Author's Notes: Edit: After editing this one again, I'm still a little miffed with the way I depicted Perry. Oh well, I think he's a little better now...at least, I hope... ^^; /edit
It's a longshot that anybody will notice this, but I actually made a reference to one of my other stories in this chapter, 'How I Met My Nemesis'. The reference is the part where Doof is thinking about whether he should save Perry, but I can't say any more here because it would give that part away.
BTW, the Lassie joke was my mom's idea, so credit goes to her for that one. In fact, a lot of credit goes to her for the whole story, because she thought up a lot of these ideas in here, like the seafood battle and the platypus net. Thanks, Mom! ^_^
Also, if you haven't seen 'Bobblehead Perry the Platypus', then go see 'Just Passing Through'. XD I didn't make that one up.
Anyhoo, hope you enjoy this chapter!
Doofenshmirtz wandered into his kitchen with a sulky expression and a vague notion to berate whoever was calling him for the bother they'd caused. Of course, someone just had to call him right when he was trying to talk to his long-lost nemesis (who, admittedly, was not being a very good conversationalist at the time, but still).
Reaching the phone, he cleared his throat. "Okay, who's calling now?" These days, he rarely received phone calls- and when he did, it was usually LOVE MUFFIN on the line.
Sure enough, the phone proclaimed in a mechanical voice, "LOVE MUFFIN requests an audience, sir."
Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes. "Aw, come on! They're constantly pestering me, and I'm in the middle of something important. Ask if it can wait."
"Yes, sir," replied the mechanical voice. There was silence for a moment before it replied, "They request to speak immediately on urgent business, sir."
Doofenshmirtz sighed in irritation, then picked up the phone. "Okay, you guys. What is it this time?"
On the other end, a strange voice of indefinable descent replied, "That's no way to greet your colleagues, Heinz."
Doofenshmirtz scowled as he replied, "Oh, hello, Rodney."
"I prefer you use my full name!" Rodney replied heatedly. "Aloyse Everheart Eliza-"
Then someone else on the other end interrupted, saying, "Just let it go, man."
"Yeah, let it go, Rodney," sneered Doofenshmirtz. "So, what's up?"
Instead of Rodney replying, another voice spoke (it seemed they had put him on speaker phone). "We've detected an unwanted visitor in your building via the security cameras."
"What? Why would you be looking at my security cameras?" Doofenshmirtz blurted. "I mean, seriously. It's my own house, I think I can take care of it. I'll go get Norm…"
He turned away from the phone and was about to yell for the robot when Rodney spoke once more. "Wait. Has he been updated recently?"
"Well, no," Doofenshmirtz admitted. "I keep meaning to get around to it…"
"Then he won't be able to handle it," Rodney replied coldly.
Doofenshmirtz's scowl returned. "Why not? Norm's perfectly capable of-"
"We're not playing around, Heinz. We know he's in your building."
"Who, Norm?"
"Guess again."
Doofenshmirtz growled in an aggravated manner. "Seriously, what? I got nothing."
At first, there was only a condescending sigh. Then someone on the other end replied, "Oh, please, Doofenshmirtz. We know Perry the Platypus is in your house."
Doofenshmirtz paused. "Oh, him," he answered. "Well, you could have just said that. Of course he's in my house."
"Heinz, do you have any idea what this means?" Rodney continued patronizingly. "You know very well that we swore to eliminate all of the animal agents."
"Yeah, and?" said Doofenshmirtz defensively. "Come on, I literally just got him back today! Can't we make an exception this time?"
"Well, what for?" one of the evil scientists on the other end asked.
Doofenshmirtz frowned uncomfortably, then retorted, "Um…that's none of your business! I'm part of this group too, remember? I'm the one who formed it and secured our domination over the entire Tri-State Area! I should get my say in these things!"
"All of the agents, Doofenshmirtz," said Rodney calmly. "Not just some of them; all of them. And if you don't want to comply, then you're a traitor."
"But-"
"We've sent some minions over to your building to pick him up. They should be arriving…oh, right about now, actually. Try and trap him while you still can, will you?"
"But!-"
"Oh, and once this is over, let's all get together and have lunch," Rodney added. "We can celebrate our elimination of the entire OWCA!" And there was a loud burst of collective maniacal laughter on the other end, before they hung up abruptly.
Doofenshmirtz stared blankly for a moment, listening to the dial tone as he thought that over. He set the phone back in its place.
