I know I am spoiling you with all these updates *smiles sheepishly* but seriously now I have to get caught up on chapters so I will attempt to get you an update because I dont want to wait to long but it might not happen asap. Sorry! Okay so I literally want to give everyone who reviewed a hug! They were awsome and made me want to post this chapter! So I'm going to say it a couple more times... THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Keep up the reviews so I will get you another chapter.

Oh and FYI this one is short but it is important but then it is like a filler chapter. That is just a warning...

I did all the medical research so it is fairly accurate

Disclaimer: No, not mine

Tony sat in the quietness of his apartment. After the words Ziva had said to him, he took the scrapbook and left. It was now 0200 and Tony had been avoiding looking in the scrapbook, but soon his curiosity caved and he sat down and began to flip through.

7 and 1/2 weeks…

Dear Anthony,

I had my first ultrasound today and I found out it was twins! It was hard without you being there. The doctor asked me where the father was and I told her the only answer I could come up with… dead. That might seem a bit extreme, but at times I still hate you for what happened between us.

That was not the point in me writing this. I wanted you to see your child. So here I put the ultrasound picture in this letter.

I left NCIS, of course by now you already know that, but I couldn't bring myself to face you. I am moving someplace where it will be safe. Because, believe it or not, you are not the only one I am running from.

Goodbye for now, or maybe forever…

Zi

Tony smiled and ran his fingers over the ultrasound picture gingerly. His children looked like a peanuts. Questions were running through his mind as he flipped to the next page. The main one being what happened to the second baby. He noticed there where tear stains on the next page as he silently began to read.

12 weeks…

I keep on trying to find the words to say to you. Part of me wants you to be here for me when I wake up in the middle of the night because I get sick. I am trying to put on a brave face, but, Tony, I am a monster… I found out today that I could be killing my babies. I don't know what to do. There is a possibility that both my little squirts will have a disorder called TAY-SACHS. It is incurable and it happens amongst Jewish people. I am getting a test done next time I go in. I wish you were here, because I know now I can't do this without you. I wish I could crawl into your safe embrace. But I will put on a brave face. I am stronger than most give me credit for.

Here is another photo…

Yours forever….

Sweet cheeks

Tony wiped a tear that had sneaked its way down his cheek. He tried to shake away the feeling of dread that had come over him. She was right, it wasn't fair to her. He should have been there for her. He would have held her the day she found out about the possibilities of looked at the ultrasound picture, he could make out the figure a little better. He stayed on that page for a few more minutes before he flipped.

24 weeks…

I have not had the time to write to you in quite some time, nor have I felt like writing. I lost the baby… I miscarried. They told me it might have been the better alternative. The baby was diagnosed with TAY-SACHS. Am I really that broken that I killed my own child? I do not think I can do this anymore. I never thought I would be the type of person to get an abortion, but how am I going to look at my own child, knowing I killed my other one. It is not right!

I hate you for not being here.

I hate how you walked out and, quite honestly, I hate you, Anthony DiNozzo…

Tony stood up and threw the book against the wall letting out a scream. His knees buckled and he fell to the floor. His head in his hands as silent sobs rocked through his body. He should have been there. He should have been there when she found out about the baby. He should have been grieving with her. He should have been a father to his son.

But, instead of doing any of the things he should have done, he did the one thing he should have never done. He let Ziva go. It was as simple as that. He might not have know how strong his feelings where for her, but he knew he liked her. He shook his head and stood, his body feeling weak and helpless. He picked up the scrapbook, but could not bring himself to look back inside. Tony sat it down on the coffee table when suddenly there was a knock.

He walked to the door, he let out a sigh when he saw that it was Abby. Knowing there was no avoiding her, he opened his door with a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Tonyyy!" Abby smiled and flung herself into his arms giving him a bone crushing hug.

After a moment of hesitation he wrapped his arms around her and returned the hug. "Hey, Abby."

"What's wrong, Tony?" She pulled away from the hug to look at him.

"Who me? Something wrong? That's crazy Abby, what are you talking about?" He shook his head and went into the kitchen to gather a couple of waters.

Abby shook her head. "Don't you do that to me, Anthony DiNozzo! I know something's bugging you, so ask away."

Tony sighed and braced himself on the counter. "Did you know Ziva was pregnant with twins?" Abby looked away. "You did! You knew she kept the baby all this time?" His voice was on the edge of breaking.

"It was complicated, she explained it to me and yes, you had a right to know, but when she lost the little girl, things got harder for her. I had to drag her out of the clinic! Do you know how hard it was for me to lie to you about it?"

Tony shook his head and pointed his finger at Abby. "You had no right! I spent two years worrying about her and my child. Hell, I didn't even know she kept the baby."

"Well, that wasn't my fault. You were the one who walked out!" Abby yelled back, tears now forming in her eyes.

Tony took a breath and looked at the counter. "Do you know how much it kills me to know that what I did to her caused her to lose the baby?"

"Tony… you both blame yourselves. What happened to the baby was no one's fault. Things happen, you deal with it." She couldn't believe how out of it Tony was, he was vulnerable. Something he didn't let most people see him as. The worst part is that he wasn't using his usual DiNozzo defenses. "You love her." It wasn't a statement, and it wasn't a question. When Tony didn't say anything, Abby spoke again, "Then do something about it." Tony looked up at her and smiled.

Did I mention how this chapter is like my FAVORITE!Review if you feel the same was and want me to update. And for all of you who think oh she doesn't know I read and don't review...well news flash I do know! :) So I hope you think highly enough of this chapter to review it.