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Chapter 4 – Endless Light
I walk into school the next day and notice everyone staring in my direction. Some people point, and a lot of girls look jealous. I'm not used to getting attention, and I thought that I would hate it, but it's actually no that bad. I look to my left and smile up at Nathan. He isn't affected by the people staring at all, but I guess he's used to it. After all he is the reason that people are even noticing my existence.
After my little break down in the cemetery he drove me back to Tree Hill, and since I had calmed down by that point he took me out to dinner. It was fun, more fun than anything that I have done in a long time. At first I felt a little guilty about having fun on the anniversary of my friends death, but after awhile it faded, with reassurance from Nathan that she would be happy to see my smiling again. It was a completely innocent dinner that ended with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I am hoping that Nathan felt the same sparks as me whenever we touch. I thought maybe it was pity, since I clearly had some tragedy, but when he surprised me by picking me up for school this morning I knew that it had to be more than that.
I feel him wrap his arm around my waist as we walk down the hallway and I smile. I lean back into him and together we walk down the hallway to my locker. He drops me off at my locker, squeezes my hand and then walks away to his locker. I miss him already.
"So, if I ask how you're doing will you bite my head off?" I look in the direction the voice is coming from and see Brooke standing there. I give her a small smile to let her know that I am not going to bite her head off.
"No, and Brooke I am sorry about yesterday, I was just having a horrific day and couldn't really deal with anything…so I kind of lashed out. I am really sorry though." She looks satisfied and is about to talk when the bell rings, sending everyone else in the hallway scurrying off to their classrooms. Brooke, however, doesn't move an inch.
"What about the past few months? Are you sorry for those too? I mean, it's not like it was just yesterday that you acted weird towards me Haley. I know that something happened, about six months ago. I could tell because the light that was always shinning in your eyes went out." I don't want to deal with this right now, I can't tell her everything in the middle of the school hallway.
"I have to get to class Brooke." I start to walk away but she grabs my arm and turns me to face her.
"Why couldn't you tell me what happened? I was your best friend Haley; I could've helped you through whatever happened. But you pushed me away, it wasn't fair. I don't get why you wouldn't just tell me what was going on, I hated not being able to help you. Now all of a sudden you're with Nathan Scott! You always hated him, but you let him in, I saw you guys hugging when Lucas and me were leaving yesterday! I would've helped you Haley." I want to yell at Brooke, for telling me how I should've lived my life, but I can't. She just sounds so sad. So I tell the truth, but only a short version of it.
"I lost my best friend Tina, you didn't know her. She died seven months ago. That's what happened. Now, I am really late to class, so I have to go." I start to walk away slowly, suddenly finding it really hard to focus on walking. The faint sound of Brooke's voice makes me stop walking for a second.
"I lost my best friend that day too." I wasn't supposed to hear it, I could tell by the way she said it. Her voice sounded as pained as mine did whenever I talked about losing Tina. Hearing her like that so broken, caused a new crack in my heart.
I can't go to class right now, it's too hard. I head towards the girls bathroom and go into a stall. I pull the cover down on the toilet and sit there. I start to think, when Tina died I became Isolated, I wouldn't even talk to Brooke or Lucas anymore. I had been growing away from Lucas anyway, but Brooke and me had been getting closer and closer. I can barely breath right now, thinking how I hurt my best friend the same way that I was hurting. I suddenly get sick to my stomach and have to drop to the ground and lift up the toilet seat before my breakfast comes up.
How could I do that to Brooke; she didn't deserve it. I don't know how I can even face her now. I didn't give her a chance to help me through losing Tina, I just pushed her away. That wasn't fair.
I can't sit her anymore so I get up and walk up to the sink. I look at my reflection, and look right into my eyes, and see that the light, the one Brooke told me had gone out, was in fact gone. I can't help the tears that drip down my face as I think about what Brooke said to me. She noticed that my eyes didn't shine. It is practically impossible to notice something like that. I feel the walls around me closing in, and I have to get some fresh air, now.
I go and sit on a bench in front of the school, not really caring if I get into trouble. I miss Tina a lot, but I know she is never coming back, but I miss Brooke too, and she can come back. I just hope it's not too late. I feel the bench move slightly and notice Brooke sitting next to me. She smiles at me, letting me know that she isn't mad at me.
"It came back you know." I look at her confused; I have no idea what she is talking about. She must notice the look on my face because she starts to laugh slightly. "The light in you eyes. It was there this morning after Nathan left your locker." She nudges me lightly in a suggestive way when she says Nathan. I laugh a little. She's right; Nathan is one of the few people who can make me happy now.