Perry the Platypus was not going to like this.
Even as Doofenshmirtz was on the phone, something was happening outside his building. Several sleek black cars pulled up at the front of the building and parallel parked neatly (except for one, which went back and forth for a few seconds before ultimately settling in a space), and out of each stepped a few men. All of them were wearing identical black suits and sunglasses, and pinned to the crisp black jacket of each man was a small pin- a cupcake with a heart on it that bore the initials, L.O.V.E. M.U.F.F.I.N.. The sheer sight of it sent passersby in wide circles around them.
One of the men stepped forward and led the others to the doors of the building, which clicked and slid apart for them. They stepped inside the lobby, their leather shoes clicking against the smoothly reflective floor, and the leader turned to face the rest of them.
"Okay, men," he announced in a deep, gruff voice. "We're going up against a highly trained secret agent who has been fighting evil for years and probably knows the layout of this building very well. We'll have to be extremely careful if we want to take him down, capiche?"
They all nodded very seriously. The leader nodded back. Then he asked, "So, does everyone have their various aquatic animal-related nets?"
There was a general smattering of agreement, and several of the men held up crab nets on sticks or thickly woven fish nets. The leader frowned.
"Some actual weapons would be nice," he criticized. "But on the other hand, this is a two-foot tall critter with a duckbill we're talking about. I think we're good."
He raised a fist in the air. "For LOVE MUFFIN!"
The others mimicked him. "For LOVE MUFFIN!"
And they all headed off to the elevator, whose doors opened for them at that exact moment. Piling in as best they could, one of them pressed the button for the 45th floor.
Then the doors closed with an innocent ding, and they were gone.
While all this was going on, Perry was seated at the coffee table, fiddling with the bobble head toy while he waited for Doofenshmirtz to get off the phone. He was getting slightly agitated now, because he didn't know how he had accidentally called LOVE MUFFIN, and often when there is something you do not know and it gives you a bad feeling, it's the kind of thing you want to find out about as quickly as possible.
He set the toy down and stared at his hands for a moment instead. They turned over and over, fingers tapping restlessly. He looked back up at the kitchen doorway, wondering if he could possibly will Doofenshmirtz to come back in. He did have a pretty strong will.
As he did this, there came a small clicking noise from the door, like a key turning in the lock. The door opened ever so slightly, then swung open wide enough for someone to push a small box through. The box slid in silently against the floor, and the door swung shut immediately with a tiny thump. But it was enough for Perry. His gaze snapped to the door, and upon seeing the box, he raised an eyebrow.
A trap? he mused suspiciously. Already?
For the box was so obviously a trap, Perry hardly had to think about it. The thing had bars on the outside that looked metallic and very thick, and a can of platypus food dangling from a string on the inside. The can was cracked open ever so slightly, releasing all the smells from within. Since he hadn't had lunch yet, Perry had to admit that it was rather tempting to sneak inside and attempt to retrieve the food- but even with all his secret agent training, he did tend to fall for traps sometimes. If he wanted food, he wasn't going to get it by doing something so stupid. And besides, there was only one person who would put the box there and expect him to fall for it- and Perry wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
"Who does he think I am, Perry the Idiot?" he huffed. Yes, something would have to be done about the cage, if only to give Doofenshmirtz the clue that he wasn't going to be trapped so easily. For a moment, he examined the thing from a distance, and then he picked up the bobble head and a notepad with a smirk.
CLANG!
"We got 'im, boys!" shouted one of the minions excitedly. The others all shushed him, and then the leader slipped his master key back into the door and opened it a crack. They all peered into the room, which was empty- except for the now closed box.
"I think we did get him!" one of them whispered. They all grinned and stepped boldly into the room. Doofenshmirtz must have still been on the phone, because he didn't come out of the kitchen, even as they all surrounded the box and guffawed loudly.
"So much for mister big shot secret agent," one of them gloated.
"Just a little ducky-thing after all, aren't you?" another said smugly.
"Hush, boys," said the leader, but he was smirking just as much as the others. "Let's have a little look at our catch."
And a few of them lifted the cage, which was surprisingly light, to the leader's eye line. He peered in with a callous grin, but the moment he saw the inside of the cage, it faltered.
"You idiots!" he hissed, still keeping his voice low. "Look at this!" And he tugged the cage door open and pulled out a bobble head version of Perry with a note tied to it.
