Disclaimer: BlueCresentMoon999 doesn't own anything here...well maybe she does own the story this time, but not McDonalds or Mini-Golf
BCM999: I feel so stupid . I forgot reader reviews last time...
Kalas: You don't FEEL stupid, you ARE stupid.
BCM999: SHUT UP YOU! REVIEWS!
Coalar Lee Drake Thank you! It's good to know I haves me another fan I love the Mission Impossible song too! Mwahahahaaa...
Jukka Canola YES! CHEESE CURDS! And it seems our fan club has died off...'cries' Looking forward to the next chappie to your ToS fic too!
Rebbe I think you're the first one to notice the WEAREIDIOTS Ninja Clan! Or you're just the first to mention it...'sweatdrop' Hehe...thanks for reviewing! ...'accepts the cookie' I love cookies Thankees!
TooLazyToRegister I love your name XP! I had a name like that once...Don't worry. Ayme and Folon will come in the next chapter or so. And I love Folon too!
" " talking
' ' the almighty Authoress, because I feel a need to be included in the story...
Random Fairy Tales: Baten Kaitos Style!
Written by BlueCresentMoon999 9/11/05 (O.o bad date...'hides from random airplanes') uploaded on 9/13/05
Chapter Four: Intermission!
Gibari popped open a door with a sign on it that said 'V.I.P. ROOM!' He walked in and saw all the others, except for Kalas and Mizuti, all sitting on BIG, humongous, BIG, puffy, BIG, red, BIG, spoofy, BIG, fwompy, BIG chairs. "So...what's the haps, dudes?" Gibari asked trying to act 'cool.' He held his arms up with his pinky and index fingers pointing towards the air. "Duuuuuuuuudes!"
Mizuti wasn't sitting, she was floating, like always. "We be being bored."
"Yeah, today's the day we get our break from being enslaved --er I mean...'doing our parts' for that freaky freak, the freaky Authoress." Kalas commented, sprawled out on a BIG bright baby blue bean bag. Haha! Six words in a row that all start with the letter B! X3!
Lyude cocked his head to the side. "Where is the Authoress anyways today?"
"She's gone on a trip. That's why we're sitting here WITH NOTHING TO DO!" Xelha tossed her rod into the air, and it came crashing down on her head, leaving a bruise. "Owchies..."
Meanwhile, sittuated in a dark corner, Savyna was fast asleep, snoring loudly.
"We're supposed to be rehearsing our lines for the next appearence..." Lyude interjected (did I use that word right? ...) in his usual justice-like fashion, as he waved his script around in the air.
Kalas snorted rudely. "Pshaw! Who cares! The stupid stupidly stupid Authoress ain't here! We can do whatty whatever the poopy poop we freak freakin' wanting want!"
Xelha looked at Kalas awkwardly. He was repeating words in an odd way again...that could only mean one thing... "Kalas...are you on drugs again?"
"...What...what's it to you? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO KNOW MY PERSONAL LIFE!" Kalas looked around nervously. "I WANT MY MOMMY!"
Gibari glanced around at everyone. "So...anyone wanna go to McDonalds?"
"YEAH!"
Savyna suddenly woke up and sat. "Wha-? What's going on! I COME IN PEACE! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!"
"WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALDS!" Xelha screamed childishly and they all ran outside.
Kalas gasped. "The monorail is here! Woooooooooooorship! Wooooooooooooooooooooorship!"
Mizuti kept floating. "What be a monorail?" She poked the door, and to her suprise, it slid open.
"It's modern day technology, Fool!" Kalas snapped, and everyone climbed in.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! They slid off! Everyone was pinned to the back wall. Suddenly, they flew towards the front wall.
Mizuti floated out, feeling a bit woozy. "Wow! We be gotting here in .05 seconds!" (O.o I didn't understand that...XD She talks so funny!)
