Behind the Scenes

What do the character of Bleach do when off-screen?

A/N: I wasn't sure how to get poker-face taicho (aka Byakuya) to crack a smile, so forgive me for improvising. You will see a very brief reference to one of the recent Shinigami Picture Books. Hope this isn't too long. Of course Byakuya laughing will be o.o.c, nothing can change that.

All characters © Kubo Tite

Human Game,

Shinigami-Style

PART II

Kurosaki Ichigo blinked.

"Did I hear you correctly?" he asked bewilderedly, jamming a pinky into his ear and rotating it. Renji and Ikkaku wore identical impish expressions on their faces as they nodded.

"So how about it, Kurosaki?" Ikkaku declared. "All you have to do is make Kuchiki-taichou laugh. It's a dare, so you have to do it or you're out."

Ichigo crossed his arms and legs simultaneously in a very child-like gesture. "It wasn't my idea to play Truth-or-Dare in the first place," he grumbled.

"Fine," the orange-haired shinigami acquiesced after a moment. "You guys owe me bigtime. Now, tell me what I have to do."

"We just told you, make Byakuya laugh!"

"No, you idiot, I mean how."

"Oh." The other two were momentarily at a loss for words. This was the hard part: how to get one of the most stoic men in all of Seireitei to crack a smile. A mystery…

"Well," Renji began. "The laughter shouldn't be drug-induced, so asking Mayuri is out of the question." Ikkaku dipped his head in agreement.

"And it can't be that little 'hn' thing that he does once in a while. That's not considered laughing," the vice-captain added.

"Is Byakuya ticklish?" This earned Ichigo looks of stupefaction and skepticism from Renji and Ikkaku.

"Never mind. Next."

"Renji, you must know something—he is your captain," Ikkaku protested.

"Ah, shut it. I tend to stay as far from Kuchiki-taichou as possible on most occasions," the tattooed shinigami exclaimed. "Especially if he's having a bad hair day."

"Which reminds me," Ichigo piped up, "I won't do anything that'd piss him off. Having my ass 'Senbonzakura-ed' is not part of the dare."

"True, we gotta be careful," Renji muttered. "I heard that last month the Shinigami Women's Association tried to raise their funds by taking candid pictures of all the captains…but they ran into a spot of trouble with Kuchiki-taichou."

"What happened?"

Renji shrugged. "Dunno. Isane and Nemu won't talk about it. You should ask Kotetsu-san, Ikkaku," he added, a cunning smile playing about his lips.

"Sh-shut up!"

"So…ideas, guys?"

Ikkaku looked thoughtful. "You could dance dressed like a giant flower in front of his office." Ichigo felt a pulse throb in his temple.

"And how exactly would that make him laugh? Forgive me for saying so, but Byakuya doesn't look like the type to fall for humor like that."

"Good point," Ikkaku slumped his shoulders in defeat. "The idea came to me, since Kuchiki-taichou seems to like flowers a lot…"

"Man, you suck at thinking of ideas."

"Hmm…" Ichigo proclaimed after a while. "Ah, how about this? Let's get Rukia to draw something funny on his wall."

"Huh?" Ikkaku had one eyebrow raised fractionally.

Ichigo cocked his head. "Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't seen her self-proclaimed 'works of art.' They're horrendous."

"I see," Renji said, an invisible bulb lighting up inside his mind. "Hey, let's get her to draw all of the captains on the walls of the sixth division headquarters!"

"Wait," Ikkaku interjected, "It's Kurosaki's dare, though."

"Ah, you're right." He looked at Ichigo, who flinched. "You and Rukia should draw them together."

"WHAT? NO WAY IN HELL!"

"Shh, Ichigo!" Ikkaku shushed the explosive boy, looking around to see if they had attracted any attention. Luckily they hadn't, and Ichigo continued in a lower tone.

"And what makes you think this will get him to laugh?"

"My captain is a bit dark-humored, in case you haven't noticed," Renji said while twirling a lock of fiery hair. "He relishes the concept of shadenfraude. Plus, I heard rumors that his drawing style is similar to Rukia's."