The others all stared, a bit crestfallen. One took the note and read it aloud to the group.
"Lassie called, and she wants her kennel back," he sounded out each word carefully. They all raised their eyebrows.
The leader scowled. "Well, well. He's craftier than we anticipated."
"And good at making jokes," one of the minions added.
"Smarter than the average platypus, huh, boss?" another said jokingly.
This earned him a hard glare from his superior, and he fell silent instantly. Then the boss regained his composure and gazed around the room slowly, looking for his elusive prey. At last, his eyes landed on a nearby armchair, underneath of which the very edge of a peach colored tail could be seen if you looked hard enough.
"I'm going in," the leader instructed in a low whisper, nodding at the armchair. Getting the idea, his comrades nodded, and he crouched to try and get Perry out. But even before he could get to his knees, a sudden streak of teal shot out from under the chair and knocked him right off his feet, and he fell on his back with a loud "OOMPH!"
The other minions all whipped around to stare at the bristling Perry, who had finally shown himself. He was on all fours in a fighting stance, his muscles tensed in preparation to spring once more. Some of the men helped their leader to his feet, while the others pulled out their various nets and prepared for a fight.
"Come and get it, ducky-thing!" said one of them tauntingly. In response, Perry just narrowed his eyes, leapt high into the air, and gave him a good slap in the face with his tail. With a little shriek, he too fell to the floor, and Perry landed behind him on two feet. He turned to face the others and assumed a fighting stance, staring from one to the next with a slightly unsettled countenance. Judging by their badges, they had to be from LOVE MUFFIN- so did that mean they had set the trap and not Doofenshmirtz?
Maybe activating that trap had been a bad idea.
Choosing to ignore that, Perry whipped around and swept one man's feet with his tail, following up with a swift kick to someone else's incoming net. The others all seemed to get the same idea and tried to launch various attacks at the secret agent, who countered, blocked, or dodged them all, always returning the favor with a stinging attack of his own. Several minions crashed into each other and got each other tangled in their fish nets. A few others all tried to throw their nets on Perry, but he caught them in mid air and threw them right back. Anyone who challenged him in hand-to-hand combat wound up winded on the floor, and a good deal of shouting filled the room after each attack.
At some point, Perry accidentally crashed into the seafood that had been delivered earlier, resulting in a huge scuffle in which several minions wound up with crabs stuck to their ears. One tried to swing his crab net at Perry, but the platypus merely flipped backward and avoided it. The net landed right on top of one of the spilled hard crabs, whose pincer subsequently became attached to it. The man carrying the net raised it to have a look and frowned.
"Well, I got a bite," he stated blandly. Then Perry tackled his legs and knocked him to the ground.
Another man tried to throw his fish net on top of the platypus, who picked up a fish from the bag and threw it straight into the net, effectively stopping its momentum and causing it to fall to the ground harmlessly. As Perry flipped off to battle someone else, the man who had thrown the net raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Aww, the boss was right," he muttered ruefully. "Actual weapons would have been way better."
Just then, Perry became engaged in a swordfight between him and one of the minions, who was using his crab net's handle as a weapon. Perry was countering it with a large fish, but he was gradually being driven backwards. Eventually, he threw the fish in the man's face and dashed off down the hallway, hotly pursued by the rest of the minions.
"Why didn't any of you bring a platypus net?" their leader berated as they ran.
"They have such a thing?" one man questioned.
"Am I the only one who did the research?" said the other patronizingly. "Honestly. Now watch how it's done!" And he stopped at the doorway to Doofenshmirtz's storage room and pulled a long, stick-like object out from his pocket. As the others all chased after Perry, who had dashed into the lab, the man began to set up his trap. He latched one side of the stick to the doorframe, then pulled the other end across and attached it to the other side. The finished result looked like some kind of miniature tennis net.
"There," the captain muttered in satisfaction, stepping back to admire his work. "A worthy platypus-trap if I do say so myself."
And he stepped over the net carefully to hide in the storage room.
Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz had by now gotten off the phone, and he was feeling rather nervous. His mood did not improve when he entered the living room and found that it was a complete mess, Perry was gone, and there was an immense amount of shouting and crashing coming from down the hall. A crab scuttled past his foot, and he gaped.
He groaned. "Oh, great, they're here already! Norm!"
"Yes, sir?" Norm asked from another room.
"Drop whatever you're doing and get over here. The council's driving me crazy, and I need somebody to back me up when I call to complain!"
