Author's note,

I wonder if people think I'm a bigot.

Black had been crying for quite a while. His parents had kicked him out so it was completely understandable, but… I was just tired. Not tired of him, no no, tired of being awake. Normally I would have gone to sleep long before now. Here I sat though, wide awake, with someone crying into my shirt, clutching me as if for dear life.

I rubbed Black, trying to make him feel better.

"It's just not fair. Why do people always punish me for stuff that's outside of my control?" Black eeked out. He had been speaking on and off for the last couple of hours, but this was the first coherent sentence. "Why does everyone think they get a say in how I should feel? In what I should like?"

Black sobbed into my shirt a bit more. If it had not been soaked before, it was definitely now.

"Why does everyone hate me?" He let go of me, sitting up properly. He looked deep into my eyes, pleading. "Do you hate me?"

I shook my head and hugged him. "I don't hate you Black. You're my friend." We stayed like that for a bit, and I caught a whiff of the smell of his shampoo. Mmm, lemons…

Once I let him go he wiped at his eyes. "Thanks N." He sniffled. "For everything. I don't know what I would do without you. Thanks for letting me stay with you."

I sat silently for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?" I thought about what I was asking exactly. Did I truly want to know? Did I need to know?

Black sniffed again before responding. "Yeah, sure." He let out slowly. He wiped at his eyes. "In school I was always a bit different. I used to play with barbies, or house with some of the girls, or stuff like that. It never really bothered me that it was a 'girl thing' or whatever, I just did it because it was fun. I was happy just being me. Yeah, I got bullied, but I didn't let it get to me."

Black paused for a long while, staring off into the distance.

"Then Karen came." Black pulled his legs in close. "She bullied me, but it wasn't like anything I've had to go through. She would push me around, gossip about me. She started a rumor that I was gay." Black laughed. "Well, I was, but you get my point." I nodded, not sure if I should laugh. "She just wouldn't let it go, and she was pushing me. Hard. I thought about ending everything, and then... I met Aaron. He was Karen's cousin, so I should probably have been suspicious, but he was just so nice to me. He made me want to live again. One day we were talking behind the school, I guess flirting a bit and… and he kissed me."

Black turned to me, locking eyes. I looked deep into the big brown orbs that one would call his eyes, almost as if peering into his soul. "And don't listen to anyone else when they say it, he kissed ME. Karen eventually caught wind of us, and flipped up the story, bullied her cousin into it. Told everyone in town. Aaron's parents moved, embarrassed, and Karen has had it out for me ever since." Black sniffed, turning back to stare off into the distance.

"Oh," I said after a while. "That explains a lot. I'm sorry about what you had to go through."

Black thanked me and we hugged again. "I think she just hates that I'm different." Black shrugged.

There was a moment of silence, before Black sighed. "You probably want to avoid me for a bit. Once Karen hears that I'm not living with my parents, she'll just add you to the hit list." He said, looking dejected.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you don't worry about me. I can handle Karen. Now, where's that smile I know and love?" I asked, beginning to tickle Black.

Black tried to resist at first, but shortly began laughing. "Here here!" I stopped tickling him, settling for just smiling. He smiled back at me. "Thanks N." Black looked around. "So I guess I'm sleeping on the couch then? I don't think you have another bedroom."

I thought about this precisely. About Black sleeping in my bedroom, maybe even in my bed, maybe even with me in it too. I knew that Black was gay, so I wonder if that would make things weird if we were to sleep in the same bed, or even the same room. Maybe my response was a gauge of some sorts? Whether I was interested or not?

Was I even interested? I mentally shook my head. This was not the time to think about this. "You take the bed. I'll sleep here." I pointed towards the couch, letting him know that I would sleep in the living room. I suppose if I made a big deal about how we slept then I would just be a kick to the teeth. Black's only friend still doesn't trust him, just because of his sexuality. It would probably hurt me as well, now that I think about it.

Black nodded. "You don't mind if I go to sleep night now?' He asked, yawning. "I'm a bit tired."

