirou was well aware of the fact that Kaiba was strong, but sometimes there almost seemed to be an emotional fragility to him that brought out a desire to protect. Kaiba would never accept or like that thought, but Seijirou secretly harbored it anyway. Yes, part of it was a perverse sense of control in knowing that one of the most powerful people in Domino could be easily broken, but that immature reaction had faded over time.
Seijirou knew that his feelings would never be reciprocated or even acknowledged, but he still had them and guarded them close to his heart. He tried to take care of Kaiba in his own way and there was some amount of solace in the fact that when things got to the older man, he sought out Seijirou. There was no doubt in his mind that Kaiba would leave if he ever discovered Seijirou's secret, so it was plenty of incentive to continue acting the part of an unconcerned lover.
The door opened suddenly and Seijirou made an appreciative noise at the sight of Kaiba naked save for a condom. Sometimes Seijirou really wondered how a man as fastidious as Kaiba could even bring himself to do something as messy as sex and he chuckled to himself at the thought. "That eager?" Seijirou teased as he spread his legs a little wider in invitation, withdrawing his fingers and wiping them on the towel he had discarded earlier from his shower.
Kaiba said nothing in response as he walked over to the bed, positioning himself over Seijirou with a dark shadow in his haunted eyes. He hesitated for a brief moment as he looked down at Seijirou and the younger man could tell that Kaiba was fighting against himself more than normal, although he was at a loss to explain it.
Before Seijirou could think on the matter any further, Kaiba penetrated him without warning. It caused Seijirou to shout out a few obscenities as Kaiba set a hard and unrelenting pace. Seijirou could only hold on as he writhed in pleasure, unable to process any thoughts other than how incredible it felt. With all of his previous partners, Seijirou had always been the dominating top, but it was occasions such as this one that reminded him why Kaiba was the singular exception.
It was obvious to Kaiba that Seijirou was enjoying the harsher treatment, but the same could not be said of himself. No matter what angle he attempted or how hard he thrust, there was little pleasure to be found. All he could see was Atem and it just made him take out his frustration even more. Closing his eyes, Kaiba continued his rough rhythm, but all that did was make him more aware of the difference in voices. It struck Kaiba deep and made him open his eyes once more in order to focus on Seijirou. He needed to remind himself that only the present mattered and not some long dead pharaoh; Seijirou was the one who was beneath him and Atem shouldn't even factor into it. It was what he was supposed to want, it was supposed to be enough, and yet it wasn't. Seijirou had sufficed for the past few years and had stayed with him longer than every previous lover save for one, but he would never replace Atem; then again, that wasn't his purpose.
Nothing was helping to distract Kaiba and he swore in frustration. The noise in his mind refused to be quieted and Kaiba's heart grew heavier with each passing moment. It was drowning out the sound of Seijirou's gasps and barely coherent babbling about how good he felt, but it still wasn't enough to make him forget the crimson eyed teen from earlier. There was no way for Kaiba to avoid the memories and images that were desperately trying to make themselves known.
The sensations were starting to overwhelm Seijirou and he couldn't stop moaning out, "Seto," over and over again as he got lost in the pleasure. When it was finally too much for him, Seijirou cried as he came hard, panting from the effort and trembling from the rush of lust.
Staring down at his lover with a blank expression, Kaiba wasn't even close to being finished, largely in part to his distraction. Reaching up to Kaiba and wrapping his arms around his neck, Seijirou murmured, "Let me return the favor." Before Kaiba could answer, Seijirou was kissing with just as much fervor while his hands started to wander.
Kaiba didn't want to be touched in any way at the moment, nor was he willing to surrender his control, least of all to Seijirou. Pulling out of Seijirou's grasp and ignoring the resulting pout, Kaiba withdrew his still rigid member and ordered, "Turn over."
Seijirou's body was not inclined to cooperate, but he complied anyway. He shouted loudly and braced himself on his forearms as Kaiba continued from where he left off earlier. Seijirou still felt hypersensitive from his release and he struggled to quiet himself because he really didn't want the neighbors to complain again. However it took too much effort to restrain his reactions and Seijirou was almost screaming from the intensity of it all.
Balancing himself by holding onto Seijirou's hips, Kaiba was thrusting hard enough to rock his lover despite the restraint. The rather vocal reaction was annoying, but Kaiba did his best to ignore it. Without having to look at Seijirou directly, it made it easier for Kaiba, made him feel marginally less guilty.