"In a moment, sir," Norm replied.
Doofenshmirtz just headed off down the hall. "This can't be anything but trouble."
In the storage room, the leader of the minions was hidden cleverly behind a particularly large machine, where he could hear the sound of running feet in the hallway. The noise got louder and louder until finally, it was right outside the door, and then there was a loud chatter and a THUMP. That was followed by several other thumps, all in a row, as if some of the other minions had gotten caught as well.
"Ah-HA!" the man shouted, and he leapt out from behind the machine. But what he saw greatly displeased him; there was indeed a platypus stuck in the net (and several minions sprawled on top of him), but it wasn't Perry. It was just a random platypus. The secret agent was busy battling a few more men who had caught up with him, apparently after jumping over the net.
The leader stared in complete bafflement. "Okay, I know you guys were catching seafood in your nets, but this just doesn't make any sense!"
While they were examining the failed attempt at a trap, the sound of running feet filled the hallway once more, and Doofenshmirtz came to a halt in front of the door.
"Perry the Platypus, what in the world are you doing?" he asked, eyes wide. Perry, however, didn't seem to notice he was there, and the battle continued uninterrupted. Doofenshmirtz scowled. He took a deep breath.
"HEY!" he yelled loudly. Everyone in the room froze in place and turned to stare at him, even Perry, whose fist was poised perfectly over one minion's nose.
Doofenshmirtz seemed satisfied. "So, anyone feel like explaining what's going on?"
Across the room, Perry narrowed his eyes. "I'm kind of busy, if you haven't noticed." And he subsequently finished his punch to the man's nose.
With that, the battle began anew. Doofenshmirtz growled and yelled, "NORM! Seriously, get over here!" Then he had to shout some more to get one of the minions to listen to him.
"What are you guys doing here?" he demanded. "Did the council send you?"
"Yes, sir," the man responded promptly. "We were told that you needed our assistance, and that we were supposed to capture a platypus."
"Yeah, that's my nemesis. And he wasn't even doing anything until you guys showed up!" Doofenshmirtz fumed. Behind him, Perry performed a very complicated tornado kick and knocked one man out cold. Annoyed, Doofenshmirtz whipped around and yelled, "Oh, will you shut up for a second? I'm trying to talk!"
Perry paused, gave a quick, exasperated eye roll, and kept going- albeit in a quieter manner.
Doofenshmirtz returned to his conversation, feeling exasperated. "So where was I?" he continued. "Oh, yeah. I was just saying, I have everything under control."
The other man raised an eyebrow as Perry rode past on one minion's shoulders, pecking him repeatedly on the head. "I can see that…but we don't disobey direct orders. Don't worry, we'll get him." With that, he dashed off to rejoin the fight.
"That's what I'm worried about!" Doofenshmirtz called after him. Then he grumbled, "All I know is, one way or another, something is going to explode."
Just then, there was a loud crash, and he turned to see that the minion Perry was riding on had finally bucked him off, and he had crashed into the Time Transporter-Inator's control pad. The doors opened, and Perry immediately leapt away from them like they had the plague. Just then, several more minions came rushing at him, and he dashed back towards it. At the last moment, he turned and slid underneath their feet, tripping the last one to cause a chain reaction as he went. The men all collapsed on top of each other inside the machine, and Perry, thinking fast, quickly reached for the control switch.
"No, no, no, Perry the Platypus, wait!" Doofenshmirtz yelled, waving his arms frantically, but it was too late- Perry had pressed the button. The machine quickly lit up, beeping and shaking like it would burst, and then, before you could say 'bad idea'-
FLASH!
When the light from the machine cleared, everything seemed the same, except for the disappearance of five or six minions. One of the men blinked.
"What just happened?" he asked, stunned.
"I don't know, but Joe's gone," said another, anger building in his voice. "And he did it!" And he pointed a finger at Perry in an accusatory manner.
Perry seemed about to retort when Doofenshmirtz intervened. "Uh, guys?" he said, effectively cutting off whatever his nemesis was about to say. "There's something you should know about the Time Transporter-Inator…it tends to explode after you use it twice."
For a moment, Perry and the minions simply stared at him. Then Perry burst out, "Well, why on earth didn't you fix that when you rebuilt it?"
Doofenshmirtz shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I forgot."
Just then, a loud, intimidating voice emanated from the Inator.
