Dean rocked on the thick fingers as the vampire stroked the hunter just right inside. Benny took the semi erect cock in his mouth running a practiced tongue over the head prodding the tight slit urging Dean to give him more.

Dean felt his heart pound wildly in his chest as his need to orgasm built quickly and when he finally reached his peak it was all the hunter could do to catch his breath. For a moment he stopped as lights seem to pop beneath the lids and he was sure he was dying.

"Dean…Dean are you with me brother?"

He opened his eyes and looked around the room feeling disoriented, "Sammy?"

"No it's just Benny, you're with me at a motel."

Dean felt exhausted and his brain fuzzy, "Ok I got it now." He traced his fingers over his softening cock, "I should get back to Sam."

"You're not going anywhere, rest up and you can go back in the morning." Benny wiped the sweat from the pale skin, "You don't look so good…Dean I said I'd save you. I have an offer; I can turn you and take all this pain away."

Dean struggled out of bed and backed away from his friend, "No, never I'd rather just die. No offense but I spent my life hunting the likes of you."

Benny's blue eyes darkened, "You think I'm a dog on a leash Dean? Living on bagged blood and take the scraps…I don't, I'm not good Dean but I'm not bad."

Dean slipped his jeans on and took another step back, "Damn it Benny if your feeding I can't look the other way."

"It's who I feed on Dean; this world will never run out of bad people. Murderers, rapists, drug dealers, pimps…hell Dean you had to prostitute yourself, don't tell me you never thought of killing John for that. Look what he did to Sam, when a man does that to his child I don't think he needs to breathe anymore."

"I just can't."

Benny pleaded with him, "You want to leave Sam? I know what you got with him, I think he treats you like shit Dean but you keep going back for more and there is a reason for that."

"Shut your fucking mouth Benny I swear…"

"You're in love with him, just say it and get it over with."

Dean sat down feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, having to face the truth in front of another person was more than he could take, "Sam is my responsibility and our lives are complicated so don't sit there and tell me I'm in love with my brother when you don't know a damn thing about it."

Benny grew somber and looked away from the man he loved more than he let on, "I've been in love Dean, I know it when I see it and when your together it's so obvious its almost humorous watching the two of you do that dance. Both so twisted together that you don't know where one of you begins and the other ends."

Dean clasped his hands together tightly to keep them from trembling, he was so tired of lying to himself and now that life was slipping away he was sick of lying to others. The burden was too much, the pain all too real and he couldn't take it anymore, "Your right I love him."

"Then take my offer."

"I need time Benny, can I have time?"

"Sure baby, come back here and sleep, things will look clearer in the morning."

…

Sam's body twisted on the bed as his mind was trapped in a nightmare without Dean there to pull him out. His brain was locked on a memory playing out in sickening detail.

…..

Dean didn't go to school that day so Sam took the long walk home by himself, when he saw the Impala parked in front of the building he felt a mix a nausea and excitement at the chance to see his dad again.

Sam hurried up the stairs and unlocked the door quiet as a mouse to surprise them, he stepped inside but the main room was empty, he set down his backpack and walked toward the only bedroom in the apartment when he heard voices.

Sam cracked the door and what he saw that day changed him forever.

He took a step back and the floor made a creak that to him sounded so loud the whole building must have heard it but only John and Dean did. They both turned toward the door. Dean looked at him with tear filled eyes full of pain and defeat.

John called out for Sam but he ran out the door, down the stairs and right out of the building into the coming darkness and didn't stop until his lungs burned and he couldn't catch his breath.

From that day forward Sam Winchester branded himself the biggest coward ever instead of seeing it for what it was, a ten year old that walked in on a horrific scene and bolting like a frightened animal. It was instinct not cowardice but he never forgave himself for not saving his brother.

…..

He got up and dressed then hiked down the road to a bar and got drunk, he wanted something pretty to block out the nightmare and when Sam spotted an equally drunk young fisherman he made eye contact hoping it wasn't a bar full of straight men or closet cases in so deep that jumping him seemed sporting.

Then the doe eyed man winked at him and Sam knew he had his booty call for the night. He nodded toward the door and the man followed Sam paces behind him back to the motel trying to keep up with the long legs working quickly to get it all over with.

…

Sam was rough with stranger working him over, biting and slapping, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises but as always being as beautiful as Sam they let the hunter do what he wanted and people complied, no force needed. Men thought they were lucky to be bedded by Sam Winchester but Sam thought they were unfortunate to spend the night with someone with only a thread of control left inside him.

Afterward Sam let him stay planning on kicking him out before Dean got back. Sam was angry his brother was with the vampire and this was revenge no matter how twisted. He didn't have a right, Sam could never give in, give Dean what he wanted because it was wrong and Sam a coward.

…

Benny watched as Dean tied his boots and grabbed his jacket, "It's not even light out Dean, why don't I buy you breakfast first?"

"No Benny, I need to go back and think everything through and then I'll let you know."

After the hunter left Benny buried his face in the pillow Dean used, it was soaked in sweat and all the vampire had left of him. He missed his lover already.

…..

Sam bolted up in bed when he heard the key in the lock, "Fuck…fuck get out of here!" He shoved the sleeping male toward the edge and he grappled to stay on, "Hey alright I'm going let me stand first."

It was too late; Dean stepped inside and took it all in, the stink of sex in the room and the guy scrambling to put on his pants. Dean tossed the keys on the table, "Don't rush on my account, I'm only his brother and I don't give a shit."

Dean went to the bathroom and took a shower, by the time he got out the man was gone and Sam was wearing sweat pants, "Dean look…"

"Look nothing Sammy it's your life, if that's what you want…bar trash go for it."

Sam's whole body tensed and his fists tightened, "Because that's so much worse than bottoming for a vampire, what's it like with a cold dick up your ass?"

They both went for each other tumbling to the floor with fists flying, the tension breaking them down. Sam easily beat Dean with his brother only getting in a few good punches. He got off him and held out a hand, "Come on, I won so just keep your mouth shut."

But Dean didn't take the hand, open his eyes or respond in anyway, Sam went to his knees and felt for a pulse relieved when there was one. He pressed his ear to Dean's chest and heard the wet sound of his lungs trying to expand; Sam grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

TBC