Kalas nodded. "That's the amazing amazement on modern day technological technology!" (Try saying THAT 10 times fast! I'll stop interrupting you with my witty wittical comments. O.o I'M ACTING LIKE KALAS! SWEET! XD)
"How can we have a monorail if we don't even have indoor plumbing or toilets?" Lyude asked curiously.
Xelha blinked. "We don't have toilets? But Gibari said he was going to the bathroom once to get out of rehearsal...but if we don't have toilets then..."
"Yeah, and the next time I went in the same bathroom, there weren't any toilets!" Kalas added, "Just a BIG yellowly yellow smelling smelly spotty spot on out whitely white rug-"
Everyone stared at Gibari with looks of disgust on their faces, and wide eyes.
"...What?" He blinked nervously. "I...it...it was...IT WAS LEMONADE!"
They unconfortably entered McDonalds, keeping a watchful eye on Gibari's water intake. Xelha found them a table with 6 empty seats, and they all sat down. "Uh...Gibari..." Savyna began, "You...go order or something."
"Order what?" Gibari asked, suddenly turning all waiter-like.
"Whatever. We realy don't care." Lyude replied. Gibari shrugged, and walked off towards the ordering-placey-place-whatever-it's-called.
Xelha took out a piece of paper and set it carefully on the table. "Watch this!"
It folded up into an origami crane and flew away.
"I have another one too!" She pulled out a different paper, and it folded into an origami sailboat.
Savyna shook her head. "Htis'll take a loooooooong time..."
>> 30 mins later
"Oh, Oh! Here's ANOTHER one!" Xelha set yet another paper on the table, as 1,000 other randomly generates random things all flew/swam/ran/whatever it did away.
Kalas banged his head on the table. "Makely make it stoply stop!"
Lyude sat huddled in a corner. "Please...no more!" he begged.
Mizuti had a nosebleed from staring at the ceiling light too long as an attempt to kill herself, so she wouldn't have to watch Xelha do absurd paper origami tricks anymore.
Savyna was fast asleep, sleeping.
Luckily for them, Gibari returned with ten cheeseburgers with ten sodas to accomodate. (Did I use that one right? .)
"Uh...Gibari? There's only sixly six of usly us." Kalas pointed out.
Gibari folded his arms. "Who said this gold mine was for you? GET YER OWN BOX!" he sat down, and swallowed a cheeseburger whole. He patted his stomach and burped a loud one. "SANTA'S GETTING FAT TONIGHT!" He screamed.
Kalas' eye twitched. "Meanly...mean...meanie..."
"AUGH! I CAN'T FREAKIN' TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Xelha screamed. "KALAS, I'MA GONNA KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, BOY!"
There was a loud crashing noise and "signs of blood curcling screams" and the next thing they knew, Xelha was force feeding Kalas some red substance labled "BREATHALIZER POWDER" (Where did that come from...?) Moments later, Kalas was sane again.
"I'll..." he began, "Get our food then..." Kalas held his hand out to them. "Pay up, I'm broke."
"...Broke...?" Lyude repeated, bewildered.
"Yeah. Well see, I wasted all my money on buying a dagger from the shady, suspicious guy in a cloak at the next table," someone nearby waved at them, "so I could kill myself if Xelha didn't stop with her retarded origami paper crap." Kalas explained. Everyone reluctantly handed him some money. (You expect me to know what they call their money? All it says in the game is "G." WTF is "G" supposed to stand for! Someone please clarify this...)
Mizuti folded her arms and huffed. " Great Mizuti should have bought dagger too..."
In Gibari's eating, he splashed Xelha's origami-self-folding-paper with fatty oils. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She cried in exasperation.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!" Lyude and Mizuti cheered gleefully.
Savyna just snored.
Xelha picked up the limp, soggy paper. "...Poor birdie...Fly! Birdie, fly!" she threw it in the air at an attenpt to...make it fly? The paper came down with a 'clunk.' "WAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!" Xelha burst out in tears.
Kalas quickly returned, with 5 kids meals.
"...Kids meals..." Lyude repeated dully, obviously in a repeating things kinda mood.