AUTOMATIC SELF DESTRUCT ACTIVATED, the voice claimed. TEN…NINE…EIGHT…SEVEN…
"See? You see what I mean?" Doofenshmirtz demanded, gesturing wildly. "Norm, where the heck are you?"
SIX…FIVE…FOUR…
"Forget Norm!" Perry shouted over the noise of the countdown. "Run for it!" And he did, dashing straight past the bewildered minions to a nearby window. Doofenshmirtz followed as best he could and they both tried to get a window open, before Perry gave up and merely shattered his with a sharp kick. He then turned, saluted his nemesis, and dived out of the window. Doofenshmirtz struggled with the other window for a moment, then gave up and ran to the one Perry had broken.
Behind him, the minions' leader seemed to get the clue as well. "RETREAT!" he bellowed loudly, and with that, they all began to throw themselves out of various windows like lemmings, activating heretofore unseen parachutes on the way down. Soon, Doofenshmirtz was alone in the building, wondering why he didn't have an official LOVE MUFFIN parachute.
THREE…TWO…ONE…
There was nothing for it. He'd have to jump. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" he yelled out the window, shaking his fist as he did.
ZERO.
With that, the Time Transporter-Inator built up a huge amount of energy, trembled for a moment, and promptly exploded with a glass-shattering, eardrum-rattling BANG! At the last second, Doofenshmirtz jumped out of the window after Perry, and the entire top floor of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated went up in flames behind them.
Doofenshmirtz watched the explosions with an almost bored visage. "I knew something would explode," he mused. "And the fire was predictable. But falling? Didn't see that coming."
As he plummeted towards the busy Danville street below, something else began to fall beside him; something large, metallic, and extremely late.
"Hello, sir!" said Norm, and he waved as if everything was fine.
"Norm!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, grinning. "Well, it's about time! Turn yourself into a jet, will you? We need to get out of here."
"Yes, sir." And the robot quickly obeyed. His arms flattened out to become the wings of an airplane, his body expanded into a cockpit and his legs widened into additional wings, and a top hatch opened to let Doofenshmirtz in. He then flew directly under the evil scientist, who grabbed the open hatch and pulled himself into the robot-turned-jet plane.
"Of the very few upgrades I have given you through these years," Doofenshmirtz commented as he settled in with a satisfied smile, "This one is definitely my favorite."
"So what did I miss?" asked Norm's robotic voice inside the jet.
Doofenshmirtz replied as he strapped himself in. "Oh, you wouldn't know, since I called you a billion times and you never showed up! It's LOVE MUFFIN, they're being difficult. Honestly! Like I can't handle my own nemesis." He snorted derisively.
"So silly of them," Norm commented. Then he asked a question that the doctor surely had not anticipated. "What about your falling friend?"
Doofenshmirtz growled. "I already told you, he's not my friend!" he scolded the robot. "Don't you remember anything about Perry the Platypus? He's the one I built you to destroy, remember?"
"Actually, my memory needs upgrading," Norm answered. Doofenshmirtz paused.
"Oh, yeah. When was the last time I upgraded your memory circuits?" he wondered. "For all I know, if I don't do it soon, you'll forget your own name."
"My name is Norm!" said Norm happily.
Doofenshmirtz smiled. "Well, maybe you won't forget that."
"So what about your friend who is not your friend?" Norm persisted.
"Enough about him!" Doofenshmirtz scoffed. However, there was an agitated sort of air about him that seemed to contradict his defiant attitude. He looked out the window at Perry, who was still falling far below them (it was a very, very long drop from Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated). The wind was pushing wildly at him from all directions, making his short fur appear to ripple in the sunlight and threatening to steal his hat. He must have forgotten to bring his parachute, because by now he should have activated it already.
"Would you like me to rescue him?" asked Norm.
Doofenshmirtz gave a start at this. "No way!" he shot back immediately. "He's let me blow up plenty of times. Let him fall alone for once!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure.
"Are you sure that you're sure?"
"I'm sure, Norm."
"Are you sure that you're sure of being sure?"
Doofenshmirtz stared for a moment, working that out in his head. "Uh…sure."
"But are you su-"
"ARGH! Cut it out, Norm!" Doofenshmirtz shouted in frustration, leaning back in the driver's seat with a sulky frown. For a moment, he battled with himself, trying to think why he should or shouldn't save Perry. On the one hand, if he didn't, Perry would probably save himself somehow, and then he'd hunt the doctor down and fuss at him- whereas if he did save his enemy, LOVE MUFFIN might try to catch him again and ignore any plans Doofenshmirtz had for him.
