(A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews follows, and favorites! While this story was initially thought of as a two-parter, it has transformed into this.

I still think it will be a rather short story, there will probably be only a few more chapters. I'm not sure what to do/where to take the story after this. I have an idea or two, with some more characters I'd like to introduce, even if briefly).

I'll let you know when my muse runs out of ideas, and will gladly take PMs if anyone has ideas.

WARNING - Definitely Rated T for subject matter. Nothing really graphic, but I just like to be safe).

Thanks again! Here is Chapter #4! Please review! ~TRP~)

Chapter #4 – The Strong One

DJ was always there for me when I needed her.

Now it was my turn.

As soon as I got Dad's call, I made the decision to put my pain aside, finish my tour, and get to my sister. (And then I decided to move in with her).

Harry was taken, and Andrew (my drama partner, my "Romeo" in Romeo & Juliet) didn't last past high school graduation.

Present Time –

I hate how I feel – Envious, jealous.

Of my sister (not her pain, not of her loss, but that she has two legitimate good guys who love her – Steve and Matt).

I'm jealous of my Uncle and Aunt, almost 30 beautiful years of love.

And I hate myself: for dating guys just to feel something.

It's better to be single than to get into something that you can't have or take back.

And I don't want to fall in love with someone who doesn't want kids.

Maybe I'll adopt…

I failed.

I failed my baby, and I failed myself.

I don't know what to do.

As much as I want DJ to choose Matt, I believe Steve is meant to be.

I want what she and Aunt Becky have, and I'm afraid I'll never get it.

Aunt Becky's baby obsession with Tommy isn't helping. She's going to babysit Tommy, while Kimmy, Ramona, DJ, and the boys are out.

I was going on another senseless date, as of 6:50p tonight.

Later that night, everyone left. Aunt Becky came to watch Tommy, while I waited for my date to arrive.

7:00p came and went, and half an hour later, I got a text telling me my date, Danny cancelled.

'Great,' I thought to myself. I felt sad, but realized it was probably for the better.

"Steph, you okay?" my Aunt asked, as she carried Tommy in her arms.

"Yeah, just tired."

"Weren't you supposed to go on a date, about 30 minutes ago?"

"He just cancelled." I replied with a sigh. "I think I'm just going to go downstairs and lay down." I gave her a soft smile, and gave Tommy a more enthusiastic one. He smiled back.

I went downstairs. I felt like crying again.

I kept thinking about Tommy, and then my baby.

I wondered if Travis would have been a good father.

It frustrates me even more that I still think about Travis; and what we could have been, even after learning how he never loved me.

I was tempted to call Harry. But I made a promise to him after telling him about Travis, that I wouldn't call him only to vent. The promise was made by me, and not asked from Harry himself. I promised I would not just dump my problems on him.

The sweet man that he is said that I never did that, but if I still ever needed to, that he would be there.

Who would want to marry me, or be with me if I can't have kids?

I keep debating on adoption. But there's just something about having your own children that always appealed to me…

I just can't imagine not having them in my life; and that's why I can't marry someone who wouldn't want them.

I know that when I spoke to DJ the other night, I had convinced myself (at least for the past few months) that I was okay with not being able to have children.

But the truth is, I'm not.

Not even close.

I've thought about trying to prove the doctors wrong. Except I know I'll only be proving myself wrong, and them right.

And I'd just feel even worse.

I know the science, the biology, the physiology…

I know it is physically impossible for me to have any children.

I am grateful that I'm in the basement, and that my pillows help muffle my sobs.

My chest heaves, and everything just hurts.

I've had too many bad dreams within the past few days since I told DJ.

Of me.
Of me and Travis.
Of me raising Tommy.

Of me taking Tommy away from DJ in order to raise him; raising him as my own.

The last one scares me the most. It's making me doubt myself, making me think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for me to move in with DJ and my nephews…

I need help, but am worried about going to some type of rehab center.

The first time I had the 'raising Tommy as my own' nightmare, I vowed to myself that if I ever got that...ill...I would check myself in to a rehab facility of some kind that specializes with such issues and depression. I had also looked up a few places, saved them, and started writing information down. I chose one specifically shortly after, and write a note as a backup.

I just did not know who to leave it for.

I prayed never to reach such an extreme, but I was scared of my own possible actions.

But, so long as there were people in the house, and enough people to call me on my actions Tommy would be safe, and that was all that mattered to me.

I know I should at least start with therapy.

But I'm not ready to talk about this, not yet.

Not to anyone.

I had to be strong.

But how do I do that when I feel as if I'm falling apart, chunk by chunk, piece by piece?

I fell asleep and dreamt of all the times I've told something very important to those I love: my dad, my sister, my Uncle Jesse...

(A/N: Please review! ~TRP~)