"Really?" Renji's shoulders bounced in a shrug. "From what I hear."

"Anyways," said Ikkaku mysteriously, "I should probably distract the captain while Ichigo and Kuchiki, ah, decorate the wall. Renji," The bald man turned to the vice-captain. "Give your key to Kuchiki Byakuya's office to Kurosaki and go find some…uh whatddyacallem's, crayons, or something."

"Yeah!" Renji nodded vivaciously. "I'm starting to get excited about this!"

"Y'know, I've never seen Byakuya laugh," Ichigo stated thoughtfully. "This could be interesting."

"Neither have we," Ikkaku replied, standing off and brushing wisps of grass from his black robe. "Are you ready to do the biggest dare in history, guys? Now, Kurosaki, go find Rukia!"

Finding Rukia did not prove to be a difficult task. Ichigo found her practicing her kidou by the thirteenth division headquarters.

"Oi! Rukia!"

"Ichigo!" She called a greeting and ran lightly over to him, black hair glistening in the sunlight. Her expression immediately turned suspicious when she saw the shinigami's guilty face.

"What is it, Ichigo?"

"You're going to help me with something," he said gruffly, grabbing her thin arm and heading away from the training grounds. She quickly shook him off, but still followed.

"What's wrong? Is it a hollow?" She frowned.

"Um, no…"

"Then what, for god's sake?" She was starting to become impatient. Ichigo turned to face her, his face a flushed combination of serious, embarrassed, and guilty expressions.

"Renji, Ikkaku, and I were playing Truth-or-Dare—"Rukia tilted her head, confused—"It's a human game where you basically dare people to do stuff, and if you don't do it, you're out," he quickly explained. She seemed satisfied.

"Just so you know the only reason I'm doing this is because I have to!" Ichigo protested quickly. "It's not like I'm curious or anything," he added, brown eyes dropping to the floor. Rukia could tell that he was blatantly lying.

"And?"

"And well, Ikkaku dared me to…" Ichigo coughed. "…make Byakuya laugh."

Ichigo quickly explained the rest of the conditions to a bemused Rukia. The small shinigami didn't say a word the whole time.

"…So, I was hoping you would help," Ichigo finished lamely. He winced, preparing himself for her stubborn refusal that was all too familiar.

"Sure."

Ichigo did a double-take. "Naniiii?"

Rukia smiled genuinely, her indigo eyes shiny and bright. "I think it would be good, to make Nii-sama laugh. He never does, and I think he should more."

"S-so, you'll do it? Really?"

"Of course, fool." Rukia brushed a stray tress of hair away from her face. "Let's see if you can keep up with my amazing artistic ability." And with that said, she took off, gracefully dashing to the sixth division headquarters.

"Madarame. Please explain to me why you require my assistance."

"Eh, Zaraki-taichou isn't feeling so hot, and I can't find Yachiru anywhere," Ikkaku replied to the stoic captain, hoping that his cold gray eyes could not see through the lie. "I tried doing his paperwork myself, but it's all captain-stuff. I couldn't find anyone else, and luckily I spotted you."

He knew for a fact that the captains did have paperwork on their own that could only be completed by them. Fortunately Kenpachi hadn't completed his yet (the lazy-ass) and Ikkaku had gotten the chance to swipe them before the captain had journeyed into the real world.

Byakuya sighed impassively. "I guess it can't be helped then. I will do Zaraki-taichou's paperwork for the time being. Madarame, remind your captain that he should complete his paperwork sooner instead of procrastinating."

"Yes, Kuchiki-taichou."

"That's odd. Where did Renji find crayons in Seireitei?"

Ichigo shrugged with a blank look on his face. "Yachiru, maybe." He turned to look at his surroundings, having used Renji's key to enter the empty office.

"So this is Byakuya's office? Pretty impressive." He whistled.

"I know," Rukia whispered. "And the walls are so white and clean…" Abruptly, she reached into the box that Renji had left and emerged with a fistful of colorful crayons.