But just then, something else came to him- a distant memory from the first time he had ever met Perry. The time Perry had saved his life out of sheer mercy, fourteen years ago, even though they had only just met. And then, many other times when the agent had come back for him when his plans were about to explode, saved him from falling, or even just helped him with trivial things like his daughter's birthday party. The thought of it all made him squirm.
A persistent sense of guilt began to overcome him, and he groaned in defeat. "Oh, all right, if you insist! But only because you're getting on my nerves, got it?"
"Yes, sir," said Norm, and he instantly dived straight down to catch up with Perry.
Far below, Perry was still falling and trying desperately to find his parachute. So far, he had found an inflatable raft with a large hole in it, a generic ray gun for if he was ever in a tight spot, a set of metal teeth for biting through traps, and- oddly enough- a rubber chicken, but no parachute.
"What the heck is this doing here?" he shouted as he stared at the wildly jiggling toy, before throwing it behind him and continuing to search for some sort of portable aircraft. If only he had thought to take something from the lab to use as a makeshift glider- a long sheet of metal, a pipe to slide along telephone wires with, anything that could possibly save him. He wasn't picky. He didn't know what had happened to Doofenshmirtz, but he suspected that they were both about to suffer the same fate, and it wasn't a pleasant one.
As the ground got closer and closer, he gave up on trying to find his parachute and glanced wildly around for something that he could latch on to, only to realize that he had forgotten to bring his grappling gun as well. So he curled himself into a ball and covered his head as best he could, hoping desperately that something, anything, would intervene and help him.
He wasn't expecting that something to be his worst enemy.
One minute, he was feeling the wind rushing through his fur, and the next, he had landed on something soft that abruptly cut off his fall. The impact, though not nearly as hard as it would have been if he had landed on the street, was still enough to jar his senses and stop his breathing for a moment, and when he hit the surface, he bounced slightly.
All he could do was listen dazedly as someone nearby shouted, "Pull up, Norm! UP!"
"I'm trying, sir."
"I knew this was a bad idea!"
Then there was a swooping, nauseating sensation that silenced everyone, and before he knew it, Perry was leaning back in a cushioned seat as the craft zoomed back up above whatever danger it faced to safety, finally leveling out into a smooth flight. A moment of silence followed, and he opened one eye cautiously to see just what was going on.
To his confusion, he was sitting in the back seat of what he assumed was a jet plane, flying over Danville at a huge altitude. The interior of the jet was a dark blue, and there were wide windows on all sides, in order to get the maximum aerial view. The whole scenario was rather shocking, but what surprised him most was not that someone had saved him from certain doom- it was who had saved him that made him stare.
There, sitting in the front seat with a conflicted frown, was Doofenshmirtz. He looked relieved and scared at the same time, as if he was afraid of what Perry would think of him. As if in his defense, he pointed accusingly at the dashboard of the jet.
"It was Norm's idea!" he claimed, as if the robot was actually there.
Norm's voice promptly emanated from the jet's speaker system. "Yes, but you agreed to it."
"I just went along with it because you were driving me crazy!" Doofenshmirtz insisted, glaring at the dashboard stubbornly. Perry just watched them go back and forth over the issue, until he finally regained enough breath to speak up.
"Uh, Doof," he started uncertainly. Doofenshmirtz immediately ceased arguing with Norm, and he turned to hear what Perry had to say.
Perry looked somewhat like a child who was being forced to apologize to someone. His tail flicked back and forth uncomfortably. "First off, we must never speak of this again."
Doofenshmirtz nodded fervently. "Agreed."
Then Perry waited for an awkward moment, looked at his feet, and mumbled, "And second…thanks. For saving me, I mean."
For a moment, Doofenshmirtz stared, unsure he had heard correctly. Then he smirked. "Hey, you know what? Now you owe me big time!"
Perry looked up, outraged. "Excuse me? How many times have I saved your life in the past, and you never once repaid me up 'til now? You're the one who still owes me."
"Nuh-uh!" said Doofenshmirtz, sticking out his lower lip in a pout.
"Wasn't it Norm's idea anyway?" Perry pointed out, crossing his arms with a little smile.