"Uh, sure. Go ahead." Black thanked me before retiring to my bedroom. I eyed up the couch, visually measuring it. I actually don't think I considered how short it really was. Would I even be able to fit on it? I was rather tall after all. I sighed, I had gotten myself into this mess.

Like Black had said he was, I was also tired so I just settled for orientating myself so that I knew I wouldn't fall off. My posture wasn't the best, but I knew that I could sleep like this… though I my back would probably hurt in the morning. Or, I could just… sleep with Black… like sleep in the bed with Black… not sleep… I sighed. As I wondered about this topic a familiar feeling came to my groin region and I decided it best to push that idea from my mind.

I shortly fell asleep.

I awoke much later still feeling a bit tired. I got up and stretched trying to properly wake up. I was really used to not getting a full night of sleep. I did a bit of freshening up before I headed to the kitchen.

As I was walking to the kitchen I glanced into my bedroom and noticed the blankets laid out and remembered that he would staying with me for a while. I stopped walking as I remembered what I was thinking about earlier, such as how this would affect our friendship. I shook this from my head again, this was absolutely not the time to be thinking about myself.

I entered the kitchen and noticed Black sitting at the island. He was nursing a cup of coffee. I wondered about this; when was the last time I bought coffee?

"Hey, Black." I let out, yawning. Black looked up at me but didn't respond. I could tell from the puffiness in his eyes that he had been crying, likely after I went to sleep.

I shuffled over to the fridge. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked. He looked up again, wondering. "You know besides coffee." I pointed at the cup. "I have orange juice, tea, or maybe you want hot chocolate?"

"Do you think I'm a faggot?" Black asked suddenly. I paused, not sure what to say. I heard him sniffle a bit and wipe his nose.

I turned around slowly. "Do I think you're a..." I didn't say the word, I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Faggot. A faggot, N." Black repeated, looking up to me. His eyes were full of wonder.

I still was unsure what I should say. How could I possible respond to that? "No…" I let out, a bit too slowly. "I mean, you are gay, right? But that doesn't make you a, uh..." I cringed, not wanting to say it. Black noticed, and looked at me demanding that I say it. "A faggot..."

Black looked dejected, which was confusing because I assumed that I said the right thing.

"Look Black. What your parents did was wrong, and I don't think you should let it get to you. A lot of the time we wish our parents were better, but we have to remember that their still people and that people are flawed and make mistakes."

Black frowned at this. "They've been doing stuff like this for years." He sighed and finished his coffee. "I just… don't know what to do anymore. The whole town seems to hate me... for something I have no control over."

I was very bad with people, and I knew this all to well, but Black needed me right now, as a friend. I would just have to swallow whatever nonsense I was thinking and just interact with him the way I knew he needed, so that he could eventually move past this. Despite my initial inclinations I placed my hand atop Black's and smiled at him before saying: "Not everyone." I squeezed his hand, trying to cement this notion. I think I had seen that in a movie somewhere.

Black smiled back and for a moment I felt butterflies in my stomach. He embraced my hand as he squeezed back. "Thank you N." When he let go I realized that my heart was racing. Black sighed. "You're always there for me… I just don't know how I'll ever repay you."

I shook my head. "No, no don't worry about it. We're friends, and friends help friends."

Black nodded and looked around for a bit. "Would it be okay if I made breakfast?"

"Uh, go right ahead." I said, moving out of his way. "I'll be in the living room." Black nodded and started looking around my fridge for ingredients.

I sat down on the couch, wondering, how exactly did I feel about Black? What happened in there when we touched hands? What was that dream that one day in the office? What did all of this mean, and why was I trying to push it all away?

I knew that I cared for Black, a lot. Perhaps a lot more than I was comfortable admitting right now. But, what did that mean? Was me being uncomfortable about my underlying feelings a product of what Black put in this situation in the first place? Was I able to care for Black or would my own feelings get in the way of that? Did I want something real or did I just want something that was convenient, something that I thought was easy to get?

Did I lie to Black back there? Or was I more truthful than I'll ever know?

If it's any consolation, I don't think I'm a bigot, but then again, does anyone?