"So, we just have to draw humorous representations of all the captains on the wall, is that it?"

"Well for you, just draw them normally." This comment received a whap on the head from Rukia.

"And what's that supposed to mean, Ichigo?"

The orange-haired boy rubbed his head. "Ah, never mind. Let's do this."

Ichigo dug a hand into the crayon box and came up with some green, gray, black, blue, and peach colors. Those colors reminded him of a certain captain. He grinned. This could be fun.

Careful to make the proportions comically distorted, Ichigo drew a portrait of Histsugaya Toushiro on the wall. The hair he made ridiculously spiky and he drew a lollypop in the figure's right hand. 'I'm just an elementary student,' Ichigo wrote underneath the drawing before he could stop himself. 'Yet I can't look away from my vice-captain's breasts.'

"Ichigo! What the hell are you doing?" Rukia had looked up from her illustration of Kurotsuchi Mayuri (which resembled something close to a goat) in shock.

"Ah sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself." Ichigo looked at the comment he had written underneath and smirked. "Try it, Rukia. It makes you feel better."

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Idiot."

But regardless, she picked up a brown crayon and scribbled underneath her drawing the first thing that came to mind. When she had finished she looked up at Ichigo, surprised.

"I hate to admit it but you're right, it does make you feel better."

"'I use my extendable ear to get what I want?'" Ichigo read, eyeing the rendition. It appeared to be a badly-drawn Kurotsuchi using his kusarigama-like ear to lasso a pretty woman.

"Mmm," Rukia said distractedly from the floor, already starting on the next drawing.

"How lame. You can do better than that, Rukia."

"Kisama! Watch this then!" the petite shinigami finished the next illustration with an exasperated swish of a crayon and vigorously began writing underneath it. When done, she motioned for Ichigo to read. He craned his neck, reading her elegant print, snorting.

"Now that is funny."

In addition to the whiskers and cat ears protruding from the egg-shaped head of Soifon, Rukia had smudged a little message on top that stated: My cat fetish has nothing to do with a certain Special Forces Leader, and I under no circumstances wish to see Shihoin Yoruichi naked…not with Urahara around, anyway.

"Geta-boshi would get a laugh out of this if he saw," Ichigo claimed, referring to the witty store owner down in the real world.

"Ne, Ichigo, give me a pink, will you?"

So Ichigo and Rukia continued like this for a few hours, laughing, bickering, sketching, unaware of the time passing by. It was surprisingly fun, caricaturizing the Gotei 13 captains and writing little snippets at the bottom. The two got carried away and ended up drawing most of the vice-captains as well on the (former) white wall. It was only when they felt a cold, familiar reiatsu approaching that the two shinigami realized that they had to stop. Rukia grasped Ichigo's sleeve and hauled him into the nearest closet of the office, joining him after she hastily stuffed the crayons behind a filing cabinet.

"Conceal your reiatsu, idiot!" she hissed. Ichigo nodded as he sensed the reiatsu of two drawing near and concentrated on hiding his own spirit force.

"Ah, that's unfortunate, taichou," Renji's loud voice could be heard from outside the room. "I hope Zaraki-taichou gets better soon, paperwork's always a drag."

"Which reminds me, Renji," Byakuya began frostily, his low voice even more audible as he approached, opening the door to his office. "Please make sure you have completed your report for the—"

There was a sudden silence. Rukia and Ichigo held their breaths from inside the closet. He had to have noticed by now. The wall was in plain sight.

"What is the explanation for this?"

Shit! It didn't work! Ichigo felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face.

"A-ah, um…" Renji stammered. He was doing his best to contain his amusement. They had gone completely overboard, he noted, glancing at the wall. Almost every major squad member was humorously depicted on it.

Byakuya was speechless, not sure what to say. Then he looked at the wall more carefully, something catching his eye.

