Wex Major's Personal Log Supplemental

Thanks to the agreement made between Benjamin Sisko of Deep Space Nine and Federation President Jaresh-Inyo via "Starfleet Collect Call", the decision was finally made that I can be placed as a Full Intern aboard a Federation starship. The internship that Jaresh-Inyo assigned me to was the visiting Intrepid-class vessel, U.S.S. Voyager. This ship, I didn't know fully about, is equipped with a Bio-Neural Gel Pack Isolinear Processor, in which is the most advanced computer systems on the Starfleet Market today, and that this ship has the registry number: NCC-74656. There's just something about the registry number, but what, I don't have the foggiest idea!

Here we are, right near the Intrepid-class vessel that will someday become legendary, U.S.S. Voyager. Now let's move to a type-6 shuttlecraft:

Wex: Is that Voyager, Mrs. Stadi?

Lieutenant Alicia Stadi: Damn straight!

Wex: Freakin' sweet!

Tom Paris [muffled, in a box]: Hey, dumb-asses, where in Sam's hell am I?

Wex: Who the hell is that?

Stadi: Oh, that's Thomas Eugene Paris, he recently got charged with 13 hefty DUI charges in a row since his first escape attempt of the Federation Penal Settlement in New Zealand. That's why he's in that damn Detention Capsule.

Wex: What the hell happened to your leg?

Stadi: What? Oh yeah, I broke it after I performed the Betazoid 900 at the 15th Annual Betazoid Gymnastics Tournament of Champions on the shore of Lake Cataria on Betazed.

Wex: Damn, that's gotta hurt for a beautiful Betazoid like you?

Stadi: Oh, Wex you're such a charmer.

Wex: No, come on?

Stadi: Wex, you're the nicest guy I've met!

Wex: Really?

Stadi: You bet!

SD-109: Voyager, this is SD-109, approaching your Shuttlebay, over.

Shuttlebay Control: SD-109, you are clear to deliver Wexamillion Major and party to NCC-74656, over.

Upon arrival, I was shocked; it felt like I was in the most luxurious starships available. First I looked at the Bridge, then I went on over to the Mess Hall to replicate a few 6-packs of Jolt and 3 bags of Quetzaltenango Doritos, a brand of Doritos that is "made" by the merciless inmates of the Guatemalan Insane Asylum. And then I bump into Harry Kim when I was headed for my Stateroom:

Harold Kim [gasps]: You're Wexamillion Major, aren't ya?

Wex: You're damn right I am.

Kim: The name's Harry Kim.

Wex: Pleasure's all mine!

Kim: If you're looking for your Quarters, its on Deck 7, Section 9-Delta

Wex: Thanks, Harry!

Kim: No problemo, Wex. Oh, Wex, by the way, Capt. Janeway is thinking that sometime later, if no one else is available, that she wants you to pilot Voyager to the Badlands to pursue Val Jean, Maquis' Top Gun Raider. Think you're up to the job?

Wex: Hell yeah, I'm in!

Kim: Alright Wex, I'll let her know. T.T.Y.L.

Wex: Yeah, talk to ya later

Then of course I went to my "Stateroom". My stateroom had a Replicator or two, an LCD Flat Panel Screen (50' Inch), a "light switch" that turns the stateroom's lights on/off by simply moving a palm of a hand over the control surface, which was located on Sleep Number Bed #01 (the stateroom somehow had Sleep Number Beds, don't ask why!).

Wex: Now this is a stateroom, guys!

Carlson: Check out the bed! [ jumps onto the Sleep Number Bed]

Leonard: Nice lamp! [flicks the lights on/off via the "special switch" I mentioned about]

Simpson: Ooh, a Garbage Chute!

Wex: Whoa, Homer, back away from the fucking Garbage Chute, pal!

Leonard: Yeah, 'cause I heard of a "Fatman Starfleet Officer" who got sucked in a small Garbage Chute one time!

Carlson: Yeah, and it took Starfleet five hours to get the Fatman out of there.

Simpson: So did the Grammy Judges when they were judging Jon Bon Jovi's "These Days!" [chuckles]

Then, unexpectedly, Homer gets sucked into the Garbage Chute, but somehow, when I looked out from my Stateroom Window, Homer was found floating at a workstation near Voyager's Docking Ring, then unexpectedly, this happens:

Wex: "Yo, Stan?"

