Okay, for those of you that were confused by the events in chapter three, that was a parody. You can kindly disregard that whole entry, if you like, but as a general note to everyone, Matrix, Grace and I are Twilight-haters, so expect a little bit of…fun-poking in our stories. However, you may find that you like this entry better, because it maintains a little bit more, um, seriousness. Yeah.
Wow, Rendezvous got nearly seven hundred hits. I'm impressed—I thought that we would get, I don't know…maybe ten? So this was a pleasant surprise.
RLM is back, by the way. And while I'm sure this constant switching of authors may get a little chaotic, well… whatever. You guys can read, you'll figure it out :P But just to be sure, everyone does know that what Matrix and I write are separate, right? We just love each other so much that we decided to publish it together (cue "aw…")
Pay no attention to the fact that the cast of Twilight would not randomly show up in a movie theater in Trenton. For the purposes of this fic, I am distorting the world of fiction.
"I need a soda. And a big-ass popcorn too."
Lula and I perused over the snack counter at the movies. I was debating between Raisinets and Gobstoppers. Raisinets because they were okay to eat, calorie-wise—hey, they do have raisins in them—and the Gobstoppers because they change colors. In the end, I ended up getting both.
Well, what did you expect?
We were seeing the latest George Clooney film. Lula argued that she had been feeling deprived of "a good dose of testosterone" after Tank left on an assignment four days prior, so we decided to stop embarrassing ourselves trying to be bounty hunters and end the day early. So the two of us took a trip to the movie theater in the mall to watch George Clooney in all his glory on the big screen.
After placing our orders, which consisted of large sodas, multiple selections of candy, and one of those huge tubs of popcorn to share, we made our way into the theater. The theater turned out to be pretty crowded, consisting of many couples a few years past the geriatric stage, but we managed to find two seats towards the middle of the theater. Lula promptly shoved her feet up on the back of the chair in front of her, much to the displeasure of the occupant of that seat.
"Um…" A guy turned around, most likely a teenager. He glanced at Lula, double-taking at her getup of silver spandex pants and bright pink halter top about four sizes too small. "Do you think you can put your feet down, please?" he asked quickly.
Lula shrugged and dropped her feet to the floor. "No prob, kid." And with that, she turned to me with a shake of the head. "Kids," she mumbled, "No respect."
In lieu of responding, I took a big gulp of soda, inadvertently choking. As I sputtered, Lula gave me a few good whacks on the back.
"You okay?" She eyed me, presumably to see whether I would fall onto the floor and die or not.
"I'm fine," I rasped.
"Well, good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom before the movie starts. Guard my stuff."
Left to the task of "guarding" Lula's things, basically a furry white jacket and a couple boxes of candy, I tore off the lid of my Gobstoppers and popped one in my mouth, letting myself sink down into my chair and stare around the room. The previews hadn't started yet—we were still in the 'meaningless ads with elevator music' phase—and the most exciting thing in the theater was the conversation in front of me. So by exciting, I meant dull as hell.
"I'm fine, Edward," the girl sitting in the seat in front of me said.
"Are you sure?" the guy, Edward, asked. "You don't want any food or anything? I don't want you to get hungry. Did you eat breakfast this morning?"
"Don't worry, Mom. Besides, I told you that I do not like eating in front of you."
"But you are so adorable when you eat. I love the noises that you make."
Oh-kay. I mentally plugged my ears. This was exactly why I did not like teenagers. One, respect problems, as Lula pointed out. And two, they were all awkwardly horny. I did not need to hear conversations about weird, food-related sexual metaphors between two kids in the freaking movie theater.
I could have sworn that the guy glanced back at me with a raised eyebrow, but I ignored him in favor of trying to solve the word search on the back of the candy box. It was only when Lula crammed her way back into the row, to the displeasure of many of the occupants of the seats she was passing, that I looked up again.
"I'm ready for some George Clooney action," she said as she sat back down. "He's one good-lookin' guy. Maybe not as good as Batman or Tank, but a fine second choice. Hey, Steph! We should have brought along your grandma—she would've appreciated this movie real good."
"I'm sure," I muttered. There were a lot of things that Grandma Mazur would appreciate. Like watching wrestling, or Ranger's ass…among other parts of him. But I tried not to think about that, at least for Ranger's sake. Because Grandma scares the hell out of him.
But to my relief, although the movie theater was full of a large crowd of senior citizens, Grandma was not one of them. She was getting her hair done, so we were safe. For now, at least.
"Hey, Steph, you talked to Batman lately?" Lula asked, nudging me.
I frowned. "We talked this morning. Why?"
"'Cause I'm missin' my honey. Did the man in black say when he was gonna be back?"
My meeting with Ranger this morning didn't consist of much talking, so I was finding it difficult to answer Lula's question. Instead, Ranger and I had made out in the alley by the bail bonds office. After a moment of thought, the best answer I could give Lula was, "I'll ask him". She seemed mildly dissatisfied.
"Hnnh. That's disappointing. Tank's gotta stop going on these long assignments. He should remember his priorities back here, I think."