"It was all they had left!" Kalas explained, "because SOMEBODY bought all the cheeseburgers..."
Everyone glared at Gibari.
Mizuti pulled something out of her self-proclaimed 'kids meal.' "Ooh! It be being a Barbie Doll!"
Everyone's stare shifted to Mizuti.
Suddenly, and explosion was heard at the door, "LOOKMPH!" Gibari hollered through a mouthful of cheeseburger and pointed ahead.
"RABID GINGERBREAD MAN CHIBIS!" the others screamed in fright. They all ran outside, except Savyna, who was still sleeping, chased by the rabid gingerbread man chibis carrying KILLER CANDYCANE THINGS OF IMPENDING DOOOOOOOOOOM!
Kalas was the first to grow a brain (gasp!), and instead of being chased around McDonalds idiotically by rabid gingerbread man chibis, he scrambled up the giant 'M' sign in front of him idiotically, so either way, he was an idiot. "WHOOOOOOOOO! I'M KING OF MCDONALDS!" he hollered, still idiotically.
Ronald McDonald appeared near Kalas out of nowhere. "FOOL!" He shoved Kalas off to the ground, crushing all of the rabid gingerbread man chibis
"YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" Everyone cheered, except Ronald McDonald, who's a Grumpy Gus XP.
Out or nowhere, a black minivan drove up tothem. A man in a black suit with matching black apparel climbed up and shoved Mizuti inside. "You're coming with us, FOOL."
She sat down politely and asked not very politely, "WHY YOU BRING THE GREAT MIZUTI HERE?"
"We're taking you to grammer class."
Mizuti's eyes widened. The worst had finally come true. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Kalas stood up from the fall, and ate some of the dead gingerbread man chibis.
Ronald McDonald leapt down, and tackled Kalas. "YOU AIN'T KING, FOOL! I'M KING, FOOL!"
"BLIP! IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE! BLIP!" Kalas screamed as Ronald shoved a greasy cheeseburger n his mouth. Suprisingly enough, it seems, Gigari hadn't eaten them all..."MMMMMMMMMPH!"
Ronald cackled. "EAT FATTY FOODS, FOOL!" He continued laughing as he ran off, not before tripping on a french fry. (Or should I say...'freedom fry'...'snicker, snicker') "I'M OKAY, FOOLS!"
Lyude blinked. "So...who's up for a game of mini-golf?"
"YEAH!"
The monorail reappeared, and they all climbed in. Savyna, who was also inside miraculously, was still, still, still sleeping soundly, and snoring obnixiously loud.
>> .05 seconds later
Everyone piled out and a mini-golf course was in front of them. Xelha cheered. "Whooooooo! I call the putter with the pink handle!"
"BLUE!" Kalas screamed.
"RED!" Lyude hollered.
"CHEESEBURGER FLAVORED!" Gibari yelled.
"Snore..." Savyna snored.
They all waited at the golf-club-renting-place-whatever-the-heck-it's-called. Soon, it was their turn. The clubs and balls were handed to them. "Can we get a golf cart?" Kalas asked idiotically.
"..." the renter person '...'-ed.
Lyude sighed. "Please ignore Kalas. He has no brai-"
"We have a shopping cart-"
"WE'LL TAKE IT!" Kalas screamed and they recieved a fairly large SHOPPING CART! "Put Savyna in, Gibari, WE'RE OFF TO HOLE ONE!"
Gibari muttered something through a mouthful of soda, and did as he was told.
Xelha decided to go first. She set her ball down. "...Maybe I should move my ball here..." She used the tip of her shoe and nudged the ball upward. "...Maybe lower...meh...higher was better...No...Maybe lower was...Hmmm..."
While she continued talking stupidly to herself, Lyude pulled out one of those lid thingys rom McDonalds. He pushed the little button under 'Pepsi' down, the one under 'Diet', and lastly the one under 'Other.' He moved onto the next lid...
Kalas, meanwhile, was getting bored, and since Lyude stole HIS McDonalds lids from him, sneaky little git, he decided to do the next best thing. He hit himself over the head with the golf club.