Doofenshmirtz was at a loss for words for a moment. At last, he sputtered, "Well, I agreed to it!"
Perry merely scoffed and quickly looked out the window to avoid any further conversation that might ensue. Doofenshmirtz, noticing the sudden silence, immediately assumed that he had won and grinned in triumph.
"Gotcha there, huh?" he said smugly.
Perry didn't directly reply to the statement. "Okay, I have a question," he said, trying to bring them back to the matter at hand. "What's with the jet plane?"
Doofenshmirtz seemed happy to be asked about the craft, and he patted one of the seats affectionately. "Oh, it's Norm! I gave him an upgrade, like one of those Transmorphers or whatever they are. Cool, huh? It's got all kinds of stuff- satellite radio, ten speeds, a fridge in the back- ooh! And I even installed a hands-free phone system on it, see?"
He indicated a screen on the dashboard, which was currently blank. Underneath it was a set of numbers like one would see on a cell phone. As Perry tried to keep his face blank, for fear of betraying the fact that he thought it was somewhat cool, there was a ringing noise from the set. Doofenshmirtz perked up and glanced at the screen, which now displayed a logo that read, Incoming call.
"Wow, perfect timing, huh?" Doofenshmirtz remarked. "So Norm, who's calling?"
"LOVE MUFFIN, sir," Norm's mechanical voice replied. "They want to talk to you."
Doofenshmirtz's scowl was back right away. "I hope it's to apologize for demolishing my building," he muttered in irritation. "I mean, seriously! That was totally uncalled for."
In the back seat, Perry's muscles tensed, and he narrowed his eyes in an unsettled manner. "Norm, did you say it's LOVE MUFFIN calling?"
"Yes, yes I did," Norm answered. "I'll put them on now."
"No, wait!" Perry shouted, but it was too late; the screen lit up with a picture of a U-shaped table, around which an assembly of lab-coat wearing scientists sat. At the head of the table was a man with a distinctively bald head and a disapproving frown.
"Oh, hi again, Rodney," Doofenshmirtz addressed the man distastefully.
"Ah, Doofenshmirtz and company," Rodney said in a condescending tone. "That was very unexpected, Heinz. Saving your own nemesis…how compassionate."
Then his expression shifted suddenly to disapproval. "We're disgusted."
Doofenshmirtz looked offended. "I just told him, it was Norm's idea!" he insisted, pointing at the dashboard once more. "He was driving me crazy over it!"
"You're very conflicted over this, aren't you?" Norm quipped.
"Doofenshmirtz, this is going far too far," Rodney replied coldly. "Regretfully, we must end this nonsense."
Perry directed a glare at his nemesis. "I should have known you'd try something! You only saved me so you could take me back to your headquarters and get rid of me or something, didn't you?"
Doofenshmirtz put his hands up in surrender, seeming panicked. "I didn't call them, I tell you! They're calling me! Would you stop blaming me for this stuff?"
"You're the one who took over the Tri-State Area and brought me to this stupid future!" Perry snapped. "I have every right to blame you!"
As the two of them bickered, Norm's voice came over the speakers. "It seems they're busy. Can I take a message?"
"Oh, he'll listen," Rodney replied coolly. Then he cleared his throat. "Heinz! Due to your unreliable behavior, we have been forced to come to a conclusion regarding your status."
Doofenshmirtz froze in the middle of leaning into the back seat to put Perry in his place. "What?" he sputtered. "But I thought we were going to do something about him!" he indicated Perry, ignoring the impudent glare he was now receiving from the platypus.
Rodney's expression was now very serious. "Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz," he began solemnly, "you are hereby expelled from the LOVE MUFFIN council."
"EXPELLED?" Doofenshmirtz shouted, immediately rushing back to the front seat and gaping at his former colleague in shock. Even Perry seemed stunned, but he didn't speak.
Rodney's face betrayed no sympathy whatsoever. "Yes, expelled. Should you bring your nemesis to us, we will spare you, but if you continue to shelter him, you will be considered his accomplice and the two of you will be hunted. Please make your decision before sundown, as the rest of us will still be having that feast and we don't want to have to take work home with us. Now, I think that's all…does anyone have anything to add?"
There was a long silence in the jet, broken only by one of the evil scientists on the other end whispering loudly, "Cough-traitor-cough!"
Doofenshmirtz bristled. "Hey, I heard that!" he responded indignantly. Then his expression shifted to a pleading one. "Come on, guys! You can't just kick me out!"