Forcing himself to focus only on the physical sensations, Kaiba was finally able to find release, but not before Seijirou came a second time with another keening cry. Finally spent, Kaiba rested for a moment against Seijirou as he tried to recover his breath. There had been no pleasure in his release, no relief from the crushing pressure in his heart; if anything he felt even worse. Betrayed crimson eyes haunted his mind and Kaiba felt guilty and then disgusted by his reaction. What the hell is wrong with me? he harshly reprimanded himself.
Unaware of Kaiba's turmoil, Seijirou glanced back at him and softly called out, "Seto?"
It wasn't the name he wanted to hear, those hazel eyes weren't the ones he wanted to see, and Kaiba felt the pain even more acutely because of what happened on the balcony. All he could think of was how wrong it felt to be there with Seijirou under those circumstances.
Pulling out of Seijirou and ignoring the groan of protest at his action, Kaiba said nothing as he locked himself in the bathroom. Stripping off the condom and throwing away the evidence of his weakness, Kaiba wasted no time in entering the shower. He stayed under the water even as it began to scald his skin red, but it still wasn't enough to make him feel clean again. No matter how hard he scrubbed, he couldn't rid himself of the shame over being unable to forget about something he could never have, about someone he should never want.
It was the first time Kaiba had slowed down long enough to think about his encounter with the teen dressed as pharaoh and started to tremble from long suppressed emotions. It couldn't be possible that Atem had finally come back to him, but his warmth had felt so real, his touch had felt so solid. He couldn't even allow himself to consider the possibility that it might be true, but part of him desperately wanted it to believe. Then logic caught up and told him it was impossible, even as his rational side argued that regardless of circumstance, the boy was sixteen and it didn't matter how much like Atem he looked.
"Why?" he accidentally whispered in anguish as he leaned against the cold glass wall to shock some sense into himself. The question was aimed at so many different things and yet they all came back to the same source—Atem. It didn't matter if he asked why this was happening now or why him; there were no answers, only more heartache.
As the water washed off the traces of Seijirou, so too did it rid Kaiba of Atem's touches and kisses. When Kaiba thought of that, he could feel his throat tighten up and his eyes start to burn with restrained emotions. How could he have walked away? He should have been trying to make up for every minute, everything second, every single moment that they had been forced to spend apart, but instead Kaiba had gone to Seijirou to try and forget.
Unfortunately, Kaiba could never forget, especially now that he had such a vivid reminder in the form of a being who gave all new meaning to, "Solid Vision." When he started to think about the feel of those lips, that slender body pressed so close, that warmth, that person, Kaiba thought he was going to go crazy. Just the memory of what happened earlier started to stir Kaiba's desire and he blindly fumbled behind him to douse himself with freezing cold water before his body got more terrible ideas from such thoughts.
It didn't matter how much he protested against the fact that it was wrong on so many levels, there was always a counterargument that the age didn't matter since it was Atem he wanted, not the actual body. Besides, it wasn't as if Kaiba had ever truly known Atem in any other body besides Yuugi's. How was this any different? Because you're sixteen years older than him, Kaiba's mind harshly reminded him. Yet part of him continued fighting back, citing the ancient age of the soul that just happened to be trapped in a teenage vessel.
Kaiba tried to put a stop to the thought process. He only needed to rationalize things if he was intending to act and Kaiba would do no such thing. There was no way he would risk losing his reputation over a kid that just so happened to resemble the spirit he had once known, that his soul had once loved.
When the realization that he might have wasted yet another chance, it suddenly became harder to breathe even though the steam from the shower had dissipated. Kaiba spent all of his adult life regretting that he had walked away and yet wasn't that the exact same mistake that he had just made? No, Kaiba refused to believe that he had made a mistake. He had not walked away from Atem, he had walked away from someone with a disturbing resemblance to him. It logically made sense, but why didn't that stop the pain?
The longer Kaiba stayed in the shower alone with his thoughts, the worse things became. He wouldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop doubting, or mourning his loss and he was about ready to have a panic attack at the rate he was going. He needed time to himself to get everything sorted in his mind, because Seijirou had failed in his purpose of providing adequate distraction. If anything, he had unwittingly exacerbated the situation because he couldn't fulfill Kaiba's only desire: Atem.
Kaiba knew that he needed to get out of the shower, but he was paralyzed by the weight of what had happened. There had always been an element of dissatisfaction afterwards—no matter how good the fuck was—but this was an entirely new and unwelcomed experience. He had become quite skilled at avoiding the issue of Atem until he got home and away from prying eyes, but tonight Kaiba just couldn't avoid the thoughts of him.