"If you feel really strongly about it, I think that you should give Ranger a formal complaint. In person." A little wicked, I'll admit, but at the moment I was a tad peeved at Ranger. It was his fault for getting me all hot and bothered this morning in the alley and then not doing anything about it later. Lula shrugged.
"In the meantime, it's just you and me and George, white girl. He's got one fine ass."
We settled into silence as the previews started, and then the lights dimmed even more and the movie started. It was the typical suspenseful mix of action, drama, comedy, and of course, the absolutely gorgeous George Clooney. I gave Lula props for picking this movie—watching the protagonist's suave and sexy character was enjoyable. And I preferred him so much to Ranger right now.
About a third of the way through the movie, when Lula's foot had long since found its way back up to the back of the Edward guy's seat, the couple in front of us started to, um, get into it.
Let me just say right now that it's pretty gross when two teenagers sitting in the seats in front of you are making out during a movie. They weren't even trying to be inconspicuous, so not only were Lula and I and everyone else in the vicinity treated to the view, but we were also in direct line for their pleasant sound effects, all sucky, breathy, gaspy sounds that you can think of.
Being as stubborn as I am, there was no way that I was going to get up and try to find different seats just because a couple of stupid kids were lip-locking in the movie theater. So I endured it, or at least tried to ignore it for a while, until Lula reached into my box of Gobstoppers, pulled out a couple, and threw them at Edward's head. He immediately jerked away from his girlfriend and turned around to glare at Lula.
Before he could get words out, Lula shook her head. "You two are about as discreet as hippopotami. Get a room, will ya'? The rest of us are tryin' to watch the movie."
Even in the dark light, I could see the girlfriend turn beat red, and Edward muttered a stiff apology.
I refocused my attention to the screen. We were up to the part of the movie where people were trying to figure stuff out. This was before everything would fall apart at the last minute, but after the point where you've finally got the main characters' names straight. I settled back into my seat and re-crossed my legs. There was something about sitting still for a long period of time that just didn't work too well for me. Movies included. I felt the need to shift often.
At around the halfway point of the movie, my stomach didn't feel too great, so I put down my box of Raisinets and mentally told myself I wouldn't eat any more junk for the rest of the day. Well, maybe the rest of the hour…but I was trying, right? However, I did get the strange craving for just a little bit of non-headache-inducing fluid, so I got up and decided to go buy water.
The line was empty, but the damn water bottle still cost me 2.55—I swear, inflation was going to keep me mooching off my parents for life if prices didn't go down soon. And, you know, it would help if I was just a little bit better at my job. Oh well.
I went back into the theater and nearly got lost in the dark, but a dramatic flash on the screen filled the room with a bright white light, so I was able to spot Lula. I made my way over to her and sat down.
"Did I miss anything good?"
Lula just kind of shrugged and gestured to the screen—standard movie-watching sign language for 'shut the hell up and let me watch.' And I was all ready to get back into it too, until, of course, the kids in front of me started mumbling.
Well, more like trying to talk very quietly but failing miserably. The girl seemed a little P.O.'d, to say the least.
"Edward," she hissed, "I'll be fine! No one is going to attack me in the movie theater."
"Bella, you don't know that. I knew it was too dangerous to come out—we should have stayed in the hotel room."
"We came here, to the mall, because it's crowded. He won't find me. For goodness sake, I can go to the bathroom without an escort!"
Just like any argument, it naturally became louder with each outburst. They only quieted down when someone shushed them from behind us. But still, Edward leaned forward, "quiet" once again, and spoke to his girlfriend.
"You know that I just want you to stay safe. If anything were to happen to you—"
He was cut off by the telltale non-silence of the vibrating of a cell phone, which he pulled out of his pocket and brought quickly to his ear.
"Alice," he muttered, "Do you have any information on—"
A pause. Lula leaned in towards me a spoke way softer than the two kids were. "Damn, that guy's startin' to get on my nerves. Doesn't he know you're supposed to shut the fuck up in a movie theater? And we're getting to the good part, too. They about to go shoot some guys." We looked up at George holding a .45 and Lula licked her lips. "Mmm, I love a man with a big gun."
Before I could contemplate the double entendre, the guy was back to talking on his phone. "That's great, thanks, Alice." Edward snapped the phone shut and turned to his girlfriend. "Bella, Alice is in the mall right now. She'll come and escort you to the bathroom, so you won't be in any da—"
Bella gave an exasperated sigh and half-stood up, so I had to crane my neck to see over her. "Edward, you're being ridiculous! I can go for five minutes without one of you guys watching my every move."
"Bella, love, I just don't want you to get hurt."
"I'm not going to get hurt if you just trust me a little."
"Bella—"
"Alright," Lula glared up at the two of them. "Take your fricken' lovers' quarrel somewhere else, will ya'? 'Cause you're getting damn annoying."
So Lula stood up, and dumped her soda right over their heads.
It was short, but it still took a long time to write. And we'll just pretend that Bella is being, I don't know…tracked or something by some ravenous vampire that wants to eat her. Thus, the whole "wanting to stay safe" bit.
Another fic by the humble RLM. Who wouldn't mind a couple of reviews, by the way.