Stop there for a minute, I forgot to introduce to the rest of my friends of the Here & Now Gang, #1, is Stanley Dawson Marsh, who I met at South Park, CO, shortly before I took down Cyberdyne in alternate 1997. #2, is Kyle Broflovski, one of Stan's friends. #3, is Eric Cartman, another one of Stan's friends. #4, is Kenneth McCormick, yet another one of Stan's friends. #5, is Jonas Geemer Zebeth, a Geemer who was rescued by the crew of the USS Enterprise-D when his homeworld, planet Zebes was overrun of organisms named Metroids, also about him, he speaks exactly like Dr. Rick Dagless MD, the top-rated doctor of Darkplace Hospital in the Urban Playgrounds, CA, USA, NA, Earth, Sector 001. # 6, is Zeebo Sanchez, a War Wasp, who was also rescued along with Jonas on planet Zebes, also about him is that he speaks exactly like Dr. Lucien Sanchez, friend to Dr. Rick Dagless MD. And finally, Geebo Thorton Reed, a Shuggoth Beetle, is yet another one of them lifeforms that the Enterprise-D rescued along with Sanch who has a voice like Dean Learner, but a sarcastic mind of Darkplace Hospital Manager Thorton Reed. Now back to where I was:

Wex: Yo, Stan?

Stanley Marsh: What's going down?

Wex: Homer's floating outside of our quarters into a Worker's Station, see if you can get it on video, sounds cool?

Stan: Hell yeah. By the way, how the hell did he get out there?

Wex: Garbage Chute

Stan: Roger Roger…

Jonas Geemer Zebeth: He's headed for the Workstation.

Then Stan started to roll the film, as Homer gets in the way of "Dock Furbishers".

Dock Worker #1: My, God, there's a young fat man out by the workstation.

Dock Worker #2: Let's go kick his ass!

Dock Worker #3: Calling all workers, calling all workers, we've got a young man that needs his ass kicked, ASAP.

Dock Worker Chieftain: Roger that.

Then what happens is that Homer, as cynically funny as he always was, starts knock backing dock personnel one by one through the rhythm of the Blue Danube Waltz. Suddenly...

Dock Worker #1: It looks like he's trying to speak to me, I know it!

Then Homer's "Hero Attack" ultimately shatters his EVA Suit's Visor:

Dock Worker #1: AAAHH SHIT, MY EYES, ALI MCGRAW, MY BEAUTIFUL EYES. AAAHHH DAMN THAT SON OF A BITCH HURTS!

Then Homer finishes his "prank" off by using his "Airwalk Rock Bottom" on the remaining dock personnel. (NOTE: The last of the remaining dock personnel was "Rock Bottomed" so hard that it sent him flying at 95 light-miles per hour.) Sadly though, I had to "reel" him in.

Wex: Alright Stan, did it get everything?

Stan: Every piece of memorable information is in there, Wex.

Both Wex & Stan: YES!

Simpson: What's so cheerful?

Wex: We recorded your "Dock Prank!

Carlson: Yeah, and if he didn't recorded it, there wouldn't be a better time!

Simpson: Thanks, Wex, I owe you a beer.

Wex: Don't mention it.

Then this happens:

Officer on INTERCOM: Bridge to Wexamillion Major.

Wex [slaps his combadge]: Wex here, go ahead.

Officer on INTERCOM: Capt. Janeway has granted you the honor to pilot Starship Voyager into the Badlands on her first mission to pursue Val Jean in the Badlands, will you take that offer?

Wex: I will gladly take that offer, sir! I will be with you guys shortly.

Officer on INTERCOM: Roger that Wex.

Wex: Alright guys, I'll be right back, I going to pilot my first ship at warp speed.

Simpson: I thought you piloted a ship at impulse?

Wex: Most of the ships I piloted were at emergency impulse, like remember what happened at the Dyson Sphere aboard the Enterprise-D?

Simpson: Oh, yeah, now I remember. In which I had to notice because I was high on Aldebaran Whiskey in the Ten-Forward Lounge at the time.

Wex: Alright Stan, watch over the gang until I get back, clear?

Stan: Roger, roger!

Wex: OK, let's do it ladies!