"Oh, no. Really?" said Rodney in mock sympathy. "Because I think we just did."
And with that, the screen fizzed out and was replaced by blackness, with only a blinking white message displayed on it: HOURS UNTIL SUNDOWN: APRX. 4
Doofenshmirtz kept staring at the screen in total shock. Behind him, Perry relaxed his muscles and leaned back in his seat with a blank, emotionless expression. Both of their thoughts were twisted beyond their comprehension, and neither quite knew what to think.
Slowly, Doofenshmirtz twisted in his seat, glaring at the astonished Perry in the back seat. The silence reigned for a moment more.
Then he exploded, "This is SO your fault!"
Emotion rapidly flooded back into Perry's face, and he shouted in outrage, "My fault? You're the one who called your minions on me, so I fought to protect myself!"
"I did not! And besides, you blew up my entire building!"
"That was purely accidental, and you know it!" Perry retorted heatedly, his face flushed with anger. "I didn't know your stupid machine would do that, it's your own fault for not telling me sooner! And you're the one who rescued me from falling!"
"Well, I-" Doofenshmirtz started, then stopped abruptly with a confused frown. "Wait, does that even apply to this?"
Perry blinked. "I…don't know." He seemed about to think of something else to accuse the doctor of, but in the middle of it, a yawn escaped him. Suddenly, he realized just how tired he was.
"Doof, look," he said, stretching quickly, "I've had a long day, and I'm exhausted from all this arguing. Can we stop now?"
Doofenshmirtz looked stunned. "Oh. Well…I guess so?"
And with that, Perry nodded in appreciation, turned away from the befuddled doctor, and huddled up in the corner of the jet. His hat tipped low over his eyes, but from the slit that could be seen, it was obvious that he was still watching Doofenshmirtz intently. Doofenshmirtz blinked, then retreated to the front seat. Apparently, the fight was over.
While the doctor muttered to himself about the 'stupid council' and how they had no right to kick him out just for giving in to Norm, the robot spoke up. "Does this mean we're fugitives?"
Perry twitched. Doofenshmirtz looked up, as if this had just occurred to him. He gulped. "Well, if we don't give in to their demands…yeah, I guess we are."
Perry snorted. "You mean I am. You can just go crawling back to them, and they won't hurt you. They only care if you keep traveling with me, which we both know isn't going to happen."
Doofenshmirtz turned with a distressed frown, gesturing wildly. "Yeah, but then I won't be part of LOVE MUFFIN anymore! I'll be a regular citizen! I'll…I'll…" he searched for another good reason. "I'll lose my club membership benefits!"
Perry lifted the brim of his hat to get a better look at the doctor and cocked an eyebrow. "I'd say that's a good thing. Danville could use a little less tyranny."
Doofenshmirtz growled and turned back to the dashboard, resting his head in his hands. "We can talk later, okay? I've got a sore throat from all this shouting." He sighed. "So I guess we've got to go somewhere for the night…and if we stay at some public place, LOVE MUFFIN will track you down…"
"Why would you care?" Perry asked quizzically.
Doofenshmirtz struggled for a good reason for a moment. Then he snapped, "Because sooner or later, I plan on bringing you in myself! Yeah, that's it. Because then I'll get to be a full member of LOVE MUFFIN again, I'll finally get to eliminate you, and I can ensure the eternal rule of the League of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United-"
"Doof, seriously," Perry interrupted, cutting him off effectively. "You know perfectly well I'll just escape."
Doofenshmirtz let out a stressed breath. "I liked you way better when you didn't talk."
Just then, Norm spoke up unexpectedly. "Sir, is there somewhere you would like to go?" the robot asked pleasantly.
Doofenshmirtz turned away from Perry and thought for a moment. Then he perked up. "Oh, I've got it! Norm, go back to the city."
"Yes, sir."
Perry seemed unsettled. "Where are you going?" he asked in a low, suspicious voice. No doubt LOVE MUFFIN's headquarters was somewhere in the city. Doofenshmirtz could still be bluffing about not wanting them to track him down.
Doofenshmirtz seemed rather cheerful now. "To the corner of fifth and Broad Street- otherwise known as my daughter's apartment building."
Perry blinked. Well, that sounded okay, he guessed. "At least she won't try to trap me in a kennel."
He didn't see Doofenshmirtz frown, as if he wished she would.
To be continued…