It was through sheer willpower alone that Kaiba managed to leave the shower, although he felt almost as filthy as before he went into it. Toweling off quickly and ignoring the echo the priest's voice lecturing him on the sins against the sanctity of the former pharaoh, Kaiba redressed. Each piece made him feel a little more like himself and that allowed Kaiba the strength to leave the bathroom without further embarrassing himself. This couldn't be allowed to continue and he needed to get away before something worse happened. Although short of Atem walking in on them mid-fuck, there were few ways to make things worse than they already were. Taking a deep steadying breath, Kaiba ordered himself to regain his composure before exiting.
In the interim, Seijirou had already cleaned himself up in the other bathroom and he was languidly draped across the bed with no real motivation to move any further. He was content with the afterglow, although Kaiba's reaction concerned him. Occasionally Kaiba would act almost spooked after they finished fucking, but he was usually fine by the time he returned from the bathroom. For some reason, Seijirou got the feeling that things were a little different this time.
When Kaiba emerged fully dressed and in the process of straightening his cuff links, Seijirou was a little surprised. "You can't seriously be leaving," Seijirou said in disbelief as he sat up in bed, the sheet slipping lower on his hips.
"No?" Kaiba asked sardonically as he turned toward the door. He had barely taken two steps before Seijirou had captured his wrist in an attempt to stop him.
He knew that Kaiba could easily break free of his grip and it gave Seijirou the slightest hope that he could convince him to stay a little longer. "Don't go yet."
"Call someone else if you want to cuddle," Kaiba snapped, wrenching his wrist free. It was a short lived victory because he was suddenly looking up at Seijirou from an awkward position on the bed, wondering how in the hell he had ended up getting pinned.
Smirking at Kaiba's scowl, Seijirou seductively reminded him, "You were the one who called me, remember? Or was that an invitation to invite a friend to join us?"
Kaiba refused to be seduced by a sensual kiss and he bit Seijirou's lower lip hard enough to dissuade him from continuing. Seijirou ran his tongue over the abused spot, completely undeterred by the rougher treatment. If anything, it was turning him on even more. "Fine, I didn't feel like sharing anyway," he teased, carefully shifting himself to prevent Kaiba's initial attempt at overthrowing him. "Seems to me that you still have some pent up frustrations that I'd be more than happy to help you get out…"
"I'll bet," Kaiba muttered, rolling his eyes for good measure. Any further comments were cut off by an aggressive kiss that Kaiba started to respond to until his sense returned. "Get off of me."
Ignoring the threatening tone as he started kissing Kaiba's neck, Seijirou asked, "What happened?"
"That is not your concern," Kaiba replied icily, glaring at the man who was coming dangerously close to ending up on the floor with a well-timed throw.
Leaning up to look down at Kaiba, the playfulness disappeared from Seijirou's eyes as he turned serious. "It became my concern when you showed up here unannounced," Seijirou informed him, refusing to back down over the matter.
"I won't say it again," Kaiba threatened, fully intending on carrying it out if Seijirou failed to comply.
Seijirou knew that whatever had affected Kaiba this badly had to be something major and it troubled him. He wasn't expecting Kaiba to open up, but sometimes Seijirou wished that he would. The look in Seijirou's eyes softened as he quipped, "Remind me again why I like a cold bastard like you?"
"Because you're an idiot," Kaiba retorted, frowning at Seijirou's laugh.
"Sometimes," Seijirou agreed as his mirth died down gradually. He studied Kaiba's face, trying to find a way to understand his inscrutable lover.
"Seiji," Kaiba warned, accidentally using his nickname despite his irritation. He was feeling increasingly uncomfortable under those hazel eyes that he sometimes feared could see right through him.
Smiling faintly, Seijirou gently stroked Kaiba's cheek. He had meant the gesture to be a calming one, but the momentary flash of fear in Kaiba's eyes startled him. Before he could even question it, he had been roughly flipped over onto his back and he had to wince at the tightness of Kaiba's grip on his wrists.
Kaiba had panicked at the affectionate motion because it was too reminiscent of Atem's phantom touch from all those years ago in the ancient dueling arena. Everything he had successfully pushed down for the past sixteen years was too close to the surface because of what had happened tonight and he knew it was starting to impact his behavior. "Don't fucking touch me," Kaiba hissed, abruptly standing up in order to leave. He had to get out before he embarrassed himself further.
Against his better judgment, Seijirou decided to push his luck to the limit as he caught Kaiba's hand to pull him back onto the bed. Sitting up to face Kaiba's wrath, Seijirou braced himself for the worst reaction when he told him, "I'm good for more than just a fuck, Seto."