Savyna kept peacefully and comfortably sleeping, while Gibari was finishing off his 10th soda. Not good considering they had no toilets there...
"Hmm...the ball should be up higher...no...maybe..."
>> 3 hours later
"Lower...a little bit higher...not enough...no! Too much! ..."
>> 3 MORE hours later
"...a little bit higher...almost...-"
"JUST HIT THE DAMN BALL!" Kalas screamed.
"Fine! Fine...touchy..." Xelha muttered and hit the ball with the pink putter. It sailed forward and into the hole smoothly. "WHOOO-HOO! Hole in one!" Xelha cheered.
Kalas was bewildered. "...That's ot! If Xelha could do it, SO CAN I!" He threw his golf ball in the air, and swung his club at it, like a baseball bat. The ball flew in the air, over the whole course, and into a nearby residential window.
"CRAZY KIDS!" and old man screamed, and shook his fist.
Gibari slurped his next soda. "That counts as 10 stroked, Boy..."
"Shut up you!" Kalas snapped. "Let's see YOU get a hole in one!"
"...Okay!" Gibari shrugged, and used his putter to get himself a hole in one.
"Wha-..." Kalas stammered.
Xelha patted his back reassuringly. "Aww...it's okay, Kalas! You're not completely useless...!"
Kalas grumbled to himself. "Stupid...overgrown...peanut-with-a-brush-cut-Gibari..." (XD I love that quote!)
Gibari was taken aback. "Wha! ME? An overgrown peanut?"
With a smirk, Kalas nodded. "No...an overgrown peanut with a BRUSH CUT!"
"OOH, I'LL GET YOU FOR SAYING THAT, BOY!" Gibari began to chase Kalas, but tripped bevause he was too full from the EVIL CHEESEBUGERS THAT MAKE YOU REALLY FAT! XD
"...Lemme try again then." Kalas again tossed the ball up, and swung. He broke another window.
"CRAZY KIDS!"
CRASH!
"CRAZY KIDS!"
CRASH!
"CRAZY KIDS!"
CRASH!
"CRAZY KIDS!"
CRASH!
"CRAZY KIDS!"
CRASH!
>> 3 MORE MORE hours later
"CRAZY KIDS!"
CRASH!
Lyude kicked Kalas. (Think...Sfortzando or something...) "IDIOT! BAKA LO! JUST HIT THE BALL!" (Lyude called Kalas an idiot in Japanese. XD You just learned a new word today!)
Kalas knew what was good for him, and putted the ball. After two more strokes, the ball went in. "YAHOO!"
Gibari took out the score card again. "Kalas stands at...5 carry the 8 times 139...5,723."
Being the easy-to-make-fun-of-and-manipulate-stupid-one, Kalas cheered. "YEAH! I'm winning!"
Xelha blinked. "The point is...to have the LEAST strokes..."
Kalas looked around. "...Really? I didn't know that.." He walked over to a random rock. "STUPID GAME!" He slammed the putter down on the rock, but unbeknownst to him (I just love saying that XD) it was a rubber rock. The club bounced right back up, with twice the force, and slammed into his forehead.
Time seemed to slow, as Kalas flew backwards from the blow slowmotion/Matrix style. "Oooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwcccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhh...!" He said all deep voice/slow like as he flew into the windnill of hole 16.
>> Time now resumes as normal
"Idiot!" the person at hole 16 snapped, "You made my ball miss the hole!"
Xelha and Lyude trampled over that idiot though, as they ran over to Kalas all worried like and scared. (Gibari was too busy eating some grass off of the course because he was hungry .)
"Kalas! Are you okay?" Xelha asked, after screaming his name like she does over 100 times in the game XD.
The windmill's spinny thingy spun clockwise and thwacked Kalas' head with every rotation. "...does...it...look...like...I'm...alright?"
Lyude turned around. "If it makes you feel better, after you slammed your putter down, it flew into a random pool of pirahnas quietly sittuated outside the course..."