It was a caricature of Tetsuzaemon Iba, the vice-captain of the seventh division. He was red-faced, seated on a crudely-drawn toilet with a cell phone in his hand. 'Sorry, Komamura-taichou,' the writing underneath said. 'Blame my tardiness on constipation and Ikkaku's stolen sake.'

Byakuya brushed his scarf out of the way, feeling a slight smile threatening to tug at his lips. He turned his slanted eyes to the center of the wall, where Rukia had drawn an overly-large head of Renji. Ichigo had added extra tattoos and a French mustache for kicks. The face had bug-eyes and an open mouth which yelled, 'Taichou, can I get another tattoo? I promise I'll stop spending half my paycheck on sunglasses and I promise to kick Kurosaki Ichigo's kiss my ass for you!' "Kiss my" had been written over a scribbled out "kick Kurosaki Ichigo's" in the speech bubble protruding from the cartoon-Renji's mouth.

Renji saw this and immediately flushed as red as his hair. He was about to fume when something stopped him. An odd sound.

The sixth squad-captain had his back to Renji, and his broad shoulders were shaking up and down.

"Ano, taichou…?"

It could not be contained any longer. Kuchiki Byakuya threw back his head and laughed. He couldn't help it; the sound seemed to escape all on its own. It was a surprisingly pleasant sound, deep and booming. It seemed to fill the entire room, so alien yet so warm at the same time.

Renji stared in utter shock.

Impossible.

"N-Ni-sama?" Rukia opened the closet door, stepping out cautiously, followed by an even more stupefied Ichigo.

Byakuya's eyes widened, the laughter still not having died from his lips.

"I see. So this was your doing, Kurosaki," the black-haired man said. He did not sound angry, but you could never tell with Kuchiki-taichou. He was not a man who showed his emotions easily. Most of the time.

"Ahe-he-he…" Ichigo smiled awkwardly, scratching his flamboyantly orange hair. "Uhm, I can explain. Ikkaku and Renji dared me, and I dragged Rukia into this." He cringed, waiting for whatever was coming.

"Oi, Ichigo!" Renji spluttered from the door. "I swear I had nothing to do with---"

"Renji."

"Y-yes, taichou?"

Byakuya turned to address everyone in the room. His voice was as deadpan as ever, but the words he said took everyone by surprise.

"This was…surprisingly amusing," he began. "I was unaware that you two harbored such a droll sense of humor."

"Thank you, Nii-sama." Rukia bowed, slightly taken back. Ichigo just gaped.

"Should we clean this up, taichou?" Renji stammered from the door, clearly waiting for the final blow.

Byakuya seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I think not," he said quietly. "The other captains might want to view this as well. We have been going through hard times as you are aware, and Seireitei could use some loosening up."

"U-understood, Nii-sama."

"Good day." And with that, the sixth division captain was gone in a swish of a scarf and a rustle of fabric.

"NANIII? I MISSED IT?" Ikkaku was practically screaming. Rukia, Ichigo, and Renji removed their fingers from their ears tentatively.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Kuchiki-taichou would burst out laughing," Renji admitted. "It was a bit creepy."

"I feel you there." Ichigo sighed. "I'm just glad he found our sense of humor 'droll' and decided to keep the mural up."

Rukia wore a peaceful expression. "It's been so long since I've neard Nii-sama laugh," she said. "I think we did him some good with that mural."

"Do you think I can go see it?" Ikkaku inquired.

"Almost all of the Gotei thirteen has already," Rukia remarked dryly. She smiled. "They all got a kick out of it though. You should see the one we made of you!"

"…what?" Ikkaku froze. The others grinned mischievously. In a flash he shunpo-ed to the sixth division headquarters. Byakuya's office was open, and Ikkaku rapidly gazed at the wall, finding the rendition of himself.

It consisted of a very large-headed Madarame with shine-spots drawn on his bald head. 'Pachinko-head' was scrawled on top.

"' I am proud of my baldness! Single handedly I can light up the darkest of rooms with the reflection of my head. Hairless power! Lucky!'" Ikkaku read, seething.

"ICHIGO!"

End.

Review would be nice