"So? I require nothing other than that from you," Kaiba said as he stood up again, determined not to get captured.
Biting back a comment that Kaiba should just rent a whore if that was all he wanted, Seijirou just shrugged and tried not to take it personally. He followed Kaiba to the door to see him out, although it was more to irritate Kaiba than out of habit. "I wish I could meet the person who caused you to react like this," Seijirou mentioned loud enough to be heard in order to get a reaction.
Kaiba paused with his hand on the doorknob as he demanded, "And what the hell makes you think that a single person could ever be responsible for that?"
That reaction, for one, Seijirou answered in his mind, although he wisely kept the comment to himself. Stealing a final kiss that Seijirou smugly noted left them both breathless, he replied, "I hope that whoever he is appreciates what it's like to be important to you."
There was nothing else that Kaiba felt like saying to that, so he simply left without another word. Seijirou leaned against the door as he locked it behind him, tilting his head back as he surveyed his place. Everything was as it should be and Kaiba had left the same way as always, despite his slight deviation in emotions. Kaiba never said goodbye or made promises for future visits and Seijirou had a weird sense of respect for that.
As he started walking back to his bedroom in order to shower, Seijirou reflected on the strange behavior he had witnessed. He already knew that he would never be loved by Kaiba, but it was weird knowing that there was somebody who had accomplished the impossible.
The same person was probably responsible for all of the times he had caught Kaiba sitting up in bed late at night, staring off into the distance with the saddest expression Seijirou had ever seen. It didn't happen very often, but he was always fascinated by that exquisite sorrow that Seijirou knew only the person who caused it could take it away.
Seijirou sent a silent word of thanks to the mystery man because the sex had been incredible as a result. Normally it felt like Kaiba was completely in control, that he never quite let himself go; it was almost as if something was holding him back from being uninhibited. But for the first time, Seijirou had gotten a glimpse of what Kaiba would be like if he ever let go. It had been incredible and he wanted more of it, although a slight change to Kaiba's attitude would have been appreciated. Sometimes the brusque demeanor was a bit much to deal with, although it normally didn't bother Seijirou. That was just one of the many sides of Kaiba that he found interesting and Seijirou had always enjoyed a good challenge.
Stepping into the shower once the water was warm enough, he thought back to the first time he had encountered Kaiba. They had both been teenagers then, although he doubted that Kaiba remembered him. He had been one challenger amongst countless others and he had been playing under his real name instead of his stage one, so it was hardly surprising. Seijirou had faced off against Kaiba in a Duel Monsters semifinal and he had been completely captivated by that icy passion ever since that day. Sometimes he thought he saw glimpses of that in Kaiba now, but for the most part that side of him was gone. Seijirou couldn't help but think that it was unfortunate and he wondered what had caused Kaiba to change; it had to be more than just growing up because he had already been overly mature at that time.
There had just been something so exciting about watching Kaiba duel, especially whenever he faced off against Mutou Yuugi, the kid who had been the King of Games at the time. Kaiba had just seemed so alive and full of fiery determination and Seijirou could think of no other person at that time who managed to affect him like Yuugi had. Seijirou had gotten the opportunity to duel with him once and the difference between his dueling personality and his actual personality was almost startling; sometimes he could hardly believe that it had been the same person.
Thinking about the past changed nothing, so Seijirou shook his head and tried to refocus his attention. Seijirou could already tell that he was going to be sore in the morning, but it was of no real consequence. He was more concerned about Kaiba and the uncharacteristic behavior he had witnessed. Seijirou resolved to help in any way he could and he started to plan a course of action for the next day as he finished his shower.
A/N: To those of you who made it all the way through this chapter, thank you for your faith in me. I really appreciate it and for those of you who skimmed the chapter or skipped straight to here, I completely understand.
Kaiba's really failing to hold it together, but the struggle says a lot. He's still got a long way to go with coming to terms with Atem, but that's what the next few chapters are for, ne?
Part V: Otherside
Two sides of the same soul, enduring and…
The next part features the return of Seto and a few other fun bits, so that's always interesting. Ideally I'd like to get it up in the next two weeks, but I've got a lot of applications and essays that won't write themselves, unfortunately. My goal is to get it up sometime in November, so please be sure to check back in the future!
Thank you again for your continued support, especially on this project! I know that a lot of you aren't comfortable with OCs and are giving Seiji a chance because of me, so thanks. I'm so blessed to have such amazing readers and your reviews really help keep me going through these rough times and it's such a blast getting the chance to hear your thoughts and insights!