"Really? SWEET! I feel better already! But then how am I gonna play...?"
Xelha pointed at Gibari. "You can take Gibari's putter. He's not really playing anyways..."
Gibari shook his head in protest. "Hey! I'm here for the free, yet great tasting, grass!"
"I putted already, so we're goin to the next hole." Lyude said as he stood up.
Kalas immediatly also got up quickly, knocking all the others to the floor. "TO THE GOLF-CART-MOBILE!"
Everyone climbed in, and they drove to the next hole.
"I'm hungry!" Gibari complained.
Lyude glared at him. "You're ALWAYS...ahh...never mind..."
Xelha thought for a moment. "You could always just eat one of those random things the Authoress always drops on our heads, but since she isn't here..."
"Yeah, yeah, shut up and putt. We're waiting." Kalas folded his arms, and tapped his foot anxiously.
"Fine, Meanie!" Xelha turned with her nose in the air. "Now...where to put the ball..."
Kalas fumed with anger. "JUST PUT THE FREAKING' BALL SOMEWHERE, YOU IDIOT, DAMMIT!"
Xelha looked hurt as she tapped the ball with the putter. "Whooo! Another hole in one!"
"What the hell?" Kalas pushed her aside as he 'baseball batted' his ball.
"PUTT THE BALL!" Lyude screamed.
"CRAZY KIDS!"
Kalas put the ball down, and putted it. THe ball flew straight up into the air, backwards around in a semi-circle, and towards the old man's residence.
CRASH!
"CRAZY KIDS!"
"RAWR!" Kalas pulled some hair out of his head, leaving a big bald spot. "That freakin' ball is RIGGED!"
Gibari said through a mouthful of grass, "Face it, kid, you've lost the game."
>> With Mizuti
"Now repeat after me, "Mizuti's mentor said and pointed at a blackboard, "It IS a pink pony. They ARE the pink ponies. Could it BE a pink pony."
Mizuti was straped in a chair and screamed, "GREAT MIZUTI DOES NOT UNDERSTAND!"
>> With the others
So hole 18 was completed, they skipped hole 16 because Kalas had demolished it.
"Scores stand as..." Gibari began, still through a mouthful of grass, "Xelha, 18, Lyude, 37, and Kalas..." he cleared his throat, "1,342,607,981. Xelha wins!"
Suddenly, an old man stomped over with a cane. "CRAZYT KIDS! YOU OWE ME 134,260,789.1 WINDOWS!" (Since one window is ten strokes, 1,342,607,981 divided by 10 windows is 134,260,789.1 windows! XD!)
He hit Kalas. "OWCH!"
THWACK!
"OWCH!"
THWACK!
"OWCH!"
THWACK!
"OWCH!"
THWACK!
"OWCH!"
THWACK!
"OWCH!"
'IDIOTS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" the Authoress screamed.
Everyone looked up. "The Authoress is back?"
'I LEAVE FOR A DAY AND THIS IS WHAT I FIND? YOU SCREWED UP MY STORY AND SENT OT TO TOO?'
"Uh..." Kalas mumbled.
'DIE, FOOLS!' The Authoress then proceeded to show the cast what happened if you messed up her fic. 'MWAHAHAHAAAA! DIE, FOOLS!"
BCM999: WHEEE! R&R! An I haves a question. If I was to write a Kalas X Xelha fic would anyone here read it?
Kalas: No they would not.
BCM999: QUIET FOOL! And I could use some suggestions of what to drop on their unsuspecting heads...I'm running out of ideas...'swaetdrop' I have...one...two...three...four more BK humor fics in store and at least 10 chappies for this one already all written out in a notebook, SO KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED! If I have any requests for and fairy tales to write about, I'll fit them in at the end or maybe I already am planning on writing one of them. Also, if you have a request, please put who you'd like to be who in the chappie too, 'kay? 'Till next time then! KONBAN WA!
Kalas: Why'd you just tell them good night in Japanese...
BCM999:...QUIET YOU! .