Limericks IV by Cleo the Muse
Rating: All Ages
Genre: General, Humor
Warnings: Bad poetry.
Episodes: Season nine, brief references to "Stronghold" and "Off the Grid.
Synopsis: No plot whatsoever. Busted up and confined to the infirmary, SG-1 finds a way to pass the time.
Status: Completed as of November 26, 2006
Notes: A few less limericks than normal, but they are introducing it to a new team member--as well as raking him over the coals for being a loveable idiot.

Limericks IV

"There once was a colonel named 'Cam'
His team, he did march through Bedlam
'Cause their protests he missed
And now the team's pissed
As it seems Cam does not give a--"

"Jackson?"

"What?"

"I know that you're ticked off at me an' all, but what's with the poetry?"

"It's an SG-1 tradition, Cameron. Usually, the team leader starts, but Daniel did this time only 'cause you didn't know about it."

"About what?"

"After a painful and unpleasant mission,
Confined but capable of cognition--"

"What the--"

"SG-1 tells limericks
Though the nurses it ticks
They still leave the team to their tradition."

"Well put, Teal'c."

"Thank you, Daniel Jackson."

"We've been in the infirmary before, why haven't you told me of this tradition already?"

"Because we haven't all been confined to the infirmary, and never overnight. So congratulations, Mitchell, you've stumbled us all into your first full-team infirmary limerick recitation."

"Is he always this sarcastic, or is it just the pain meds talking?"

"The medications are not the cause of his humor, but rather the means by which it is liberated."

"You're saying they make him slap-happy?"

"Indeed."

"Oh, he'll learn from the school of hard knocks
SG-1 has no time for dumb jocks--"

"I'm not a--"

"Listen to our advice
Or we'll all pay the price--
Like getting ambushed by two tons of rocks."

"Aw, c'mon, Jackson! I said I was sorry."

"And yet this is the third such incident in which you have ignored the advice of Daniel Jackson and Colonel Carter. The first was my rescue from Ba'al,
Then the kassa incident, I recall.
Though through each we did muck
It was by sheer dumb luck
But none should have happened at all."

"The point is, Cameron, just because you're the leader of SG-1, doesn't mean you just lead and we follow you around wherever you go. With this team, when you set out to guide--"

"Oh, boy... you too?"

"First thing, you must swallow your pride.
Daniel, Teal'c, or me,
We'll advise you, you see
So listen up before you decide."

"It's not a team, it's a committee?"

"Not quite. Think of us more like parts of the same body. Sensory input comes in from various sources--me, Sam, and Teal'c--but you have to be the one to take the input and convert it into action."

"Oh. So you're sayin' I'm the brains of this outfit?"

"More like the frontal lobe of the brain, while the rest of us are the parietal, temporal, and occipital lobes. Each has an important function in providing sensory input and analysis, but the frontal lobe controls voluntary movement."

"Wow."

"Great metaphor."

"Thanks, Sam! But you know, Mitchell, there's one part of this which isn't your fault."

"What's that?"

"When the natives did come to our rescue
And removed all the rocks, no one knew
That they'd turn out to be cannibals--
Mini-me Hannibals--
Intent to turn us into stew."

"Ew... don't remind me, Jackson."

"You were remarkably mobile upon learning their intentions, Colonel Mitchell."

"Yeah? I noticed none of the rest of ya had any problems keeping up."

"I think we were pretty motivated, Cameron."

"I hope that missions never get dull--"

"That sounds suspiciously like an attempt at a limerick."

"Shut up, Jackson, I'm trying, here. I hope that these missions ne'er get dull
But when I meet an alien cannibal
No matter how bruised
It can't be accused,
That this lobe didn't lead from the frontal."

"Mitchell, there's hope for you yet."

Author's Notes:

Does this satisfy my urge to write a 'fic in which Cameron foolishly blunders into disaster yet again and puts the team in danger so that they and Jack have to rake him over the coals about it? Nope. But I do thank you all for the wonderful reviews I've been receiving!

One more chapter to go, then back to my regularly scheduled insanity...