"I'm sorry Brooke, sorry that I pushed you away, but I am just not sure if I'm ready to talk to you about the whole thing yet. I really want to be your friend still, but I don't know if I can really be a good friend to you right now." She stands up when I finish talking and I can tell that she is upset. That is not what I wanted.
"But you can be a good friend to Nathan."
"Brooke, It not…"
"No, Haley you know what, I want to be there for you, I really do, but come-on, you don't want to be my friend anymore, you just fell guilty cutting me lose. It's not like I need you James, I just thought maybe you needed me, but hey, you have Nathan, so I guess your al set." I don't even get to say anything back to her since she walks away so quickly. I sit there, just thinking of what a mess my life has become lately.
I don't know how long I have been sitting her for, but I guess it's lunch time because a couple of crazy kids came to eat outside in this freezing weather. I start to laugh at that. I must look psychotic. I am sitting here in the cold, and not doing anything.
I get up and walk inside to Nathan's locker where I find him putting his books away. He smiles when he sees me, and I try to smile back but it comes out forced. I am glad to see him; really, it's just that I am not in the mod to smile right now.
"Ready to go to lunch?" I nod my head and he grabs my hand and pulls me off to the cafeteria. He walks us over to his group of friends and motions for me to sit down next to him. I cautiously sit down, I don't really know his friends but a lot of them are bitches or dumbasses, and something tells me that they won't all be as welcoming as he is.
"Alright, everyone this is, my girlfriend Haley, and Haley this is everybody." I smile when he says girlfriend, we hadn't really decided what we were yet. Everyone kid of nods in my direction or throws a quick what's up in my direction before turning back to their own thing. Nathan then turns to me. "Okay, so I'm going to go some food, you want anything?" I nod my head; I don't really have much of an appetite right now. He gives me a quick smile before leaving.
"It Haley right." I turn to see Teresa, a total bitch talking to me.
"Ya." I decide that short answers are my best bet at surviving alone against these girls.
"So, all of a sudden your with Nathan, what exactly did you do to get to that position." I think of how to answer this question. I know that Teresa is just trying to be obnoxious and wants to point out how I'm below him, but I don't really care what she thinks.
"Um…well, I'm his tutor so I met him through that and we just hit it off." Ya, I think that covers it.
"Oh, so what you mean is either he got some, or h e pities you." Oh Hell No! She. Did. Not. First she calls me a whore, and then has the nerve to practically call me a charity case. "Or I guess if you paid him or something, I mean why else would the most popular guy in school go out with a girl who doesn't have any friends." All right, now, I m pissed. I stand up and walk in her direction.
"First of all, I'm not a whore like you, and I do have friends, just because your nose is to high in the air to see that, doesn't mean that I don't have any." Teresa sneers and walks over to me so we are face to face.
"Sure Haley you have lots of friends, what did they all just disappear?" She just crossed a major line. She is going down.
Before I even know what I am doing I slap her across the face. Her lip immediately splits and she gets a look of rage on her face. I turn to walk away but she jumps on my back from behind and sends up to the ground. It hard to say exactly what happened after that because it was just one bitch slap after another until Nathan and Jake pull us apart. I try to get out of Nathan's arm to go after that bitch again, but he wont let me go.
"You're a psycho, what the hell is wrong with you Haley?" I look at Teresa with the disgust. What the hell is wrong with me? What is wrong with her is the real question.
"What, you think I was going to stand there and watch you talk shit, fat chance." I break free from Nathan's arms and start to go at her again, but Nathan interferes and throws me over his shoulder carrying me outside. We he sets me on the ground he starts pacing back and forth.
"Haley, what was that, I left for like to seconds and you get into a cat fight?" I look at the ground, ashamed, but what could I do, I snapped.
"Lecture me later, okay Nathan, I am having a horrible day and I just want to get out of here."
"Haley, we can't skip school every single day. You won't pass."
"I don't want to skip everyday, I just want to skip today. It doesn't matter anyway, I didn't go to any of my morning classes." When I say that Nathan stops pacing and looks at me. Eh is very clearly worried about me. I walk over to him and grab his hand.
"Nathan, can we please just go somewhere quiet and talk, I really need to." Nathan starts pulling me toward the parking lot.
"Alright Haley, we will leave, but tomorrow you are going to a whole day of school even if I have to sit next to you in every one of your classes." I smile and give Nathan a quick peck on the cheek.
"I promise tomorrow I will sit through an entire day of school, happy?"
"Extremely." I smile at him, and I swear this smile actually is touching my ears, and there is nothing fake about it. As I get into his car I look at my face in the rearview mirror, and am happy to see the light in my eyes shinning bright.
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