Screen fades into a set of a talkshow. The audience can be heard cheering wildly in the background. On stage is a pair of leather armchairs separated by a small round table in between the reporter is sitting in the seat on the right, while the other remains empty.
Reporter: Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of The Original Word: Street Fighter!
Audience cheers even louder.
Today, I would like everyone to welcome yet another original character in the world of Street Fighter fan fiction. He started off on the streets as a penniless orphan but has since made quite the life for himself. Everybody please join me in welcoming Mr. Craig Crankurt!
Audience cheers yet again. A sturdily built young man walks onstage with short, dark red hair, dressed in a white T-shirt and blue jeans. Hes all smiles and is waving excitedly to the audience.
Reporter: Thank you for joining us today, Mr. Crankurt.
Cranky: Please, just call me Cranky.
Reporter: Are you not happy to be on my show?
Cranky: No, Im happy to be here! Crankys just what I go by.
Reporter: And why do you choose such a bizzare alias?
Cranky: Well, it wasnt something I chose initially ...
Reporter: But you just requested that I call you by that name. You're quite the walking contradiction!
Cranky: If youd let me finish, sir ...
Reporter: Please do!
Cranky: It was a name my little brother made up for me. I hated it at first, but it sorta grew on me as time went on. So, here I am today.
Reporter: Your little brother ... flips through his notes
Cranky: Yeah, good ol Kenny.
Reporter: Hes got a different last name than yours. "Kenneth Feng" ... what nationality is that?
Cranky: Chinese.
Reporter: You're Chinese?
Cranky: No, Kenny is.
Reporter: But if hes your brother, then you must be Chinese too! Sure dont look it to me, though ...
Cranky: I'm Irish-American. Kenny's my brother by adoption.
Reporter: Ah, so why did your parents choose to adopt a kid who is clearly not a by-product of theirs?
Cranky: They didn't adopt him. I did.
Reporter: Oh ... so ... So what did your parents have to say about that?
Cranky: cocks an eyebrow at the reporter I thought you knew I was an orphan.
Reporter: tosses his notes over his shoulder Meh, like I read through these things thoroughly anyway. So then, CRANKY, tell me a little bit about yourself.
Cranky: Well, I spent my childhood on the streets of Osaka. The other street kids and I spent alot of time together, going through garbage cans for food, using trashcans to make bonfires, getting drunk, you know, that kind of thing. It's not exactly the kind of childhood I'm proud of, but I gotta admit that we had some fun times.
Reporter: So you were completely independant from when you were young then?
Cranky: I wouldn't say completely independant. When I was about ten, there was this Chinese family who lived in Japan kinda helped me out a little. The mother gave me food and bought me some new clothes and stuff.
Reporter: And do you still keep in touch with this family?
Cranky: Well ... not really. They died when I was sixteen.
Reporter: Hahaha, that must've been some shitty karma! Take in a poor little orphan and get killed for it.
Cranky: It wasn't my fault that they died!
Reporter: I never said it was.
Cranky: But you just implied ...
Reporter: Holy jumping to conclusions!
Cranky: I am not!
Reporter: Whoa, touchy guy. Ok then, so what did you do after this family died, from a cause that was completely unrelated to your presence?
Cranky: narrows his eyes angrily at the reporter Their six year old kid survived so I took him under my wing. I felt like I owed it to them for all they did for me.
Reporter: Ah, so that's the Kenny you were talking about.
Cranky: That's right. But Kenny was killed shortly after, during the Alpha tournaments and I was left on my own again.
Reporter: Whoa, looks like you bring death to whoever you hang around, huh? scoots his chair a few inches back
Cranky: Well that wasn't my fault! Well ... I mean it was, in a sense that I shouldn't have let Kenny run off with the street fighters like that, but ...
Reporter: You might do well to stay away from people, yeah? Although that might be a little difficult considering the love of your life is Cammy White, one of the most popular female street fighters. Wanna explain that one?
Cranky: Cammy and I shared a three year relationship. She understood me as a person, and I understood her.
Reporter: So she was your fuck toy.
Cranky: There was more to our relationship than sex.
Reporter: If it was as good as you make it sound, why did the relationship end?
Cranky: We just fought too much. We figured that we weren't meant for each other after everything we went through together.
Reporter: You were that bad in bed, huh?
Cranky: I thought I told you that the relationship wasn't limited to ...
Reporter: So what happened next?
Cranky: Well, I meant this girl through Kenny, and her name was Katarina and she is actually his sister ...
Reporter: I thought you said Kenny died.
Cranky: Oh, sorry. I THOUGHT he died, but he merely got a memory loss and was adopted by another family for awhile. Cammy found him and reunited him with me.
Reporter: Touching. But lemme get this straight now ... the little brother who you adopted has a biological sister who are you now banging?
Cranky: smiles shyly That would be somewhat the case, yes.
Reporter: Okay, this fucked up family/relationship triangle is making my head hurt. New topic! My sources tell me that your author created you for a minor supporting role and nothing more. How does that make you feel?
Cranky: Well ... it sucks to know. But since then, my author has taken the creative liberty to develop me more as an independant entity, rather than a supporting character. He aged me a little and brought me back for one of his later stories, this time as a main character.
Reporter: And he deleted that story ...
Cranky: Yes, but thanks to Vammy, whatever characterization my author developed for me was preserved. She further elaborated on the original framework that my author designed for me.
Reporter: She seems to take credit for turning you into a sex god.
Cranky: smiles shyly I owe that attribute to her.
Reporter: And what does your original author think about this?
Cranky: He's disturbed by the thought.
Reporter: So tell me about your hobbies.
Cranky: In my spare time, I like to work out. Nothing too intensive, just keeping in shape, lifting weights a little, jogging. I also enjoy cooking to an extent.
Reporter: How would you describe your alcohol intake? I mean, you ARE Irish.
Cranky: Weekly, definitely not daily. It used to be daily, but that's changed since I met Cammy.
Reporter: What about tobacco?
Cranky: Hate it.
Reporter: My sources tell me your little brother is quite the chain smoker.
Cranky: I don't approve, but he only does it once in awhile. As long as he keeps his intake low, then I'm okay.
Reporter: thinks real hard No ... I'm pretty sure he used the term "chain smoker" when I interviewed him for notes about you. And he said something about a pack and a half a day ...
Cranky: He ... WHAT!
Someone can be heard cursing "shit, shit, shit!" in the audience. Someone is heard bursting for the exit at a dead run.
Reporter: Well technically he's eighteen and of the legal age. So there's nothing you can do to stop him.
Cranky: Except force feed him those cancer sticks and shove em down his throat! Then we'll see how much he enjoys cigarettes!
Cranky gets up from his seat and prepares to chase after Kenny, who has just fled the studio.
Reporter: Well it seems our guest has just left us a little earlier than scheduled. Well, don't forget to tune in next time for The Original Word: Street Fighter, where we will interview yet another original character by another author. Until next time, folks!
Screen fades.